“I haven’t felt special in a long time. Wyatt never has time for me anymore, and—”
Ava could hear her voice catch. “Wyatt loves you. Your kids—”
“You don’t have to remind me about the kids. I don’t know how much longer I can keep them from knowing something’s wrong.”
“Sweetie, they already do.”
The only sound that came through the line was sobbing. “I’ve wrecked it all. I’ve taken my life—all their lives—and torn them to bits with my selfishness. If only we hadn’t argued that morning, maybe I could have been stronger, but Wyatt was pitying me. Pitying me—” Her voice rose. “And then Saxon came because he was worried and made me feel so wanted—” Another hitch fractured her voice. “I’ve never felt that way with Wyatt. Never.”
“What happened between you and Wyatt?”
“He’s always gone anymore, and he’s too tired to do anything but fall into bed when he comes home. I—I wanted just one more baby. I thought maybe it would bring us closer again.”
“Oh, Ellie…” Ava sighed. “You know babies aren’t the answer, don’t you?”
“It’s the only thing I know how to do well.”
“You’re so wrong. Didn’t anything Saxon said about your painting sink in?”
“I—I was afraid, Ava. Saxon makes me want to be young again, to start over.”
“You’re not old.”
“What could I have been in my life if I hadn’t gotten married so young?”
Dear God. Anger shot through her. “Ellie, stop that right now. You have a good man, you have terrific children.” You can’t desert me. “Saxon is not the staying kind. He’ll break your heart.”
“Maybe I’m different.”
Ava sucked in a breath. “You’re willing to break up your family for him?”
“I don’t know—I don’t know—” She was almost shouting. “All I know is I see a life filled with a passion I never knew existed, and God help me, part of me wants it. I want to feel that way again, the way I felt in his arms. I want to finish what we started, to see what it’s like to make love with a man like that.”
This wasn’t an Ellie she’d ever known, and it scared Ava like nothing else. “You can’t mean this. You can’t even be considering throwing away a whole life.”
“I—I can’t talk about this anymore. I’m hanging up.”
“Ellie, wait—don’t you dare hang up. You listen to me. Saxon is exciting. He’s a walking wet dream. He’s shown you a part of yourself that you didn’t believe existed. But he is not going to stay—”
She heard Ellie’s gasp of outrage. “Not because of you, just because of his nature. He goes through women like water. I could cut out my tongue for ever urging you to take those lessons. I feel like an idiot that all I was worried about was Saxon scaring you to death. Think, Ellie. Think what you’re doing. Think about Sam, about Christy and the others. Even if you’re willing to risk your own heart, you have no right to risk theirs.”
“You don’t—you don’t understand.” But Ellie sounded defeated now, her words a token protest.
“I write about grand passions, remember? But they’re fantasies, girlfriend. Real life doesn’t work that way. That’s why women devour them like candy, because they’re not real.”
“Maybe sometimes they can be.”
Fear flared into rage. “Stop talking like that. You can’t be serious. Wyatt doesn’t deserve this. Your kids don’t deserve this.” She forced herself to speak more softly. “I do understand the attraction. But you won’t survive this, you know that. It would destroy something inside you if you harmed your family.”
“I don’t have any choice, do I? My life is already laid out for me.” Silence ensued, punctuated by the soft sounds of sobbing. “And Wyatt will never forgive me. I don’t know what to do, Ava. I don’t know where it all went wrong.”
“I am so sorry I’m this far away. Do you want someone to come over tonight?”
“No. It would only alarm the kids.”
Ava hated feeling so impotent. “Ellie, go be with your kids. Make popcorn and watch a movie or just sit with them, but stop hiding in your room. Let their love ease your anguish. Then when they’re in bed, go take a long, hot bath and go to bed. You’ve got to keep up your strength.”
“I can’t talk to them. They’ll see—”
“They already sense something’s very wrong. I don’t know if you feel like you can tell them that you and Wyatt had a big fight, but maybe you could just cling to this idea that you’ve been sick. But let them know you’re getting better and let them care for you tonight. You know they’ll do it.”
“And what about Wyatt?”
“Don’t think about Wyatt tonight. Or Saxon. You don’t have to solve this yet. Just get through tonight. And tomorrow, call Sylvie to come see you.”
“I can’t face her.”
“Sylvie will not judge you. She loves you, and she’s strong. And I’ll be home soon. We’ll help you get through this.”
“I’m so tired.”
“Of course you are. You can’t solve all this until you take care of the shell. Concentrate on making your body healthy. Eat. Sleep. Go through the motions until you start feeling better. But don’t hide anymore, Ellie. You haven’t murdered anyone. You and Wyatt just have some talking to do, to figure out how to reweave the fabric of your marriage.”
“What if it can’t be rewoven?”
“It can,” she said firmly. “There’s too much that’s good between you for you two not to get past this.”
“I wish I could believe you, but you didn’t see his face—” Ellie’s voice broke again.
“Not tonight, Ellie. Pretend you’re Scarlett O’Hara. Tomorrow you’ll figure all this out. Or the next tomorrow. But don’t kid yourself—the strength of his reaction proves he’s anything but indifferent. Indifference is the true opposite of love. Anger, even hatred, you can work with. He’s very hurt, but Wyatt doesn’t hold grudges. And he loves you, never forget that.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I am. Now go unlock that door and spend what’s left of the evening with your kids. Put this away for tonight, as best you can. And call me if you need me.”
“Ava?”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry. I let you down. I let everyone down.”
“Stop it, Ellie. Not tonight. Go wash your face and be with your kids.”
“All right.” Ellie released her breath on a shaky sob. “Thank you. You’re a good bully.”
Ava smiled faintly. “We all have our talents. I love you, kiddo.”
“I love you, too. Good night.”
“Good night. And sweet dreams.”
One stranded sob emerged. “I doubt that.”
Ava heard the click. She sagged against the bed and stared into space, then slowly hung up on her end.
Where did it say that love was enough to keep a man and a woman from losing their way, no matter how strong the marriage seemed from outside?
A shiver raced through her. No one was safe.
Luisa had been with Tom tonight. Maybe… No. Even if there was something there, Ava wasn’t letting go without a fight. Gathering every scrap of determination, she rose and headed for her own long, hot bath.
* * *
Laken had worked out her worries over Ellie and Wyatt with a run. She still couldn’t believe what had happened to the marriage she was sure was inviolate.
Good thing she had no illusions about herself and Michael. They were temporary, but the best temporary she’d ever had. When he was gone, she would remember him for quite some time. And for now…she’d enjoy everything he had to offer.
He had so much.
As she rounded the house, she heard his voice—and the tension in it.
Damn. An emergency he wouldn’t ignore, blast it. Oh, well. Maybe it wouldn’t take long. Or maybe he’d let her ride with him. Maybe they could have a picnic after, just him and her…okay, plus two dogs
. One of which had to be supervised constantly.
However they had to work it, she would savor all she could of this day. Each one of them was precious. Leonard’s father had at last passed away, and he would return home soon.
Which meant Michael would go. As she’d always known he would. She shouldn’t want to throw something when she thought of it.
Then she drew close enough to realize it was not a patient to whom he was speaking.
“Mom…you can’t continue to ask me to hold off. It’s bad enough you lied to me for my whole life, but you cannot keep me away from him any longer. I’m sorry. You know I love you, but…I’m doing this, Mom. I’ll do my best to—” He cursed softly. His shoulders sank. “You don’t mean that. You’re being dramatic—and unreasonable. I said I’d be careful—” His brows snapped together as he lowered the phone. Held onto it and stared out into the distance.
Then Ajax saw her and yipped.
Michael turned. “Hey.”
“Hey, yourself. What’s up?”
“Nothing—” He looked away.
“Michael, it’s not nothing. I wasn’t eavesdropping, but I couldn’t help hearing. You’re upset. What is it your mother doesn’t want you to do?”
For a minute, she thought he wasn’t going to answer.
Then he glanced at the ground in thought, shook his head and lifted his gaze to hers. “I love my mom. She was always great to me—still is. Except…” Another shake of his head.
Laken placed one hand on his arm. “My parents are completely dysfunctional. You can’t shock me.”
“I just…I’ve always thought she was about as perfect as a mother could be…” he grimaced, then looked straight at her. “Until I learned that she’s been lying to me all my life.”
“About what? Something serious?”
“A brother she never bothered to tell me about. A first marriage she kept secret, even from my father.”
Laken did a double-take. “Holy crap. A brother you never heard of?”
“Yeah.” His jaw hardened. “Apparently my mother was married before my dad. They had a child. She loved him, she swears.” His gaze was haunted. “Apparently not enough, though. She left them both when Ian was five. Just walked away.”
“Why? Maybe her husband was—maybe he hurt her.”
“He was a great guy, she says. But he was a cowboy who never intended to live anywhere but his ranch, and she didn’t want that.”
“She didn’t know that about herself before? But how do you leave an innocent…?”
“My question exactly.” He swore softly. “I have a brother—all these years, and I never had a clue. I have no idea if he knows about me, but I doubt it. She seems to have thoroughly cut the ties.” Michael looked so unhappy. “How do I still love her? Admire her, when she could do something like that to a little boy? And I want to know him, but why would he want to know me?” His laugh was mirthless. “That’s part of her reasoning about why I shouldn’t go meet him, because his father is still alive, and it would hurt his dad. Would hurt Ian, too.” Fury and grief battled in his gaze. “Of course it will. How could it not? So…what now? I just forget I have a brother when I’ve wanted siblings my whole life? I don’t even try to get to know him? I mean, how can I risk hurting him and his dad, when it’s my mother who’s at fault? Our mother—shit.” He raked a hand through his hair. “She should be the one making contact, but she won’t. I get that she’s scared and guilty—she damn well should feel bad—and they don’t deserve the pain, but…” He exhaled in a gust. “Family is precious. I always wanted a big one, and maybe he would like a brother too—” He looked away. “I don’t know what to do. What’s right or fair.”
She certainly was no mentor when it came to family dynamics. Hers were beyond screwed up. “Where is he?”
“A little place, a spot in the road called Sweetgrass Springs, about an hour from here.”
Things fell into place. “Is that why you’re here? Why you took this temporary job?”
“Not originally. I had no idea where he was when Leonard called me for help.” His jaw flexed. “She’s begged me not to approach them, kept putting me off, but I’ve been thinking maybe I could scout them out first, figure out the right way to do this.” His gaze locked on hers. “And then there’s you. I sure didn’t count on you.” A small smile skated over his lips. “I don’t regret the surprise, in case you’re wondering. It’s a pretty great one.”
She smiled back, then thought about what she’d heard. He wanted a big family. Yet another reason it was good that this was temporary. She was no Ellie. “But you’re not going to wait anymore?”
He was silent for a long time. “I don’t want to, but is that selfish?” He looked over at her. “I mean, if we never meet, how am I going to know what he’ll do? He might hate me, but…he might not.”
“You’re an innocent, too. This is all on your mother.”
“But I love her. So what do I owe her?”
“What does she owe you?” Laken asked. “How is it fair for you never to meet your brother? Even if he’s angry at first, how can you not try?”
“So you think I should go look him up?”
“Not my call.”
“Laken…I’ve been inside your body. And it’s not just sex. You matter.”
She backed away a step.
He huffed a breath. “That scares you, that I might feel something for you.” His eyes narrowed. “So it’s still only a frolic for you? Just passing the time? Your heart’s not involved at all?”
“Michael, we knew from the beginning…”
“Did we? We were too busy burning up the sheets to talk much. Things change.”
“You’re almost done here.”
“Am I?”
“Leonard’s coming back.”
“He is. He’s also asked me to come into the business with him as a partner.”
She took another step away from him.
“You are a piece of work.” His laugh was bitter. “That I might care about you threatens you, does it?”
“We’re different. Too different.”
“Yeah?” His gaze dropped to the puppy curled at her feet. “So you care nothing for that animal, you who cuddles him at every opportunity? You’re not as tough as you pretend to be, Laken.” He paused. “You cuddle me, too, when you think I’m asleep.”
“No, I—don’t build fairytales on me, Michael.”
“So, what…I’m the chick in this relationship? That what you’re saying? You’re tougher than me?” His look dripped pity. “Because that’s total bullshit, Laken. You’re the one who’s fragile. You’re the one afraid of love, terrified of trusting.”
“I’m not fragile. I’m…” She cast about for the right word. “I’m only logical. We have nothing in common, really. I don’t believe in love, and you demonstrate it every day. And look at Wyatt and Ellie.”
“Relationships take work. They’ll figure this out.”
“I can’t see how. Anyway—” She went on the offensive. “You have a brother to find. That’s got to come first. That can’t wait.”
“Oh?” He arched an eyebrow. “Why? Because you hope I’ll get distracted? Or I’ll go away and you won’t have to face the fact that you’re falling for me? It scares you half to death, doesn’t it, that you feel something for me?”
“I don’t. I mean, sure, I like you. You’re a likable guy. But that’s all it is. Great sex and fun times.”
“Same as any of your boy toys, that it?”
She regretted the hurt she heard, but she had to be smart about what was real. “I’m sorry that upsets you. You’re not like the rest of them, but—”
“But. There’s always going to be a but, isn’t there?” His eyes locked on hers, and they gave no quarter. “I hope you enjoy being afraid. You sure spend a lot of time doing it,” His voice lowered. “You could have had so much more. You could have had…everything.”
The silence that fell between them was a chasm deeper
than the Grand Canyon. She pressed her lips together as the darkness inside her spread. “I’d better go. I have a lot of things to do before work tomorrow.”
A wry, sad smile. “It’s okay. You don’t have to make excuses. I know exactly why you’re running.” He grimaced. “The funny thing is that once it would have been me who was skittering off before the hammer fell.”
Then his gaze met hers squarely. “I won’t give up on you just yet, Laken. You can run, but I won’t. Not yet. I’ll be here for a while if you change your mind.”
A part of her wanted to, desperately.
A bigger part couldn’t get away fast enough. She didn’t harbor illusions about who she was. What she was capable of. “I’m sorry, Michael. Truly.”
“Maybe you are. But not sorry enough to take a risk. You, the purported daredevil.” He shook his head and turned away from her, staring out into the distance. “I could have loved you, Laken. A part of me already did.”
Her eyes swam, and she stepped away blindly. How had they gone from the morning’s bliss to this?
But she knew.
He would thank her one day, though.
Then she made herself stop. Turn back. “Go find your brother, Michael. Even if he’s hurt or angry at first, he won’t be for long. Who couldn’t love you?”
He looked back, his eyes dark. “Apparently at least one person.” Then he strode off toward the barn.
Leaving her to watch. And ache.
Chapter Five
‡
Ellie had the pantry in shambles around her when she heard the back door close. Whirling, she saw Wyatt.
His face had fined down to dark hollows. Green eyes she’d loved for most of her life studied her warily. She wanted to smooth back the stubborn lock of dark hair from his forehead. She wanted to fall to her knees and beg forgiveness. She wanted to pound her fist on the counter and ask him why he’d been gone for three days.
She did nothing. Silence was a thick fog around them.
Then Wyatt stirred, and his gaze slid away. “I just came to get some clothes.” Giving her a wide berth, he headed for the stairs.
“Wyatt—”
He stopped but didn’t turn around.
The Book Babes Boxed Set (Texas Ties/Texas Troubles/Texas Together) Page 27
