Amanda Lester, Detective Box Set

by Paula Berinstein

  “Uh, what kind of consultants?” said Simon.

  “Technical consultants,” said Darius.

  The boys still couldn’t believe they were hearing correctly. “I don’t understand,” said Simon.

  “Let me back up then,” said Darius. “I’ve been thinking. This injury has me incapacitated, so it takes me longer to do things than usual. I realized that you two are just the technical wizards I need to take some of the burden off me. That acoustic levitator is pure genius. I want you to design gadgets like that and help me use them. Now I realize you both have school so I can’t impose any deadlines, but I like the way you think and I know you can make a significant contribution to the arts. Are you interested?”

  Amanda could see that the two boys, in uncharacteristic fashion, were about to explode into huge whoops, but they managed to control themselves—barely. Simon said, “Yes, sir. We would be honored.”

  “Yes,” Clive managed to squeak out. “Very honored.”

  “Well, then, it’s settled,” said Darius. “I will write up some ideas for you by, shall we say, Sunday? Oh, and by the way, the pay is quite good. I’ll send those details to you as well.”

  “Yes, sir,” said Simon. “Thank you, sir.”

  “Thank you, sir,” said Clive.

  “My pleasure,” said Darius. “Now I must say, I could use some help with these cameras.”

  When the kids got back to the common room, which looked like a Chinese takeaway, Simon and Clive jumped into the air and let out the biggest cheer you’ve ever heard. Then they started high-fiving each other like demons. One would hit the other’s hand, then the other would return the gesture, then back to the first one, and on and on, faster and faster until they were high-fiving dervishes. This unusual display brought Amphora running to see what was going on.

  “What are you two on about?” she said. Then, looking closely at them, she said, “You’re all muddy.”

  “Amphora, I love you,” said Simon giddily. He ran up to her, planted a huge kiss on her lips, and clasped her to him sloppily.

  “Ew, gross!” she said. “Cut it out!” She wiped her mouth and made a face.

  Simon stopped abruptly and said, “You don’t know what you’re missing.”

  Clive was laughing so hard he was doubled over. “You really don’t,” he said.

  “What’s wrong with them?” Amphora asked Amanda.

  “I think they should tell you themselves,” said Amanda. No way did she want to be the bearer of what, to Amphora, would be terrible news.

  “Well then, would someone tell me what’s going on, please?” said Amphora. “And Ivy, I think you should fine Simon for kissing me.”

  “Why?” said Ivy. “Is he a bad kisser?” She was laughing so hard that the tears rolled down her face and emerged below her sunglasses.

  Then Holmes walked in. Amphora turned to him, motioned to Simon, and said, “You should beat him up. He kissed me.”

  Holmes looked astonished. “Is that true?” he asked Simon.

  “Most definitely,” croaked Simon.

  “Why is everyone laughing?” said Holmes.

  For a moment no one was in shape to answer him. Then, when she’d stopped laughing enough to speak, Ivy said, “The Simon and Amphora Show.”

  “What Simon and Amphora Show?” said Holmes. “Is there something I should know?”

  “Yes,” said Amphora. “He assaulted me.”

  Holmes looked from her to Simon. He was completely nonplussed. “Are you sure?”

  “Oh for heaven’s sake, Scapulus,” said Amphora. “He attacked me. Go beat him up.”

  “I didn’t attack you,” said Simon. “I simply showed affection for you.”

  “You don’t have affection for me,” said Amphora.

  Simon stopped laughing. “What makes you say that?”

  “You’re terrible to me!” she screamed. “You’re always criticizing me. You think I’m nothing.” She threw herself into Ivy’s arms and sobbed. Nigel looked up at her warily, as if he wasn’t sure whether Ivy was being attacked.

  “I most certainly do not think you’re nothing,” said Simon. “I think you’re quite something.” He started laughing so hard again that he had to hold his stomach.

  “Scapulus!” Amphora screamed.

  “Would someone please tell me what’s going on?” yelled Holmes.

  Suddenly everyone was silent. Then Clive spoke.

  “Darius Plover offered us jobs.” Holmes looked amazed. “We were very excited, and we got a little carried away, and Simon hugged Amphora, and then you came in.”

  “Is this true?” said Holmes.

  “Yes,” said Simon, Ivy, and Amanda.

  “No!” yelled Amphora. “Wait. Darius Plover offered you jobs?”

  “He sure did,” said Simon.

  “Doing what?”

  “Technical consultants,” said Clive.

  “Why you?” said Amphora. “You’re kids.”

  “Chronologically, yes,” said Simon. “But inside,” he motioned to his chest, “beats the heart of a scientist.”

  “I don’t understand,” said Amphora. “Why would Darius Plover hire you as consultants?”

  “Because we’re the best,” said Simon.

  “No, seriously,” said Holmes.

  “What, you don’t think we are?” said Simon.

  “Of course I do,” said Holmes. “What I meant was—”

  “What he meant was, why would Darius Plover hire children to work for him?” said Amphora.

  This insult so enraged Simon that he almost lunged at her, this time not to kiss her. It was so uncharacteristic of him that for a moment everyone froze. Then for some reason even she didn’t understand, Amanda walked over to him, flung her arms around him, and kissed him deeply on the lips. Then she wiped her hands together and exited, leaving an astonished group of kids looking after her and Simon standing there with a huge smile on his face.

  “What in the world was that?” Ivy said to Amanda a few moments later when they’d hidden around a corner.

  “I wanted to shut him up,” said Amanda.

  “That was quite an interesting way of doing it,” said Ivy.

  “I know,” said Amanda. “I didn’t really think about it. I just acted. It was weird. You don’t think he’ll take it the wrong way, do you?”

  “Simon?” said Ivy. “No way. He’s cool.”

  “I hope so,” said Amanda. “I’ve got enough problems.”

  Suddenly they heard Amphora’s voice. It was coming from around the corner.

  “Why didn’t you hit him?” she said loudly.

  “Why on earth should I do that?” said Holmes.

  “I told you,” said Amphora. “He attacked me.”

  “That wasn’t the consensus,” said Holmes.

  “Consensus? Since when do you go by the so-called consensus when I say something? Why don’t you believe me?”

  “The evidence—”

  “The evidence?” Amphora screamed. “The evidence? My telling you is the evidence.”

  “Was it really so bad?” said Holmes.

  “You’re defending him? Aren’t you jealous?”

  “I’m not defending anyone,” said Holmes. “I just thought a little kiss wasn’t so bad. Would you like me to go back and let him kiss me? I’ll show you.”

  “Scapulus Holmes, you are the most infuriating person I’ve ever met,” said Amphora.

  “I thought Simon was the most infuriating person you’d ever met.”

  Amphora screamed so loudly she almost broke Amanda’s eardrums and stomped away. Then Holmes appeared, looking utterly bewildered.

  “Uh, she’s having a bit of a tantrum,” he said before Amanda and Ivy could say anything.

  “We heard,” said Ivy, rubbing her left ear.

  “Why does she think kissing is such a big deal?” he said.

  “It isn’t kissing per se,” said Ivy. “It’s because it was Simon.”

  “Oh,” sai
d Holmes. “Now I get it. I wonder why those two have so much trouble getting along.”

  “Chalk and cheese,” said Ivy.

  “We say oil and water,” said Amanda, thinking that the English expression was quite nauseating.

  “Yes, but I get along with everyone,” said Holmes. “Why can’t she?”

  Amanda kept her mouth shut.

  The archaeologists were making slow progress with the dig. They had found no additional artifacts. That didn’t mean the location wasn’t Camelot, but their findings so far didn’t support the hypothesis that it was. Darius said he thought the coins might have been dropped by a passing traveler or bandit.

  “What will happen to the documentary if that turns out to be the case?” said Amanda. She hated the idea that all his work might go to waste.

  “We’ll see,” he said. “They might find other items of interest. England is a rich archaeological area. All you have to do is dig in your backyard and you find something significant. Not like in L.A.” He laughed. “I did find some old tin cans in my yard once, and a bird skeleton. How about you, Amanda?”

  “I’ve never dug in my yard,” she said. “And now my house is gone so I can’t. Although I suppose my Aunt Ethel and Uncle Bartholomew—”

  “You never know,” said Darius. “I like to be optimistic.”

  “How about an old Academy Award statue?” said Simon.

  “As I said, Simon,” said Darius good-naturedly, “you never know.”

  “He’s right,” said Liam, walking up to the little group. “You can find anything anywhere. Of course some locations have better potential than others. Darius, we’re going underground now.”

  “Time to hobble,” said Darius, following Liam down the makeshift ramp ever so slowly. “Amanda, Simon, Clive, show time.”

  Amanda hefted the camera onto her shoulder and followed Darius and Liam into the tunnels. The team had decided to concentrate on an area a good way in, and it took a couple of minutes to reach their destination, largely because Darius was so slow. The archaeologists and Twinkle were already there, discussing the approach they would take during the day’s session.

  “It’s always exciting opening up a new area,” Liam explained, feeling along the wall.

  “Why did you choose this one?” said Darius, hanging on his crutches.

  “I’m glad you asked,” said Liam, putting on his professor hat. He patted the wall. A bit of dust flew into the air and wafted toward the ground. “We think there’s an inner chamber on the other side of this tunnel.”

  “Whoa!” said Simon, leaping to feel the wall too. He put his ear to it and listened closely. “A hidden room?”

  “Possibly,” said Liam. “We’re going to start by using ultrasound and see what we get.”

  “Why do you think there might be a room in there?” said Darius, motioning to Amanda to zoom in.

  “Listen carefully,” said Liam looking around. “It’s too bad Ivy isn’t here. She could describe this better than I, but if you stand right here,” he motioned to a spot a few inches to the left of his feet. “Now say something.”

  Darius hobbled over and said, “Expecto patronum.” The sound was deep, with a hint of an echo.

  “I say,” said Liam. “I wouldn’t have expected that from the director of ‘Daytime’ and ‘Tyrannical.’”

  “I don’t discriminate,” said Darius, grinning. He had such a nice smile. It lit up his light blue eyes.

  “Excellent,” said Liam. “Now, if you stand here and say the same thing.” He motioned to a spot farther along.

  Darius moved to the second spot. “Expecto patronum.” The sound was flatter. “Hello. It sounds different.”

  “My point exactly,” said Liam. “The first spot resonates. The second one less so. We think there’s something on the other side of the first spot.”

  “Cool,” said Simon. “Clive, you try it.”

  Clive planted himself on the first spot and said, “I have come to eat your brain.” The sound was round and full. Simon giggled. Amanda rolled her eyes.

  “Interesting choice of phrase,” said Liam. “Now the other one.”

  Clive scurried over to the second spot and repeated his zombie anthem. As with Darius, the sound was flatter. “I see what you mean,” he said.

  “Hey,” said Simon. “Do you think you could do something with your acoustic levitator?”

  “Like what?” said Clive. “Break through the wall? No way.”

  “We don’t need anything that fancy,” said Liam. “A little ultrasound will do the trick, and we just happen to have an ultrasonic probe right here.”

  He nodded to Twinkle, and she produced a small device.

  “Let’s set up the tripod,” said Darius.

  “On it,” said Amanda. She hurried to erect the tripod and secure the camera. She was getting better and better at doing that, which was a good thing since she didn’t want to miss anything important, and she wasn’t about to hold up the archaeologists while they waited for her.

  “Let’s see what we have,” said Liam. “We’ll start with a control area.” He took the unit from Twinkle and turned it on, then passed it over the wall a few yards away from the spot of interest and checked the digital display attached to it. “Very good. We’ve got our baseline. And now,” he moved over to the possible hidden room, “we’ll see what goes on here.” He passed the probe over that area as well. Then he looked at the two readouts.

  “What does it say?” said Simon.

  “Hm,” said Liam. “Obviously we need to do more testing, but the difference looks to be significant. Mind you, this could be a natural variation. That’s why I need to probe more of this tunnel to see if this place right here,” he touched the wall outside the target area, “is indeed different from the rest.”

  It was. After careful probing, the archaeological team announced that the spot in question was giving off a significantly different reading from the others. Simon and Clive were getting so excited they were beginning to annoy Liam, who looked like he was about to expel them for the rest of the day. Amanda was keeping her trap shut and Darius was asking occasional intelligent questions but otherwise attempting to remain unobtrusive. But it was Liam’s assistant, Twinkle, who was really driving everyone crazy.

  “We’re going to get two dozen papers out of this,” she said. “Several monographs as well. I just know it.” She turned to Amanda and whispered, “My name will be right after Professor Halpin’s. It’s so exciting, don’t you think? I knew I’d become famous someday.” She winked at Amanda conspiratorially. Amanda had to fight the urge to gag. She tried to catch Simon’s eye, but he was examining something minute on the tunnel wall. Clive was with him, taking snaps with his phone and whispering who knew what.

  “Twinkle, would you come here a moment,” called Liam.

  “Yes, Professor,” said the girl, whipping around so fast that her ponytail hit Amanda in the face. Amanda made a silent “Grrr” under her breath. There was someone she reminded Amanda of, but she couldn’t quite place it. Oh well. What did it matter? She was now on her ick list.

  Amanda took the opportunity to ask Darius a question. “What happens now?”

  “They’ll open it up,” he said. “I suspect we’re talking engineer and construction crew. Otherwise the tunnel could collapse. They’ll have to be very careful.”

  “Right,” she said. “We don’t want any more collapses.”

  “More collapses?” said Darius.

  “I’ll explain later.” She hadn’t told him about being trapped in the tunnels with Blixus. She probably should, though, because he seemed very interested in the criminal and would want to know.

  By way of confirmation Liam said, “Twinkle, call Elbow Marconi and see how fast he can get down here. We need to open up this wall. Felix, how quickly can we get a permit for that?”

  “Our existing permit covers it,” said the archaeologist.

  “Excellent,” said Liam. “Let’s see if we can put a rush
on this thing. Twinkle, chop chop.”

  12

  Elbow Grease

  Elbow Marconi was aptly named. He truly was all elbows. Amanda had never seen such pointy ones. They looked sharp and dangerous. How his parents had known to name him Elbow when he was but a few minutes old she didn’t know, although she supposed the trait could have been hereditary and they just assumed he would inherit it.

  The arrival of the man’s crew brought much confusion to the dig site. Because of the sensitive nature of the tunnel walls they couldn’t use heavy machinery and would have to rely on hand tools, but they were so boisterous that if there were a mummy inside the hidden room, it surely would have awakened.

  It seemed that four was not the ideal number of workers for the this particular job. Elbow and his crew could not fit comfortably in the workspace, and the men kept bumping into each other. With one of them being Elbow himself, the situation looked quite perilous, as he was wearing a short-sleeved shirt and his elbows were most definitely exposed and in a position to do harm. As a result there was a lot of ouching and oomphing, although some of that occurred even when the men weren’t in contact with each other.

  With so much dust being kicked up and the ever-present possibility that the tunnel might collapse, Liam did not want anyone near the men, but Darius insisted that he had signed a waiver and was prepared to take the risk. The same was not true for Amanda, Simon, Ivy, and Clive, however, and certainly not for Nigel, so they had to stand back so far that it was difficult to see what was going on. Fortunately Amanda had rigged up Darius’s camera so they could watch his view through her phone, and they got to see quite a lot. Still, Darius had quite a bit of difficulty maneuvering the camera on his own and actually stumbled a couple of times. Amanda was just glad he hadn’t fallen into Elbow or the result might have been disastrous.

  The longer the crew worked the more excited the kids became. Simon was doing that leg-jiggling thing he always did when he was nervous, and normally unflappable Clive couldn’t keep his mouth shut. This behavior made the boys seem about half their thirteen years and drove Ivy so crazy that at one point she screamed, “For the love of Brian Boru, would you two please settle down!” Her outburst caused Nigel to shrink into the tunnel floor and place his paws over his ears, which upset Ivy so much that she decided to move farther away. Unfortunately that caused her to miss something rather interesting.