Saturdays at the Viper Rooms

by Kirsty-Anne Still

  “Mr. Roberts?” I ask shakily and he nods.

  He leaves me no time for introduction or to ask if he would like a drink. There’s no time to ask what he wants at the end of the session. He just storms towards me, pressing me against the door with scary strength and begins to kiss me, all while one hand squeezes my jaw, stopping me from escaping and the other runs down my body.

  When he does let me go, it’s to throw me to the bed. When I make impact I know I’m in trouble. I can’t do this convincingly. I can’t make love to him or let him make me a submissive. I would never forgive myself.

  As he begins to undo his tie, I feel the unease wash through me. I can’t face what I’m about to do and as he loses item of clothing by item of clothing, I realize that I won’t survive this night. I won’t leave this room the same person if I do this. Jace’s words strike up in my mind and I’m trying to force myself to believe them, but if the tables were turned I wouldn’t cope. The idea of him loving another woman after declaring love for me is completely incomprehensible. What if they’re better than me? What if he says my name when he comes and gives us away?

  The sickening part of all this is that if I follow through on this and have sex when I don’t want it, it’ll be rape. Before I never had much thought about it, but now I’m well aware of what I’ve done to myself and how I’ve pushed my body. I’m sickened by myself. I’m a monster.

  “You don’t want me?” he asks me and chuckles. “You don’t get a choice. I paid for you, so you do what I like.” I shake my head and he stands before me, shocked by my defiance. “If you won’t listen to me, then maybe you will to your boss.”

  He begins to reach for the panic button on the wall. It’s for help for either Viper Girl or client. It’s if something doesn’t happen quite how we expected or if something truly fucks up - like me right now.

  “No!” I stall him, grabbing him. “Please, don’t. I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not a patient man,” he warns me and the moment I see him hit the alert button, I know my world is about to get a hell of a lot worse.

  Chapter Twelve

  It’s just absolute darkness. I’ve kept my eyes closed so the dark is one I’ve forced upon myself. I struggled the entire way here, but it was ineffective. I made a fuss, pleaded, made it a difficult journey, but when Shads’ threw me in here, I knew one thing about my life as a Viper Girl - It didn’t matter how high my status, I was always going to be easily knocked from the pedestal I had been placed upon.

  I’ve tried to take my mind off what predicament I’m currently in and I’ve slept a little, but I have no idea how long I’ve been here or how long I have left. From how cold I am and how sick to my stomach I am with hunger, I can only presume it’s been a while. I curl more up into myself and strive for some burst of heat to course across me. Again, it fails me and I’m left shivering.

  Trying to distract myself, I think to Jace and wonder what he’s doing. He’s in Florida, where it’s more than likely sizzling with heat and he’s probably so caught up in work I’m not even a thought. I want him to come and save me, but there is no way he would know I’m here, plunged into this dark oblivion. And when I get out, he won’t know. He gave me implicit instructions to just do my job, but I couldn’t do that. I can’t do my job when I have more at stake than ever. But it doesn’t mean he has to know that.

  When I get out of here, I will lie and tell him nothing happened. Work will continue as normal, Joely Gilbert will be back on top, and nothing else can go wrong. I won’t let it. I won’t lose who I am and I won’t endanger my status in this club.

  On that thought, I begin to cry. It’s cathartic and low right now. I don’t want to allow myself to sob my way through my imprisonment here. I feel like I’m allowing everything to slip through my fingers and I’m terrified that this is only the beginning. I can’t spend the remaining three years of my life here knowing I’m the fallen Viper Girl.

  Reaching up, I’m suddenly wiping my tears away. I don’t want to cry, if I cry I weaken my resolve to be better than before. If I lay here sobbing my heart out, Clara will never forgive me - more so than before - and I will be deemed weak and insubordinate. If I continue to cry I will be plunged into my own demise and I can’t be that person. I will not be something I have run from being.

  I have been doing it since the day I left home. I had planned to leave the moment the news of Dylan’s death settled into my addled brain. Everyone’s behavior and attitude towards me was just a welcome push. But no one knew what happened in that car, no one believed me, and in the end, I quit believing myself. Which is why running became the one and only option I had. I remember the night that started it so easily that it may as well be playing before my eyes on constant loop. I remember coming to after the impact of the crash, my breathing a heave; pained and difficult, and my first thoughts were of Dylan. He had been in the passenger seat beside me and the moment I turned to look at him, his eyes were already set on me. He’d reached out and been thankful I was finally awake. He told me about our plans for the future once help arrived, joked about the idiocy of our actions from the day prior. He’d done everything to keep me awake, but when the pain got too much, I couldn’t keep my grip on reality. His last words before I blacked out were that I wasn’t to blame, that I had to remember that, and to continue to live on. Looking back, it was like he knew he wasn’t going to make it. I just wasn’t able to fight for him like he had me.

  And it left one thought with me - he had died as a direct cause of me. I didn’t care if I knew the truth now, I hadn’t for so long and I had lived feeling like the murderer of my own best friend. It was why this club was so appealing to me. It took any and all control from my hands. What did I have to lose? My actions made me into a killer and I couldn’t live like that. Clara Delvine felt like a blessing in disguise, not the devil. She took my life and made it easier for me. I managed to find a reason to live on without being weighed down with guilt. But then Jace Mason entered that party and I found my conscience coming back to life. With his first gaze at me, I found a beating in my heart that had long since ceased to exist.

  I knew Josh’s reappearance in my life would change a lot, but I couldn’t let Clara know that I knew him before falling at the doors to The Viper Rooms. I had a chance to find a part of me I thought was impossible to find. He was my one and only link to my life in Florida and I wasn’t going to risk losing him.

  The shadows clawing away at my body are abruptly penetrated by a sharp burst of light and I'm suddenly aware I've been staring into utter blackness for too long. In all my thoughtfulness, I haven’t been forcing myself in the dark, I’ve just been staring into it. All this time, I’ve been using the abyss to imagine my life before, during, and after The Viper Rooms. I look to the light and squint my eyes, the light causing pain to pound across my temples, bouncing back and forth. I can't quite work out the shape of the door, but I can see its shape morph as footsteps get closer.

  I'm hauled from my curled up position on the floor where I was dropped last and am near enough dragged out of the pit. I’ve gone from total darkness to absolute shinning brightness and I can’t catch up with it. My head is reeling, spinning, thumping, pulsating. My body is a live wire to everything around me and I want to crawl back into the darkness. I want the solidarity of it, the painless oblivion. Out here, in the light and suddenly busied environment, my head is pounding and I'm overcome with nausea. I feel my stomach roll over as my head spins. I'm unaware of anything but the pain and speckled dots to my vision.

  I'm dropped from the grasp of the two guards flanking me and fall to the floor. All of my energy has gone and my limbs don't react fast enough as I make impact with the freezing tiles of Clara's office floor. And with her standing superiorly waiting for her explanation, I know I need to gather some bearings. I didn't think I could get any colder, but my body is plunged into an eternal ice fuelled frenzy right now and I see no way out. Between the pit, the tiles, and the icy stare I can feel on me, I
know warmth is a distant dream.

  And here I am now, on my knees before the Boss. No one has spoken, not even when she begins to pace and my skin prickles in trepidation. I’m frozen right through to the bone. I’m still left in nothing but my skimpy dress and jewelry. I did feel sexy, now I feel disgusting. My head is bowed, not by choice, but force. It feels so heavy with the increasing pressure the headache is slamming away with. I feel rough, and if this is the repercussion of the pit, I am never risking going there again.

  I'm forced to look up as a riding crop is placed to my chin. I squeeze my eyes closed for some inner strength to shine through and I send a tiny prayer that I won't be beaten like Eleanor. I've seen her wounds, I don't want matching ones.

  "Joely," Clara's voice is tame and tranquil. It's light upon my ears and doesn't erupt my aching head anymore than movement has. "Joely, dear, do you want to tell me what happened?" she asks me, crouching down to my level to look me straight in the eyes.

  I try to mutter something, nothing, anything all at once. But no words leave my lips and I shut up. I'm so dehydrated my throat is fighting for a voice. It's in this time I know I could lie, I could deceive my way out of this and not look back. Clara would care more for me than the client, but could I really do that to a man who only wanted a sexual release? He was doing nothing but being a paying customer. I was the one that ruined it. I was the one that defied and broke the rules. I’m the wrongdoer here and I deserve everything I get. But I can’t form the words.

  “If you don’t speak up soon, Joely, you will be back in that room.” The threat causes me to look to her, my eyes widening with the thought and I begin to shake my head. “Well speak up,” she coerces me and I close my eyes and lick my lips in a pointless bid for moisture. “Why did you do what you did?”

  “I-I,” I’m struggling here and I hate it. My brain is barely functioning, I’m a fool for being presumptuous and assuming it would make the most believable lie ever for me to use.

  The door then flies open and the riding crop goes back to Clara’s side and away from me as she shoots up from her crouched position. She puts one hand on her hip, but that’s all I see. I don’t look to see who’s opened the door to interrupt my trial, but I want to thank them. I don’t wait for the conversation to start before my head begins to sink lower once more.

  “Boss,” it’s Eli who speaks up and my heart begins to race. I’m not sure what’s going to come from this, but I can only hope he saves me. “She’s not been well. Last night, Joely was really ill, but she struggled on. I noticed it when she arrived for her shift. You know Joely, she would never jeopardize this, especially for the fear of being thrown in the pit. I guess by the time it got to her last client, her body wasn’t cooperating. You know her, you know her the most, and you know what she’s like. She doesn’t play dangerously here.”

  I can feel the heavy drop of Clara’s gaze upon me. I don’t need to look up to know. I feel the tap of the riding crop against my thigh and I jump, sending my head up to look up at her. “Is this true?” she asks me and I nod. “Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling unwell when you came in? I noticed you were a little more distracted than usual, but I never suspected you to be ill.”

  “I didn’t,” I begin to speak, but no voice erupts from me. I cough, clearing my voice to start again. “I didn’t want to disappoint.” I avert my gaze, knowing I did anyway. I can feel my eyes watering. “Either way I did that.” My voice is nothing more than a raspy ebb of a whisper, but I’m determined to see myself out of this room without a lashing. “I’m sorry, Boss.”

  “Joely,” the attentive voice of Clara bursts into my remorse and she crouches again. This time she uses her hand to force me to look back to her, not the riding crop. The change in her behavior raises the apprehension in my system and I’m worried she’s luring me into a false sense of security. “How are you feeling now?”

  I blink at her, once, twice, a third time before I think of a response. “Cold.” I offer her the God’s honest truth. “Rough,” I joke and try to find a shard of myself in this moment. “Apologetic.”

  “Stop that,” she scolds me lightly. “I want you to go with Eli and get better. I don’t want you in until at least Wednesday. I will send for a doctor if necessary, but I wish you had just come to me.” She continues on with maternal concern and I almost fall for it. “We could have avoided all of this.”

  “I know, Boss,” I reply weakly, not tempting to rock the boat at all anymore than I have already. “It won’t happen again, Boss.”

  “See it doesn’t,” she remarks, and I can tell she’s unimpressed with me regardless. “I need you better as soon as possible. What with the masquerade gala coming up, we need you at your best.”

  “Oh, I’ll make sure she’s feeling better by Wednesday,” Eli jumps in, I feel him walk behind me, covering me with his jacket and he helps me to my feet. “Boss, I’ll see us both out. I’ll be back for my shift later.”

  “No worries, Jay can take over,” Clara waves him off, not caring to see him again. “I want you to report back to me with Joely’s health.”

  I don’t know what happened to the woman who owns this club, but the Clara that just looked out for my welfare is not to be trusted. From his tight hold on me, I can tell Eli thinks the same.

  ***

  “Eat this,” Eli orders me as he slips a bowl of soup in front of me. The aroma floats up and the moment the warm, tomato smell enters my system, my stomach goes wild with craving. I pick the spoon up and begin shoveling as much into my mouth as quickly as possible. I don’t stop or slow down. I just continue to spoon the food into my mouth until it’s all gone. When I come to the end of eating, I can tell Eli’s just desperate to ask what happened and I begin to count in my head to see how long it takes for him to break his own reserve.

  "Wanna tell me what happened?" Eli breaks in as he comes to sit near me at the breakfast bar and I realize he made it to a grand total of seven seconds. I remain silent, lost in my dying down hunger and fear of speaking out of turn. "C'mon, Joely. It's me. We've barely spoken all week and you wind up in the pit. What's wrong with you?"

  Nothing, my mind utters and I relent. "You know our new client?" I ask, my voice still sore and small.

  "That Phillips guy?" he asks me and I nod. "What about him?"

  "I know him," I admit sadly. I look down at my now empty bowl, the shallow puddle left after my starvation fuelled attack on the soup ended. "I was best friends with his brother." I look to him, noticing that his eyes are blank as he doesn't put the pieces together easily. "The one who died." At my admittance, Eli's eyes open wide and I see the recognition shoot into his eyes like fiery stars. "He booked me to talk to me. He told me what really happened all that time ago. He told me it wasn't my fault and when he left I was out of sorts. I couldn't - I still can't - wrap my head around it all. Then Clara gave me a new client and I thought I was okay. But when he," I pause, biting onto my lip and closing my eyes to regain down stamina. I open them with a cathartic sigh and continue. "Wh-when he started to undress, I realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't just be something for him to have sex with. I would be cheating on Jace, Eli. I couldn't do that to him. So I didn't." I allow my hands to come up to my face so it can sink into my palms, the tears spreading between my upturned palms and cheeks.

  I feel Eli move to sit beside me so he can put his arm around me. He hugs me and makes a few choice calming noises, telling me it's going to be okay. I wonder if it ever will be okay if my heart now rules my head so passionately.

  “C’mon,” Eli soothes as he pulls himself away from me. “I’m going to go and put a bath on and then I am going to make sure there are some crappy movies on TV before I order in later. I just want to get you warm first.”

  “Okay,” I whisper and he kisses my forehead. I close my eyes and smile wistfully. Dylan was the only other person who did that for me. Jace does it too, but with him it feels different. It leaves my heart fluttering upon its beats. With Dylan
and Eli it feels like I’m loved and cherished, but I don’t feel my body become wild by the action.

  While he disappears, I jump down from the stool and head over to the piano. I want to call Jace, but I can’t. I don’t want him to know what happened. That resolve hasn’t changed in the slightest. I just need to distract myself. So, there’s only one thing left for me to do now, and that’s to sit down and play the piano before Eli comes back. I need to help myself before I can do anything else and this is the only thing right now that’s granting me some form of cleansing.

  As my mind unwinds and my fingers just play the melody that I’m feeling, I realize that it doesn’t matter what I’m dealt in life, the music that comes from it always feels raw and passionate. It’s how I love my music. It has to feel like it came from an experience, came direct from the heart.

  “Hey,” Eli interrupts me as he puts his hand to my shoulder. It stops all my composing and reminds me that I’m exhausted. “You can play more later. For now, you need to get a wash and catch up on yourself.”

  “You’re right,” I mutter and listen to him begrudgingly.

  ***

  By the time I get out of the bath, I realize my bed is too appealing to ignore. I tell Eli and he tells me to sleep and he’ll take the couch until it’s time to eat again. Gratefully, I shut all the curtains and crawl under the sheets. I don’t care how hot it is outside, I’m still frozen to the core. Snuggling down, I finally escape everything and just drift off.

  “Don’t forget this,” he breaks the moment and I open my eyes to see him standing there with a teddy bear he gave me when he first tried to win my affection. “I want a little part of me with you right now.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper to him, taking the teddy. I hear him briskly leave as my sleep seeps in quickly. It’s ready to drag me into total darkness, and this time I want it. I want absolute oblivion and serenity. My time in the pit is over. I’m now home and I can sleep knowing that too.