Dead and Forsaken

by West, J. D.

  Dr. Black cracked open a half gallon of Captain Morgan. He was not a big drinker but tonight was a good night to get drunk. The bottle was a gift to him from a patient who had a bad aortic valve. The doctor figured out what was wrong with the patient and sent the man in for emergency heart surgery. If it wasn’t for him the man would have died. Dr. Black poured some of the liquor into his coffee cup and swallowed it hard. It burned going down his throat causing him to take a couple of deep breaths before gulping down another swig. He was generous and shared the bottle with anyone that was brave or desperate enough to drink it straight.

  “Can you can pass a little of that my way?” demanded Dr. Green.

  “It would be my pleasure sir!” said Dr. Black pouring him a glass.

  Dr. Green downed his drink in one try.

  “Aaahh!” Dr. Green proclaimed with a cough. “Now that’s something I can believe in!”

  He poured another drink, popped a couple of pills in his mouth and took gulp. I would have had one too but I had to keep my head clear. I was responsible for the lives of all these people. I stood there in the dim light of the main hall watching the double glass doors listening to the sound of gunshots and screams in the distance. I even heard a helicopter pass over head but no one came to rescue us. Maria walked up and touched me on the shoulder and I turned around with a serious look on my face.

  “Is everything alright Kevin?” she asked. “I’m here for you if you need to talk!”

  “I am okay. I just need time to think that’s all Maria.”

  “If you need a friend I am here for you!” she said while taking my hand. I pulled here close to me and kissed her softly. The kiss was gentle, strong, and worth the wait. Standing in the dark hall I almost forgot about the walking dead killing people all around us. Sandoval walked up the hall and brought me back to reality.

  “Damn bro for God’s sake get a room!” he joked.

  “You think I can afford a hotel room on what they pay me?” I laughed.

  “I’ll let you gentlemen talk.” Maria declared. “Besides I have patients to check on!”

  We both watched her disappear down the hall into the darkness.

  “What’s up with that man? First the white man starts taking all the fine Latin girls now I got to compete with the brothers too!” he said smiling ear to ear.

  “Well you know what can I say? Maybe she just likes dark meat!” I said grabbing my chin.

  “Well I must like white meat because I love me a Katy Perry looking bitch!” he added.

  “What about all that shit about hating white people?” I asked.

  “When the lights go out it’s all the same hommie! As long as that ass is fat I am knocking it down!” he said as we both busted into laughter. I needed a laugh like that. It broke through the tension and stress of the night. I told Sandoval to keep an eye on things and walked off to find somewhere to think. I found an empty exam room, and closed the door. I sat down in the pitch-black room and braced myself against the wall. I just sat there and took a deep breath. The darkness reminded me of the desert at night. I reflected on everything that happened tonight for the first time. All these people were thanking me for helping them but I was just acting out of instinct. If I was anything, I was a survivor. My mother gave birth to me two months premature. I weighed only three pounds and six ounces. The doctor that delivered me even told my grandmother to prepare my mother for my death. He didn’t think I would make it through the night.

  Grandma told him to go back in the room and do his job. She said that I was going to live because God had a purpose for my life. I wondered if my purpose was to save these people. I survived poverty, gangs and two wars. I had my first real street fight when I was six and shot my first gun when I was thirteen. I graduated high school and had joined the Marines by the time I was eighteen. Then I was ankle deep in sand and knee deep in dead bodies four years later. All these things made me respect and understand how precious life is. Taking a man’s life required no thought or effort. It is hard for people to live with the guilt of committing murder. For me it was different. If I did not kill them they would have killed me. Anger, rage, and revenge fueled me. I had lived through too much to die now. If I had to kill every mother fucking dead bastard from here to flagstaff then I would. I was born to kill just like those dead things stumbling around outside.

  When I walked out the room Sandoval was still standing watch.

  “You know for a convict you make a pretty good night watchman.” I said trying to get him to smile.

  “That’s funny because you seem to know too much to just be a hospital security guard!” he questioned.

  “You think so?” I asked.

  “I know so.” He declared. “Real always recognizes real.”

  “Before I put on this little get up I was a Marine.” I said pointing to my uniform.

  “Oh yeah I was in the army before they kicked me out for smoking weed!” he said while giving me a fist pound.

  “And to think I just pegged you for drug dealing gang banger.” I joked.

  “Hey I never said I was a saint! I just said that those pigs framed me!” he said while flashing gang signs.

  “What is your deal then?” I asked as we leaned against the wall across from each other.

  “My deal is that I grew up in south Phoenix just like everyone else. My story is just like every other fool in the joint. No father, no money, and single mother equals gang member.” He said with a serious look on his face.

  “I know what you mean dawg!” I told him while nodding in agreement.

  “All of my homeboys came from broken homes too.” he proclaimed. “We grew up in poverty but we had each other. That is what made me get down with set! They were my family.”

  “I grew up the same way.” I explained. “All my friends were in the gang but I was just an affiliate. I never started banging full time because I always played football. I stayed away from the hardcore stuff but I did a little dirt when I had to.”

  “Nah get the fuck out of here! We got a black man that actually admitted to being a criminal.” He said joking.

  “No father and no money. Somebody had to pay the bills.” I said rubbing my fingers together.

  “I feel you hommie. I was trying to take care of my family too but all I been doing lately is trying to beat my case.” he said. “When I came back home from the army shit was all fucked up! The punk ass apartment manager was trying to evict my mom from our place. She was out of work because she was just too weak to do anything after going through chemotherapy treatment. She always smoked cigarettes and ended up getting lung cancer bro. She never even wrote to me and let me know. If I knew what was going on I would have never been smoking weed!”

  “Are you sure about that?” I asked with a big grin.

  “Well at least I would have smoked less nigga!” he said with a bigger grin on his face. “Damn can I tell the story?”

  “My fault!” I said still smiling. “Go ahead.”

  “I ran into one of my old homeboys at the 7-11.” he explained. “We grew up together and our gang even jumped both of us in on the same day. We accepted that this was a normal way of life in the hood. We started out as lookouts for the older gangsters. We would take our bikes and sit on opposite corners. We warned them if we saw the police or other sets approaching the block. We both had made a name for our self by the time we got to high school. I got careless and got caught selling to an undercover cop. I had just turned eighteen. It was my first offense as an adult. The judge said that I could go to jail or serve my country. I thought the army would turn me around. I was in boot camp two weeks later. I actually liked the shit after a few months. That was the first time I saw the world beyond the valley. My homeboy started selli
ng METH and started moving up the ladder. He was a big hustler now. I asked him to loan me the money. He said to come by the strip club he just opened and we would talk about it. We had a drink when I got to the strip club and talked about the old times. By now he was institutionalized mentally from so many years spent in and out of prison. Instead of the money he tried to give me some METH to sell for him. I thought he would be the answer to my prayers but he was just trying to use me. I told him that I didn't want to sell drugs anymore. He said that I had until the next day to make up my mind so I left. The next morning I got woke up by a shotgun pressed against my head.”

  “Rise and shine punk!” the deputy yelled.

  “What the hell is going on?” I asked. “What is this all about?”

  Our apartment was full of fucking sheriff deputies. The fuckers even pointed their guns at my mother.

  “What are you doing to my son?” She asked. “He did not do anything! He is a good boy.”

  “Don’t move miss!” yelled the deputy in a threatening manner.

  They wanted me to wear a wire and except the METH deal. The cops were tired of waiting for my homeboy to slip up. They had been hoping he would get caught with drugs on him or some other gang member would murder him. Their plan was to use me to arrest him and lock him up for good. I told the deputies I refused to be involved in setting him up. If my homeboy found out then my mom would never be safe in our neighborhood again. I was trying to take care of her not get her killed.

  “It looks like their serving a little Mexican sausage for breakfast boys!” he said as he spit tobacco onto the front of my boxers.

  He was trying to humiliate and demean me but I just smiled at his pasty ass.

  “That’s funny!” I told him real nonchalant. “Because when I was stuffing my little brown sausage in your wife last night she was begging for more!”

  That redneck jerk was so mad he made the canine cop sick his dog on me.

  “That’s right! Bite his illegal wetback ass!” they all shouted. The teeth hurt like hell but I still said no.

  “Fuck you puto!” I yelled. “I'm clean you ain’t got no grounds to arrest me!”

  The head deputy got mad and planted a gun and drugs in the house. He was going to use it as evidence to incriminate me. He locked my brown ass up and said I would stay there until I snitched. I did time in the county but this was prison time. That was two days ago. The first day they left me in a holding cell naked for over eight hours. Tonight in the tent some fucker from my own set tried to kill me with a shank. My own homeboy sent him after me. He thought I was going to talk to the cops. I learned how to street fight when I was little. I beat that bastard’s ass. I knocked him the fuck out! I was so mad that I kept on hitting him. The other prisoners just crowded around and watched. I probably would have killed him if I wasn't tackled by a couple of officers. They kicked and punched me a couple of times during the take down. That is how I ended up here tonight. Plus they never treated me for that damn dog bite. I thought about suing them for excessive force.”

  “Why!” I asked. “Do you think they abused their authority?”

  “No I thought they abused my ass! Why do you think I tried to shoot my way out of here?” He stressed while imitating someone cutting his throat. “I would have ended up dead if I went back to jail.”

  “That’s a fucked up story dog! No wonder you tried to pull a Shaw shank redemption.” I told him.

  We sat there and just talked like old friends. He was just Carlos and I was Kevin. Earlier tonight we were about to kill each other. Life has a funny way of changing in the blink of an eye. Tonight forced us to bond together. We shared sweat, blood and a common enemy.

  “Hell no. That was not a touchdown! He never got his toes down.” he declared.

  “You can say what you want dawg. The replay did not lie. Toe tap baby! Two hands plus two toes equals seven points for the Steelers!” I said while making the touchdown sign with my arms.

  “That should be the Cardinals Super bowl and you know it!” he said shaking his finger at me. After a few minutes I told him to keep an eye on things and went to check on the other doors. Joe the tech and a young college student from India were sitting close to the registration window. They were down on the floor just out of sight. The dry blood splatter and smears still coated the glass.

  “Do you guys need anything?” I asked.

  “We just want to get out of here!” Joe answered. “But if you’re buying I'll take a six pack of beer, a twelve gauge Remington and a box of shells.”

  “Praise Shiva to that.” added Kahleem. “But do you know what is really going on?”

  “I know what this is!” said Joe. “Just like 9-11 it's probably some of your damn terrorist friends!”

  “I told you before!” yelled Kahleem. “I am not a Muslim and all Muslims are not terrorists!”

  “Don’t get excited man!” he said. “I’m just busting your balls!”

  I left them and walked down the dim hall to the ER’s back doors. When I got there Randy the maintenance man was sleep in a chair with a large canvas tool bag on his lap. The paramedic that was with him was sleep too. He was down on the floor resting his head on a balled up sheet. I walked up on Randy and tapped him on the shoulder. He jumped up and dropped the large pipe wrench out of the tool bag.

  “What the.....?” he yelled while throwing punches. “I damn near pissed on myself!”

  “Bro you can’t fall asleep on a night like tonight.” I said with a frown.

  “I am sorry man. I worked a double today!” He said. “I must have dozed off!”

  “I understand bro but if those things break in here then we are all dead!” I shot back. “A lot of people are counting on you!”

  “I am sorry partner!” Randy responded.

  “If you are tired then take turns sleeping.” I answered. “And you get your ass up!” I said kicking the paramedic in the foot.

  Afterward I cursed him out. He was the first line of defense.

  “I don't think I can do it!” said the paramedic. “I don't know if I can take someone's life.”

  “Their already dead.” I responded. “And if you don't kill them they'll kill you!”

  I made sure both of them understood how important their job was before leaving them. We had to keep our guard up. Then I headed back to the double doors. On the way back down the hall I passed the Pastor patiently counseling three patients and two other women. Maria's nurse friend Carmen was also there. He spoke in a comforting voice, prayed with them, and took their confessions. He told them that when someone dies they are granted the blessings of heaven or condemned to the damnation of hell. The last time I saw Maria she was trying to help that orphaned little girl get to sleep.

  “I know you are scared!” said the Maria. “But you have got to get some sleep! Tomorrow is going to be a long day.”

  The horde murdered the girl’s sister in the waiting room. Maria was trying to ease a little of her sorrow and help her through the night. The orphaned girl laid her head on Maria’s lap. She stroked the little girl’s hair until she nodded off. Maria was a sweet and caring young woman. I really liked her. I do not know what she saw in me but I was glad that she saw it. How could she care about me? The only thing I was good at was taking lives and her job was to save them. Carlos was still standing watch when I got back. It was just a little before 2:00 am. He looked tired and his eyes were bloodshot. I told him to go get some sleep. He went to the room where I had gone to think so he could get some sleep. After standing up for about an hour I sat back down on the floor with my gun in my hand facing the door. I sat up straight trying to stay awake. It was hard so I leaned my head back against the wall. After a while almost everyone was knocked out. Doctor Black fell asleep in his office. He leane
d back in his chair and rested his feet on his desk. The half-empty bottle of Captain Morgan sat on the desk next to him. The other doctors slept on the couches in their lounge. The four resident sleep rooms were also occupied.

  I stayed at the double doors sitting down on the floor. The noise from gunshots was gone. The hospital was silent. The only noise came from a single scream or the moaning and moving around of the dead. At about four o’clock Carlos came back to the doors.

  “Kevin I got this man.” he said. “Go ahead and get some sleep!”

  “Thanks man.” I told him. “I need a couple hours to rejuvenate.”

  I went down the hall to my thinking room. I took off my uniform shirt and sprawled across the bed. The rest of the hospital was deserted and silent. It felt like this was all only a dream. There was so much to think about and take in. Until tonight I wasn't sure if I really wanted to live or die. Now all these people were depending on me. I drifted in between imagination and reality and fell asleep a couple of minutes later.

  CHAPTER 14:

  The Morning After

  After few hours the sun rose over the eastern ridge of the Superstition Mountains just like it did every morning. The light punched a hole in the darkness covering the desert. The rising sun bathed the valley in its golden rays. Normally you could hear dogs barking but today they were silent. When I woke up I was on my side and Maria was on her back in the bed cuddling next to me. I never even heard her come in. The sunlight lit up the hall and shined through the top of the glass double doors. The light from the hall reflected through the cracked open door. I looked at my watch and it was 6:30 am. Today was the first morning after the night of terror. The sun rays fell on Maria's face and she was glowing like an Alex. I ran my hand threw her long hair. It was soft and silky to my touch. I thought about waking up next to her for the last couple of weeks. I never thought it would happen like this. It was always after a night filled with dinner dancing, and too many eight dollar drinks. She had taken her bloody white lab coat off and was wearing scrubs underneath.