Sara's Soul

by Deanna Kahler

  Moments later, she felt someone holding her shoulders, lifting her up. “Sara,” a voice called, “let him save you.” She opened her eyes to see her mother in the water with her.

  “Too late, Mom,” she said. “I’m already dead.”

  “Oh really? Then how are you talking to me?” her mother said, giving her “the look.”

  Sara felt an eerie pang of awareness. What had happened? She wasn’t dead. She was sure she had just died, yet somehow she still existed. Where was the nothingness she had come to expect? She glanced below at her lifeless body floating in the water. It looked dead all right. But somehow she was still there, looking down on her body from a totally different perspective. She stared at her body again. She saw no signs of breathing. She was indeed dead in the water, yet she was still here watching herself, speaking to her mother. She was somehow alive.

  Holy crap. This stuff is actually real, she thought. I finally got my undeniable proof. Chip was right. My mother was right. So much for biology and science.

  “I guess I was wrong,” Sara admitted. “It looks like there’s an afterlife after all. So where are the angels and harps, Mother? Where is this glorious paradise you promised me?”

  “Suicides don’t go to paradise, Sara. Soon you will be escorted to the lower realms to see and feel the pain you’ve inflicted on yourself and others. You thought living was unbearable? That was nothing.”

  “You can’t be serious,” Sara said impatiently.

  “Unfortunately, I am,” her mother replied. “You have to go back. You and Chip can accomplish great things together. Your life can be so much more than what it was. You’ll now know the truth. There is an afterlife. Knowing that will help lessen your fear and open up your heart. It will set you free.”

  “How am I supposed to go back? I drowned, remember?”

  “It’s not too late, but you have to want to. You have to let love fill you and lift you up. Love is the key to everything. How much do you love Chip, Sara? How much do you want to be with him?”

  “More than anything,” she said, a tear trickling down her face. “But I can’t go back. There’s too much suffering there. I can’t stand it.”

  “You can help with that, too,” her mother said. “You can improve your own life and the lives of others.”

  “And how do I do that? I’ve tried to improve my life, but death always follows me. I can’t seem to escape its clutches.”

  “Love is the answer. Let it guide you. Open yourself to the unconditional love that is all around you. It is more powerful than anything. Deep down, you already know this. You’ve seen a glimpse of it. Now let it be your way of life.”

  “But what about all the pain? How will I cope?”

  “When you open yourself fully to love, your life will change. You will see what lies beyond death. You will be able to help people.”

  “I’m sorry, Mother,” Sara sobbed. “This doesn’t change anything for me. I still want to die.”

  “Very well, then. That is your choice,” her mother said. “You will have one last chance in case you change your mind. If you decide to go back, I will have a gift waiting for you—my wedding ring. I want you to have it.”

  “That’s impossible,” Sara said. “You lost that ring years ago.”

  “With love, anything is possible,” her mother said. “Don’t forget that. Now go. Make your choice, but remember what I’ve told you.”

  Her mother faded from view, and Sara then felt strong arms wrap around her and guide her through the water. Before long she was lying in the sand, or at least her body was. Sara was floating above it, looking down and observing the events that followed.

  Chip was on top of her, crying and performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and CPR. He frantically pounded on her chest.

  “Dammit, Sara,” he cried. “Don’t do this. Don’t leave me. I love you.”

  Her skin was a pale bluish color, and her lifeless body looked eerily still. Sara watched as he worked diligently to save her. He was determined. He wasn’t about to let her go. But he didn’t have a choice. This was her life. This was her choice.

  “Please, Sara,” he shouted. “I need you. You’re my life. You’re my everything. The world isn’t complete without you in it. Don’t you know that?”

  Sara felt a tug and then saw a bright white light. A loving being dressed in white appeared before her. He had white hair and kind blue eyes and was wearing a metallic gold sash.

  “It’s time, my child,” he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I need to take you to the other side.”

  “Is it true?” she asked. “Will I be in hell?”

  “Not exactly,” he said. “But you will be tormented by the visions of those you left behind. You will feel their pain. You will suffer with them. And you will deeply regret leaving, but you will not be able to go back. One day, you will heal and ascend to the higher realms, but it will take a long time. This is permanent, Sara. It cannot be undone. Are you absolutely certain you want to die?”

  “I was… but…”

  “But what? There can be no buts, Sara.”

  “I love him,” she said. “More than anything. I can’t imagine life without him.”

  “Then focus on that love, Sara. Feel that love. Then wait and see what happens.”

  “Okay. I’ll try,” Sara said weakly.

  Sara thought about how much she loved Chip. She saw images of their time together—their first encounter at Starbucks, their first kiss, walking through the park, watching the sunset, kissing. She felt a warm sensation in her chest. She thought about how she felt whenever she was with him, how he loved her no matter what. He accepted her gift and never judged her. The warmth spread to her face and hands. She thought about what it would be like to be with him again, to feel his smooth skin and his soft lips as they joined with hers. Sara’s entire being became filled with an energizing light. All she could feel was love and peace. Her soul began to pulsate, and it was quickly whisked away from the bright white light. It traveled swiftly to the beach, to Chip, and to the lifeless body lying in the wet sand.

  Sara felt a big snap as her soul was sucked back into her body. She felt the familiar sensation of suffocating. She tried to breath, but couldn’t. Chip pounded on her chest again. His lips met hers and his love traveled through her, sending powerful tingles that energized her entire being. She gasped for air. She coughed. She gagged. The force of water coming up into her throat propelled her forward and she sat up abruptly. She tried to scream, but nothing came out. She gasped for air again and felt a little enter into her lungs. She coughed again. And then she wept. Sitting there on the beach, soaking wet in the sand, she cried from the very depths of her soul. She cried for all of the pain and loss that had ever entered her life. She cried for Chip and the suffering she had inflicted on him when he thought she was about to die. But most of all she cried tears of joy and gratitude for being given a second chance. She had been granted the precious gift of life on Earth.

  Chip held her tightly, sobbing right along with her. She felt as if he were a part of her. They would never be separated again.

  “I thought I’d lost you,” he cried. “And it scared the living daylights out of me.”

  “I know. I watched you. And I’m so, so sorry, Chip. I never meant to cause you pain. I love you so much it hurts.”

  Chip looked at her, confused. “What do you mean, you watched me?”

  “You know,” she smiled. “From the other side. I guess you were right. There really is life after death.”

  The strained look on Chip’s face faded, and he let out a big laugh. He smiled lovingly at her as he stroked her wet hair. “I know, silly. What do you think I’ve been trying to tell you?”

  “Yeah, I get it now. Sorry for refusing to accept the truth.”

  “That’s okay,” he said. “I’m glad to see the scientist in you finally taking a break. So, tell me more about what happened on the other side.”

  “Well, I talked to my mom,
” she said. “She encouraged me to go back. And then I saw this old man in a white robe who was about to take me somewhere. But I couldn’t bear to leave you.”

  “Well, that’s good to know,” he said. He kissed her with a passion that illuminated not only her soul, but the entire beach. Then Chip rose from the wet sand and reached into his pocket. He got down on one knee.

  Holy crap, Sara thought. He can’t be.

  “Sara,” he said, softly placing a familiar ring on her finger. “Nothing can separate two hearts who belong together, not time, not space, and certainly not death.”

  A tear trickled down Sara’s cheek. “Destiny?” she asked softly.

  Chip grinned. “Well, you know how I feel about destiny,” he said. “Soul mates always find their way back to each other.”

  “Yes, they do,” Sara agreed wholeheartedly. “I’m so glad we found each other again.”

  “But remember,” Chip said. “What happened before is all in the past. What matters right now is this moment. ”

  Sara looked down at her hand and admired the beautiful ring sparkling in the sunlight. This wasn’t just any ring. It had belonged to Sara’s mother.

  Still on one knee, Chip took her hand in his. “Sara, will you marry me?”

  A thrill of excitement ran through her. Sara felt like a happy little girl again, full of hope and wonder. “Yes,” she smiled radiantly. “I will.”

  “Good,” he said. “I don’t want to spend another moment of my life without you.”

  “Chip?”

  “Yes?”

  “I’m curious. Um… where did you find my mother’s wedding ring?” she asked.

  “It was a funny thing,” he said, putting an arm around her. “I awoke to the sound of Connor’s voice. He said that someone else wanted to see me. Then this other spirit appeared. She was beautiful, with wavy reddish hair and blue eyes that lit up the room. She looked a lot like you, only older. She placed something into my hand and said, ‘You have my blessing to marry my daughter under one condition. Please give this ring to her.’ I agreed.”

  “Yeah. She told me she wanted me to have her ring,” Sara said.

  “Somehow she knew I was planning to ask you to marry me. When I woke up this morning, the ring was on the nightstand beside my bed. I knew I had to propose to you today. But when I got to your house, you weren’t there. I got a really bad feeling. Then I saw a vision of the beach and you standing there at the water’s edge. I raced to get here as soon as I could. I saw you go under, but couldn’t find you for a few minutes. I thought I’d lost you, but then I remembered what your mother said.”

  “What did she say?” Sara asked.

  “With love, anything is possible.”

  “She said the same thing to me.”

  “Well, I guess she was right,” Chip said, smiling. “I concentrated on my love for you, and it drew me to the exact spot where you had gone under. I dove down into the water and swam you up to the surface.”

  “Love is what brought me back to you, too,” Sara said. “It whisked my spirit right back into my body. It was amazing how powerful my feelings were.”

  “Does that mean you’re planning to stick around?” Chip asked teasingly.

  “There’s nothing I want more,” she said.

  “Now let’s go home,” Chip said. “We’ve got a lot of living to do.”

  ***

  That night Sara slept peacefully next to Chip. It was the first time in many years that her mind was clear and at ease. Her brush with death had somehow transformed her. She knew she would never look at life or death in quite the same way again.

  She awoke to a brilliant white light next to her bedside. Its radiance filled her with warmth and love, and she could hardly believe how happy she was. Just hours earlier, she had almost carried out her plans to kill herself. She was right there on the threshold between life and death. But she had discovered that there really was no death after all, just a new existence. She had sought to end her suffering, to escape this life that had troubled her so much. To her surprise, there really was no escape. Sure, she could have ended her life on Earth, only to find that more suffering awaited as she watched her one true love, Chip, mourn losing her.

  Sara was thankful that Chip had arrived in time, and that she had decided love was more important than anything in the universe. And now, she was very much alive on Earth and happily engaged to the man of her dreams. Somehow that didn’t seem possible. It was like she was watching someone else’s life. Love was just that powerful. Its ability to transform, to bring light where there was once darkness, was absolutely miraculous and uplifting.

  As Sara peered through the darkness, she spotted something incredible outside her window in the night sky. It was her special blue star, the one she had discovered as a child. She had believed back then that it was there to guide her. Maybe it really was.

  The mysterious white light by her bedside flickered with joy, and she was embraced by a strong but delicate loving presence. The whole room smelled of lilacs, and Sara’s mind flashed back to her childhood home and visions of her and her mother gazing at the stars and rejoicing in nature’s beauty. She remembered how they would carefully cut bouquets of fragrant pale-lavender lilacs and place them in vases to fill their home with the glorious scent. She recalled twirling in circles, the sunlight glistening in her hair. She wore a pale yellow and white cotton eyelet dress and white sandals, and she breathed in the wonderful fragrance that filled her heart with happiness. She was that little girl again, so joyful, so full of life, so alive, and so free.

  For the first time since childhood, Sara believed that anything was possible and that love really could conquer all. She also believed in God, angels, the afterlife, and reunions with deceased loved ones. She had a knowing that had left her long ago, a feeling that no matter what, everything really is all right. She felt connected to all that is, and she was no longer afraid. Whatever her future held, she could get through it now. And she never had to feel alone again, because she was always surrounded by love, even when she was too blocked to sense it.

  “You’ve learned so much,” her mother said proudly, appearing before her from within the dazzling light.

  “Yes, I have,” Sara agreed.

  “Remember that day my urn fell off the fireplace?”

  “How could I forget?”

  “And remember what I told you?”

  “That I would come to know the truth one day, that I would meet him,” Sara answered.

  “And now do you believe me?”

  Sara’s eyes filled with tears as she reached out to hug her mother. No words were needed. Their energy filled them both with love and understanding.

  “I have one question, though,” Sara said, her eyes squinting.

  “Of course,” her mother replied. “You want to know if the visions of death will stop, if you will no longer experience other people’s pain, right?”

  “Yes,” Sara said, tossing in her bed. She had forgotten that her mother was not only psychic, but also now a spirit who could communicate telepathically.

  “No, Sara,” her mother said. “The visions won’t stop, and you will still be able to feel other people’s emotions. You are both a psychic and an empath.”

  Sara felt her heart sink. The familiar sensation of fear returned. How would she cope with the pain, the grief? Chip’s love would help, of course, and her mother would be there to guide her. But would that be enough?

  “The difference is that you will now know what to do with it all,” her mother continued. “Your visions will continue, but they will be transformed. It will no longer be just about the suffering, but what you can do to alleviate that suffering. Sure, you will feel the pain, but you will also be able to channel it into something positive, something healing.”

  “How?” Sara questioned. “How will I do that?”

  “Trust your instincts. Trust your heart. They will never steer you wrong,” her mother said, smiling.

  “Oka
y,” Sara said with hesitation. She still didn’t know how she was going to transform anything, but she did trust her mom.

  “You have a great mission to achieve, my love,” Star said assuredly. “You and Chip were brought together for a reason. That reason will soon become clear. So live your life knowing that everything is unfolding exactly as it is meant to.”

  “I wish I shared your confidence,” Sara said.

  “You’ve been hurt. You’ve suffered a lot. No one can expect you to feel confident overnight. Each day that passes will bring you strength. Little by little, you will leave your fear, your apprehension, and your pain behind. I love you, Sara. I will see you again soon.”

  “Thank you.” Sara smiled. “I love you, too, Mom.”

  Little did Sara know, her survival was about much more than being with Chip and helping others. A plan had been laid out long before she was born, and she was soon to fulfill an important part of her destiny.

  CHAPTER 16

  BOONE’S DILEMMA

  Boone knew the moment he met Sara at the park that she was the one he had seen in his dream. She was a real-life superhero, someone who could rescue people and make everything okay. And, as long as he was able to reach her in time, she would indeed save his father.

  Now, as Boone lay in bed, he got the sense that the time was very near. He could feel the sensations building deep in his chest—a warm tingling combined with an energetic pull. This was followed by a numb, floating sensation that reminded him of how a superhero transforms from a regular person into a powerful force. As a small child, he didn’t fully understand what it all meant and called the unusual feelings “comings.” It seemed to fit well, because when he noticed them, something was always coming. His suspicions were confirmed when he spied a glowing white light flickering through his bedside window. His Superman curtains lit up like Kryptonite, and he suddenly felt someone in the room with him.