The Need Boxset

by K. I. Lynn

  He stops and turns back, looking up at me. “Get what?”

  I stick my chin out and glare down at him. “Why he hates you so much.”

  “You know, Kira, I used to think you were a good girl,” he pauses, lip twisting up to a sneer, “but you’re just another girl competing for his attention, aren’t you?”

  I let out a gasp, then freeze.

  “You said you were going, so leave, Steven!” Mom yells from behind me. I jump, unaware she’s there.

  He looks between us, then finishes his descent.

  “I’m sorry, sweetie,” Mom says, wrapping her arms around me.

  “Why are you with that asshole?” I ask.

  She pulls back, her lips set in a straight line, brow knitted together. It’s her “I don’t know look.”

  I slip the earrings into her palm and head back to my room, leaning on the door as it closes.

  Once upon a time, Steve was right—I was a girl vying for Brayden. Now?

  The beaded ring is still sitting on my dresser, looking at me. Times were easier then, and I almost wish I could go back to that innocence.

  I’ve got my phone in my hand and I’m texting before I even realize it.

  How did you live with the fighting?

  It’s a question I’ve wondered for years, and an answer I partially know. But it’s also a question I don’t notice I’ve actually texted to Brayden until he responds.

  I had no choice.

  No choice.

  It’s true. For him, it started when he was young, too young to understand.

  But I remember when he was fourteen, when we ran away one night. He’d lived with it for years, the fighting, and I watched it beat him down and tear him apart. Shaped him, hardened him.

  I remember, but I’d forgotten and I never, ever went through it until today.

  Hot tears slide down my cheeks as I wonder what it was like for a little boy to go through that and worse.

  I’m so sorry, baby. You shouldn’t have to go through that. Ever.

  No one should.

  You did.

  His response leaves me cold inside. I’ll kill him if he keeps putting you through that.

  He’s always threatening to kill people because of me. Anyone else would be scared. I find it sweet, actually, despite the fact that I worry what would happen to him if he went through with it.

  I guess that just shows how off we both are. We’re slightly twisted. I think we both always have been in a way. We’re not normal. Not by a long shot.

  Fuck, that connection between us.

  There’s no denying it—it’s still here. The broken pieces of us that bonded and brought us together aren’t going anywhere.

  I miss my best friend. I always, always miss him.

  And I can’t have him back. Because I won’t allow myself to.

  Brayden sends me another text. Promise me you’ll call me if it gets too bad over there.

  My heart breaks.

  I won’t promise him that. There’s no going back for me. I can’t return to that place of soul-sick dependence. Not after all the times he brutally left me hanging. I text him back, feeling nauseous. I know he’s offering his help and that it’s coming from a good place, but I still have to shoot him down.

  Don’t worry about this. I’ve got this. Thanks anyway.

  July 19, 2015

  I. Am. A. Whore.

  The realization does nothing to calm me.

  I’d always known I was horny. My entire life, the promise of sex had taunted me. I lived every moment waiting to experience passion.

  This isn’t passion. This is a sickness. A straight-up plague of epic proportions.

  How many damn times do I need to have a dick before I actually start getting tired of it?

  I can’t stop looking. My God, those red swim trunks were made to obliterate my clit.

  Correction: you are a whore for one man only.

  Ugh, don’t remind me.

  Why can’t I react like this to another man’s dick?

  Noooo. It’s all about this one. It’s always about this one.

  Holy. Fucking. Shit.

  It’s twitching for me. Hardening right before my eyes.

  Hunger.

  Madness.

  The existence of this man pisses me off so much.

  I bite my lip and press my thighs together, feeling like I haven’t had it in centuries. Fucking centuries.

  “Kitty, are you wearing that to kill me? Your tits look fucking amazing in that bikini.”

  Blindly, I reach behind me, clutching at the kitchen island. “You’re the one that wanted to hang out. In the pool.” Why did I freaking agree to this again?

  Oh yeah. He came over. My bedroom door was open. He left his open while he changed. I almost died as I watched. He came out of his room, nothing but those red swim trunks gracing his muscular, tattooed body, and asked me if I wanted to hang out in the pool with him.

  When I agreed, he told me he’d meet me downstairs and gave me one last, hungry look before walking away from my door.

  Viola. Kira changed at the speed of light.

  To be fair, I think it’s clear that my pussy took complete control. Shit, I don’t even remember which bathing suit I picked out, but clearly it was picked out on purpose.

  Brayden’s standing at the door leading to the backyard, his smoldering eyes locked on my chest. He reaches down and adjusts his now fully hard dick, and I die a little more inside. “Get out here, baby. Before I decide to fuck you up on that island.”

  I barely check the urge to jump up on it and spread my legs wide. “After you.”

  With a deep sigh, he turns and heads out into the backyard. It’s night out. I don’t even know why he wants to go for a swim in the pool, but there’s no denying it—as I follow him, all I can think about is him fucking me in that pool.

  The sky still holds a few colors from the setting sun, but the darkness is setting in.

  The pool glows in the backyard, thanks to the pool light. I expect him to head straight for the diving board; he doesn’t. Heading straight for the pool’s edge, he looks back at me before stepping off the ledge. He lands inside the waist-deep water, seemingly unfazed by how cool it is.

  He drops down into the water, then rises back up, smoothing his wet hair back. The pool’s light reflects off his wet body, fucking with me.

  No man should be that sexy.

  A man like that isn’t meant to belong to just one woman.

  There will always be too many offers. Too many options.

  Even if I could forgive, even if I wanted to keep him, I never could. Not without inviting a buttload of misery into my life.

  And there goes my mood.

  Scowling, I walk to the edge of the pool slowly, second-guessing my decision to hang out with him the entire time.

  He blatantly eye-fucks me with every step I take.

  Doing my best to ignore him, I follow his lead and drop into the pool. I’m much shorter than him, so the water goes all the way up to my breasts. My nipples harden immediately.

  Brayden licks his lips.

  I glare at him. “All right. I’m in here. Now what?” I’m not hoping he lunges at me and presses me against the side of the pool. No, not at all.

  He motions with his head to the steps a few feet away from us. There are four small stone benches built into the steps.

  I follow him and sit down. He sits next to me, and leans back to brace his arms against the side of the pool. The move stretches out his upper body, enhancing every dip and curve, and I nearly go blind.

  How the fuck am I supposed to get over him when he attracts me this much?

  We sit in silence for a few minutes. He seems to be contemplating something.

  I grow impatient. “Is this your idea of hanging out?”

  A smirk tugs the corner of his lips, but he doesn’t look at me yet. “You’re never going to learn patience, are you, Kitty?”

  “Don’t make me regret agreeing
to hang with you. Besides, you’re one to talk about patience.”

  Laughing, he turns to face me fully. “Baby, I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m seriously lacking in that department.”

  The nickname earns him yet another glare, and my cheeks heat up.

  His smile widens, like he knows what I’m thinking.

  No, what I’m remembering.

  I still can’t believe I called him baby.

  And his reaction. Dear. God. His reaction.

  I can’t think about this right now. Remembering how we fucked each other behind that bar is the last thing I need to do.

  Brayden’s smile drops and my stomach along with it. He looks apprehensive. Like what he’s about to say next is going to be the very last thing I want to hear. “I want to ask you something.”

  Yup, heading in a bad direction already. Shifting on the bench, I ask, “What?”

  “First off, let me tell you that no matter what your answer to my question is, I’m not going to be mad at you.”

  Okay?

  “I just can’t stop myself from asking because . . .”

  I raise my eyebrows. “Because?”

  His jaw twitches. That ever-present pain floods his eyes as he focuses fully on me. “I’m sick from not knowing.”

  Life would be so much easier if his pain didn’t affect me. If it didn’t make me hurt equally as bad. “What do you want to know?”

  “Did you leave the bar with Austin the other night?”

  I’d had a feeling he’d seen Austin follow me out. He’s been a bit distant, which should please me, but doesn’t. My first thought is to deny him an answer and let him know it’s none of his business.

  Surprisingly, I can’t do that. The urges to hurt Brayden are hitting me less and less lately. I’m still hurt and angry at him, but it’s not the same anymore.

  “I didn’t leave with him.” I can’t stand the way his expression melts with relief. It makes me want to curl into his lap and hug him. “Is that the only reason you wanted to hang?” To interrogate me?

  “No. Besides wanting to spend time with you, I want to see how you’re doing.”

  “Meaning?”

  He sighs. “Is the fighting still bad, baby?”

  Oh. That. I shrug, staring down into the water. “I think your dad’s cheating on my mom.”

  “I got the same feeling.”

  My head shoots up. Anger sends my heart into a tailspin. Hearing Steven’s son confirming my suspicions only makes them seem that much more true. “I think I’ll kill him if he is cheating on her.”

  Brayden nods. “I think I’d help you. It would make what he did to my mom that much more pointless. If he was going to break her, the least he could’ve done was do it for a woman he truly loved.” He realizes what he just said too late, his eyes widening and pupils expanding.

  The irony of his statement hurts too much to contemplate on. After all, he once ruined me for a woman he claims to have had no feelings for.

  Actually, there were a whole lot of women he supposedly felt nothing for.

  I decide to ignore the awkwardness and pain between us. “What makes you say that?”

  “The signs are all there, Kira. And, apparently, your mom is picking up on them.”

  “How do you see them if you aren’t even living here anymore? You’ve hardly seen them together.”

  He scratches his chin, then nods. “I remember what they were like before the cheating. Or, before Mom found out about the cheating. Sonia wasn’t the first and she won’t be the last because that’s who he is. He doesn’t do love.”

  “Neither do you.”

  He shakes his head, his green eyes swirling with pain, much like they did years ago. “I don’t do emotional pain. To me, that’s all love ever was. If I didn’t fall in love, problem solved. But there’s a flaw.”

  “Flaw?”

  He reaches out and caresses my cheek. “Love isn’t a choice. It’s a force, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. You can fight it, but in the end all you do is cause yourself the pain you were trying to avoid in the first place.”

  “So you had sex with all those women, and your father has also run through his fair share, both while claiming to love one woman . . . How does that make you any different from him?”

  He turns from me, dipping his hand in the water and splashing it onto his chest. When he looks back, there’s a sort of resolve I haven’t seen in awhile.

  “I couldn’t be with you. First due to your age, and then because they got married. I was a horny teenager and didn’t make the best decisions for me or for you. That’s the power of hindsight. The correlation means nothing, because I don’t want anyone else. I want to love you and you alone. I’m not a cheater.”

  “Yeah, right,” I grumble and place my hand on the edge of the pool, preparing to get out.

  Brayden stops me, grabs my chin, and forces me to look into his burning eyes. “I’d rather die than ever cheat on you.”

  “I’m not in the mood to fucking deal with this right now.”

  “You never are.”

  “Damn right. I don’t owe you shit. Now let me go.”

  Clearly, “let me go” translates into “don’t let me go” in his book. If I tell him to keep his hands on me, will that somehow register in his dyslexic brain and make him release me?

  “I haven’t been with any woman, except you, since I decided I was going to do right by you this time. Since the day I told Ryan I would wait for you, come to you at your eighteenth birthday.” His eyes beseech me.

  I shake my head, and his hand falls away from my face. “So?”

  “Do you believe me that I haven’t been with anyone else?”

  “What?”

  Brayden moves closer. When I try to look away, he moves back into my line of sight. “Do. You. Believe. Me?”

  The cynical, injured part of me doesn’t, but . . . “Yeah, I do.”

  His shoulders fall, and he sighs as the tensions leaves him. “I will not be with another woman now that I’ve had you. You’re the best I’ve ever had in every fucking way. No one’s ever owned me like you do. I can’t even bring myself to think of another woman.”

  My cheeks heat up again, and I’m grateful it’s night out. Even with the pool lights, I doubt he can see me blushing. “That’s impossible. You’re a human man. I’m sure you still have some sort of celebrity crush, at least.”

  He throws his head back and laughs. “Baby, celebrity crushes? Sure. Why not? But even if one of those chicks somehow appeared in front of me, I doubt I’d be interested in the real life deal. Hot women are everywhere, but in my opinion, I’ve got the hottest. The sexiest. The best girl in bed and out of it. Why the hell would I look elsewhere?”

  Giddiness floods through my veins, overwhelming everything I consist of. It’s the perfect thing to say. Something every girl on earth would die to hear. It’s too good. Straight out of a dream. I know better than to believe that. He’s just reeling me in. Hook, line, and sinker.

  Nothing I tell myself penetrates through. I’m freaking happy. Happier than I’ve been in a long time. His compliment sucker-punches me in the gut. No man has ever had the power to make me feel this way with just a compliment. And I’ve received many, I won’t lie.

  I . . . Oh, God, am I still in love with this man? Like, in in love with him? Is that why his words have such an intense effect on me?

  The world spins.

  “Kira?”

  “I’ve got to go.” It’s probably the millionth time I try to run away from him. Rounding him, I half-run, half-swim toward the stairs. I’m about to take the first step when his arms come around me from behind, hauling me into his wet body. The feel of him compounds with the emotions I’m struggling with. Hunger hollows out my soul, begging for him.

  I struggle against him; he tightens his arms around me and lowers his head next to my ear.

  “Let me go, Brayden.”

  “No.”

  “Why, dam
n you? Why?”

  “I need to know.” His breaths are harsh in my ear.

  I grind my teeth, squeeze my eyes closed, and struggle to ignore how much I need him. “Know what?”

  “What I just saw in your expression . . . I need to know it’s real.”

  My first fear-fueled instinct is to deny. Deny, deny, deny. But I’m too tired to play this stupid game anymore. “Please, let go. Just let go of everything so we can both move on.”

  He exhales roughly and bites down into my shoulder. “Never. Do you hear me, Kira? Never.”

  This is why hanging out with him is a bad idea. Why I’m so stupid. I can’t keep letting him convince me to spend time with him. Fucking him isn’t helping to get him out of my system, so there’s only one thing left to do.

  “It’s over,” I tell him. “Whatever this thing between us was, it’s done. I’m finished fucking you. We had each other, multiple times. There’s no need to continue.”

  His arms slacken.

  I grab my chance and bolt out of them, practically flying up the stone steps and onto the deck.

  That’s where he catches me. I don’t get more than a second’s notice. My ears register the sound of splashing water as he rushes out the pool, then his hands are around my waist, spinning me around so fast I lose my footing on the wet deck.

  Brayden catches me and slowly lowers me to the ground. He kneels on the first step, still inside the pool, and tries spreading my legs to make room for his body.

  I beat on his shoulders. “It’s over. Just stop already!”

  He takes my hits and forces my legs open. Leaning into me, he kisses my cheek softly.

  I hit him harder.

  For each hit, he gives me another soft, soothing kiss.

  “Why are you still here, damn it?” I want to cry. I’ve given this man so many of my tears during my life, and it’s inconceivable that I have yet more to give him.

  “Because I love you. I don’t care if you don’t believe me. This man right here can’t breathe without you. Losing you is certain death for me.”

  “It’ll never get any better. It’ll always be this. Us fighting. Me reliving the pain. The never-ending fucking misery.”

  His lips graze mine. “It’s not just misery and you know it.”