See

by Jamie Magee

  “Did you seriously just ask me who ‘we’ was?? Oh my God, you really are messed up. Wrong place? You were at your house.” She paused, and I heard her open and close a door, then she began to whisper. “I told you this was a bad idea – that you needed all of us.”

  I squinted my eyes closed and tried to remember what she was talking about. “Madison…I don’t remember much of anything now…I mean, I feel like I was trying to convince Britain of something – like save him – but I don’t know why – did I tell you?”

  “Yeah…and I told you to stay away, but you didn’t listen to me - and now look at what has happened.”

  “Just tell me what I told you. I feel sick – like I’m in trouble.”

  “You are in trouble. That girl has messed with your mind.”

  My phone beeped, and I looked at the screen to see Bianca’s name pop up on the ID.

  “Charlie? Charlie, where did you go?” I heard Madison say.

  I pulled the phone to my ear, ignoring the incoming call. “I’m right here. Bianca was beeping in.”

  “Don’t talk to her,” Madison said firmly. “If this girl wants to play mind games, then she is going to have to play them with all of us.”

  “’All’ – there you go again with the plural words – does my mom know what I was trying to do tonight? Just tell me.”

  I heard a young man’s voice in the background around Madison; she must have pulled her phone to her chest because the sound muffled and I heard her say, “Nichole was right – it’s bad – just give me a second here.”

  Nichole is my mom’s name. I had no idea who Madison was talking to, and it was making me mad.

  “Madison!” I whispered harshly.

  She came back on the phone. “Listen to me…I’m not talking to you about this over the phone – I’m just going to come…I’ll come by myself – I’m not going to break a promise to you, even if you don’t remember me making it.”

  “No…just forget it – I just need rest, and I’ll figure it out. I don’t want you driving all the way here this late.”

  “Then I’ll come in the morning,” she said shortly.

  “Madison, you have graduation in a few days – just let me deal with this. I really just wanted to talk to someone. I messed things up with my mom…I guess I just wanted to hear you say it would be OK.”

  “Graduation is the last thing either of us care about – I can only hope you remember that. You’re going to be OK. Don’t worry about your mom. I don’t think she completely understands what you went through; if she did, she wouldn’t have left your side. It’s time to come home.”

  I felt the knots in my stomach tighten. I had no idea what she was talking about, and it was terrifying. The whispers began to hiss louder, and the shadows started to move closer. I held my finger tips over my other ear and closed my eyes, hiding from the shadows.

  “I can’t come home, Madison…something is telling me not to…I feel like I have to stay here – at least until I figure out what I can’t remember.”

  The whispers became so loud that it became pointless to try them block out with my fingertips. I let my arm fall and balled my hand into a fist.

  “When you’re home, you’ll figure it out – this has gotten out of control,” Madison said in a frustrated tone.

  All at once, the whispers became silent and the shadows took the normal shape they were meant to. I felt someone gently put their hand on my shoulder.

  “Charlie.”

  I looked up to see Britain standing beside me.

  I smiled slightly, then let out a breath. “I gotta go,” I said into the phone. “Britain just got here – I have to figure this out.”

  “No!” Madison said in a desperate tone. “Lost cause. Charlie – I swear, if you had just read your freaking horoscope you would have known to stay in the bed today – stay away from him.”

  “I don’t believe in that crap – it’s well past midnight; I’m sure today has a better forecast. I’ll text later.”

  “Charlie I’m calling your mom if you hang up with me.”

  “Do that,” I said just before I hit ‘End’ on my phone. I doubted she would call her, but even if she did, that would only mean I would get home faster – I just wanted to go to bed.

  I looked up at Britain’s questioning blue eyes.

  “Bianca?” he asked.

  I shook my head no. “Madison.”

  A mischievous grin came to the corners of his perfect lips as he stared down at me. He only met Madison once, and I have yet to figure out if they liked each other or hated each other. By the comments Madison made at him, I wanted to say hate – but when I remembered the awkward stares I caught them in that day…I didn’t know what to think. There was no doubt that Madison hated Bianca – she made that very clear every chance she got.

  Both Britain and Bianca’s families were exceedingly wealthy, and in their mind there were boundaries – things that should not be said openly. Madison only met them once, but she made it a point to push the boundaries Bianca drew. It was almost as if they enjoyed not liking each other.

  “And what did Madison have to say about our night?” he asked, resting his hands on my hips as he pulled me closer.

  I gently put my hands on his and brushed them away. “That my horoscope said to stay in bed.”

  “You believe in that stuff?” he asked curiously.

  “Maybe I should have today,” I said, looking away from the pull of his eyes. “I just don’t remember much,” I answered quietly.

  “I don’t either,” he said, leaning his forehead to mine.

  I looked down and pulled slightly away in fear that my mother would walk out of the front door at any moment.

  “Charlie, I swear I didn’t know – I didn’t do this,” he pleaded.

  “I know,” I whispered.

  He furrowed is eyebrows like he was confused about why I was being so distant.

  “Mom’s coming,” I whispered.

  He nodded, understanding, but he refused to give me anymore room.

  “Bianca told her dad the Chinese delivery guy must have given it to us – she claims he was going to come back and rob us.”

  “And your high-powered defense attorney father believed that?” I asked sarcastically.

  “I’m sure he didn’t, but her version leaves us all innocent,” Britain said as he dared to smile, enhancing each of his alluring features.

  “’Innocent’ is not a word in my mother’s vocabulary; she isn’t going to buy that story,” I complained.

  “She made that obvious,” he said, raising his eyebrows and trying not to laugh.

  “What?” I asked, dreading to know what the whispers had covered in the conversations I tried to hear earlier.

  “She threatened to sue both Bianca’s and my parents, but they countered that they would sue her for hosting the party. It was a screaming match, but once my father started siting case history, she stopped arguing and went back to you.”

  I felt my stomach turn. I could only imagine how my mother felt standing up to those men. We did not come from a silver spoon like they did. We were just a middle class family from Salem. Everything we had came from my mother’s strives in the business world. She had literally climbed every ladder there was in her company, and now holds the title of CEO, which was great - except I never saw her; even when she was home, she was working. I’m sure she felt belittled by them, and I would bear the brunt for that as well.

  “Perfect,” I said sarcastically, stepping away from him.

  He closed the gap between us and put his hands on my shoulders, trying to get me to look into his eyes.

  “Why are you so mad? This is not our fault; she’ll get over it,” he said.

  I looked up at him and furrowed my eyebrows. “What did I want to talk to you about tonight…why do I feel like I need to reach you?”

  He didn’t answer at first; instead, he let his eyes dance across my face. “The only thing I wanted to talk about was
us…that’s all I can remember right now.”

  “There isn’t an ‘us’…we’re friends. I’m really confused right now. I want to be mad at Bianca, but I can’t hold on to that emotion. I want to convince you of something, but I don’t know what.” I looked at the ground at the shadows that were mocking an innocent shape. “All I know is that I have bigger problems right now.”

  “Whatever your problems are – I’ll take them away. I’ve promised you that a thousand times.”

  I looked back into his eyes. “I think that is what scares me about you…”

  “That I want to take care of you?” he asked in a confused tone.

  I moved my head from side to side as I struggled to find memories that were absent. “That you take them away,” I said in voice just above a whisper. I believed what I said, but I didn’t know why. I didn’t know why it would be so bad if he could bring me silence. For a second, I even let myself believe he was an angel sent to protect me, but then a sick feeling in my stomach took that thought away.

  “Charlie,” I heard my mother sternly say.

  I felt her clinch my wrist before I could respond.

  “What has gotten into you?!” she asked, appalled.

  She looked at Britain. “Step away from my daughter before I give your father a believable excuse to sue me.”

  Britain raised his hands defensively, and my mother pulled me away. I looked over my shoulder at him. He smiled slightly. I felt foolish – what could I protect him from? He was strong, dominant; he had a way of demanding respect from everyone around him – even Bianca. I knew that the Britain I knew - the one that was compassionate and tender - was one that was only revealed to me. It didn’t make any sense that I could save him from anything…I’m so confused right now.

  As we walked away from him, the whispers made themselves known by echoing a mocking laugh. I fumbled to turn my music up and put my headphones in as my mother hailed a cab. When we got in, I noticed the clock on the dashboard. It was almost four AM. I don’t think I’d ever stayed up this late in my entire life. My eyes were burning, but I did not want to close them until I had a shower and was in my warm bed.

  I didn’t even try to talk to my mother. She was texting at the speed of light on her phone. I assumed she was talking to my sister Kara. I could only hope Kara would prove to be the peacemaker she always was. My mother and I have never spoken the same language – Kara was really our only way to communicate. She seemed to understand us both and closed the gap between us slightly. She hadn’t lived with us for years, but she made it a point to call me every day. I’m sure she talked to mom just as much.

  My phone vibrated, and I looked down and saw a text from Madison. “I called her.”

  I texted back, “I know.”

  “I’m staying here – get some rest I’ll see you soon – stay away from that girl.”

  I didn’t respond. I was too tired to comprehend what she was not telling me. A second later, another text came in. It was from Madison; she had pasted the Libra horoscope to the text. I didn’t bother to read it. I really never cared for the idea of the stars plotting my path. Madison’s was a Scorpio, and from what I understand, they love the unexplained element the stars have. I had too much to worry about without adding in a prediction that may or may not come true.

  Bianca had sent a text asking where I was, if I was OK, and wanting me to call her.

  I let out a breath as I responded, “I’m in trouble and I’m tired – I don’t want to talk now.”

  She responded immediately, “Rest – we have all summer text me when you wake up.”

  I rolled my eyes and hit the ‘Sleep’ button on my phone. I stared out the window, trying to understand why I would have agreed to go anywhere with her – especially Cancun; it was so far away. I was determined not to go, and I knew my mother would have no issues canceling any plans I may have made. I wondered if I agreed to go because Britain was going – but then again, I didn’t remember Bianca saying that he was. Honestly, I barely remembered planning the trip before yesterday.

  When we reached our apartment, I went straight to my bathroom and took the hottest shower of my life, determined to burn off every icky feeling that the ER gave me. Once I was dressed, I put my headphones in and turned on every light I could in my room. I had never been able to sleep in the darkness – I didn’t trust what I couldn’t see.

  My room was a disaster. It usually was, but not like this. I always had organized plies of my things. The paramedics had managed to disturb the balance I liked.

  I knelt down and started to put my things back in order. I made a pile for clothes I wanted to wash. I put my books in front of my window. I pushed a few graduation presents I hadn’t opened to the to the center of the room and tossed cards next to them to remind myself to send thank you cards as I opened them.

  I sat down in the center of my floor and stared at my bed through heavy eyelids. I wanted to figure out what I was missing. The song on my phone shifted, and the hypnotic voice that was entangled with a beautiful guitar made me feel safe - but at the same time, the voice made me feel sad, so sad that I felt my heart breaking. Angry tears came to the corners of my eyes. I felt so lost and alone.

  I crawled into my bed and reached to pull the plug on the clock that was screaming ‘Five AM’ at me. I didn’t want my alarm to wake me from the deep sleep I was about to fall into. As I laid my head on my pillow, the alluring aroma of Britain’s cologne surrounded me. I struggled to remember any moment alone with him. I could see us together, but I couldn’t remember the words we said to each other; all I could feel was frustration – like I wanted to see something within him…but I didn’t know what.

  I was too stubborn to let this go. I grudgingly reached for my charger and plugged my cell phone in. I then scrolled through to find his name and texted, ‘it smells like you’re still here.” I moved my music back to the song that had made me feel safe a moment ago and hit ‘Repeat’, trying to capture that emotion and ignore the heartbreak it seemed to bring as well. A second later, the silent vibration of the phone ringing caught me off guard; I didn’t expect him to call – I figured he would text. I crawled out of my bed and went to my closet, turning the light on before I opened the door.

  I answered in a whisper as I closed the door and walked to the back of the closet. I was sure my mother could not overhear me from where I was hiding.

  “I can come there now if you want me to,” Britain said in a tender tone.

  “No…you can’t…I’m sure my mother would kill you.”

  “Well…we can just talk until daylight, then you can leave for breakfast and I’ll meet you and take you away from all of this.”

  I hesitated before I spoke. “Did I have plans to go to Cancun?”

  I heard him laugh slightly under his breath. “You really are tired, aren’t you?”

  “Did I?” I asked, ignoring his comment.

  “Bianca had plans – and yes, you were included in them.”

  I furrowed my eyebrows. “I’m not going,” I said quietly.

  “I didn’t think you would – you don’t strike me as a beach person.”

  “Were you going?” I asked, still trying to understand this absurd plan.

  “I’m going wherever you go.”

  “Stalker,” I said in a sarcastic tone.

  He laughed at me. “Guilty as charged. I can’t help it…you bring that element out in me…it’s your energy – its addicting. That and the fact that I have never had to try this hard to get a girl’s attention.”

  “That means that when or if you finally get my attention, you’ll get bored and leave.”

  “Is that your fear?” he asked tenderly.

  I bit my bottom lip and clenched my hands into a fist before I answered. “I’m afraid for you, but I don’t know why.”

  “I’ve told you before, nothing can hurt me – not with you at my side.”

  My eyes moved to the shadows beneath my clothes. I could just faintly he
ar the whispers behind them. “I don’t remember you ever saying that – what was I afraid of?” I asked, wondering if I was the only one that knew of the darkness I fought.

  “I’m not sure…I could just see the fear in your eyes.”

  “Well…I need to figure it out…I’m running out of time.”

  “Why do you say that?” he asked.

  “I’m leaving soon.”

  “For?”

  I started to answer him, but my mind was blank. I knew without a doubt that I was leaving, that I had planned to say goodbye to my mom and Kara – but right now, I don’t know why. I suppose it was so I could figure out who I was and what was haunting me, but I couldn’t explain that right now.

  “A new life,” I said under my breath.

  “We can have that together.”

  “You just met me. We’re not to the point of ‘together’…I don’t think we will be… not now.”

  “I met you months ago, and I’m at that point - and I’m waiting on you to get there.”

  I let the silence take over for a moment as I struggled with my emotions. My stomach was tying itself in knots. Talking to him felt so wrong – all of this felt wrong. “I can’t talk about this right now…I’m tired,” I said quietly.

  “K…sleep for me, Charlie.”

  “Bye,” I whispered as I pushed the ‘Sleep’ button on my phone, then turned my music up. I took in deep a breath as I heard the voice that had calmed me before. I looked down to see who it was as I walked back to my bed, but all I saw was a track number. That didn’t surprise me; most of my music was indie, so it was hard to keep up with who I was listening to.

  My phone vibrated again as I laid down; it was a text from Britain that read, ‘Go to sleep my sleeping beauty I’ll take all your fears away.”

  I shook my head as I closed my eyes. I needed sleep if I was going to figure him out.

  Chapter 2

  I felt a splitting headache and heard the annoying whispers long before I opened my eyes. I was still tired, but I was so thirsty I couldn’t lie still anymore. I sat up and blinked a few times. I couldn’t understand how it was still dark outside. I looked at my clock, only to find it unplugged - just the way I left it. I felt around my sheets for my phone, wanting to drown out the whispers around me, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. As I focused my eyes, I realized my room had been invaded, meaning someone had cleaned it. I shook my head, furious. The only right I had in this apartment was that Rosa, my mother’s housekeeper, was not allowed to enter my personal space. It was a stupid rebellion, I’ll give you that, but it made me feel in control of something. Everything I had grouped together was gone, and my room was spotless – basically empty.