Cutting Through

by Joan Hohl

  Yeah. Right. Laura mentally sneered. She didn’t believe a word he said anymore. He was lying through his teeth, thus the attitude. Although he might well be going to play, then have dinner, she felt positive he hadn’t worked late the previous week.

  Laura was tempted to call him on it, but swallowed the urge. What good would it do? He’d only deny it.

  “No,” she finally answered. “I don’t mind.”

  Laura went still inside the moment the words were out of her mouth, the instant the realization dawned on her that she really didn’t mind. In fact, she didn’t care if he never came home. It would make her life much simpler.

  “Well?” Julia said, jumping out of the chair when Jon walked into the room. “What did the doctor say?”

  “Exactly what I expected her to say.” Motioning for her to sit down again, he dropped onto the love seat facing the TV. “She examined Krissy, felt the lump, and wants her to have an ultrasound first, then probably a biopsy.”

  Julia sighed. “Of course she does.” She sat facing him. “I should have realized she’d order some tests.”

  Jon nodded. “Thing is, she didn’t seem too concerned. Probably to relax Krissy.”

  “Did it work?”

  Jon smiled. “Julia, you know Krissy better than that. You know it didn’t work.” He raked a hand through his hair. “She’s convinced herself that she’s going to repeat her mother’s experience. Chemo, radiation and a painful death.”

  Julia bit her lip. “Is that what you believe?”

  He seemed genuinely shocked. “I think nothing of the sort. It’s been some time since Krissy’s mother lost her life to cancer. A lot has changed. There are so many more advanced treatments. No, maybe Krissy has written herself off, but I sure as hell haven’t.”

  Julia felt relieved and comforted. Sometimes it did pay to have a doctor in the family.

  She was at once ashamed and sorry for having the bitter-sounding thought. Just because he had refused to operate on Emily didn’t change the fact that Jon was an excellent physician and surgeon. Laura knew that full well. She had to somehow, in some way, get over this lingering resentment. She had known from day one that physicians, especially surgeons, felt too emotionally involved to treat members of their immediate family. And yet she persisted in this…

  “She wants us to get together for dinner.”

  “What?” Julia blinked, grateful for the interruption of her self-chastising musings. “I’m sorry, I was off into my own thoughts. What did you say?”

  “I said, Krissy would like us to get together with her and Rand for dinner this evening.”

  “Oh. Would you like to have dinner with them?”

  He shrugged. “Sure, why not? We have to eat, and I enjoy their company. She suggested having dinner at the restaurant here in the hotel, which suits me. We can make it an early night since we’ll be leaving fairly early in the morning. Or have you forgotten we have to pick up the girls at the airport in Harrisburg early tomorrow afternoon?”

  “No, of course I didn’t forget,” Laura lied, for in truth, with all the trauma about Krissy, she had completely forgotten. Feeling even worse, like an uncaring mother, she quickly changed the subject. “What time does she want to meet?”

  “Six. She said to give her a call if it doesn’t suit. Otherwise, we’re supposed to meet them at the restaurant at six. Okay?”

  “Fine.” A yawn caught her off guard and she raised a hand to her mouth just in time to cover another one.

  “Tired?”

  Julia sighed. “Yes. We were up late and…well, we all had a little too much wine,” she explained. “And we all had a crying jag, not just Krissy.” She offered him an apologetic smile. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll lie down for a little while, have a nap.”

  “No, I don’t mind.” Jon hesitated, as if unsure of whether he wanted to continue. “I didn’t sleep well either. Would…er…you mind if I joined you?”

  For a moment, Julia was speechless. He was asking her permission to share the bed with her? Incredible. Was he also hoping for some…

  “It’s been a week, Julia,” he softly reminded her.

  Yes, he was hoping for some…She swallowed a sigh, wondering if he was also anticipating a repeat of the passion they’d shared a week before.

  What else could she say but, “No, of course, I don’t mind.”

  This time their lovemaking was different, a little different from last time. Jon whispered three words to her before arousing her body to the point of mindless abandonment.

  “I missed you.”

  When it was over Julia felt herself stiffening up. She longed for words of love, for the true closeness they had once shared.

  “What’s wrong, Julia?” Jon said, concern clear in his tone.

  Too spent and tired to go into any lengthy discussions, she grabbed at the most obvious excuse.

  “I’m so scared for Krissy.”

  Holding her, he again murmured reassurances. Eventually, exhausted, they both did grow quiet and settle in for a nap.

  Several floors above Julia and Jon’s room, Krissy and Rand were also in their bed.

  Softly weeping within the cradle of Rand’s arms, Krissy moved back to look into his face. “I won’t hold you to our engagement, knowing what’s ahead.”

  Rand shot up onto one elbow to glare down at her. “Dammit, Krissy, stop talking like that. You don’t know what’s ahead. You’ll have the tests the doctor ordered and then we’ll see. Cancer is not a death sentence.”

  “But—” she began to say.

  “But nothing,” he cut her off, his anger evident as he grabbed a small black box from the night table. He took a large diamond ring from inside and put it on Krissy’s finger. “I picked the ring up from the jeweler. Now wear it.”

  “Rand, please, I…” she tried again.

  “No.” He shook his head, quick, sharp. “I’m holding you to our engagement. And I won’t listen to another word about it. You are going to marry me, Krissy.”

  “Rand.” She sniffed, tears running down her temples.

  “What?” He reached across her to pull a handful of tissues from the box on the nightstand.

  “You love my breasts.” Still sniffling, she dabbed at the tears before blowing her nose.

  “Yeah, so?” He looked baffled.

  “I might lose them.” Her voice was loud, scared. Tears spilled over her lids again; she mopped them up.

  “I know that.” He shook his head in disbelief. “Then again, you might not. Either way, what does that have to do with our engagement?”

  “You love them…” She sniffed louder, and shuddered. “And if I lose them…” Her voice cracked.

  “Oh, for Christ’s sake, Krissy.” Rand’s voice was raw, his tone more a prayer than a curse. “Your breasts are beautiful. And, yes, I love them. They are a beautiful part of you, but they are only one part…not you. I love you, sweetheart, the person you are. And I’ll go on loving you, with or without your gorgeous breasts.”

  Now Krissy was sobbing. “Oh, Rand, I love you, too, love you so much I was afraid of losing you if…”

  He cradled her closer to him. “You’re not going to lose me, sweetheart. I’m here to stay…for the long haul.” Bending his head he gifted her with a tender kiss. “Get used to it.”

  “That’s what scared me,” Krissy admitted. “I was getting used to it.” She raised tear-filled eyes to his.

  Rand’s next words surprised her speechless.

  “Marry me, Krissy. Now. Not next year. Not even next month. Now, as soon as possible.

  She stared at him, stunned. “But…but,” she said, when she found her voice. “Rand, I’ve got these tests and possibly surgery ahead of me. I don’t…we don’t know what the future holds.” She swallowed. “I…I don’t even know if I have a future, if…”

  “Stop that!” Rand ordered. “Krissy, bottom line is, no one knows if they have a future. I could step out into the street tomorrow and get run d
own by a truck, or have a sudden massive heart attack, or stroll down the sidewalk and be struck dead by a piece of a building falling on my head, or be fried by a bolt of lightning. Any one of us can.”

  She shook her head. “I know that. But that’s just rationalizing on what could happen.” She sighed. “But I know there’s a lump in my breast. And with my family history it’s very likely cancerous.” She raised her hand to caress his taut cheek. “There’s a big difference.”

  “Not to me.” He turned his head and pressed his lips to her palm. “Krissy, I want you—need you—to be my wife, if it’s for fifty years, or fifty days. Marry me, now. Please.”

  Oh, Lord, how could she refuse a proposal like that? Krissy asked herself, staring into his gentle eyes. “Rand, I don’t know what to say.”

  Lowering his head, he brushed his lips over hers, murmuring, “Say yes, sweetheart.”

  A moment. A mere instant, really, then she sighed and brushed her lips over his.

  “Yes.”

  CHAPTER 17

  “Rand and I are getting married as soon as possible,” Krissy announced to Jon and Julia as the four sat down in the restaurant. “Can you two come back to town sometime in the next few weeks? We really want you here with us.”

  Julia was shocked and delighted. “Wait a minute. I mean, of course we’ll come, but when did you two decide to move up the wedding?”

  Krissy flashed her famous smile, radiant and happy. “This afternoon. This man—” she slid a sparkling glance at Rand “—took advantage of my weakened state to coerce me into saying yes to his sudden brainstorm.”

  “I seem to recall it didn’t take too much coercing,” Rand defended himself.

  Fascinated by the byplay between the couple, happy for her friend, and grateful to the man who had put the brightness back into Krissy’s eyes, Julia shifted her gaze from one to the other, then to a smiling Jon.

  “So, what do you guys think?” Rand directed his attention to them. “Do you approve?”

  “Yes!” Julia and Jon spoke simultaneously.

  “I think it’s a wonderful idea,” Julia continued. “Have you talked to Laura?”

  Krissy shook her head. “Not yet. We fell asleep this afternoon and didn’t wake up till it was time to get ready to meet you two. I’ll call her tomorrow. You know I would love to have you and Laura for my matrons of honor.”

  “Well, I didn’t actually know,” Julia said, laughing softly. “But I do know I would have been crushed if you had asked anyone else to do it.”

  Krissy reached across the table to grab Julia’s hand. “Oh, honey, you should have known. You and Laura weren’t there the other times. I’m the one who’d be crushed if you weren’t there this time—” she glanced at Rand “—with this man.”

  Though filled with happiness for Krissy, Julia felt a tiny pang at the loving look Rand was giving her friend. Without a word, he was telling her of his love for her. Jon used to look at her like that, Julia thought, with his heart and love in his eyes. He used to say the words, too, every day. Now…his voice echoed in her mind.

  I missed you.

  Where had his love gone? Julia asked herself, somehow maintaining her smile for her friend. It died, she thought. She had killed it.

  She looked at Jon. He was watching her. She sighed with regret. He looked away.

  Julia thought the evening would never end. But as she slid into bed, perilously close to tears, she determined once again to somehow corner Jon for a long, meaningful discussion.

  Laura was as delighted as Julia had been by Krissy’s news the next day. And, like Julia, she agreed immediately to being co-matron of honor. But she hadn’t forgotten her friend’s visit to the doctor.

  “Krissy, honey, I’m very happy for you…” She paused, then hurried on, hopefully. “Does this mean your appointment with the doctor was encouraging?”

  “Oh, Laura, not really,” Krissy said, her voice shaded by a tinge of worry. “She is making arrangements for an ultrasound and biopsy. Then we’ll see.”

  “So meanwhile you’re going to get married?” Laura asked, infusing a bright note into her tone.

  “Yes.” The answer came back loud and clear.

  By that morning, Krissy and Rand had settled on a date, time and place for the wedding.

  “Next Saturday at ten, by a judge, in one of the private dining rooms in the hotel,” she excitedly informed Laura.

  “It sounds like the winning answer in a game of Clue!”

  “It is a winning answer,” Krissy replied. “But not in a game. This is the real thing. The very best thing.”

  “Are you calling me the very best?” Laura heard Rand’s voice purr in the background.

  “Yes, love, I am,” Krissy said to him.

  Laura suddenly felt envious of her dearest friend. “What should I wear? I mean for the wedding? Formal or what?”

  “Oh, not formal,” Krissy said. “Street clothes. A nice dress or suit…whatever.”

  Whatever. Moments later, Laura smiled as she hung up the receiver. How like Krissy. She’d very likely be decked out in a designer label dress valued at hundreds if not thousands of dollars. With shoes that cost even more.

  There was nothing for it but to go shopping, Laura decided. Damn, she forgot to ask if she should bring the kids. They’d probably be bored. She’d ask her parents to watch them for a couple hours.

  Oh, yeah, maybe Drew might want to go shopping for something new to wear to the wedding, too. Laura made a mental note to ask him when he got home…either tonight or when he got up for work tomorrow morning.

  Surprisingly, Drew came home in time for dinner, though he did immediately tell Laura he had to go back to work later for a few hours.

  Right, Laura thought, somehow maintaining her composure, while inside wanting to scream at him. To keep herself from losing it, and her self-respect with it, she launched into a recitation of Krissy’s news.

  “Again?” Drew shook his head, his tone sarcastic. “She’s getting married again? How many does this make?”

  “I hardly think that’s relevant.”

  He shrugged. “Whatever.”

  Laura felt the spark of resentment inside her turn into anger. “She’s asked Julie and me to be her co-matrons of honor,” she said with a calm she was far from feeling. “I’m going shopping for a new dress and shoes. Is there anything I can get you? A shirt? Tie?”

  “No.” Drew’s response was sharp and blunt. “I won’t be needing anything new for the wedding, because I won’t be attending the wedding.”

  “What? Why not?”

  He shot her an impatient look. “I have plans for a golf game on Saturday.”

  The anger in Laura burned hotter. “Instead of going with me to one of my best friends’ wedding, you’re going to play golf?”

  “You heard me.” A shadow passed over his impatient expression. “I’m not changing my plans just to traipse into town and watch your bimbo friend marry yet another sucker.” He sneered. “Tell me, is Rand as rich as the others were?”

  Her anger flared out of control and something strange came over Laura. Where she had never fought for herself, she became a fierce defender of her friend. “I don’t know, or care, if Rand is rich. It’s none of my…or your business. And, in all honesty, I don’t care if you go or not. In fact, I’d rather go without you.”

  “Why?” He cast a demeaning glance over the length of her. “Have the urge to try something, or someone, different?”

  “You…you…” By now, Laura was so mad she could barely speak.

  “What?” he challenged her.

  “You son of a bitch.” She wasn’t merely calling names, she thought. She always had thought his mother was a bitch. “You…you dare suggest that I…” She shuddered with rage. “Damn you!” she shouted. “Golf my ass. I know where you’re going, and who you’ll be with.” She gave a dismissive wave of her hand. “Why wait till after dinner? Go to your girlfriend now.”

  Drew stared at he
r in amazement for a moment, as though he couldn’t believe she had actually said what she had. Then, grabbing his suit coat from the back of the chair where he’d draped it, he strode to the door. “Okay, I will,” he said belligerently. “And you can go to hell.”

  “And for all I care,” she shouted after him, incensed, “don’t come back at all.”

  “Good,” he shouted back at her. “Suits me. I’ll send for my things.”

  The door slammed shut. Trembling in reaction, Laura stared at it, relief washing through her. Relief not only because she had finally found the guts to let him know how she felt, but relief that the kids weren’t home to hear it all.

  She thought.

  “Mom?”

  Oh, dear God. When did Drew Jr. come in? She whirled around to see him standing in the archway, all six feet, three inches of him. His face was somber, his eyes shadowed.

  “Oh, honey, I’m so…” Laura bit her lip.

  He shook his head. “No, Mom, it’s all right.” Crossing to her, he gave her a hug. “I knew he was fooling around.”

  For the first time in a long time, Laura felt comforted, safe within the embrace of her tall, strong and very bright son. “How long have you known?” she mumbled into the green eagle emblazoned on his soft cotton T-shirt.

  “I figured it out a couple of years ago,” he said, dropping his arms and stepping back. “I…” He gulped a deep, shuddering breath. “I want to punch his face in for cheating on you. How could he? You’re the best wife and mother in the world.”

  “Ah, honey, thank you.” Laura sniffed. “And you’re not too bad as a son, either,” she said, managing a weak smile. “How am I going to tell your brother and sisters? They love him, and they’re going to be hurt.”

  “And you’re not?”

  “Yes, I am.” She sighed. “And yet, I’m not as hurt as I thought I’d be. It may sound terrible, Drew, but I feel strangely light. Free.”

  He shook his head. “Nothing terrible or strange about it, Mom. I know you’ve put up with his cheating for years. And you did it for us kids.” His smile was tender and suddenly mature. “I’ll help you tell the others, make them understand.”