by Jamie Magee
“What kind of game are you playing, Charlie?!” she whispered harshly. “I really thought you were getting yourself together - starting to see things clearly.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, looking at her like she was insane.
“Bianca is downstairs,” she said shortly.
A vacant, sick feeling absorbed every part me. I leaned against the counter, trying to find balance – a clear thought.
“Charlie,” Kara said, moving in front of me, trying to snap me out of my scared stare. “Did you know she was coming here?” she asked in a kinder tone.
“I didn’t know she’d show up at the front door – is mom here? “ I asked quietly, starting to see how bad this could really get.
“No. The meeting she had this morning ran late, and all of the flights this afternoon have been pushed back because of the storms that are rolling in – she flies in at three tomorrow.”
I shook my head and tightened my jaw and started to pull together what memories I had – I knew I’d find strength in them – that I was about to go into a battle of wits with Bianca.
“I told her you were asleep, that I wasn’t gonna wake you, but she started crying and said that you and her had a horrible fight – that she said things she shouldn’t and you won’t answer the phone when she tries to call - that she drove all the way here and has to make this right or she’ll go insane.”
I pulled my hairdryer loose and wound the cord. I didn’t bother brushing my hair. I had this vision of Britain sitting outside and Draven pulling up. I didn’t take either of them for fighters, but it wasn’t fair that Draven didn’t know that Britain existed – at least I didn’t know that he did.
“Where’s your phone?” Kara asked, blocking the door so I couldn’t leave.
“In my bag – I haven’t checked it since I went to dinner last night. I’m sure it’s dead by now.”
Kara shook her head. “I bet if you had, she wouldn’t be here – that you could have told her to stay away – obviously, ignoring her wasn’t a good idea – what happened to ‘I have to have my phone so I can hear music?’”
I pointed to the ceiling, calling out the sound I could hear, but she couldn’t. “I don’t need it for music anymore,” I whispered harshly.
Kara’s eyes softened as she tilted her head. I knew I’d somehow managed to convince her that I was innocent. That I wasn’t playing any kind of game with anyone – I’d tried to put space between myself and them and failed.
“I’m gonna let you talk to her - say what you need to say face to face – maybe that way, it’ll be clear.”
“Face to face,” I repeated quietly, then I looked at Kara. “Did you look her in the eyes?”
“No – Yeah – I don’t know – why?” Kara asked in a panicked tone.
“Don’t – she’s dangerous,” I said, taking in a confident breath.
“Charlie, is your memory back?” Kara said, putting her hands on my shoulders.
“Not all of it.”
“Tell me what you remember.”
I looked in her eyes. “That I love Draven – that I always have.”
Kara’s eyes glassed over, and a smile beamed across her face. “I guess he was right,” she said, catching one of her tears as they fell.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“I wanted to – mom begged him to – but he said you had to find your way back; that if you forgot him, you had your reasons – it took everything we had to get him to play live for you. I figured you’d remember instantly when he played the song you wrote – and when you didn’t, I almost lost all hope.”
“I wrote that?” I said, clenching my towel around me.
Kara’s excitement faded as she nodded. “When you were twelve…”
My eyes raced back and forth as I replayed the argument I had with mom in NY – I remembered her clearly not liking music – the silence in our house – I knew there wasn’t a single guitar in that apartment.
“Does mom know – does she know that I’ve always played?” I asked hoarsely.
Kara sighed. “Mom knows everything…the only problem is, neither of you have found a way to talk about it – before all of this, that was the only real battle you had – you’d figured out everything else.”
As Kara spoke, memories flooded me. I remembered that Nana and Evan were the only ones that could talk to her about what I was going through – she never mentioned it to me – she refused to act like I was anything less than normal. I also knew that I’d never once played for her. I’d never played for anyone outside of my small circle of friends.
“Are you strong enough to stand up to Bianca? Do you need my help? For me to play the role of mean sister and tell her she only has a few minutes?”
“That’ll just make it worse,” I said, finally getting her to move out of my way so I could get dressed.
Kara followed me out and pulled out a pair of jeans and one of my long tank tops for me to put on.
“I’ll let her come up,” she said to me as I started to pull my clothes on.
I pulled my jeans on and searched for a belt. I ended up just putting on the one I wore the other night with the skull buckle. There was so many clothes scattered here and there that it took me a second to find where I’d let my bag fall last night. It was under my black hoodie that had dried almost stiff. I was digging and searching for my phones when Bianca topped the stairs. She was dressed like an innocent school girl. Wearing a dark purple skirt with black tights and black top, she did look like she’d been crying; the black mascara around her blue eyes was smudged. I knew whatever tears had fallen weren’t real. I’d seen her cry at the drop of a hat anytime she got in trouble at school. I moved my head and took a deep breath as I stood with my phones in my hand.
“Now you decide to look at your phone,” she said quietly, obviously trying to keep her voice from carrying.
I didn’t answer her. I walked to the bedside table and plugged my phone into the charger. I set Britain’s into the dock of my alarm clock so I could get it to play music and cover our conversation. I knew I’d have to be clever when I argued with her, and I couldn’t do that if I knew Kara was listening and judging my every word. I turned the volume all the way up. The sound was just loud enough to reach the entire room. I ignored the blue box that said I had twenty one unread messages and looked back at her and shook my head.
“You really don’t have boundaries, do you?” I asked bleakly as I started to make my bed.
“Me?” she said in the most surprised tone she could manage. “You’ve been here for forty-eight hours, and I don’t even know who you are anymore – what are they doing to you?” she asked, sitting on the part of the bed that I’d already straightened the covers out on.
“Nothing,” I mumbled, refusing to look her in the eye. I started to pick up the clothes across my room and make a pile of things I needed to wash.
“Oh, yeah, I’ve never seen you clean your room before; that alone should be a red flag.”
I cringed as I threw my clothes into a pile. “Listen, you got me in a lot of trouble by knocking on that door – she thought I’d planned it – why would you do that?” I asked.
She stood and started to follow me as I cleaned up. “Charlie, out of the blue you call Britain, talking about some other guy – then refuse to talk to me – your best friend – why? Because some rock star wannabe looked your way?”
I stopped rushing around my room and stood frozen. My ears started to burn as I realized I deliberately never mentioned Draven to her before – that when I was around her, I’d blocked every thought of him. Fear coursed through me as I realized in my ignorance that yesterday I had told Britain his name – I might as well have put a target on Draven’s back, but I still didn’t know why I hid him from them in the first place.
I gripped the shirt I was holding and walked the two steps between us. My eyes raced across her face, avoiding the center of her eyes. She must have realized that she pushed
the wrong button because her confidence seemed to fade before me all at once.
“You stay away from Draven – from me – this friendship is over,” I said in the firmest tone I could manage.
Her expression was almost fearful, and I felt my confidence build.
“If I had known talking you into that party would land us here – fighting like this, I would have found a different way.”
“A different way to do what?” I asked sternly.
She moved her from head side to side as a sly smile came across her face. “Why didn’t you tell me about this place? Why didn’t you tell me that this was your real home – that you had a past here?” she asked, refusing to answer my question.
“Because it’s none of your business,” I countered.
“You’re my best friend – it’s my business.”
“I met you three months ago – I barely know you, much less understand you – do you really think I trust you enough to tell you about my past?” I said coldly.
“Well, well…I guess mommy has gotten to you – put that latch back on that little glass box I found you in. Two days ago, we were your only friends – now look …how could you be so cruel?” she asked as she tried to catch my eyes.
“My mom stays out of this – you want to question my friendship? Have I ever drugged you? Have I ever implied that your family wasn’t good enough for you?” I said through my teeth.
“Seriously, Charlie – that’s absurd – you act like I killed you – you enjoyed every second you were with Britain,” she said, trying to catch my eyes.
“Get out of my face,” I said, stepping back. “You did kill me – I lost memories because of that night – and I tell you what – you better hope you’re as innocent as you claim when I find them – because if you aren’t – you – will – pay.”
Tears started to come down her face as she walked to the side of my bed and sat down. I shook my head from side to side, knowing it was an act – one I had seen too often. I resumed cleaning my room. When I didn’t offer to console her – the tears stopped, and she just stared at me.
“Charlie…Britain is furious with me…this is my fault, and I need to make it better – please let me make it better –if you don’t, he’s never gonna talk to me again – then I‘ll have no one – do I really deserve that?”
I took in a deep breath and walked to the edge of my bed and sat down next to her. “Why is he mad – because your drugs weren’t strong enough? That by the grace of God, my mother came home just in time?”
She pulled her knees to her chest and moved her head from side to side as she stared forward. “No…he’s mad because he believes in free will…because I forced you into his arms…he thinks if I didn’t, you would have come on your own….he’s mad because he’d rather have you in his life as a friend than me…and that hurts.” She looked to her side at me, but I looked away before she could catch my gaze. “I don’t care how mad you are at me – you’re not cold enough to want me to be alone.”
“Well,“ I said, looking down. “I have no control of what he does or says…I want space from both of you - so there, go tell him that.”
“It’s not gonna happen, Charlie – he’s addicted to you, and I’m addicted to him.”
“That’s absurd – go find another addiction; obviously, you know your way around drugs,” I said coldly.
“At least tell him not to shut me out - please.”
“Fine,” I said, just wanting her to leave.
She reached her arm around me. “Have dinner with us…we can talk about our trip,” she said, trying to catch my eyes again.
“I told you that I ‘can’t go’ – remember?” I said, looking boldly into her eyes for the first time. Her pupils didn’t move – I think I shocked her. She looked down at her lap.
“Well then, let’s just have dinner,” she said quietly.
“Did you not hear me when I told you that Kara was furious that you were here? Did you not hear me say that I didn’t want to be friends with you anymore? Why are you so dense?”
“I’m just asking for dinner - tell her you’re gonna take me out to make me feel better – give me a ride in your new car,” she said, looking into my eyes. I looked away when I saw her pupils start to expand.
“Not tonight – maybe tomorrow before my mom flies in,” I said, bleakly hoping I’d have the courage to face them both or at least find a way to make Bianca leave this town – partnering with Britain to do that seemed worth it.
“Why? Do you have plans with Draven?” she said in a painful tone.
I heard Kara’s voice echo through the house, and my heart started to race; I was sure Draven was here.
A second later, Madison climbed the last steps that led to my room. She was in sweats and a tank top covered by a hoodie. In her hands, she had an energy drink and a stack of movies.
“Oh wow – amazing – Bianca, you’re here!” Madison said in a fake energetic tone.
Bianca looked her up and down like she was some kind of plague. I could feel the tension build in the room, but Madison couldn’t care less.
“This is great – the girls are gonna love you – a real socialite from New York. You can help us put new looks together – it’s movie make over night! Totally gonna be a blast. Everyone else should be here in a little bit – they stopped by the store to stock up on junk food because there’s no way a pizza guy is gonna get over that creek if it starts to rain again,” Madison said, setting the movies down on my dresser.
“Who’s coming over here?” I asked, oblivious to what she was talking about.
“I told you, everyone – I texted you and said if you had a problem to let me know - and you didn’t answer - so there you go – we’re all coming – they’re just excited to see you; no one had a chance to talk to you since you’ve been home,” she said, crawling on the bed between me and Bianca. She started to run her fingers through Bianca’s hair. “One of the girls is a master at hair coloring – do you want some highlights? Maybe a new shade altogether?” Madison asked.
Bianca pulled away and stood up. “No, thank you,” she said shortly. “I guess it’s time for me to go.”
“Wait, no - you’re staying; I told you, it’s girls night. Charlie would be heartbroken if she didn’t have someone to sulk with,” Madison said, wrapping her arm around me.
Bianca looked at me and shook her head. “So maybe you haven’t been having as much fun as I thought you were,” she said shortly.
“Aww, she’s having a blast – don’t let this solemn face fool you,” Madison said, reaching to squeeze my cheeks.
I angled my eyes at her and reached to pull her hand away.
“Charlie, tomorrow – it would be nice if you could at least text him before then.”
“Oh WOW - are we talking about Britain?” Madison asked. “Where is that hottie anyways? I’m sure the girls would find him very interesting.”
Bianca rolled her eyes. “Will you text?” she asked me.
I nodded.
“Alright, tomorrow,” she said, walking to the steps.
Madison leaned back on her arms and watched Bianca leave, completely satisfied with the fact that she annoyed her to that point.
I looked at her, and she raised her fingers to her lips, telling me not to say anything. She reached to turn down the music. “This is gonna be a blast, Charlie – I think you need highlights in your hair, too,” she said louder than she needed to as she walked to the short wall to look over. A second later, I heard the front door open, then shut. Madison broke out into an absurd victory dance. I just shook my head and tried to hold in a laugh.
She grabbed Draven’s hoodie from the wall, then came to my side and held it out for me to put on as if it were some kind of crown. I blushed but reached for it anyway and slid my arms in.
I looked at her. “Perfect timing,” I said, trying to hide a sly grin. “But you’re gonna have to cancel whatever plans you have - I made plans with Draven tonight.”
She laid back on my bed and stretched out. “I know.”
“You know?” I asked bleakly.
“Yeah, he called me – he said you were coming back around – that you knew the two of you belonged together.”
“I never should have forgotten that.”
“Agreed,” she said, looking over me. “Did I make it over in time? Kara was near panic when she called me.”
“Kara called you?”
Madison laughed, “Do you seriously think I’d leave the house looking like this if it wasn’t an emergency?” she asked, pulling her sweats out to show me how ridiculously big they were.
I shook my head. “Brilliant, thanks – I was holding my own ,” I said as I thought over my argument with Bianca.
Madison’s eyes looked all around me. “Starting to see through the darkness.”
“I need your help – my memory hasn’t come back all the way. I have to figure out what I was trying to protect Draven from – you have to tell me.”
She looked down. “Draven told me to be cautious when I helped you remember – to be careful and not to put my opinions or perception in your mind.”
“Just answer my questions – that’s all I’m asking.”
“K,” she said, taking in a deep breath and sitting up.
“Have I always known they were bad?”
“Since the first day you saw them – you said it was quiet.”
As she said that, memories started to echo through my mind and a sick feeling absorbed me. I remembered looking up from my work – it became silent for no reason. Bianca was talking to the teacher; he nodded, then told the girl next to me to move so Bianca could have her seat. It took her most of the day to get me to talk to her – class after class, she’d look into the teacher’s eyes and find a way to sit next to me. I remembered the first thing she said to me: “You are simply breathtaking – I have to introduce you to my friend.” Her eyes stared into mine, and I watched as her pupils dilated. I looked away and said, “Thanks, but no thanks.” Her response was immediate: “You’re not with someone, are you? What’s his name? Is he special like you?” I shook my head no and stood to leave.
