The Texan's Secret Daughter

by Jolene Navarro

  There was no stopping her tears as his honest emotions tore at her. Needing to gather herself, Jazmine turned away from him to do something, anything, to get control of her heart and brain. Heading to a cabinet by the front door, she paused. The world shifted under her feet.

  She couldn’t be seeing what was there, propped against the wall, tucked safely between the two tall cabinets. The mirror.

  Fingers outstretched, she touched the hand-carved frame. Lightly stained wood surrounded the six-foot mirror. It was warm under her touch. Her parents had commissioned the custom mirror as a wedding gift.

  She looked up and met Elijah’s steady gaze. Silently, he had crossed the room. Now he stood right behind her, just like that night. Instead of being lost in a haze of alcohol and rage, she found concern and doubt clouding his beautiful face.

  “How?” The word came out as a strangled whisper. “You destroyed it that night.” Breaking eye contact with him, her attention went straight to the front window he had broken during his fit. There had been a fierce storm that night. She focused on him again. “It was shattered.”

  His throat worked for a second. “Yeah, I wanted to fix the original, but...” He shook his head. “I took it back to Omar, and he did the best he could. It needed new glass.”

  Caressing the smooth wood, she allowed her thoughts to travel back to their wedding day. The joy, the endless promise of a future full of love. Then she noticed the new inscription. Jazmine dropped to her knees to trace the letters. “Psalm 40:3. What verse is that?”

  Elijah lowered to his haunches, next to her. “‘And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God.’ I had to learn a new song. That’s why I put it here, by the door, so I see it every time I leave.”

  Silence fell between them. He reached over her shoulder to touch the frame next to her fingers. The warmth of his skin was so familiar, even after six years. His scent surrounded her.

  One slight move and she could bury herself in his arms. With a tilt of her chin, she looked up at him. His lips were so close. His gaze lowered to her mouth. All breathing stopped as her heart pounded hard.

  The back of his knuckles gently caressed her cheek. Tears. He was wiping off tears.

  His fingers moved up into the curls of her hair, and the years between them slipped away.

  The warmth of his hand rested on the back of her neck as he pressed his lips to the small area between her ear and jaw. He knew all her sensitive spots. He knew her. He brushed her hair from her shoulder and trailed soft, gentle kisses to her chin.

  Finally, he reached her mouth. She leaned in and, for an instant, their lips touched. Her hand went to his arm to balance herself and pull him closer.

  Instead, cool air hit her. He was gone.

  Opening her eyes, she found him standing a few steps back.

  “Elijah?” She waited for an explanation. Something. Anything.

  Heavy wrinkles marred his brow. “I’m sorry, Jazz. That can’t happen. I promised myself I wasn’t going to do anything to complicate our relationship. Once something is broken, there’s no getting it back. Rosemarie is the most important person in this scenario, not our old feelings.”

  “What if they’re new and stronger?”

  A pained expression crossed his face. With a hand in his hair, his arm rested on the top of his head. One pivot and all she had was his back.

  “Elijah?”

  He groaned. “Feelings are not my strong point.”

  “But that doesn’t mean you should ignore them.”

  “Parenting is the only thing between us from here on out.” The timer went off, and she was ignored as he set the roasted chicken on a cooling rack. In silence, he pulled a couple of plates down and fixed them. Sliding a plate in front of her, he sat on a bar stool one space over. He stabbed a piece of broccoli. “So, you came here without Rosemarie, but you claim I have nothing to worry about.” He stared into the night, chewing with too much energy. “Just so you know, I kind of worry all the time now.”

  So many emotions were whirling around her heart and head she couldn’t sort them out. He had built a new life without her. Just like she had in Denver.

  The only reason he had let her in now was because of their daughter. The daughter she had kept from him. Was that too big for him to really forgive?

  What if she had gotten this all wrong and he didn’t want her, just Rosie?

  Chapter Fourteen

  Blinking her eyes, she cleared her thoughts and focused on what he was saying.

  He adjusted his napkin. “God had to start from the ground up with me. There isn’t a day that’s easy.”

  The jellyfish were back in her stomach. She pushed the chicken around. That night six years ago was so clear in her head, but how had the following days played out for him?

  She had been in survival mode, allowing her parents to take care of her and all the decisions. She had focused on her baby, on creating a new life for them in another state. At nineteen she had still been a child playing house.

  Letting her parents remove any means of contacting Elijah had eased the stress and uncertainty that surrounded her decisions about him. They knew his voice alone would soften her. What if she had been strong enough to reach out to him a month or two later?

  He grinned. “What are you thinking?”

  “How did you... I mean when did...” She took a deep breath. “The next morning? What happened after you woke, when you found me gone?”

  He stood up, his gaze focused on the wood floors.

  “Do you remember?” She slid onto the stool closer to him, but he shook his head and moved farther away.

  Dinner forgotten, he went to the sofa and sat, his arms resting on his thighs, his head down. “I remember every detail.”

  His head came up and his gaze crisscrossed the room, as if he were replaying the morning in his head. “At first I rushed through the rooms. The times before, no matter how late I came in or what I did, you were still here. I was terrified. No matter how hard I concentrated, I couldn’t remember anything after leaving the bar.

  “I panicked until I noticed all your things were still here. Your hair stuff and makeup littered the bathroom. I thought maybe you’d gone to get more coffee. Or you went to get my car. You did that a lot, too.”

  His gaze stilled on her. “I took it for granted you were just cleaning up my mess again. I was so self-centered.”

  He closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the sofa.

  A long moment of silence let the images of that night sink into her thoughts. “All I did before I left was cover the window. The rain was coming in hard and pooling on the floor. I didn’t want our new floors to be ruined.”

  His attention stayed on the white beams above them. “It looked as if you’d be right back. So, I thought I’d help.” He grunted. “The great Elijah started sweeping up all the scattered debris and broken glass. Could I have been more of a clueless idiot?”

  She bit her lip, holding back a snort. “I might have thought the same thing a few times.”

  He nodded and gave her a half-hearted smile. “I assumed you just needed cooling-off time. After an hour or so—” he gave a hard, self-deprecating laugh “—I tried calling, but you didn’t answer. Then I called your parents. At first they didn’t answer, either.” He searched her eyes for a heartbeat. “Did you ever get my messages?”

  “No. I gave my phone to Mom and told her not to let me answer. Monday, they gave me a new phone and number.”

  Moving across the room, she sat on the wicker chair next to him, she reached over and took his hand. “I’m s—”

  Brows knitted, he frowned at her. “Don’t say you’re sorry. I’m the one who put you in a place where you were forced to do that.”

  Leaning forward, she lightly squeezed his fingers. His free hand started tracing the old scar at her wr
ist. Instinct told her to pull away, but she held still.

  “Your mom finally answered and made it clear I shouldn’t call again. You weren’t my business anymore. I was sick to my stomach thinking of how I had treated you. I understood that you needed time away from me.”

  He stood, breaking their contact. Behind the sofa he began rearranging the colored glass bottles on the smooth driftwood shelf. “I put everything back in order and waited for you. Monday, I went to work.”

  He moved to the bookshelves. Parenting books and children’s books filled the two lower shelves. Pulling out one, he flipped through it. “No one would make eye contact with me. I was fired with a yellow Post-it note. I tried contacting your father. He told me that you’d be filing for divorce.”

  Book back in place, he braced his hand on the middle shelf and dropped his head. “I don’t know if he told you about our conversation.”

  “No.” She had begged her father to let her know what was going on, but he said it was all fine. “He told me that you wanted a divorce.”

  He made a strangling sound, as if someone were choking him. His spine stiffened, and his jaw went stone hard. Stomping across the room, he threw his long body into the other wicker chair and tilted his head back. “I told him I’d go to counseling. I begged him with everything I had to let me talk to you just once.”

  She gasped, her intertwined fingers pressed against her mouth. He was such a proud man. His pride wouldn’t have ever allowed... “Oh, Elijah.”

  “I promised to stop drinking, but he rightfully reminded me that I’d said that before.” He leaned forward, elbows braced on his knees. “He was right. But I still held out hope that you’d come back. You had always come back. I mean, your shampoo was in the bathroom.”

  Both hands went to his hair. “I went to their house to see you, but they put a restraining order against me.”

  He shot up like a jack-in-the-box unlatched. There was a hard crease between his eyes. “Did they know you were pregnant? That night, did they know?”

  She couldn’t say the words, but her silence was enough. The distress in his eyes at that realization hit her hard.

  A depth of grief she had never seen filled his eyes. “That whole time I was pleading to speak with you, they knew. They knew I was going to be a father.” He pressed his palms against his eye sockets.

  Her heart hurt for all the lost moments, but she needed to focus on the future, on what they could be together going forward.

  He dragged his hands down his face, then paced. “They were trying to protect you. I get it. Just like I’d protect Rosemarie. Like I protected Gabby and eventually my sister.” He closed his eyes and a deep painful groan came from his throat. “My daughter and wife had to be hidden from me.”

  “Elijah, they went too far.” Standing, she cupped his face. “Have you been sober since the night I left?”

  He shook his head, as if confused. “No. I was determined to be sober for you so that when you came back you’d see I could be a good husband. I went to my first AA meeting. A few weeks went by and still no word from you, then the restraining orders and the divorce papers arrived. I lost it. I didn’t know how to deal with all the emotions, so I fell right back into old habits.” He sat on the sofa with his elbows on his knees, and he watched her.

  Sorting through all this new information was putting pressure on her head. “Right before I signed the divorce papers, I asked my parents to let me see you. They said you were worse than the last time I saw you. Were they telling me the truth?”

  He dropped his head, his long fingers interlocked behind his head.

  “Elijah? How long were you...”

  “I don’t remember anything about the week after I signed the papers.” He still hadn’t raised his head.

  Was she hearing him, right? “One week? And you’ve been clean ever since?”

  He nodded.

  He’d been sober when their daughter was born and during most of her pregnancy. “What changed?”

  “Xavier. Basically, he told me I had a choice to make. I could wallow in self-pity and have a miserable life and prove the Judge and your mother right. Or I could turn it all over to God and figure out my purpose. He said if I wanted to be like our fathers, I was on the right track.”

  She sat beside him. “Oh, Elijah. I know how much you respected your cousin’s opinion.”

  He nodded. “He was right, as usual. I miss him so much.”

  Putting her fingers under his chin, she lifted his face to hers. “Even through losing him and finding you have a daughter you’ve stayed sober. You’re so strong. He’d be so proud of you.”

  Moisture shimmered in his eyes. “Not me. God is my strength.”

  She didn’t bother to point out that trusting God was what made him strong. But her gut told her it was time to change the subject. Or maybe her heart couldn’t take any more arrows. “How’d you become a successful businessman in such a short time? You’ve impressed my father.”

  One dark eyebrow went up. “That heart attack must have affected the Judge’s brain.”

  She laughed. “Maybe he sees the world a little clearer now.” Leaning back to give him room, she tried to look relaxed. “So how did Saltwater Cowboys happen?”

  “I couldn’t get a job. I even went to my uncle, but he refused to let me on the ranch. I started working odd jobs on the pier. I’d bus tables at the restaurants, clean out the boats, whatever anyone would let me do. I started going out on the fishing boats more. That’s where I met Miguel. He had business experience. I had grown up here, on the water. We make a good team.”

  He popped his knuckles. “Before I knew it, a year had gone by without a drink, and I realized I liked life better without the haze of alcohol. I started taking AA seriously. Xavier had one boat, so we went to him with our plan. I was able to use our house as collateral.”

  A heavy sigh escaped his lungs, and he fell back against the sofa. “One of the hardest periods of my recovery was letting go of you. In order to heal and move on from the past, I had to give up on the idea of you and me together.”

  His gaze roamed the living room and kitchen. He gave her a sad grin. “I’m pretty sure there’s a part of me that tucked you away and held on.”

  She nodded. “A part of me stayed with you. My parents knew. That’s why they fought so hard to keep you out of my life.”

  The sadness that always hovered in the edges of his eyes swallowed them. Putting a pillow on her lap, she studied his face.

  “You had a part of me with you,” he whispered.

  “Yes. She was my strength when I was at my lowest. When I look at her, I see the best of you and me. I’m so sorry my parents kept—”

  “Don’t.” His large hands covered hers on the pillow. “I told you no more apologizing for protecting our daughter.”

  “I went through counseling, too. In one of the group sessions, I was asked if I would do it again. Would I marry you if it had to play out the same way? I said yes without hesitation. I would say yes, every single time.”

  He nodded. “Because of Rosemarie.”

  “She’s one reason, but also because of you.” She sat back and smiled. “Loving you was a great adventure. When you were sober, it was the greatest joy of my life. You taught me to enjoy the little things in life and to not always play by the rules. Like eating the center of the brownie first. Without the alcohol, you’re the greatest man I know.”

  He made a rude noise. “Your father is the Judge. The Judge. That’s what everyone says, with respect and honor. Sweetheart, there is no way—”

  She pressed her fingertip against his lips. “Don’t argue with me. My father is a great man and so are you. The real you. Not the man trying to be someone he’s not. You’re not my father. You’re your own man, and I think you’ve found him.”

  He took her hand in his and kissed her palm,
then her knuckles. For a moment she couldn’t breathe, but then he dropped her hand and sat back. “But I also broke your heart.”

  “Yes. It was the biggest heartbreak of my life. But I grew up and wove my heart back together. It’s stronger than ever. We can do the same thing. We can weave our broken life back together and be unbreakable.”

  “What do you mean, ‘we’?” He narrowed his gaze, distrust written all over his face.

  Excitement bubbled through her limbs. She was going to do it, take the plunge. “So much time was lost, time we can’t get back. I want to come home.”

  “You’re moving back to Texas?” He looked down, nodding. “Austin’s not that far.”

  “Not Austin. Here.”

  His eyebrows scrunched, making hard lines in his forehead. “Port Del Mar? That’s not a good idea.”

  “This is what I wanted to talk to you about.” Leg tucked under her, she shifted to face him. “We’re both in a better place now.” She took his hand. Willing him to understand.

  “You taught me to take chances. You showed me there was more life beyond the books and my parents.” She grinned. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but they kept me in a tight little box. You opened the world up to me in a way I would have never experienced it.”

  “Your parents had good reasons to protect you. Just like you should protect Rosemarie. She’ll be exposed to the rumors about my family.”

  “We’ll teach her the truth and how hurtful gossip is. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” With a nervous laugh, she shook her head. “We can do that together. I want Rosie to grow up here. With time maybe we can even reclaim our dream of having a family.”

  Horror filled his face. “Jazmine, you can’t be serious.” He yanked his hands out of her grasp and stood.

  “I’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished. I should have come back sooner.”

  His jaw dropped and all the color left his face. “No.” He stood and moved behind the kitchen counter.