Forever Again

by Shannon Stacey

  And friends were all they would ever be, she realized later in the darkness of the theatre. Joe Kirkwood was a great guy, but she couldn’t summon even a spark of desire for him. And she had tried.

  He was handsome, but his pale blue eyes didn’t seem to reach right into her soul. When he put his hand on her back to guide her to their seats she felt nothing but an urge to move away. And when their hands had brushed over the popcorn bucket she had pulled away before he could entwine his fingers through hers.

  Damn you, Travis Ryan, she thought viciously. He didn’t want her, but he’d gone and ruined her for any other man.

  And Joe knew it, too. He kept glancing at her in the dim light and giving her a sad smile filled with regret. Her heart ached for him but she couldn’t feel something that just wasn’t there, no matter how much she had hoped to.

  When the movie was over they drove back to the Inn in silence. He walked her to the door, and Gena felt a pang of guilt when he leaned close and kissed her cheek.

  “I had a good time,” she told him, and she meant it for the most part. If only she could have left her thoughts of Travis at home.

  “So did I,” Joe said. “And I hope you get it all figured out soon.”

  “So do I,” she whispered.

  He smiled and rubbed her shoulder. “Until you do, give me a call if you need a friend to see a movie with, okay?”

  She watched him drive away and went into the house, cursing Travis with every breath she took.

  * * * * *

  Travis looked over at Mia with growing concern. She was curled up on his couch, staring off into space. He sensed there was something bothering her, but he couldn’t figure out what it was.

  She had been fine all day, but was growing more and more quiet as the evening went on. He was beginning to wonder if he had upset her, but he couldn’t think of a single thing he’d done wrong.

  “Are you nervous about starting school?” he asked when he couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

  Looking over at him, Mia shook her head. “I love school. I can’t wait until Wednesday.”

  “Then what’s eating you?”

  She smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “I’ve never been away from Mom before. I miss her a little.”

  So do I. He pushed that thought away in a hurry. “Do you want to call her and say goodnight?”

  “Yeah.” She took the cordless phone from him and punched in the number. “Hi…Donna? Where’s Mom?”

  Travis waited, listening to Mia’s end of the conversation. “Oh… Can you tell her I called? No, nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to say hi, and that I miss her. Okay…bye.”

  “Did your mom go out?” Travis asked in a casual tone he had to struggle for when she had turned off the phone.

  “Yeah. She went on a date with Mr. Kirkwood.”

  The fast-food dinner Mia had insisted on soured in his stomach. She was out on a date with that guy from the gallery.

  He should have known there was something between Gena and Joe Kirkwood. The guy’s attraction to her had been written all over his face. And it certainly explained why she had overreacted to his touch.

  The jealousy was so overwhelming he went into the kitchen. He didn’t want Mia to see it on his face and jump to the wrong conclusion—if it was the wrong conclusion. He wasn’t sure what to think.

  He knew he couldn’t have it both ways. If she wasn’t with him she was free to be with anybody she chose, and he was the one who kept pushing her away. It was his own fault, so he had nobody to blame but himself.

  Resting his palms on the counter, he leaned his forehead against the top cabinet. He had no right to be angry or jealous. It didn’t even make sense if what he felt for her was only sexual attraction. And it was.

  He told himself that so often he almost believed it. That didn’t explain why he wanted to put his fist through the birch cabinet in front of him. Why should it matter to him so much if she went out with another man?

  After all, it only made his life easier. If there was a boyfriend around the place, he’d be a lot less likely to act on his urges to touch her…to kiss her. Maybe he would even be able to stop thinking about her. Eventually.

  “What time is Kristen coming over?” Mia yelled from the living room.

  He glanced at the microwave clock. “She’ll be here in another half-hour or so.”

  “Cool. She’s going to show me how to do a French manicure.”

  “That’s great, kiddo.” He sighed, suddenly not looking forward to an evening spent watching his fiancée bond with his daughter.

  * * * * *

  Mia started school, and as the days grew shorter and the nights colder, they fell into a comfortable routine that minimized Gena’s contact with Travis.

  She didn’t miss him any less, and she still spent almost every night tossing and turning—dreaming about that kiss in the kitchen. But at least every day wasn’t an emotional rollercoaster ride anymore, and she was beginning to think just maybe she would survive this broken heart.

  She shivered and set her camera down to button her cardigan. It was getting chilly, even during the day now, and she added getting their winter coats cleaned to the list of things to do.

  She picked up the camera again and walked to the far side of the yard, checking the composition through the viewfinder every few feet. Finally she reached a distance where she could get a full shot of the house with the trees surrounding it.

  The peak tourist season wouldn’t start for another couple of weeks, especially up north, but the leaves were starting to change on the trees around the Inn. She wanted to take the pictures for new brochures before they fell. While the house was attractive even when framed by snow or by flowers, autumn was her favorite.

  She took several shots, capturing the large white house surrounded by leaves in shades of gold, orange and crimson. Scattered around the property were some pines, and the glimpses of green in the viewfinder only enhanced the brilliant colors.

  Gena heard the truck before she saw it and she turned the camera off. Usually she was in the house when Travis dropped Mia off, but she had gotten the timing wrong this time. Short of ignoring her and driving right by her, he had no choice but to say hello, and she would have no choice but to respond.

  His truck turned into the drive and she tried to brace herself emotionally as she walked toward it. Mia got out and waved, her face beaming. Travis also got out, which surprised her. She stopped, took a deep breath, and walked the rest of the distance to the driveway.

  “Hi, Mom! Guess what? Dad’s taking us apple picking tomorrow!”

  She turned to Travis, watching the slight red flush creep over his face. “Us? Is Kristen coming up this weekend?”

  “No. I mean you and me and him,” Mia said over her shoulder as she walked to the house.

  The three of us…apple picking? Remembering her resolve to play it cool—to not wear her heart on her sleeve—she gave him a half-smile. “We’re going apple picking?”

  Travis looked over his shoulder to make sure Mia was out of earshot. “She told me you guys go every year and I mentioned that I’ve never gone. She insisted.”

  “You grew up here. You didn’t even go when you were a kid?”

  “Nope. It wasn’t my mother’s idea of fun.”

  “Oh.” Gena wracked her brain trying to come up with some excuse—any excuse— that didn’t make it sound like she was avoiding him.

  “I think it’s important to her,” Travis insisted. “It’s a family thing—like the movies.”

  Her face felt hot immediately and she bit down on her lip. The memories of how that first movie night had ended were all too clear in her mind. Then those memories led her mind to that kiss in the kitchen, and she turned away. There was absolutely no way she could let that happen again.

  But she couldn’t get out of this without looking like a jerk to her daughter, and she didn’t want Travis to know he affected her that much—that he could influence her decisions.

/>   “Fine. What time?”

  “I told Mia I’d pick you guys up around noon.”

  That wasn’t going to happen. “We’ll meet you at the orchard at twelve-thirty. If I can get Donna to work. She usually likes a little more notice.”

  Travis smiled and looked down at his feet. “Actually, Mia already talked to her. She’ll be here.”

  She was out of excuses. “Twelve-thirty, then?”

  His eyes were warm, and his voice just a little too low when he said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  She stood where she was long after his truck had pulled out of the driveway. She was going to spend an afternoon with Mia and Travis picking apples. So what? She was a big girl, and she could handle it.

  There would be no kissing, she vowed. No kissing, no touching—no tears. She would be…indifferent.

  * * * * *

  That was a lot easier said than done, she realized when they got out of the car in the orchard’s parking lot.

  Travis waited near the main barn which served as the store. The day bordered on cold, and he wore a blue fisherman’s sweater that accented not only his eyes, but the width of his shoulders and chest.

  Gena shivered and she wasn’t sure if it was Travis or the weather, but she did wish she had worn something heavier than the cardigan.

  “Can we ride the tractor up to the field?” Travis asked, pointing at the trailer piled high with hay bales that was hooked behind an old Massey-Ferguson tractor.

  She had to laugh at his boyish enthusiasm. “We usually just walk since Mia got bored with the tractor ride a long time ago, but we can if you want.”

  “Did you get the bags yet?” Mia asked.

  “Bags?” He scowled. “We need bags?”

  “How many apples can you stuff down that sweater?” Gena asked in a mocking voice.

  “I’ll get them,” Mia offered, already making her way into the barn.

  “Thanks for coming, Gena,” he said when they were alone.

  “It wasn’t my idea.”

  “I know it wasn’t, but I’m still glad you came.”

  She didn’t say anything, so Travis shoved his hands into his pockets and watched the children running around the parking lot.

  He had hoped this outing would help them establish a more stable—platonic—relationship, but now he thought that ship might have already sailed. He could tell by the lift of her chin, the rigidity of her spine, that Gena was merely masking the hurt and anger she was no doubt still feeling.

  He cleared his throat. “We haven’t really had a chance to talk since our…fight in the kitchen.”

  She whirled to face him, her hazel eyes narrowed. “And we’re not going to talk about it now. We’re here with our daughter, in case you forgot.”

  “I didn’t forget. I just want to apologize.”

  “I’ve heard it before. You can keep your apologies and keep your distance, too.”

  He was trying to think of something to say when Mia came out with six large paper bags with twine handles. Each was stamped with the name of the orchard and held about ten pounds of apples.

  “How many apples do we have to pick?” he asked in mock horror, taking two bags from her.

  “Mom uses them for pies and she cans some to use during the winter. We get some sad looking apples at the grocery store.”

  “How do you know if they have worms?”

  Mia laughed and took hold of his arm, dragging him toward the tractor. “Just come on.”

  Travis helped her up onto the hay bales, his emotions a tangle of happiness and regret. The more time he spent with his daughter, the more he realized how wonderful she was, and how blessed he was to have her in his life.

  He also regretted all the lost years. When he saw her saucy grins and stubbornly set chin he imagined what a handful she must have been as a little girl. He would have loved to watch her grow into the amazing young lady she was now.

  He turned to help Gena onto the trailer and tamped down those feelings. What was done was done, and he’d promised himself—and Gena—that he would live in the present.

  When he extended his hand he saw her hesitate, staring down at his open palm. Then she took a deep breath, put her hand in his and stepped up. He felt a crazy urge to put his hand on her bottom and push, but the thought of getting a verbal dressing-down in public didn’t appeal to him.

  He satisfied himself with watching her, admiring the generous curve of her behind as she climbed. Then he remembered Mia might be watching him and tore his gaze away. He let go of Gena’s hand and hoisted himself up.

  The ride up the hill to the orchard was bumpy and they all laughed when Travis almost bounced off the hay bales. He regained his balance and gave them a sheepish grin. “Sorry, I’m new at this.”

  When they reached the top of the hill Mia ran ahead to a woman sitting at a wooden desk in the middle of the road and came back with three contraptions he had never seen before. They were long sticks with mesh baskets at the top. “What is this for?”

  Both women shook their heads at him. “It’s to pick the apples from up high, Dad.”

  “Oh.” He took his stick and his bags and followed them until they found a row of trees they liked. Then they set about ignoring him while rapidly filling their bags with luscious red apples.

  He followed them up row after row until Gena and Mia had each filled both their bags. His first bag was only half-full, and Gena laughed out loud.

  “What have you been doing? You’re supposed to be picking apples, not daisies.”

  He tried to focus on her words instead of her musical laugh, but it wasn’t easy. He loved to hear her laugh and it didn’t happen often when he was around.

  “You can’t just take any apple,” he said an affronted voice. “You have to check the skin and make sure they don’t have any holes, and…”

  His words tapered off as his gaze met hers. Her hazel eyes sparkled in amusement and the chilly autumn air added a rosy glow to her cheeks. The light breeze played with her hair, blowing soft auburn wisps across her face.

  “You are so beautiful,” he whispered before he could stop the words.

  Her smile froze in place and the light in her eyes died. She turned away from him and he wanted more than anything to take those words back, but he couldn’t. He stepped forward, intending to… What? What am I going to do?

  Mia cleared her throat, jerking him back to reality. “I’m going to climb the lookout tower. I’ll probably be a while.”

  “We’ll be right there,” he said.

  Gena heard Mia walk away and she sighed, waiting for Travis to say something. Indifference, she reminded herself yet again. She couldn’t let him see how his words had affected her.

  But it was hard. You are so beautiful. She couldn’t even count the times in her life she wished he would say those words to her. And now he had, but it made no difference. He belonged to another woman, and it would stay that way.

  “Why did you go out with Joe Kirkwood a while back?”

  Gena spun to face him, hardly believing she had heard him correctly. “How did you know that, and what business is it of yours?”

  “I was in the room when Mia called to say goodnight to you and Donna told her where you were. And it is my business.”

  Gena planted her hands on her hips. “How do you figure that?”

  He hesitated, a flush climbing his neck, and she wondered if he was still jealous. After all, he had pulled that stupid stunt at the gallery—and now this.

  “Well…of course it’s my business who you date. You can’t have just any guy around Mia. She’s my daughter and I don’t want strange men near her.”

  Gena’s outburst of laughter was bitter. “Strange men? She has known Joe her entire life. And I didn’t marry him—we just saw a movie.”

  His jaw tightened and he looked down at the ground. “Are you going to see him again?”

  “I might,” she lied without hesitation. Maybe he wouldn’t like taking a back seat to
another anymore than she did. “He’s very sweet, and he’s a gentleman.”

  Anger flared in his blue eyes. “Did he kiss you?”

  “Yes, he did.” On the cheek, she added to herself. “And I say again—it’s none of your business.”

  He swore and threw his bag of apples on the ground. When he turned to walk away she stepped forward and grabbed his arm. “You don’t get it both ways, Travis.”

  “What are you talking about?” he practically snarled.

  “You don’t want me but nobody else can have me? It doesn’t work that way.”

  He jerked his arm away. “Fine. Date anybody you want. Sleep with every guy you meet. See if I give a damn.”

  His words knifed through her and she slapped him hard. Instantly her handprint glowed a soft pink on his cheek. She backed away, her hand raised to cover her mouth in shock. “Travis…”

  “I deserved that,” he said in a low voice. “But don’t you ever do that again.”

  He started to walk away, then turned back. “We’re about done here, I think. I’ll get Mia.”

  She only nodded, unable to get any words past her throat. When he was out of sight in the trees she sat in the grass, covering her face with her hands.

  Shame made her face feel hot, and she wondered how she could ever face him again. She had never lost her temper like that before, and she had certainly never struck anybody in anger. But his words had wounded her so deeply she had simply lashed out.

  What had she done? Mia would be furious if she found out she had struck her father and it would be hard to miss with her handprint on his face. She prayed it would fade before Mia came down from the tower.

  Well, she thought, I won’t have to worry about him wanting to kiss me anymore.

  Chapter Eleven

  Mia paced the living room with her hands on her hips and her chin raised. Gena watched her—her own arms crossed—determined not to give in to her daughter’s stubbornness.

  “I want you and Dad to be there together.”