Reunion

by Michael Bailey

  “I think those two know me better than I know myself,” I stated. “They call me on my bullshit, sure. And they annoy me in ways only brothers can. But I also know they’ve got my back when there’s a crisis. They’ve proven that to me over and over.”

  He gave me a look, as if he was questioning what I was talking about. For the umpteenth time, I debated on telling him, but again, the timing was just off.

  I was saved, thankfully, by the timely arrival of Thomas and Ethan. Thomas threw his arm around my shoulder and Ethan took up a position next to Charlie.

  “You two clean up nice,” Thomas said.

  Charlie blushed while I elbowed Thomas in the ribs. “Get off me.”

  “Not a chance, Hot Stuff.”

  I groaned because I knew he was only calling me that to get a rise out of me. Something I wouldn’t give him the pleasure of doing.

  Ethan simply rolled his eyes, accustomed to Thomas’s antics. He turned his attention to Charlie and asked, “You found your building?”

  Charlie was obviously surprised. He darted a look in my direction before answering. “I did. I think it’s a fantastic space for everything I have in mind.”

  “Which is?” Ethan asked, seemingly genuinely interested.

  I watched the interaction between Charlie and Ethan, listening to everything that Charlie said. His enthusiasm for a project that seemed daunting to me was infectious.

  Again, this strange, happy warmth washed through me. I too felt a sense of pride, because Ethan was obviously trying to engage with someone he knew was coming to mean a great deal to me, and because Charlie was…being Charlie. He was bright and animated. He sounded almost like a proud parent. I wouldn’t have at all been surprised to see him whip out his cell phone to show off pictures of his baby. I could feel how much he loved what he did, and it made me want to share that joy with him.

  While Charlie was talking Ethan’s ear off, Thomas leaned over. “You two looked cozy,” he whispered in my ear.

  I couldn’t help the smile that formed. “No thanks to the two of you.”

  Thomas feigned innocence. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  I turned to him, but he kept his arm in place so that it was lazily draped over my shoulder. “This morning ring any bells?”

  “Oh, you mean when the sun rose, the birds started chirping, and you woke up next to the man you’ve been pining after for years?”

  “I haven’t been pining. And you’re changing the subject.”

  “Yes, you have been pining, and no, I’m not changing the subject, which is you and Charlie.”

  “You really are an ass.”

  “And yet you love me anyway. So, tell me, is it serious?”

  “It’s too early to tell.”

  “Bullshit. I know you, Noah. You’re a hopeless romantic.” He placed his free hand over my heart. “You’ve wanted this with him for a very long time. Why aren’t you jumping in with both feet while you can?”

  “Because I have other things to think about. Other people.”

  “Nicholas.”

  I could only nod.

  “I think he’d understand.”

  I couldn’t be so sure. My expression must have given me away because the very next moment, Thomas said, “Charlie doesn’t know.”

  Shaking my head, I said, “No. I haven’t had time.”

  “Noah, you’ve been with him, nonstop, since last night. What are you afraid of? You have to tell him you have a—”

  “Charlie?” we heard, interrupting both conversations. Four heads turned as one to find two more men I vaguely recognized joining us. Ethan took a step forward to stand slightly in front of Charlie and Thomas did the same to me. The act was both endearing and annoying. I knew what they were doing, probably simply on instinct. But I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride in my two friends. Whatever protective impulses they had for me had somehow automatically transferred to Charlie. That alone gave me hope. Because they obviously knew how I was feeling, and were willing to help in any way they could.

  I got the sense from the two newcomers that Charlie and I weren’t in need of any kind of protection. “I wasn’t sure if that was you or not.”

  The man speaking was dressed in a form-fitting black suit with blue stripes, but seemed to shimmer as he walked. His hand was pressed gently into the small of the back of the other man, dressed very similarly to me, plain black suit.

  Charlie looked between the two, his gaze landing on the one that spoke. “Andy?”

  The other man gave a mock bow. “Tis I.”

  Charlie’s face broke out into a grin. “Andy! Oh my God! It’s been forever.” He broke from our group and approached the man named Andy and threw his arms around him. I felt something in that moment that I didn’t like.

  Jealousy.

  The feeling was automatic and almost unwelcome. “Almost” because the feeling also reinforced this thing in me, this need that had been building since the previous night. I needed to see where this thing between Charlie and me would go. I needed him in my life. I was also reminded that the clock was ticking. We would go our separate ways the following day, which didn’t give us much more time. How could I convince him to give us, to give me a second chance when I hadn’t told him everything? I vowed that before the weekend was over, that he would know everything, and hoped that it would be enough. I silently prayed that he would understand, after learning the full truth, why I made the decisions I felt I had to make.

  Then I remembered who Andy was. He’d been out and proud in high school, not willing to take shit from anyone, quick with a flippant remark.

  My jealousy grew.

  Charlie pulled back from Andy and glanced at the other man. “I should have known. Owen, right?”

  The other man simply nodded.

  “Don’t worry about the mute over here,” Andy stated, glancing over at his companion. “Owen’s a bit nervous about tonight.”

  “He’s not the only one,” Charlie responded. “I felt like I was walking into a den of vipers.”

  “Same. Took me forever to convince this one that it wouldn’t be so bad.” Andy tilted his head toward Owen.

  There was a momentary pause in the exchange, then Andy glanced in my direction and he gave a slight nod. “Noah.” Was it my imagination, or did his voice grow a little colder? I searched through my memories, looking for any interaction I may have had with either Andy or Owen, and came up empty. “And this would have to be Ethan and Thomas. Why am I not surprised to see the three of you together again?”

  “Again?” Thomas asked. “We never stopped.”

  This seemed to surprise Andy. “Still together after all these years.”

  “You could say that,” Ethan mumbled.

  Andy’s gaze bounced from me and back to Charlie. “I didn’t realize you knew these guys,” he said, pointing to Ethan and Thomas.

  “It’s kind of a…um…long story,” Charlie answered. “It’s nice to see that you two are still friends.”

  Owen spoke for the first time. “Actually,” he started, looking at Andy adoringly. And, holy fuck, I knew that look.

  Apparently, Charlie did too. “Seriously?” he virtually shouted.

  Owen beamed. “Yeah. A little over a year now.”

  “After all this time, you two are finally together,” Charlie said.

  “It took him that long to get his head out of his ass,” Andy added helpfully.

  “I can’t argue that. It took longer than it probably should have,” Owen said. Then he nuzzled closer to Andy. “But he’s always been the best thing that happened to me. I just couldn’t see it until it was almost too late.”

  “And what about you two?” Andy asked, glancing between Charlie and me.

  “Us?” I asked, flustered.

  “Yes. You two.”

  “What makes you think—”

  “Oh, please. Anyone that was paying attention could see what was going on all those years ago. Or maybe anyone th
at wasn’t so busy making sure they stayed at the top of the high school food chain. Charlie, here, always stayed just one step behind you. But you always seemed to ice him out when you were with your buddies. There were times, however, when I would see just the two of you pass each other in the hall. The looks you gave each other…”

  For some reason, that made my blood run cold. If he had noticed, who else had?

  But then why was I worried about it so many years later? If anyone had noticed Charlie hanging in the background, no one had made a point to say anything. There were a lot of people that hung with us just on the periphery, people that wanted to be associated with us not because of who we were as people, but what we could do for their status. Maybe people saw Charlie the same way. I hated thinking of him in that way. The very idea made my gut clench because he was completely different from the rest, at least to me. I knew it then, and I knew it now.

  “I don’t think, Andy,” Charlie started, “it was ever Noah’s intention to ‘ice’ me out. You have to remember how things were back then. It’s not like it is now. Star high school athletes coming out of the closet didn’t get media coverage, they got beat.”

  Embarrassment coursed through me. “I wasn’t a star,” I mumbled.

  “Bullshit,” Thomas stated. “See those trophies in that case?” he said, pointing at the sports memorabilia in the corner.

  “I’m trying not to.”

  “Whether you do or not doesn’t matter. Some of those are because of you.”

  “None of that matters to me anymore.”

  “‘Anymore’ is my point,” Charlie continued. “Back then, they did. I may not have understood why at the time, but I kind of do now.”

  I was shocked. “You do?”

  “I do,” he answered. I could hear the sincerity in his words. But it only made me question more if he would still feel the same way if he knew all of my reasons for keeping him at arm’s length. “Baseball was important to you. You were good at it. And I have no doubt that it made your parents proud.”

  “Are you all still local?” Owen asked.

  “I’m actually in Detroit at the moment,” Charlie answered. I wondered what he meant by “at the moment” but didn’t ask. Maybe it was just a figure of speech and I was reading too much into it. But it gave me reason to hope.

  “We’re all still here in Toledo,” I supplied for Ethan, Thomas, and myself.

  Owen turned to Charlie. “Why are you in Detroit of all places?”

  Charlie smiled. “It’s not as bad as you think. I own a restaurant on the waterfront and am looking to expand back here.”

  Owen turned to the rest of us. “So, what’re you guys up to now?”

  “I’m in family law,” Ethan chimed in first.

  “Oh, God,” Andy said, “that must be grueling.”

  “You have absolutely no idea. Some of the cases we deal with would absolutely break your heart.” Then he glanced at me. “But then you get some that make all the heartache you deal with worthwhile.”

  “I feel like I’m at the Inquisition,” Thomas grumbled. I elbowed him in the ribs, earning a scowl.

  “Be nice,” I whispered. “We may remember each other from high school, but these two have no idea who we are now.”

  Thomas straightened up before hooking a thumb in my direction and saying, “Noah and I are in sports medicine.”

  “You guys don’t play anymore?”

  “Only for fun,” Thomas answered.

  “Injury sidelined me, so I had to give up any professional hopes.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” Andy said. And, I’ll be damned, he sounded genuine.

  “You guys have these awesome jobs. Mine sounds so lame in comparison.”

  “Garbage collector?” Thomas quipped, earning him a chuckle from Owen.

  “No. I own a comic shop. Not far from where I grew up, actually.”

  “Seriously? I’ll have to bring my nephew by some time. He’s huge into comic books.” The words were out of my mouth before I even realized it. I side-eyed Charlie to find him staring at me, which didn’t surprise me. He had no idea I had other family because I never told him, let alone a nephew.

  Guilt washed through me again. I really should come clean with him about everything. He claimed to understand my reasoning for keeping him at a distance in high school. Maybe he’d understand the rest. The fact was, there would be no way for us to go much further without him knowing everything. He had a right to, even if I was afraid the truth would send him running. It was a risk I had to take.

  Owen pulled his wallet from his back pocket and slid out a business card, handing it to me. “Bring him. Would love to meet him.”

  I took the offered card. Sliding it into my pocket, I said, “Definitely. He hasn’t been to a shop before, he usually just mail orders them.”

  “Bring him by. We can set him up with a subscription pull.”

  “Will do.”

  “Great! Listen, we’re gonna wander around, see if there’s anyone else Andy can torture.”

  “Hey!” Andy exclaimed.

  “Please. You want to and you know it.”

  Andy looked at us before saying, “He knows me so well.”

  “That I do. Come on, the night’s not getting younger, and neither are you.”

  “Why am I with you again?”

  “If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m not telling you.”

  “We’re wandering, too. Give you guys some down time,” Thomas said, snagging Ethan’s shirt sleeve and pulling him along.

  As I watched them walk away, I couldn’t help but to marvel at the banter between Owen and Andy. They seemed so incredibly in tune with each other, like only two people who had been together their entire lives could be. I couldn’t help but wonder, for the umpteenth time, if maybe I had made a mistake in the choices I had made. Maybe if I had trusted the people around me more, Charlie and I would be that way with each other as well.

  “So,” Charlie said, turning to me. “That was…interesting.”

  “Very. I didn’t realize you and Andy knew each other.”

  “Not well.” He shrugged. “We had a few classes together, but never hung out or anything.”

  “We didn’t either, obviously. Andy seemed a little…bitter to me.”

  “I know that he put up with a lot of bullshit in high school. They both did. And I can’t help but wonder if he doesn’t blame you somehow.”

  “Me?” I asked, confused. “I didn’t even know the guy. How could I be responsible for what he went through?”

  “I’m not saying you are. But think about this; you’re a gay guy that runs into a former high school star athlete, only, he’s out now too. If he’d been out in high school, maybe the ridicule you went through wouldn’t have been so severe because hey, look, that big shot is just like me. Maybe he feels that you could have led by example. Or maybe he just feels that he was put off by the high school elite, and you were an easy target to take his frustrations out on. Who knows.”

  “But I couldn’t be out in high school.”

  “I understand that. I think I understood that even then, but had deluded myself into believing you could be both a gay kid and an athlete. But remember, we weren’t all lucky enough to have survived high school without scarring.”

  Not all scars are visible, I thought. But Charlie started me wondering. I had my own secrets back then, did he have them as well? If I hadn’t been so self-involved, could I have helped him, been there for him more than I was?

  Waves of guilt washed over me, knowing the answers to my own questions. Even if Charlie had been bullied in high school, he would never have told me. He knew what kind of a position that would have put me in, and he would never have done that. We didn’t operate that way, either. We didn’t share deep, personal stuff. And that was entirely my fault.

  “Hey,” Charlie said, tapping my arm. “Where’d you go?”

  “Back.”

  He arched an eyebrow. “Back whe
re?”

  “Not where, but when. Did anything…did anything happen to you that I don’t know about?”

  His expression darkened, and he looked down at the floor. I had my answer even without him speaking. But I felt I needed to hear it, if only to make it as real for me as it was for him.

  “There were times,” he started. Then he stopped and swallowed. Looking up at me, he started over, “There were times, a lot of them actually, where I’d get shoved into a locker mysteriously. Or, I’d get jumped waiting for the bus and pummeled into the ground.”

  I remembered an incident when he came into school with a black eye and bloody lip. I’d asked him what had happened, and he’d told me he’d run into a door. I didn’t quite buy into it then but didn’t pursue it.

  Now, I tapped my eye and asked, “Is that what happened?”

  He silently nodded.

  “Charlie, why didn’t you ever tell me that was happening?”

  “Really, Noah? I mean, seriously, you did everything you could to make sure no one knew about us. You kept your own secrets from me, and now you wanna know why I kept stuff from you?”

  I stood in front of him, slack-jawed. He was right, of course. I couldn’t argue his points, and it hurt me to admit that.

  “Besides,” he continued, “what would you have been able to do? It’s not like you could have done much of anything. Not without running the risk of outing yourself. And I knew that wasn’t even an option. No, they were my battles. I had to fight them on my own.”

  My sense of guilt deepened. No one should feel as if they had to fight alone. But I knew so many did.

  I reached out and gripped his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put you through that. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that shit by yourself, and as your boyfriend, I should have made myself more aware of what was going on with you.”

  He choked and covered his mouth for a moment. “Excuse me, what?”

  “I said that I was sorry for not being there when I should have been.”

  He waved a hand in front of me. “No, no, I got that. It was the other part.”