Forever and Almost Always

by Bennett, Amanda

  When I was done throwing myself a little pity party, I emerged from the bathroom with my clothes back on, sans underwear. I knew Dax, and I knew that he would want to fix the situation with sex, and we were getting to the point where sex wasn’t going to fix anything anymore. Dax was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. I wasn’t exactly sure what he was so upset about, but I was willing to be the bigger person in this situation.

  I sat down next to him, trying not to reach out for him, trying not to comfort him. “Who was that, Dax?” He let out a loud sigh as he pushed his hands back through his hair. I knew he was aggravated and to the point where he wasn’t willing to talk, but I needed him to talk to me. “Dax, who was that?”

  “Her name is Rachael, Charlee. I used to date her a while back. Do we seriously need to get into this right now?”

  “When would you like to get into it, Dax? When would be best for you?” I stood up and began pacing in front of our bed.

  “It’s not what you think.”

  “I honestly don’t know what to think, Dax. She was at your old house once before and you got all weird, and now she’s showing up at our apartment? What the hell?”

  “Look, I’m sorry Charlee. I really am. I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, but I don’t know what that is.”

  I threw my hands up in the air in aggravation, “I just want you to tell me the truth, damn it.”

  “I GOT HER PREGNANT! FUCK ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?” He threw his hands in the air and started heading for the door.

  “NO! No, you don’t get to fucking leave, after that. You’re going to sit down and tell me what the fuck that even means.” I braced myself in front of the door, willing him to turn around. When he got closer with no intent on slowing down, I knew it was a lost cause.

  “Move out of the way, Charlee.”

  “No.” I crossed my arms over my chest and stood my ground.

  “Charlee, I swear to god I will move you myself if you don’t get out of my way.”

  “I’M.NOT.MOVING.”

  Within seconds, I was up in the air and he was setting me back down on the other side of him, as he slammed the door. I grabbed the closest thing to me and chucked it at the door. Before I got too pissed off, I quickly searched for my phone and dialed Taylor.

  “Hey hun, what’s up?” I hated to ruin her good mood that she seemed to be in, but this couldn’t wait.

  “Are you busy?”

  “No. What’s wrong? You sound upset.”

  “Can you come over? You can bring Katie with you, but I really need you, Tay.”

  “Okay honey, I’m on my way.”

  “Thanks, Taylor.”

  I paced around the apartment for the next thirty minutes, before Taylor and Katie finally showed up. The minute she walked through the door, I lunged into her arms and let the tears flow.

  “Char, what happened?”

  I pulled back, bringing her with me to sit on the bed. “He got her pregnant, Taylor. He fucking got her pregnant.”

  “Who? Who the fuck did he get pregnant?”

  I was crying so hard that my entire body was shaking and I was finding it hard to catch my breath.

  “Charlee, calm down and talk to me. Please talk to me.”

  I could hear the worry in her voice and it immediately forced me to take a deep breath. “That girl Rachael. The one that was at his house the night of the party.”

  “When did this happen? I’m totally confused.”

  I glanced over at Katie who was quietly sitting in the corner playing with my jewelry. My thoughts consumed me as I watched her laughing and playing. I had imagined Dax’s life and mine together in the long run. I pictured our wedding, and what our kids would look like, but not once had I ever factored in a child that wasn’t ours, into the perfect picture I had set up for myself.

  “Charlee, talk to me.”

  “I don’t know, Taylor. I’m just as confused as you are. When I got home earlier, I saw a girl standing in our doorway talking to Dax. I stood back a few feet to try and hear what they were talking about. They were fighting. He kept telling her to leave, and she insisted that he thought about her every time he slept with me. Finally, I told her to leave and she did, but then Dax was extremely pissed off. I tried to talk to him. I pushed for him to tell me what the deal was, but he shut down like he always does. I finally pushed him too far, and he just screamed it at me. After that, he took off. I have no answers, no idea what the hell is going on, and worst of all, I don’t even know where he went. For all I know, he called her to come pick him up. What do I do, Taylor?”

  Her arms were suddenly around me, squeezing me tight. When Taylor didn’t know what to say, she hugged. It was comforting, given what I was dealing with, but I needed her to talk this out with me. I needed someone to try and knock some sense into me. I hugged her back, letting the remaining tears run down my face as I silently cried on her shoulder. In a matter of minutes my perfect little life had been shattered, and I was left to pick up the pieces, alone.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Dax

  I never intended for Charlee to find out about Rachael, and especially not in this way. I knew I needed to explain to her the situation, but there was no way I could do that with her berating me. I needed time. Time to get my thoughts straight, so I could provide her with all of the answers she sought.

  I didn’t have anywhere to go when I left. Charlee was the only one with a car right now, and I hadn’t grabbed her keys on the way out. So I walked. I walked at least two miles, before I decided to turn back and try to explain this fucked up mess to Charlee. All I could think about the entire way back to the apartment, was how I could make this up to her. I needed Charlee and if I lost her now, I wasn’t sure how I would go on.

  When I walked through the back parking lot, I noticed Taylor’s car parked next to Charlee’s, and I knew I was gonna have my work cut out for me. Taylor and Charlee were like sisters. They had a bond that nobody could break, and if I was on Charlee’s bad side, then I was on Taylor’s as well. I took my time making my way up to the apartment. I wanted to give her time, but I also knew that once Charlee got in her head, it was hard to pull her back out. She had a habit of over analyzing things and always thinking the worst, but I couldn’t really blame her for that. She had been burned so many times in the past by her ex, and I didn’t want to be lumped into the same category as that asshole.

  As I approached the door, I could hear her crying through the cracked window. Hearing her that upset, was literally breaking my heart. I hated being the one that made her feel that way, and I was determined for this to be the very last time. When I opened the door, Katie, Taylor’s daughter came running at me and immediately clung to my leg.

  “Dax. Hi, Dax. Where have you been?”

  I bent down and picked Katie up in my arms. “Hey sweet girl. Uncle Dax just needed to go for a walk. Whatcha been up to?”

  “Playing with Aunt Charlee’s necklaces while she talks to mommy.”

  “Oh, I see. Well you look very pretty.” I set Katie back down in front of Charlee’s jewelry box and turned in the direction of where Taylor and Charlee were sitting at the end of the bed.

  “Taylor, I need to speak to my girlfriend. Can you guys leave and give us some time?”

  I could tell by the look on Taylor’s face, that she was pissed. I didn’t want any more issues than what was already going on, but this really didn’t concern her. After two minutes of her giving me the death stare, she turned to Charlee and whispered something in her ear as she hugged her. She quickly gathered up Katie, and then they were gone.

  I didn’t make a move towards Charlee. I knew better. Instead, I stood against the dresser across from her and searched her face for some semblance of compassion, but found none. She wouldn’t look at me, and it was killing me.

  “Charlee, can I explain to you what’s going on?” When she didn’t answer me or get up and walk out, I continued. “Look, I need you to kn
ow that this didn’t happen while we were together. I never and would never cheat on you. I’m not a cheater. A few months before I met you, I had been dating Rachael. I met her through some of my friends, but it was never serious. One night at a party at Trevor’s house, we had a little too much to drink and, well, we ended up having unprotected sex. I didn’t know about the pregnancy, until I had already broken things off with her.” I glanced up from the spot I was staring at on the carpet at my feet, to see how she was reacting to all of this. She was still sitting in the same position, staring at the ground. I took this as a good sign though, and prayed that she was actually listening to me.

  “She didn’t even tell me herself. She told Trevor, but only after she swore she got an abortion. She-“

  “How did you not know before that?” Her voice was cracking as she spoke, and all I wanted to do was run to her. I wanted to hold her in my arms and never let her go.

  “I swear to you, Charlee. I didn’t know. I told you, I had broken things off with her. We hadn’t had any contact what so ever. When Trevor first told me, I didn’t even believe her. It was only after I called her that she finally admitted that she was still pregnant and never got the abortion.”

  “Dax?”

  “Yes, Charlee?”

  “Is she still pregnant?”

  I knew the answer she wanted to hear, but I couldn’t honestly give her that answer, because in all honestly, I didn’t know. “I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean, you don’t know?”

  I could hear her voice rising as she started getting more upset. “The night she came over to the house, I was shocked to see her. I knew she was pregnant at that point, but she promised me that she was taking care of it.”

  Charlee was suddenly on her feet, and making her way towards the kitchen. I knew her purse was in there and that her car keys were in her purse. My heart was racing at the thought of her walking out on me, even though I had done it to her. “Charlee, please don’t leave. We need to talk about this.”

  She was quickly in my face. “I know we need to talk about this. You think I don’t know that? But I was ready to talk about this when it first happened, and you walked out on me. Well, now it’s my turn. I’m going to go to my mom’s house for a little bit. I’ll be back later and when I get back, I need you to have answers for me, or I’m walking. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”

  I tried to swallow past the large lump in my throat, but it was difficult to even breathe. I needed her to stay. I needed her to talk this out with me. We needed to be okay. I couldn’t lose her, not over something like this.

  “Dax, do you hear me?”

  “Charlee, please. Please don’t leave right now. I’m afraid if you walk out that door, you won’t come back.”

  “I’ll always come back, Dax, but I can’t guarantee that I will stay. I just need some time to sort all of this out. I’ll be back later.”

  I reached out for her, to kiss her, hug her, to show her that I was still the same guy she fell in love with, but she was gone. She didn’t stop to say good-bye, she just left. Without even thinking, I called Trevor and asked him to come get me. I couldn’t stay in that apartment without her there. She was everywhere, and it was making it hard to think.

  I knew what I had to do before Charlee got back, and I was dreading going to Rachael’s house more than anything in this world. As I stood at her front door, ready to knock, all I could think about was wanting to go back in time and fix this fucked up mistake.

  When Rachael answered the door, the anger started to seep into me. I had no compassion for this girl, and no sympathy for her either. Rachael was a bad person to her very core. I don’t say that because of what happened, I say that because it’s true. I wasn’t the first guy to apparently get her pregnant, and I’m sure I wouldn’t be the last. But, I needed answers and I wasn’t willing to wait any longer.

  “We need to talk.” I held my anger back, trying to get her to be as cooperative as possible.

  “Well it’s about time you came to your senses.”

  The minute the words left her mouth, I wanted to punch something. In all honestly, I wanted to punch her, but I would never hit a girl. Not even a girl as manipulative as this bitch standing in front of me.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Charlee

  There were no words left for me to say to him. Not until he had answers for me. It hurt my heart to see the look on his face when I told him that I was leaving. I knew he would automatically assume the worst, but he deserved to squirm a bit. I knew all of this happened before him and I even got together, but I was having the hardest time trying to understand it all. I would never leave him because he had a child with someone else, but it was tearing me up inside trying to imagine how our lives would be, having to deal with that revolting, spiteful bitch.

  I didn’t really go to my mom’s. My mom’s house was actually the last place I wanted to be. I needed to feel a sense of peace. I needed tranquility and there was no way I was going to find that anywhere around here. So I found myself sitting at the dock, the very dock where Dax and I shared our first kiss. And I found myself wondering how we got here? How did we get to this place? And most of all, how do we get back to where we were just a day ago?”

  As the sun started to set, I realized it was probably time for me to head home. I couldn’t stand being away from Dax, no matter how pissed off I was at him, and we needed to figure this out. After I parked in the apartment parking lot, I sat there for a few minutes trying to regain my composure. I wasn’t sure what waited for me when I walked through that door, but I couldn’t put off the inevitable.

  I took in a deep breath as I pushed open our door, and was shocked when I didn’t see Dax anywhere. We lived in a studio apartment. Our bedroom was our living room. You could see our kitchen and bathroom from every angle, and he was nowhere to be found. What the fuck was wrong with him?

  I threw my purse and keys across the room and grabbed a pair of pajamas to change into. I didn’t care at this point if it was only eight o’clock at night. I was so ready for this day to be over. When I came out of the bathroom, Dax still hadn’t showed up, furthering my rage. I yanked back the covers, climbed in to bed, and faced away from the front door. Even if he did come home tonight, there was no way in hell I was going to give him the time of day. Not after this.

  I must’ve fallen asleep, because the next thing I remember hearing is Dax stumbling through the door. I knew Dax well enough to know when he was drunk, and he was definitely drunk tonight. When Dax climbed into bed a few minutes later, the mattress dipped and I squeezed my eyes tightly shut so he wouldn’t even try to talk to me.

  His hand slipped around my waist, as he pulled me back into his chest, hard. The aroma of booze floated through the air assaulting my nostrils, and I had to hold back the vomit that was rising in my throat.

  “Charlee? Charlee, are you awake?”

  I didn’t move a muscle. My body sat perfectly still as Dax continued to try and hold me against him, hoping and wishing I would turn around in his arms and forgive him.

  “Baby, please talk to me. I need you to talk to me.”

  “Dax, shut up and go to sleep. We will talk in the morning.”

  “But Charlee-“

  “NO DAX! Go to sleep, now. And stop touching me, you smell like a distillery.”

  His hands slowly released my body, and I felt him move away from me. After that, his light snoring let me know it was safe to finally fall asleep.

  Morning came all too soon. The smell of bacon and eggs filled the entire apartment, and I knew that it was going to be a long day. I didn’t get out of bed after I woke up. I sat up and leaned against the wall, waiting for Dax to start his groveling.

  “Oh good you’re awake. How did you sleep?”

  I rolled my eyes, but still answered him. “Not so good. My boyfriend apparently knocked up a girl, then took off, and then when I told him I would be back to talk to him, he showed up at who
knows what time, drunk as all hell. Yeah, I slept peachy.”

  “Baby, I’m really sorry about last night. For all of it. But I have answers for you now. We can get through this.”

  “Dax, that’s great that you have answers for me now, but I was ready to hear them last night, and you apparently had better things to do.”

  Dax brought me over a plate of food and sat it on the nightstand next to me. “I made you breakfast.”

  “Thanks.” I muttered.

  “Do you want to hear the answers now?”

  “Sure.”

  “Well, I went to see Rachael after you left. Charlee, I can’t lose you and I knew if I didn’t have answers for you, that I would. So I went and got them for you. She’s not pregnant anymore. Her mom even confirmed it. She’s not pregnant anymore.”

  I could hear the excitement and relief in his voice, but I was finding it hard to feel the same way he was. Of course I was over the moon to hear that our lives could go back to normal, but all the hiding of things and the lying, and then leaving me? I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to get over that.

  “Did you hear me, Charlee? She’s not pregnant.”

  “I heard you, Dax. And that’s fantastic that she’s not pregnant, but that doesn’t make up for the lying and the deceit. That doesn’t make up for you walking out on me, twice.”

  “I know baby, and I’m so sorry. I promise it will never happen again. If you could just forgive me. Just give me a chance to show you how much I absolutely love and adore you. Please, Charlee.”

  With every word he spoke, my heart broke a little more. I wasn’t willing to let go of him, of us. What we have is something I never felt before and I wasn’t willing to let it all go, because I was too damn stubborn to let this go.

  My fingers slipped through his and I pulled him closer to me. My arms wrapped around his neck and I held onto him as though I would never see him again. “I forgive you, Dax. I forgive you.” And just like that, we were us again. Before I could say anything more, Dax was pulling back from me and holding me at arms length.