Truth (Scandals of Banner-Hill Book 1)

by Cassie James

  I know what a harem is in theory, but I always thought it was one of those elusive myths. The kind of thing modern women fantasize about but would never dare pursue. Even now, I can’t help but glance at Juliet and wonder how the hell she handles that many dicks. Is it a daily gangbang? Do they keep a rotating calendar to take turns?

  I force my mouth to close so one of those questions doesn’t accidentally slip out. I might have a reputation for being unpredictable, but I don’t actually get my rocks off by being rude to people.

  Not unless they deserve it, anyway.

  Siobhan elbows me discreetly from my other side. I glance over to see her mouthing say something to me. I don’t know what I did to earn her friendship, but I’m so fucking thankful for her.

  “It’s really nice to meet all of you,” I tell them, careful not to let my face give anything away as I make eye contact with each of them.

  A silence falls over the group as we all just kind of size each other up. The big guy to one side of Juliet steps closer to her, crossing his arms protectively. I’m sure Juliet and her guys are trying to figure out if I’m judging them, just like I’m trying to figure out how for real their relationships are.

  It’s awkward as hell, but it’s got nothing on my uncle grabbing my ass. Or being dragged into the shower by Killian. This is, by far, the easiest thing I’ve dealt with today.

  That reminder gives me the courage to break the uncomfortable silence.

  “Where is everyone else?” Surely this isn’t everyone who has visitors today. I can’t help but wonder if Logan’s parents are here. Or Killian’s mom. When we were teenagers, we were only ever allowed visitors in the yard.

  “Everyone sort of spreads out on visiting day. I guess they’re like your visitor—wanting their privacy.” Siobhan’s eyebrows dance like she’s insinuating something.

  “That was my uncle,” I tell her in a flat voice.

  Her face smooths instantly as she repeats her question from earlier, “Is everything okay?”

  I glance around at all the eyes on us. These might be Sadie’s friends, but I don’t know them. For all I know, one of them could be another one of Murphy’s pocket pets.

  Juliet seems to pick up on my discomfort. She asks Sadie about her outfit, drawing the group’s attention away from me just enough that Siobhan can corral me away from the group for the moment.

  “I’m sorry. I tried to tell Sadie this would be too much. She thinks of her friends like family. To her, this is how she introduces you into the family as one of us.”

  “It’s fine. It’s a little disorienting, but I appreciate the gesture.” I lower my voice carefully because there’s something else clawing desperately at the back of my mind. “Hey, the work you do in here, you probably have to know a good deal about anyone who comes and goes, right?” I ask her.

  She gives me a funny look. “Sure. I like to know what I’m dealing with to help me stay under the radar.”

  “Could you get me a list of anyone who came last week around the same time as me? Employees or patients. In particular, anyone who doesn’t have a real public profile?”

  She gives me a slow, barely perceptible nod. “Easy. There aren’t exactly a lot of those types around here.”

  “What about her?” I ask, nodding my head slightly in Juliet’s direction. “How do she and Sadie know each other?”

  “Trust me, you don’t have to worry about Juliet. She tries to stay out of the public eye because she’s gotten a lot of shit over the years for things her grandfather did. Plus, as I’m sure you can guess, her relationships made for a bit of public spectacle for a while. But she’s as honest as they come. In fact, you should think about talking to her about your own relationship issues. If anyone would understand, it’s her.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Oh, c’mon. Sadie’s told me all about the rumors from when you were here when this place was still for you troubled, rich teens. I know things are weird with you guys now after… I’m just saying, she’s been through shit of her own and came through on the other side. There are worst things than being surrounded by hot guys carrying a torch for you.” She smirks like she expects her words to hit a nerve.

  I stare at her blankly.

  “To each their own, I guess, but I’m not interested in starting a harem if that’s what you’re insinuating. I didn’t walk away from Logan and Killian four years ago hoping for some mythical happily ever after.” I roll my eyes at her, completely uninterested in playing into this theory her and Sadie seem to share about my romantic goals.

  Especially not after last night with Killian.

  I look back at the group and notice Juliet’s dark haired, dark eyed companion glaring at me.

  “If I were a reality TV joke, I’d think twice before talking shit about other people. You wanna share with the rest of us what you’re fucking whispering about over there?” His scowl swings from Siobhan to me.

  “Jax, fuck off.” Juliet rolls her eyes at him. “Excuse him, he was raised by a monster. Sometimes he forgets his manners.”

  “You really want me to stand here and say nothing while they’re obviously talking shit about you?” he growls. She doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by the anger written all over his face. If anything, it seems to amuse her.

  “I can handle myself just fine, Woods.” She slugs him in the arm and shoots Sadie a look that I can’t read.

  Sadie looks to Siobhan. “Hey, Juliet was hoping to check out the new little library that got added. Would you mind showing them around?”

  “Sure.”

  I touch Juliet’s shoulder lightly before they go. “I wasn’t talking shit,” I tell her honestly.

  “I know. Jax is a bit of a hothead. Always has been. If you knew some of the shit he’s done, you’d realize how laughable it is for him to get defensive over pretty much anything. I hear you’ve got a guy like that too, though. A bit of a protective asshole maybe?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I lie.

  She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry, Sadie’s not normally a gossip. She’s just been caught up in your story for a long time. She always told me that your situation made it easier for her to accept mine. She wasn’t super keen on me dating her brother at the same time as other guys.”

  “I don’t see how anything about me would change that. We barely knew each other as teenagers. And I had a boyfriend. Singular.”

  The expression on Juliet’s face tells me she knows there’s more to it than that. That it’s not nearly as simple as I’d like for it to sound.

  “She didn’t hear about what happened until later, you know?” Juliet worries her bottom lip between her teeth.

  “A lot of people didn’t.” And my father was a big part of keeping the story under wraps. Dash was wealthy and a major football prospect, but he had no real claim to fame outside the occasional cameo with me on TV.

  Sadie comes to my side, and I know she overheard her friend.

  She stays while Juliet follows the rest of the group out. I feel awkward standing there alone with her. She’s my friend by default thanks to her relationship with Siobhan, but I wouldn’t necessarily say we’ve connected all that spectacularly ourselves.

  She nibbles her bottom lip as she looks at me so hard it’s like she’s trying to see through me.

  “It wasn’t fair, you know? I left here thinking your whole situation was just a fun bit of gossip. You were barely a real person to me then. Everyone thought of you as so fun and wild. You were exciting to me.”

  Sadie’s words describe what I’ve heard so many times before.

  She continues, “When the news came out that Dash died, I felt connected to you because I lost someone I loved, too. The first girl I ever loved, actually. After she died, I never really got closure. So seeing you back here, it felt like maybe we had that in common.”

  “You’re not wrong,” I tell her quietly. There’s no closure in that kind of loss.
Young people are supposed to have their whole lives in front of them. They’re not supposed to leave us.

  “When Siobhan told me how easily you seemed to accept her, it made it really easy for me to want to take you into the fold. I know that may seem weird to most people, but it’s just a feeling I have. Haven’t you ever just connected with someone’s spirit?”

  The words are a little dramatic for my taste, but I can’t pretend I didn’t feel that way a little bit with Siobhan. Something clicked to make it easy for us to fall in together as friends.

  That kind of thing can’t be explained or manufactured.

  Sadie nods like she’s reading my mind and knows that I can’t disagree.

  “Sorry to get all mushy on you. I’m sure it’s weird getting psycho-babble from the person who least has their shit together. I mean, I’m an addict in love with a drug dealer—it’s like a recipe for disaster, right?” She laughs nervously.

  She sounds judgmental toward herself, but I never once thought it weird for the two of them to be together. You look at them and can see they fit. The way they lean into each other. The way they maintain a united front in all things.

  Some people would trade anything in the world to have that with somebody.

  “Anyway,” Sadie laughs awkwardly, “I guess I just can’t ever help rooting for an underdog.”

  “I’m not sure I could be considered an underdog,” I admit. Not with my bank accounts and connections.

  Sadie shrugs one shoulder. “Some people might look at you and think that you have every advantage in the world. I see past that. I know what it’s like to grow up feeling out of control. I know the damage that lingers.”

  She glances away, and I swear it looks like she’s blinking back tears.

  As much as I want to fight it, this is the moment where the click happens for me. I can feel my heart swell a little as I reach out and give her a quick hug.

  “Sorry, that’s embarrassing.” Sadie squeezes me momentarily before carefully swiping a finger under her eyes to salvage her makeup. “One last thing. Siobhan… I know she has a tendency to be a little morally ambiguous. Most people can’t accept a drug dealer working in a rehab. Especially not one who’s a woman. You have to keep looking past that, okay? She’s a good person. The best, actually. If you can’t see that—”

  “I can,” I interrupt.

  Maybe it’s fucked up of me, but I don’t care that she deals drugs. Just that she doesn’t deal them to Killian.

  Killian could do way worse to me than he did last night, and I would still go out of my way to protect him. It’s part habit and part shared grief. The things we’ve lost have forever tied an invisible string between us.

  We lost Dash, and Killian lost a brother. Both right here at Banner-Hill.

  We share so many demons. They haunt these grounds, leaving us forever more damaged than other people. Dash used to think the grief made Killian weak, but I saw past that. It made him into the kind of tortured artist who writes songs you can’t escape from.

  As much as I like to pretend those songs don’t resonate with me, they hit me in the gut every time.

  Siobhan agreeing to withhold drugs from Killian means I can rest a little easier knowing I’m keeping a promise I made as a kid. That I would never let him wind up like Jamison.

  Sadie smiles at me, seeming a little more composed now after our little chat. “I should go find the others. They can’t all always make visiting day work; I’ve got to enjoy it while I can. You don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to. I know that whole introduction was a little awkward. I didn’t mean to ambush you with them. I just loved the idea of bringing you all together—even for just a moment.”

  “Actually, I think I will come.”

  I’ve always thought filming days were chaotic—people everywhere. No one having any idea what’s going on half the time. It’s nothing compared to visitation day with this crowd. I spend most of my time on the fringes, trying to take everything in while my mind also spins out about my meeting with Murphy.

  I’m relieved when someone from the staff sticks their head in to the rec room where we’ve ended up and announces visiting hours are ending. It’s only been a couple hours since my conversation with Murphy, but it feels like much longer.

  I get swept along with everyone else as Juliet and Sadie start to lead us out. One of Juliet’s guys walks next to me for a moment, eyeing me curiously. There’s nothing even remotely inappropriate about it. More like he still hasn’t decided what he thinks about me.

  Juliet is lucky to have people who clearly care so much about her.

  The only people who really ever seem to give that much of a damn about me are people who stand to lose a lot of money if I stop performing like their own personal puppet. Needless to say, it’s not even remotely the same thing.

  “Here.” The guy, Patrick, hands me a beige folder.

  “What is this?” I ask as I take it gingerly from him. I hadn’t even noticed he had it. I start to flip open the front, but he puts a hand on top to stop me.

  “Sadie thought this might be of use to you. Maybe don’t advertise that you have this though, yeah? I, uh, shouldn’t have had access to this kind of thing.” He grins sheepishly as if I’d judge him for that admission.

  I snort out a laugh. “Story of my life.”

  He breathes a little easier as he pulls his hand away, leaving the folder in my hands. I tuck it under my arm and try to swallow my curiosity for the moment. I’ll see the contents soon enough.

  Then I can decide how skeptical to be about help from strangers.

  He rejoins the other guys, jumping right into whatever conversation they’re having that I’m doing a great job of tuning out. Juliet notices me dropping behind and waves Sadie on with the others. She lets everyone walk ahead as she steps in beside me. She tucks her hair behind her ear on one side and leans closer to me.

  “I get that you’re probably the kind of person who doesn’t expect to get any credit for this kind of thing, but it was thanks to you that Sadie accepted what I have with her brother.” She nibbles her bottom lip like she wants to say more.

  “Speak now or forever hold your peace,” I joke.

  She smiles softly. “I just… I know how complicated and messy feelings can be. Don’t be too hard on yourself if what you want doesn’t necessarily make sense. Some people get under your skin in a way that will never make sense to anyone else.”

  She looks ahead, her eyes landing squarely on Jax so there’s no question who she’s talking about. After what an asshole he was, it’s not really a surprise that he’s who she’s comparing Logan and Killian to.

  “What happens if you wake up one day and change your mind?” It’s the question I’ve been dying to ask since Sadie’s introduction.

  Juliet focuses on me again, her face the picture of sympathy. “Have you ever been in love?”

  “Yeah,” I whisper, hating that my mind still instantly goes to Dash.

  “Did you ever change your mind?”

  I stare at her raised eyebrow for a long time, long enough that she pats my arm and walks away. She didn’t need me to say the words. We both already know the answer.

  And because the universe is a cruel, cruel place—a man in a suit chooses that moment to cross the lobby. His steps slow as our paths cross, his eyes meeting mine and widening slightly. Kevin Banner turns his head but not before I see what passes over his face.

  Fear.

  9

  Four years earlier

  This game is getting ridiculous.

  I can't even remember who suggested hide and seek, but it's become almost impossible to find new hiding spots. Banner-Hill is only so big. We had to put a cease-fire on hiding in the attic after a senator's daughter fell through the ceiling and sprained her wrist.

  I creep down the one hall we've all been avoiding. Devil's Row, we call it. There's only a few offices at the end of the hall: Kevin Banner. Sascha Hill. And an accountant whose name n
o one knows.

  Banner is the only one here regularly, and incidentally the reason this hall was nicknamed Devil's Row in the first place.

  Technically Banner and Hill both have equal stakes in this place, but Banner does the actual day-to-day management. Sascha is an enigma, no one actually knows anything about him from what I can tell. One of our favorite lunchroom hobbies is coming up with wild, complex theories about what the heir to the Hill's oil fortune gets up to when he's not working. Which is... pretty much always.

  Kevin Banner is the one who gets the final say about who stays and who goes. Piss him off? He'll pack you off back home to disappointed parents. Keep him happy? This place starts to look like a fucking boarding school.

  Needless to say, I have a hard time toeing that line.

  My father's probably the only reason I'm not one of the girls getting sent packing. This stint alone I've been reprimanded twice by my therapist and six times by other people.

  I don't know how he does it, but my father always has a way of making our problems here disappear. Admittedly, I've had more than a few. It's not my fault we're always on the hunt for new ways to keep things interesting.

  Today that means hide and seek. If I can get Sascha's door unlocked, I'm pretty sure no one will ever think to look there.

  There's nothing quite like high-stakes risk for nothing more than bragging rights.

  I snort quietly to myself.

  As I get closer, I’m surprised to see a light shining into the otherwise dim hall from Banner's office. I didn't expect him to still be around. I curse him under my breath. There's no way I'm gonna risk hiding around here now, not with that buzzkill around. I swear he lives for making all of us miserable.

  This is rehab—not prison.

  I turn to bail until I hear his voice. Shit. Dash must have gotten caught in the middle of the game. I told him his idea to hide in the kitchen was trash. If this was a prison, the kitchen would be maximum security. They have to put the kitchen on lockdown at night to keep the binge eaters out.

  I creep until I’m standing just outside the door, ears straining to hear the conversation so I can try to judge how much trouble Dash is in. Whatever it is, I'll get him out of it as usual. I just need to see what the damage is, some issues I can neutralize alone. Sometimes I just go to my father.