It Starts Like This

by Shelby Leigh

  It Starts Like This

  I remember those nights I awoke from nightmares, my sheets damp from sweat yet my body shivered like I had just finished an ice bath. My teeth would chatter and I'd scan my bedroom for the monsters, finding crazy-shaped heads in the shadows and green eyes peeking out between the tiny slits of my closed closet doors.

  I would slowly, carefully step out of bed so as not to wake them and sprint to my parent's bedroom telling my seven-year-old self, don't look back. I would traipse over to my parent's bed and squirm in between them, and it was in the warmth of familiar faces that I could fall asleep within seconds.

  But something changes when you get older. I've learned monsters are not shadows in the dark nor are they nightmares that disappear when the sun rises. You can't just wake up and find yourself back in your own bed anymore. They are within you and they are wherever you look. You may even get a better night's sleep now because seven hours of closed eyes means seven hours of escape.

  But don't push the monsters away. Let them free.

  Let them out of your mind, your blood, your bones.

  Write.

  Wide Awake

  Don't get me wrong, I'm an independent person.

  But I quite like the idea of waking up in the middle of the night with your arm wrapped around me.

  Not protecting me, just holding me.

  And when I can't sleep, I get to admire you.

  I can hold my breath until our heart beats are in sync or maybe I can kiss the scar above your lip.

  I can count the freckles on your arms like I am an astronomer mesmerized by the stars in the sky.

  I can guess where your dreams are taking you by studying your wavering smile or fluttering eyes.

  And when I do fall asleep, I will dream about you,

  the last thing my eyes saw

  before I gave in to the exhaustion.

  And when I wake up, the first thing I will see is you.

  Maybe you will still be sleeping soundly

  holding onto me,

  or maybe I will catch you admiring me, too.

  Her

  Admire her.

  Notice the crinkles that outline

  her eyes like a crescent moon

  when she smiles.

  Watch how she giggles

  or plays with her hands

  when she's proud.

  Touch her.

  Prove to her that the stretch marks

  decorating her skin

  are intricate works of art.

  Caress her with gentle hands and

  soft fingertips, admiring

  every curve of her body.

  Cherish her.

  Adore her.

  Love her.

  After all, she's the one who taught you how.

  Battle Scars

  I can create a painting

  from the freckles on your cheeks

  or a song from your soft breaths on my neck

  I can trace the scars on your thighs

  with our legs intertwined

  a mark of triumph not of failure

  a memory of a war you fought with yourself

  and won

  The Thief

  I think you accidentally

  stole my heart

  keep it

  you'll probably

  treat it better

  than I do anyway

  You

  I am in love with your sleepy voice and crooked smile.

  I am in love with your passion, for me and for life.

  I am in love with your wisdom, gained from what has been lost and what is to come.

  I am in love with the soft curls of your hair and dark hazel eyes.

  I am in love with your sensitivity, your drive to always do better and be better.

  I am in love with how you take me for who I am.

  I am in love with your romantic side and with your serious side.

  I am in love with the comfort you emit, your ability to be my home when you’re a thousand miles away.

  I am in love with how you look at me.

  I am in love with your motivation and your support for my silly dreams.

  I am in love with your accessibility, my shoulder to cry on, my protector at three a.m. when I have nowhere else to turn.

  And I am in love with the way you love me.

  Swearing

  I swear

  with every kiss

  you leave words on my tongue

  and every time you break away

  I breathe a poem

  into my lungs

  Dew

  think of me as a rose

  blooming

  underneath the hot sun

  curling my stem

  towards you

  and baring my soul

  every part of me

  that is beautiful

  you will not see

  until I am ready to

  show you

  unwrapping

  my most private

  thoughts and

  letting them escape

  in the wind’s caress

  only to drown

  in dewy grass

  Warm Blankets

  wrap me up

  in the sounds of your laugh

  that comfort me more

  than the warmest blanket

  and soothe me greater

  than a hot water bath

  I am fragile

  in the strong gates

  of your arms

  and I fear I will crumble

  to pieces in your grasp

  but then you laugh

  and I am no longer afraid

  not of you

  because how could

  an iron statue

  carry the voice of an

  angel on its shoulders?

  Keepsakes

  if you lend me your heart

  I vow to not break it

  I’ll keep it safe within mine

  so no one can take it

  and if ever you are lost

  with nowhere to roam

  reach for my hand

  and I’ll guide you home

  You Are Like Poetry

  You are like poetry.

  The thin lines decorating your hands

  are the black ink that marks a lined page.

  The beat of your heart is

  a steady stream of words

  with perfect rhythm.

  You are the words I breathe

  and the rhymes I arrange

  and the ink flowing out of my pen.

  You are the thoughts in my head

  that I put down on paper.

  You are the everlasting memories

  that words create.

  You are permanent

  and beautiful

  and mine.

  Laughter

  I have never known a sweeter sound

  than your laughter

  maybe they are right when they say

  laughter is the best medicine

  because when I hear that glorious sound

  my sadness melts away

  like a spoonful of sugar on my tongue

  and I am sure that if I heard

  your laugh everyday

  I could never be unhappy again

  Rhythm

  tonight

  you fell asleep on my chest

  and I became conscious

  of every breath

  watching your head rise and fall

  and feeling so loved

  that you trusted me

  with such an innocent task

  of being your resting place

  your home for slumber

  and I will slow my heart's rhythm

  so you can focus on your dre
ams

  and if a nightmare creeps

  into your mind

  just open your eyes

  and feel my heart beating close to yours

  Homeless

  I made a home in your arms

  carved your collarbone to

  perfectly rest my head

  slowed your heartbeat

  so I could fall asleep to

  the sound of soft footsteps

  laid your arms tightly around

  my waist so I would always

  feel safe no matter where my

  dreams took me

  I made a home in your arms

  and I don’t know what changed

  but you began showing up

  in my nightmares

  and my head no longer fit

  in the delicate curve of your neck

  and I awoke to find

  you had pushed me aside

  and were sleeping soundly

  as I wiped my tears dry

  Wishes

  I pretend the crescent moon

  is the soft curve of your back

  and the stars are the twinkle

  in your eyes when you smile

  I pretend the crickets chirp to the

  tempo of your heart beating

  and the tree branches swaying

  are your hips as we dance

  I pretend the shooting star

  I just wished upon

  will hear my plea and you

  will soon be back in my arms again

  Blank Page

  I want to stop writing poetry about you

  but my pen does not obey

  as soon as the ink touches a blank page

  words appear I never wished to say

  I tried to write a poem about

  spring beginning to bloom

  but it ended up as a haiku

  about me missing you

  Blue

  I’m standing before you

  a stranger that I used to know

  the sunlight

  streaming through

  closed flowered curtains

  casts a shadow on your face

  so I can only see

  tear-stained eyes

  pleading for another chance

  and

  I don’t remember them being

  so blue

  Dust Storm

  you are the blur in my eyes

  that comes from staring at the sun too long,

  and your fading light drowns me in sorrow

  as you disappear beneath the horizon.

  My eyes sting like I've been caught in a dust storm

  and my tears burn as they crawl down my face

  as if I'm being branded by your desertion.

  But then--

  a glimmer of hope--

  like a ray of light pushing through

  a dark cloud

  you turn around and shoot me

  in the heart with beaming eyes

  like lasers

  and I am bleeding.

  I never understood the term

  ‘broken heart’ until this moment,

  until I am lying on my back

  staring up at the sky

  desperately looking for a

  glimpse of you in the clouds

  Sleepwalker

  I am sleepwalking through a forest

  where minutes soon become hours

  branches tap me on the shoulder

  and sunlight creeps behind me

  as dawn breaks to say hello

  and your silhouette becomes

  a shadow

  staring at me as sunlight

  pierces black eyes

  I take a step closer as you take a step back

  that’s how it has always been

  I laugh

  and your silhouette becomes

  a shadow

  I blink

  and you are gone

  Predator

  it was her walk that destroyed me

  the confidence in her stride

  eyes that read every inch of my body

  in one glance

  it was her eyes that stripped me

  of my own self-love

  the disgust on her face reaching

  through my skin to the bone

  it was her smile that melted me

  a half-moon upon bitter lips

  a pitying shake of the head

  that molded me into a beggar

  it was her hair that captured me

  dark brown rope circling around my body

  like a snake attacking its prey

  and I was hers for the taking

  Mountain Song

  I can shout how I feel

  to the mountains

  but my voice will not echo like it should

  and so I will write it down

  in black ink,

  a permanence you cannot erase when

  you stop loving me

  and the mountains

  forget the song I sang for you

  when I stood on top of the world

  Poison

  your name was always

  my favorite song to sing

  and when you said mine

  my heart stopped beating

  the way it rolled off your tongue

  coated in sugar and a smile

  it’s funny how

  I never tasted the poison

  until you kissed me

  Erosion

  your words pierce my lungs

  like nails scraping down a chalkboard

  burying themselves in my veins

  and leaving scratches on my skin

  I try to run from your voice

  but sound travels faster than my feet

  and besides,

  every time I close my eyes

  your voice is all I hear

  echoing through my brain

  like you are standing on top of a mountain

  shouting to me at the bottom of a canyon

  and I am surrounded by rock walls that have

  been perfectly eroding for centuries

  making way for you to dig my grave

  Thoughts

  I always had an easy time writing

  about people and places and things.

  I never struggled with conveying my thoughts

  through words and

  I would sit down to a new sheet of paper

  and watch words escape my pen

  quicker than thoughts

  ran through my head.

  But when I met you,

  I stopped writing.

  I couldn’t find the words

  to say how I felt

  and for a while I told myself

  it was because I was too happy

  and you were too special

  to be limited to just words.

  But then

  I realized something as I picked up

  my pen for the first time in months–

  you took the words out of me

  because there were none in you.

  Close

  Isn’t it strange how

  someone across the sea can

  make you feel so close

  yet you can look into

  a person’s eyes and they

  still feel miles away?

  That’s how I felt

  when I looked at you.

  I could see the blue

  in your eyes so clearly,

  the dark eyelashes

  and the crinkle lines

  but I had no idea what you

  were looking for.

  I just knew it wasn’t me.

  Fears

  I fear the night

  the kind of pitch black

  where even shadows

  disappear

  I fear the quiet,

  the thumping

  of my own heart

  amidst utter silence

  but

  I fear you

  most of all
r />   for how quickly

  you became a stranger

  when once

  you were my closest

  friend

  The Dagger

  I thought I knew you better than anyone

  but even I could not see your sword

  plunging straight into my heart and

  now I am paranoid

  that he will hurt me like you did

  I have lost the ability to open my arms

  for someone else to hold because

  every time I do

  I await another dagger

  to break the scar that has finally healed

  Bones

  and if you only knew

  how my bones ache for you

  I wonder if you’d tell me

  your body is fragile, too

  Spinning

  Closing your eyes and feeling your mind

  swirl through a desert of darkness

  like your imagination is parched and

  needs something new to quench its thirst and

  so you can feel

  behind closed eyes

  your mind searching through many worlds

  much too quickly for comprehension and