Still Fine at Forty

by Madison, Dakota

  Cody grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

  “Is everything okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah, why?”

  His expression turned serious. “You just got the saddest look in your eyes,” he said.

  I didn’t want to lie to Cody, so I mustered my courage to broach the subject that was weighing on my mind.

  “My friend, Mel. The one who arranged this trip for me. She thinks you’re too young for me.”

  Cody laughed.

  “It’s not funny,” I said. But I could feel a smile forming on my face.

  “It’s funny because it’s ridiculous,” Cody said.

  “She also thinks that you would say anything to get me in bed and that you’ll just break my heart in the end.”

  Cody’s expression turned serious. “Let’s address part one of your statement first. It is true that I would say or do almost anything to get you into bed. What guy wouldn’t? You’re a knock-out.”

  I raised an eyebrow.

  “Hear me out,” Cody continued. “I would never lie to you, or deceive you or tell you something that wasn’t true. And I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.”

  As he stared into my eyes, it was like he was boring deep into my soul. “Hurting you would kill me,” he said. “Seeing you in pain would destroy me. You can tell your friend that.”

  The intensity of his declaration took my breath away. The room momentarily disappeared and it was just the two of us suspended in time. I had no words to describe how deeply I felt for this man sitting across the table from me. Without taking my eyes from his, I pulled the hand he had interlocked with mine and placed it against my cheek. I wanted to feel his skin against mine and to feel his energy close to me. Then I pulled his hand to my lips and lightly kissed it. We both continued to take each other in until the waitress appeared and broke the spell between us.

  “Can I get you two love-birds anything else?” she joked.

  Cody said, “I guess dessert is out of the question.”

  I nodded.

  “I’ll be right back with your check,” replied the waitress as she hurried away.

  “I know a way we can work off some of those calories we just consumed,” he said then winked at me.

  I smiled. “I like the way your mind works.”

  As we headed back to the hotel, Cody stopped me and kissed me. “Do you mind if we take a little detour?”

  “It’s fine,” I said, but I wondered what he had in mind.

  “It will only take a minute.”

  He led me to a small alcove next to one of the large gift shops. There was a bench next to a life-sized bronze statue of a woman with flowing dark hair and a lovely ankle length dress.

  It was dusk, so I couldn’t see the name plate but I could still admire the piece itself. The way the artwork appeared to move was stunning.

  “This is gorgeous,” I said.

  “Thank you.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “You made it?”

  He nodded.

  “Your work is unbelievable.”

  “You’re equally unbelievable,” he said as he leaned down and gave me a soft kiss. Then he whispered into my ear. “I plan on doing some work on you tonight that I hope you’ll find equally amazing.” And I knew he would. I wanted his artist hands to touch me again and make me feel like he had the previous night.

  His words and the closeness of his lips to my ear sent shivers surging down my entire body. “Let’s get you back to my room and back to work,” I said.

  ***

  The moment I closed my hotel room door, Cody pulled me toward him and kissed me. His mouth was starting to feel more familiar. I loved the way he tasted and the intensity of longing I felt every moment his mouth was against mine. I couldn’t get enough of him and I felt like he couldn’t get enough of me either.

  He broke away and looked into my eyes. “I’ve wanted you all night,” he said breathlessly. “I couldn’t wait to be back inside you. To make you mine again.”

  As he unbuttoned my blouse, he gave my neck little kisses that sent heat rushing through me. He took his index finger and ran it lightly down my neck to my belly button.

  “Look at me,” he said. His eyes were filled with so much desire, I nearly melted in front of him. He took my hand and placed it on his chest over his heart. Then he took his hand and placed it on my chest over my heart. “Breaking your heart would be like breaking my own,” he said. “Our hearts are forever connected. I hope you know that.”

  My mind was reeling. I wondered why he was falling for me so quickly and so intensely. It was a bit surreal.

  He leaned down and kissed me with so much force and intensity, my knees got weak and it was difficult to remain standing.

  Then Cody began to unbutton my skirt. He bent down to give me little kisses around my belly button, which sent a wave of longing deep into my core.

  He stood up and eyed my new lingerie. “I feel like a kid on Christmas getting to open a new package,” he said. I had to give Mel props for the advice on the bra and panties.

  He kept his eyes glued to mine as he unbuttoned his shirt and threw it to the floor. He quickly unbuttoned his pants and was out of them and his underwear in one step. He inched closer to me and as he pressed against me, I could feel his manhood against my hips. I longed to feel him inside me again.

  “Time for me to unwrap my gift,” he said as he pulled down my bra straps and unhooked my bra. He cupped my breasts in his hands and kissed each one. I moaned with excitement.

  His fingers drifted down to the top of my underwear and he playfully lingered there, teasing me with his light touch on my stomach and hips. Then he pushed my underwear down and my panties dropped to the floor. No more material stood between our naked bodies.

  “I noticed the large bathtub,” he said and lifted an eyebrow. “Want to give it a try?”

  I nodded. Every time I looked at that tub, I imagined Cody and me in it.

  He grabbed my hand and led me into the bathroom. When he bent down to fill the tub, I was treated to a wonderful view of his scrumptious backside. Everything about Cody was incredibly hot.

  As the bathtub filled, Cody turned to me and nuzzled my neck with shiver-inducing kisses. He grabbed my earlobe between his teeth and nibbled on it, which sent another roll of shivers down my entire body. Then he grabbed my face and kissed me, trusting his tongue in my mouth. Our tongues danced as the sound of water ran in the background. I was incredibly turned on.

  Cody ran his fingers lightly up my thighs until he just reached the top and teasingly held there. I could feel myself dampen between my legs. When he ran his fingers up my thighs a second time, I moaned.

  He released me and said, “I think the bath is ready.” He turned the faucet off the stepped into the tub. “The temperature feels perfect.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the tub with him.

  As he sat down in the tub, he pulled me with him so that I was positioned between his legs, my back resting against his chest. He took a washcloth and soaped it up. He pushed me away from him a bit and lightly washed my back. The act was so sensual, it nearly took my breath away. I had my eyes closed, but I could hear him gathering water. Then I felt him pour it down my back.

  For as long as Rob and I were married, we had never bathed together, not even on our honeymoon. I had no idea what I had been missing.

  Cody moved his attention to my arms and washed both of them. He gathered water in his cupped hands and poured it over my arms. When he was done, he pulled me into him again and began to caress my breasts. His touch on my nipples was so light, my breath caught. As he continued to circle my nipples with his thumbs, I squirmed in delight. I had never been so turned on in my life.

  “I want you so badly,” I said. “I need to feel you inside me.”

  The yearning I had for him was incredibly intense. I wanted him to fill me up. I longed for the ultimate connection between our bodies.

  Cody rose from the bathtub and pulled me with
him. “I have to dry you off first,” he whispered in my ear. “But don’t worry, I’ll make you wet again.”

  We stepped out of the tub and he grabbed two towels. He wrapped one around his waist then took the other and dried my body very carefully. I was amazed that something as simple as being rubbed with a bath towel could be such a turn on. But Cody did everything with such a loving and careful touch, it kept me in constant arousal.

  When he kissed me again, I could feel his hunger and desire for me. As our tongues entwined, my passion ignited and I longed for release. To my surprise, he grabbed me into his arms, cradling me, and carried me to the bed. He placed me on the bed and straddled me.

  As he kissed me, his fingers moved down between my legs and when he felt how wet I was, he moaned.

  “I want you so badly, Jenny,” he whispered into my ear.

  I needed to feel him inside me, to relieve the tension building deep in my core. “I want you,” I replied back. “Please.”

  This time I had strategically placed a condom on the nightstand in full view. He grabbed the package, ripped it open and slipped it on. Within seconds, he was inside me, filling me with his manhood, where he belonged.

  We were both so excited, it didn’t take long for us to climax together and fall into a heap of spent desire on the bed.

  After he cleaned up, he lay down still naked beside me. We were both facing each other. I couldn’t help but notice the full extent of the scars on both of his upper arm and chest.

  “What happened?” I asked, as I carefully touched the scar on his shoulder.

  He carefully removed my hand from his shoulder and kissed my fingers. “It was a long time ago,” he said. My question seemed to shut him down. I didn’t like it when he closed down so quickly and completely. I sensed there were things he wasn’t telling me and that they were important.

  It hurt that he wouldn’t talk to me about his past. That he didn’t want to share that part of himself with me, especially after we had just shared every part of our bodies with each other. I moved away from him.

  “What’s wrong, Jenny?” he asked, reaching for me. I moved further away.

  “I want to know everything about you,” I replied with a bit of anger in my voice. “We’ve shared our bodies, but you don’t want to share anything else with me.”

  “That’s not it,” he said. He had a pleading look in his eyes. “I had a terrible childhood. It was really bad. Obviously.” He motioned toward the scars. “I don’t want you to have to hear about all of that nasty stuff.”

  I took his face into my hands. “Maybe I want to hear about it. Maybe I want to know everything about you.” Because maybe I’m falling in love with you. Those were the words I longed to say, but was still too afraid. I felt like it was too soon.

  “Maybe I don’t want you to realize that you’re too good for me,” he said. “What does it say about a person when his own mother can scar him for life?”

  When I looked into his eyes I saw pain and anger so intense it scared me to the core. I gave Cody a light kiss on the lips. “Maybe you’re perfect for me,” I whispered. With those words, I could feel the tension that had been building in Cody release from his body.

  “I’m glad you think so,” he said as he leaned over and kissed my forehead. He didn’t seem convinced though.

  Now what, I wondered? Here I was snuggling in the arms of one of the most beautiful men I had ever seen. A man who wanted me, who made me feel desirable, and who thought I was too good for him. I never wanted to leave the warmth and security of his chest. Did I really have to go back to Phoenix?

  What was I thinking? Of course, I had to go back. My home was in Phoenix. My job was in Phoenix. Pugsy was in Phoenix. But I was conflicted. I wanted to see where our relationship would lead.

  “I don’t want to leave tomorrow,” I admitted. “I’m not ready to go.”

  “I don’t want you to go either. Is there any way you can come back?” he asked. He had a pained expression in his eyes.

  “Not that easy on a teacher’s salary. Maybe you could come to Phoenix? You could stay with me. It wouldn’t cost very much.”

  He was hesitant. “That past I told you about that I want to forget? A lot of that past is in Phoenix.”

  I put my hand on his face and looked into his eyes. “I don’t care about your past. We both want this. We have to find a way to make it work. Please think about it.”

  I could see the wheels spinning as he thought about it. “My parents were very bad people, but some of the things I’ve done were very bad, too. I’m not that person anymore, but I don’t want who I was to interfere with who I’ve become and who I am with you now.”

  A darkness fell into his eyes. I wondered what could be that bad that he was afraid of losing me if I found out. I was both scared and intrigued. I didn’t want there to be any secrets between us but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know about those days from his past. Especially if they had the ability to jeopardize our future.

  I leaned over and gave him what I hoped would be a reassuring kiss. It turned into much more as our passion for each other was reignited.

  When he pulled away, he left me breathless. I longed for his touch, his taste, his scent like I had never longed for anything in my life. Would I really be able to handle being away from him for any length of time?

  “You convinced me,” he said. “I’ll see if I can get some time off from my jobs in a few weeks.”

  A few weeks seemed a really long time.

  “But you have to promise me something,” he said, his tone serious. “You have to promise that no matter what happens, no matter what you find out, you will not let my past come between us.”

  “I promise,” I said quickly, without realizing the implications of the deal I had struck.

  Eight

  On the drive home, Mel was quieter and more introspective than I had ever seen her.

  “What’s on your mind?” I finally asked.

  “Marvin,” she admitted.

  “You said you’re going to see him again in a few weeks. He’s flying out to Scottsdale and renting a condo for a long weekend.”

  “I don’t think I can wait a few weeks,” she whined. “I miss him already.”

  I shook my head in disbelief. “I didn’t think I’d live to see the day when Mel fell hopelessly in love.”

  “Do I really have it that bad?” she asked.

  I nodded.

  “Oh, God, what have I done,” she moaned.

  I chuckled. “It’s not a bad thing,” I said trying to reassure her. “Marvin’s a good guy and he’s obviously crazy about you.”

  “He is that.” She blushed.

  “At least you and Marvin have made definite plans to see each other again,” I said with a bit of envy in my voice. Cody expressed his desire for me then let me go. I had no idea when I would see him again. I dreaded the inevitable follow-up; if I’d ever see him again.

  “What are you talking about?” Mel asked. She seemed truly puzzled by my remark.

  “Cody,” I said. “I don’t know when I’ll see him again.”

  She laughed. “That was a vacation fling, Jen. Please don’t take it so seriously.”

  I felt like she had slapped me in the face. She considered her time with Marvin a relationship, but the time I spent with Cody was just a fling. I didn’t think I could let it go.

  “I have feelings for Cody,” I said. I could feel a lump forming in my throat. The last thing I wanted to do was start crying. I swallowed and took a deep breath.

  “He’s twenty-nine. You’re forty. Did you really think the two of you were going to settle down and live happily ever after?” she asked a bit too harshly.

  I could feel the anger building and I tried to hold back long as I could. She had a lot of nerve, was all I thought. I tried to remain as calm as possible but I could have spit bullets at her. “Marvin is 55 years old and you’re only 40. That’s a fifteen-year age difference,” I said.

  Mel
let out a single laugh. “That’s completely different.”

  “Why?” I asked a little too forcefully. “Is it different in your case because the man is older and that’s what society expects?”

  She didn’t respond.

  I shook my head. “I really didn’t think you were that kind of person, Mel. You typically thumb your nose at social norms of any kind. Great time to start bending to social pressure.”

  She exhaled a deep sigh. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  “I guess it’s too late for that because I’m crazy about him,” I said completely throwing all caution out the window.

  “Prepare for an uphill battle,” she said. “Love doesn’t always conquer all. He’s a good looking guy. You’re far away. I don’t think it will be easy to maintain the long distance thing.”

  Then I realized what she was saying. Not that he was too young for me; that I was too old to hang on to him. Every ounce of self-doubt I had as a woman in middle age came crashing down on me and I felt overwhelmed by it. Maybe Mel wasn’t just saying what she said to be mean. Maybe she was speaking the truth and I was just too caught up in the afterglow of a glorious week to see it.

  When Mel dropped me off at my house, I felt exhausted and glad to be home. I was excited to see Pugsy. But I also missed Cody already. How was the even possible? It had only been a few hours seen I’d seen him. Yet the longing in my heart was very real. At this rate, how would I ever survive the weeks or months until I saw him again? If I saw him again. What if he did find someone else? Someone closer to his own age. How could I ever compete? I knew I couldn’t.

  When I walked inside, I noticed Lizzie was sitting on the couch watching The Stock Exchange. Unbelievably, Pugsy was sleeping on her lap. I always wondered if deep down Lizzie had a bit of affection for the pug. I approached quietly, trying not to wake the sleeping dog.

  “How was the trip?” Lizzie asked when she saw me.

  Pugsy lifted his head and when he saw it was me, he hopped down from Lizzie’s lap and scampered up to me with his tail wagging.