Pieces of Us

by Hannah Downing

  I felt guilty for a moment, and I allowed it to sit there, feeling I deserved it — if not for what happened with Lucy, then at least for Owen. I owed him some serious explanations.

  Finally my dad’s house came into view. I finished my walk, headed up the driveway, and slowly walked inside, still thinking. I’d have to talk with Owen when he called. I hated the fact that he was affected so much by all of this, but I wanted to be honest with him about everything that happened.

  I pulled out my cell phone and typed him a text message, sending it before I lost my nerve.

  Hey you, Having a good day at work?

  Need to tell you some things.

  When is a good time to call? Love you. xx

  I waited very impatiently for him to text back, staring at the phone until — after what felt like hours — the screen lit up, and it vibrated in my hand. I read the message quickly while holding my breath.

  Getting off work early!

  Want to meet in Hartford for dinner?

  I was overjoyed at his suggestion. Spending time with Owen was exactly what I needed.

  Sounds great. Where?

  I ran upstairs and to look through my closet. I wanted to wear something nice for him. I had excitement butterflies like I did when Owen and I had first started dating. I heard my phone beep and ran back downstairs to read his reply.

  How about that Thai place

  where we had lunch when we were there? @8?

  See you there.

  ***

  The hour drive to Hartford flew by, and my nerves about the conversation ahead were forgotten until I stepped out of my car at the restaurant.

  “It’s so good to see you,” Owen said happily, pulling me into his arms and swinging me around. His voice was normal, but he held me just a little tighter than usual, and I could sense some tension in him.

  “I missed you.” I sighed happily. It had only been two days, yet it felt like an eternity.

  “Let’s get some food. I’m starving.” He pulled me into the small Thai place. The aromatic scent was overwhelming as we walked through the door, and I heard Owen’s stomach grumble.

  We ordered quickly, both knowing exactly what we wanted, and once the waitress left, we were alone.

  “So, you wanted to talk?” Owen asked, sipping his water.

  “Yes, about Cameron.”

  “This is all very cryptic. I’m nervous.”

  I smiled, trying to assure him nothing was wrong, but when I opened my mouth to speak, I couldn’t get anything out. Instead I reached under the table and patted his knee.

  “Are you still upset about me spending time with Bonnie?” I asked, thinking it might be safer to ease into the conversation.

  “No. I know I was upset the other day, but I understand. I feel like an idiot for overreacting to her visit.” He pulled his chair around to sit next to me instead of across from me. He brushed his lips softly against my forehead, but his hands were shaking slightly, and his voice was tense.

  Taking a deep breath, I looked right into his eyes. “I have to tell you some things.”

  His smile faded, and he let out a long breath. “If you’re going to break my heart, Charlotte, please do it quickly,” he said, refusing to look at me.

  “What? Owen, no!” I grabbed his chin and pulled his face to look into mine. “I love you. I’m going to marry you.”

  “Then what is it?”

  The pain in Owen’s eyes burned me like rays from the sun. Suddenly all my emotional turmoil over the last twenty-four hours seemed trivial. My past was over. What mattered now was right here in front of me.

  “I spoke with Cameron,” I said, not knowing how else to start.

  Owen nodded but didn’t say anything. He understood better than anyone how difficult it was for me to talk about things, and I knew he wouldn’t interrupt me.

  “He told me he had some things to explain and — I don’t know — curiosity got the better of me, I guess, so I met him and we talked. He told me his reasons for being with Lucy, but he swears there wasn’t an affair, and he said he was very sorry.”

  I wanted to be honest with Owen, but now that I’d said all this out loud, I was terrified he was going to leave me.

  Owen looked into his lap, but he was nodding. “What reasons did he give?”

  “He said I was distant after my mom ran off, and he thought after months of me pulling away that I…didn’t love him anymore,” I said. “He said he only kissed Lucy once and the rest of the affair was just emotional, not physical. He said he talked to her because he couldn’t talk to me.” I said that last part with some difficulty. It was still hard for me to process that.

  Owen lifted his head and looked at me curiously. “What did you say to him?”

  “I said — well, I yelled — that my being distant wasn’t justification for what he did, and I didn’t accept his apology. It wasn’t a very nice conversation.”

  I looked Owen right in the eye to judge his reaction. He was calm, but I could see sadness in his eyes.

  I knew I needed to tell him what else Cameron said the other night before I left, even if it would be hurtful.

  “Here you go,” the waitress said in an overly cheery voice as she put our plates down in front of us.

  “Thank you,” Owen said politely, never taking his eyes off of me.

  We were silent until she walked away, and I looked down at my plate, picked up my chopsticks, and started to push noodles around. Taking a deep breath, I counted to ten in my head, then exhaled slowly.

  “He said he still loves me,” I whispered.

  “I knew it.”

  The people at the next table looked at us nervously as I reached out and stroked Owen’s arm to soothe him. I could only imagine how difficult that was for him to hear. I hadn’t even told him about my feelings yet.

  “Nothing happened. I promise you. When he told me that, I yelled at him and drove away. I swear to you…” I trailed off when I saw a tear welling in his eye.

  “I trust you, Charlotte. I do, but this worries me. I’ve felt you pulling away, and I’m terrified.”

  I could see the despair in his eyes, and I felt my heart break for him. “Have I pulled away?”

  Owen nodded sadly, and my mind started to race.

  I tried to think back over my behavior, but I couldn’t find anything I’d done to make him think I was leaving. In fact, I recalled telling him over and over that I would stay.

  We sat in silence for a few more minutes before Owen started to eat. I continued to push my noodles around, having lost my appetite.

  “That’s why I was upset when you said you hoped I loved you. Cameron told me he felt unloved, and I felt like you were saying the same thing. I honestly don’t know what I’ve done to pull away from you,” I said, my voice sounding slightly panicked.

  Owen stayed silent. He just shook his head slowly and kept his eyes on his plate.

  “What do I have to do to prove how much I love you?”

  Owen looked at me, and his face softened, his head cocked slightly to the side.

  “Nothing,” he whispered, his hand cupping my cheek. “I believe you.”

  “But?” I asked, knowing he was holding back.

  He sighed. “But…you’ve been acting differently since you got home. It’s natural, and I understand it must be so hard to be back there, but I think it’s important for you to find yourself again — your true self, not some façade you wear so people don’t see your pain. And as much as I hate the thought of you spending time with him, maybe resolving things with Cameron can help you with that.”

  I marveled at how selfless he was and how lucky I was to have him. I snuggled against his chest, as close as I could get.

  “I know who I am,” I assured him. “All he’d be able to tell me is who I was.” But a small voice in the back of my head whispered that I’d always carry Cameron with me.

  “I hate that he knows a part of you that I never will.”

  I didn’t
know what to say because he was right. Part of me that would always belong to Cameron. But that part of me was my past — my whole future belonged to Owen, and Cameron wouldn’t know the future me. Unfortunately, that thought kind of upset me.

  I still hadn’t told Owen about my second conversation with Cameron in his office today, or about my declaration of love, but the more I thought about it, the more I questioned the need tell him at all. Hearing that I still loved my ex-husband would only hurt Owen, and nothing good would come from it. As long as I knew the feelings I had for Cameron wouldn’t jeopardize my relationship, maybe it was better to spare Owen that pain.

  I’d carried these feelings for Cameron the whole time I’d been in love with Owen. I just never realized it. The two men could share my heart, but only one of them would be in on the secret.

  Owen and I sat in silence while I let my thoughts run freely and when I looked up, he was watching me expectantly. “Are you going to eat?”

  I looked down at the food and shook my head. “Sorry, I’m not really hungry.”

  “Okay, let’s get out of here and go for a walk,” he said, dropping a few bills on the table.

  We walked out of the restaurant and down the street past our cars. Owen rubbed his thumb slowly over the back of my hand as we strolled in silence.

  Soon we came to a park and walked over to a pond with a small waterfall. Owen sat down on the grass and pulled me next to him, throwing his arm over my shoulder.

  “We’re going to be fine,” he said softly. I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me or just reassuring himself.

  “Yes, we are.” I kissed his cheek. “I love you.”

  Owen pulled me into his arms and leaned down to me. I lay back in the grass with his warm body pressed to mine.

  He moaned as our lips moved together, and I felt his erection pressing into my thigh. My body automatically reacted. I pressed my hips against his. Owen moved his hands down my body and stroked my breasts through my shirt, his lips trailing down my throat. Once his mouth left mine, I found myself gasping for breath and realized just how turned on I was. It seemed the sex ban in my dad’s house was having just as much of an effect on me as on Owen.

  “Yes,” I whispered as I felt my jeans being undone and his fingers slipped below the waistband.

  Owen’s lips never left my neck, but he let out a guttural moan when he felt how aroused I was.

  Suddenly, we froze as the sound of people talking echoed through the parking area behind us. Owen started to chuckle and sat up, removing his hand from my jeans. I pouted at the loss of his touch.

  “I can’t win,” he said with a sigh as we watched a couple walk hand in hand down to the water.

  “Time to go home?” I reached over to stroke his arm.

  Owen nodded and helped me stand. We brushed off the loose grass and walked back up to our cars. Our goodbyes were short — although Owen did linger a bit longer to kiss me than he usually did. Fortunately his next trip to see me was only a few days away.

  The whole drive home I thought about Owen and Cameron — and whether I had the courage to face my past once and for all.

  Chapter Ten

  The Ties That Bind

  I awoke the following morning to my phone beeping on the nightstand. Groaning, I rolled over and grabbed for it several times before my hand finally found it. I pulled the phone over to my face and squinted at the screen. I had a text message from Bonnie.

  I’m sorry for interfering in your life.

  You were right. Not my place.

  I’ll back off, I promise!

  Please don’t be mad! xx

  I smiled, knowing it must have been hard for Bonnie to admit she was wrong. I quickly typed a reply.

  I’m not mad. I know your heart’s in the right place,

  but I appreciate you backing off.

  It’ll make everything easier.

  Also, I have a question…

  Because we were thinking of moving to Fairfield, Owen and I had been hesitant to start planning our wedding. We didn’t even know for sure where we’d be living. But now that we’d finalized the move, it was time to get serious about planning. This would have the added benefit of reassuring Owen of my commitment to him, and Bonnie was the perfect person to help me plan my wedding.

  What?

  Her text came back almost immediately, and I laughed as I typed back to her, suspecting she would scream when she read my note. I hoped Alex wasn’t trying to sleep.

  I’m going to start planning my wedding

  and wondered if you’d help.

  She didn’t reply, and after five minutes I decided I wasn’t going to wait any longer. I got out of bed and went to take a shower. As I stood under the warm water and watched the soap suds swirl around the drain, I thought about marrying Owen. I’d already done the big, romantic day, and Owen knew I didn’t want to do all that again.

  We were both happy with the idea of a small ceremony — just close friends and family — and I thought it might be nice if we went to New York City. My dad could drive down, and Owen’s family could make the trip from Boston. Plus, I wouldn’t be reminded of Cameron everywhere I looked.

  Once I’d dried my hair and dressed, I went back and looked at my phone. I’d missed a call and a text message. I redialed the missed call first.

  “Hello, Fairfield Realty. How can I help you?” said a voice on the line.

  “Hello. I missed a call from this number.”

  “Name?”

  “Charlotte Barnes.”

  “Yes, Ms. Barnes, I’ll put you through to the agent who called. One moment please,” she said before switching me to music. The music stopped almost as soon as it started, and a man’s voice answered cheerily.

  “Charlotte, good to speak to you again,” he said as if we were old friends.

  “Good to speak to you too. Do you have some news on our application?”

  “Yes, your rental application been approved,” he reported. “You can pick up the key and give us a deposit next week and move in any time after that.”

  “That’s great! I’ll let Owen know, and we’ll come in next week to finalize everything,” I told him excitedly before hanging up.

  We had a house!

  I squealed and dialed Owen’s cell number with shaking fingers. His voicemail answered.

  “You’ve reached Owen Cooper, please leave me a message.”

  “Owen!” I yelled. “Our rental application was just approved. We can move in next week! Call me back.”

  I hung up and remembered I still had an unread text message. It was Bonnie’s reply.

  I’d love to help!

  Maybe we can get together next weekend?

  Next weekend? That was unlike Bonnie. I’d expected her to be on my doorstep wanting to plan that very minute. Maybe she needed some time to adjust to the idea of me marrying someone who wasn’t Cameron. I was just glad she was willing to help. I shrugged and typed “Sounds great!” in response before looking around the room to see if there was anything I could start packing for the move.

  Ten minutes later, I was still standing in the middle of the bedroom staring into space. Aside from the clothes in the closet, which I still needed, there was nothing to pack. I’d never really unpacked when I arrived.

  With a sigh, I went downstairs to make breakfast. Maybe I’d drive by the new house later and plan a makeover of the landscaping or something. When had my life become so mundane?

  I tried to think about how I could occupy my days for the upcoming weeks and months. What did other people my age do during the day?

  They had jobs, of course.

  I sighed and put two slices of bread in the toaster. I’d worked for the past few years, but I never had the motivation or desire to choose a career, so my jobs were minimum wage and transitory. It was easy to give notice at the restaurant and be free when Owen and I had decided to move, but it left me with no idea about what to do next. I thought of my dad telling me I’d regret my decision t
o forgo my scholarship to NYU to stay in Fairfield with Cameron.

  I closed my eyes, remembering with perfect clarity how I’d stood in this kitchen and yelled at him that he didn’t understand what it was like to be in this much in love. I’d told him I wasn’t going anywhere without Cameron. Dad had chuckled and patted my shoulder. He said one day I’d be disappointed with the decision, but it was my mistake to make.

  Looks like that day had come. As much as I’d hated him that day — and I did — he’d been right.

  I poured myself a cup of coffee and spread peanut butter on my toast before sitting at the dining table in front of the newspaper Dad had left behind. I flicked through the pages until I came to the job listings. A couple of sales jobs seemed interesting, so I circled them and kept reading. After a few more minutes and not finding anything else relevant, I closed the newspaper and picked up my cell phone. Owen hadn’t called back yet, so I supposed he was busy.

  I thought about the night before and how he’d told me again that I should talk with Cameron, despite how it clearly made him crazy. I knew he was right, and so selfless to demand I do this for myself, but I was scared. I wasn’t going to learn anything I didn’t already know, I told myself. Nothing Cameron said mattered anyway because I was with Owen now.

  I also figured I could leave if Cameron upset me, and with a surge of courage, I decided to suck it up and do it. I found the card Cameron had given me and dialed his work number.

  “Harper Dental Clinic, how can I help you?” a cheerful voice said.

  “Hello, I’d like to speak with Doctor Harper, please.”

  “May I ask who’s calling?”

  “Charlotte Barnes.”

  “Just a moment. I’ll see if Doctor Harper is available,” she said, her voice clear and professional.

  “Charlotte?” Cameron’s voice came on the line.

  “Hi, Cam…um…how are you?” I asked, suddenly losing my courage.

  “I’m fine, and you?” he asked, his voice sounding cautious.

  “Oh…I’m good.” I wasn’t asking him out on a date. Why was I suddenly so nervous?

  “Were you calling for any particular reason? Not that I mind if you just called to chat — you’re welcome to call me whenever you like…for any reason. I just thought there might be a specific thing you wanted to discuss,” Cameron rambled.