by Rob Loveless
“Well, don’t you want to know how it was?” he replied with humor in a desperate effort to lessen the tension.
“No, I want to know what the hell you were thinking!” she snapped. “This is Andrew we’re talking about. This is your fuckboy. Even worse, this is your sister’s boyfriend.”
“I know,” Cal acknowledged with remorse.
“When did this happen? How did this happen?”
“Last night. We went out to the bars—”
“We?”
“Andrew and I…and Claire.”
“Oh, Cal—”
“We went to the bars, and when we got home, Claire passed out. And then, Andrew followed me…and it just happened.”
“How drunk were you two?” Sophie questioned.
“Drunk enough to act on it…but not drunk enough to lack discretion.”
“So, when you say you slept with him…”
“We had sex.”
“Oh shit,” Sophie mumbled. “Honestly, Cal. I love you, but I’m at a complete loss of words here. I mean, I don’t know what to say about this.”
“Me neither,” he admitted.
“Did you guys talk this morning?” she inquired. “Assuming that, you know, he didn’t leave once you fell asleep like last time.”
“Ha ha, very funny,” Cal replied. “Yes, he stayed in bed with me overnight. And we talked a bit this morning.”
“Well?”
“He sounded like he wants to be with me.”
“Cal, no.”
“I know, I told him it was wrong and we can’t be together…” Cal started and his voice waivered. His eyes stung as fresh tears formed and he pinched the corners of his eyes, desperate to keep the tears from falling. “But, Sophie, I really want to be with him.”
“You can’t let this happen again. You can’t repeat what happened years ago,” she said firmly. “It doesn’t matter what he says; he’s a manipulator.”
“He told me he loved me,” he countered and felt foolish saying it aloud. Still, he hung onto this notion, hoping it could be true.
“Cal, I love you. Your family loves you. Claire loves you. Jacob may even love you if you give him the chance to. But Andrew—”
“He doesn’t love me?” Cal retorted.
“Listen to me, Cal, he is a fuckboy. We both know it. Look at what he put you through.”
“Things were complicated back then. The timing wasn’t right,” he reasoned defiantly.
“And the timing is right now?” Sophie shot back. “When you love someone, you fight for them—no matter how complicated. In my eyes, Andrew never fought for you when he could’ve. And that’s his loss.
“But now, here’s Jacob. And it seems to me he’s fighting for you. He’s been patient with you and receptive to your situation. Now, I’m not saying you guys are going to be together forever, but he’s someone who doesn’t want to play games. You can’t let yourself fall for people who want to play games. You can’t let yourself fall for Andrew.”
“I know,” Cal muttered.
“I know you know, but you’re still falling for him,” she replied in a somewhat harsh tone and an uncomfortable silence fell upon the two friends. “I’m gonna be tied up at a Christmas party with some of my college friends today. But how about I come over tonight? Does your mom’s invitation still stand?”
“Yeah, of course. You’re always welcome here. I’m pretty sure she likes you more than she likes Claire and I.”
“Well I am pretty great, aren’t I?” she joked. “But anyway, I’ll come over later and stay till Christmas to help you get through this.”
“Thanks, Sophie.”
“You’re welcome. Now, keep your dick in your pants till I get there,” Sophie teased.
“Oh, kinky. I love it when you sweet-talk me,” Cal replied.
“Shut up, you know what I mean,” she laughed. “No more kissing Andrew. Got it?”
“Got it.”
After Cal hung up, he figured it would be best to lay low that day until he and Andrew had a chance to talk in private. His parents had been popping in and out of the house all day, running errands and finishing their last-minute Christmas shopping. Mrs. Adams tended to get a little frazzled when preparing for company, and having the extended family over for Christmas in two days had her in a state of upheaval. Claire—not as immune to hangovers as she previously thought—had begun to feel the unforgiving effects of last night’s binge. By early afternoon, she had taken refuge in the silence of her bedroom to nurse a relentless headache.
With his sister detained and his parents’ sporadic appearances, Cal seized advantage of the moment to coordinate a time and place to discuss with Andrew what had happened and how to handle it. Sophie had texted Cal to say she wouldn’t make it to his family’s house until around ten, so the two men decided to grab a drink early that evening at Crush, a local gay bar in the town over.
Just after seven, he and Andrew broke away from the house, and Cal drove them to the bar. Despite the parking lot being somewhat vacant since it was still early, Crush’s radiant signs welcomed and invited the two inside. The bar was quaint and dimly lit, decorated by exotic-looking plants and provocative, neon pictures. Cal and Andrew settled themselves at the bar, which was opposite from the dance floor at the other end of the building where a live band was setting up and testing their instruments instead of the usual DJ stand.
“Seems like an interesting place,” Andrew remarked.
“It is. It’s the only gay bar in the area, so it brings in an interesting crowd…but it’s great,” Cal responded.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, it’s the first gay bar I went to—my eighteenth birthday.”
“Ha, I feel like that’s a rite of passage for every gay boy,” Andrew teased.
“Ha ha, I guess so. What are you drinking?”
“I’m good with whatever.”
Cal ordered them draft beers, and once their drinks arrived, the two somberly discussed their predicament. Though Cal was torn inside, he attempted to remain strong. The former lovers reflected on their past fling from years earlier, chatted about Andrew’s relationship with Claire, and evaluated where the two of them currently stood. Though neither could deny their attraction to the other, Cal forced Andrew to acknowledge that what they had was not right.
“Are we okay?” Andrew asked his ex.
“Yeah, we’re good,” Cal reassured him as he took a swig of beer. “As long as we don’t sleep with each other again.”
“So I guess we should stay away from each other when we’re drunk,” he laughed.
“If that’s the case, we better avoid each other during the big boozing holidays.”
“So, New Year’s, St. Paddy’s Day…”
“Mardis Gras. You know, the essentials,” Cal chuckled.
“All right. Glad we’ve got that settled,” Andrew said. “You know, it’s good we can laugh about this but…I’m not sorry last night happened. I know it’s not right—and don’t get me wrong—I love your sister—but I really do love you.”
“Well, apparently there’s something about us Adams kids. People can’t seem to get enough of us,” Cal replied before tossing back the remainder of his beverage.
“Cal, I’m being serious. I know it’s not right, and we’re moving on from this, but I want you to know that,” Andrew insisted as he stared into his ex’s eyes.
“Thanks, Andrew. I appreciate that—and I’m not being a smart ass. I mean it, I love you too,” he said as he returned his longing stare.
“Hi there, handsome.” A man appearing to be in his early thirties, with bleached blond hair, trendy clothes, and an obnoxious blinged-out gold chain stumbled over to Cal and Andrew. “I’m Austin. You boys seem familiar; come here often?”
“No,” Cal replied curtly, unable to hide his impatience. Though he did not know Austin personally, Cal did recognize him from social media—they had several gay, mutual friends online—and he had no desire to chat. Austi
n was giving off a vibe that indicated his personality was as fake as his showy persona.
Cal had met this type of guy before and assumed he had Austin figured out: he was the type of guy to utilize dating apps for the sole purpose of gaining followers and likes on social media in an effort to be known in the gay community. Guys like Austin tended to be into the scene: frequently going to clubs, hooking up, and dabbling with drugs. Cal could respect the whole “to each their own” mantra, but personally, he had no patience dealing with these types of guys—especially at a critical moment like this.
“You seem familiar,” Austin repeated as he stirred his blue cocktail with a straw. “Oh, I know where I’ve seen you before! You’re on Sleazr.”
“Not since college.” Cal dismissed him with a dry laugh.
“What about you?” he asked Andrew before taking a large gulp of his drink.
“Uh—”
“Neither of us live around here, so I think you’ve got us confused with someone else,” Cal interjected. “Now I’m sorry, but we’re kind of in the middle of something here.”
Austin stared at Cal for a moment until he was distracted by the appearance of an acquaintance entering the bar. Quickly forgetting why he had approached Cal and Andrew, he hurried off to greet his friend, and the two then disappeared within the now-growing crowd.
“Well, that was…random,” Andrew said.
“Nice to know we’ve still got it though,” Cal laughed.
“Ha ha yeah. So anyway…last night was goodbye?”
“I guess so.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Honestly, I don’t know what it was,” Cal admitted.
“Me neither,” Andrew concurred. “Maybe we should actually say goodbye? So we both know we’re actually saying goodbye.”
“I’m not saying goodbye like that again.”
“Well, how about we say goodbye like this.”
Andrew leaned forward on his bar stool and kissed Cal on the lips. He responded by opening his mouth, and the two shared a final, tender kiss that lasted for several moments. Cal broke away and forced himself to plunge back into reality.
“Goodbye, Cal,” his ex said.
“Goodbye, Andrew” he replied with a weak, bittersweet smile. “So, another round?”
“Yeah, but this time it’s on me.”
“Hey, Cal?” a voice called. He turned on his stool and saw Jacob waving to him from the entrance.
“Oh shit,” Cal muttered.
“Do you know him?” Andrew asked to the side as Jacob approached them at the bar.
“Jacob!” Cal greeted a little too enthusiastically and gave him a hug.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” Jacob inquired.
“Wouldn’t you know it? This is the nearest gay bar to my parents’ house. I used to come here when I was in high school,” Cal clarified in a nonchalant tone. “What about you?”
“I’m here for my friend’s gig tonight,” he explained.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“My friend’s gig…the one I texted you about.”
“Oh, that gig,” Cal recalled as his stomach lurched. “The band.”
“Yeah, my friend’s.”
“Right, your friend’s band! Your friend’s band is playing here…tonight. Ha ha, what are the odds? Small world we live in, huh?” he rambled.
“You know, I never did hear back from you,” Jacob commented with a sheepish grin.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. Things got kind of crazy at home,” Cal justified.
“It’s cool. I figured you were busy,” he replied. “How is everything going with that situation?”
“Oh, you know. I’m trying my best to deal with it.”
“Well, luckily the holidays will be over soon,” Jacob reassured him before eyeing Andrew. “I’m sorry, we’re completely ignoring—”
“Oh, this is my friend,” Cal introduced.
“Hi, I’m Jacob,” he greeted as he shook Andrew’s hand.
“Hey, I’m Andrew.”
“Oh, uh, Andrew. Nice to meet you. Well, I better go find my friends,” Jacob stammered before he turned and left in haste. Cal’s discomfort shifted to guilt as Jacob walked away seeming dejected.
“Here’s your beer,” Andrew stated as the bartender delivered their drinks.
“I’m good for right now. Um, I’ll be right back,” Cal said as he eased his way into the crowd that was gathering by the band. “Jacob, wait.”
“Forget it, Cal,” he retorted as he continued his way up to the stage.
“It’s not what you think!”
Jacob stopped abruptly and spun around to face Cal.
“I saw you two kiss!”
“Oh,” Cal said.
“You know what? If you were seeing other guys, then fine. We haven’t been seeing each other that long, and we haven’t talked about being exclusive. But him? Honestly, Cal!”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t feel sorry for me,” Jacob exclaimed. “Feel sorry for your sister. And, more importantly, feel sorry for yourself—that you don’t respect yourself enough to admit you deserve better than him.”
“What?” Cal scoffed as he was both taken aback by the shift in Jacob’s usual easygoing demeanor and offended by the insult.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know it’s true,” Jacob stated. “You know, when we first met, you seemed like a genuine guy. But then you’d get quiet on me off and on, and you assured me we were good. And now, this? Cal, from what you’ve told me, you’re acting just like Andrew.”
“That’s not fair,” Cal muttered, at a loss for words. A sudden sadness resulting from Jacob’s accusation settled over him, and he was deeply hurt, but more so concerned. Was Jacob right? Was he being selfish and acting like Andrew?
“No? You know what else isn’t fair? Walking in and seeing someone you cared about making out with their fuckboy ex, who they’re clearly still not over,” Jacob spat. “Bye, Cal.”
“Wait, it’s not like that!” he shouted, but it was too late and Jacob stormed off, leaving Cal alone. The guilt he was feeling was immense.
“Everything okay?” Andrew asked as he approached Cal through the crowd.
“Yeah, just fine,” he lied. “You know, I’m actually not feeling the greatest. Do you want to leave soon?”
“Uh yeah, sure.”
“I’m sorry, I know it’s early but…”
“Don’t worry. I’ve got to run an errand anyway.”
Cal and Andrew finished their beers, closed out the tab at the bar, and exited Crush in a hurry. Andrew offered to drive home, which Cal appreciated, because he was a bit shaky from his encounter with Jacob since he was not a very confrontational person. On the drive home, he texted Sophie to fill her in on that night’s drama and informed her he’d be home in half an hour.
Once the two men arrived at the house, Andrew handed over the keys to Cal, and they retreated to their separate rooms. Claire was asleep on the couch in front of the television, and his parents were nowhere to be found—probably out running last-minute errands of their own or at a neighbor’s house for a holiday celebration. Cal appreciated the silence and tranquility that gave him time to sulk alone in his bedroom and reflect on his misdoings.
He sank into his bed and buried his face in the pillow before he sighed in despair. How could he have done this to Jacob? Cal realized now that he had only thought about himself when it came to Andrew and had failed to factor in Jacob’s and Claire’s own feelings. He had created a mess and—worst of all—he had ruined things between him and Jacob.
His sulking was interrupted by a familiar ping. Cal reached for his phone, but he had no messages or notifications. The ping sounded again before a door closed at the end of the hallway. Cal realized it was not his own phone pinging, though that noise sounded so familiar. Where had he heard it before?
“Sleazr,” he said aloud in apparent realization.
Cal’s phone began to vibrate on the nightstand as So
phie’s name appeared on its screen. He scrambled to retrieve it and answered on the third ring.
“Yeah?”
“I’m here,” Sophie informed him.
“Okay, good. Come upstairs—quick.”
“What?”
“Just do it,” he hissed before hanging up. A few moments later, the front door squeaked open followed by light footsteps ascending the staircase. “I’m in here.”
“Cal?” Sophie said as she peeked into his guest bedroom.
“Shh,” he scolded as he yanked her in and shut the door behind them.
“Cal, what is going on?” she wondered.
“Andrew is on Sleazr,” he revealed.
“How do you know?” Sophie inquired.
“I heard his phone go off before; it was a notification from Sleazr.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive; I know what I heard,” Cal assured. “Give me your phone. I’ll prove it.”
“Why not use yours?” she questioned as she fished her phone out of her purse.
“Because, if I open the app on my phone it’ll activate my old profile, and he’ll know it’s me,” Cal reasoned as he took Sophie’s phone from her. He downloaded the Sleazr app with haste and created a quick, pictureless profile. Then, he browsed through nearby guys and, sure enough, Andrew’s face appeared.
“Oh my God,” Sophie gasped.
“That fucker!” Cal exclaimed.
“What does his profile say?” she pressed.
“Brown eyes; five-foot-nine,” Cal read aloud from the profile. “A hundred and fifty pounds? Bullshit! Maybe three years ago before he got that dad bod.”
“Anything else?”
“His About Me says, ‘Not sure what I’m looking for. Hit me up if you’re chill.’”
“Do you think he’s actually using Sleazr? Like, meeting up with guys from the app?” Sophie asked in disbelief.
“I’m not sure, but let’s find out.” Cal opened the internet browser on Sophie’s phone and searched for pictures of cute, young men. He found a photo that appeared realistic and not posed, and saved it to the phone. Then, he reopened Sleazr and cropped the saved photo to fit as his profile picture. Once he had saved his changes, he messaged Andrew.
“Hey sexy, how are you?” Sophie read aloud from the phone. “Does that shit actually work on there?”
