A Surrogate Love Affair

by Jaimie Roberts

  Sarah’s not helping, either. Since the incident a few days ago, I’ve had nothing but a string of texts and voicemails threatening to take me to court and calling me every name under the sun. Ethan keeps saying they’re just words, but they’re still not nice to receive. At first, I deleted them, then thought it best to keep them as evidence. I’ll never know when I might need them, but if she keeps this up, I may not have choice but to threaten to go to the police. I don’t want to do that to her, but she may leave me no other choice.

  As I pace, biting my nails, I hear a car door slam. I run to the window and see Ethan walking up, clutching an envelope. What if I don’t want to hear the results? I try and gauge Ethan’s expression as he rings the doorbell. He seems...perturbed.

  Bile rises in my throat as I walk to the door. “Come in.” Ethan quickly walks through, holding out the envelope. I look at it, then back at him as I swallow the lump in my throat. “What does it say?”

  “I haven’t opened it yet.”

  I breathe out a sigh. “When you came in looking like you did, I thought it was really bad news.”

  He gives me an apologetic look before ripping it open. “I guess we shall see together, won’t we?”

  Immediately, I feel my heart pound. As he pulls the letter out, I sit down on one of the sofa chairs and start biting my nails again. For someone who’s never done this before, I’m certainly catching up on it now.

  I feel the adrenaline pump. I can’t take it much longer. When I look up at Ethan, he smiles, handing me the results. “The baby’s mine, Alice.” He starts laughing in jubilation. “The baby’s mine.”

  I jump up and hug him. The tears come, but so does the euphoria of finally knowing it’s over. Now maybe Kyle will leave me alone.

  “Thank you,” I say, snuggling into his chest.

  I feel his hot breath against my hair as he places a gentle kiss on top of my head. “There’s no getting rid of me now,” he whispers, stroking my hair.

  I don’t want to move. The feel of him against me makes me feel things I know I shouldn’t. My loins wake up, my breathing quickens. His smell invades my nostrils, making me want more. I clutch onto him, but I know I’m going to have to break away at some point. When Ethan doesn’t move, I become paranoid that he’s just being a gentleman and waiting for me to break away first.

  I pull away, sniffling. “You don’t realise how much of a relief this is.”

  He gives me that boyish grin I have come to love. “I’m glad you feel that way. It’s actually quite an ego boost knowing a woman would rather be carrying my baby than her husband’s.”

  I start laughing. “Well, when you put it that way... Kyle is the exception to the rule, though.”

  “Hey,” he feigns hurt, making me laugh more. “Way to put a man down. I was enjoying my moment.”

  “I’m sorry. Enjoy your moment. The way you’ve looked after me, despite the fact that you may not have been the father, is exceptional. Not every man would be as accommodating and caring as you’ve been.”

  He smiles. “That’s because I have nothing to worry about.”

  I have an idea and reach my hand out. “Can I have that letter a moment? Kyle has a scanner in the spare room.” At some point, I’m going to have to start decorating it to get ready for the baby. That thought makes me smile.

  Ethan looks very hesitant, but he lets me take it.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “I’m fine. I just don’t see what any of this has to do with him. I hate that he is part of something private between us.”

  “I know it’s hard, but this will get him off our backs. He can’t dispute the facts.” I look over Ethan’s shoulder at my phone. “In fact, this will be faster.” I sit, placing the letter down on the table. I pick up my phone, position it, and take a picture, making sure the most important information is visible. I then attach it in WhatsApp.

  I took my own paternity test. There’s no disputing the results. Please sign the divorce papers and leave me alone. It’s over.

  I click to send it. “There,” I say, not bothering to see if Kyle’s seen it. “Maybe he will leave me alone now. It’ll be nice to feel what it’s like to be free.”

  Ethan smiles as he takes a seat next to me. “Now you’ll get to see for yourself. As you say, he can’t dispute facts.” He takes my hand. “I’m this baby’s father. No matter what, I’m going to be here. I doubt Kyle can say the same.”

  I see the sincerity in his eyes, making me feel all tingly inside. Lately, just about everything Ethan does gives me tingles. Our eyes lock. I feel my body heat with a rich intensity. His eyes sparkle, foretelling mischief I wish to explore. I wonder what mischief we could get into, I think, absentmindedly letting my eyes drop to his lips. The same lips I find myself dreaming about lately. The other day, I was in the middle of dreaming about kissing him. He was just about to lower my dress strap when the alarm on my phone woke me up. I was so pissed off, I actually threw the phone across the room.

  When I look into Ethan’s eyes, I see he’s looking at my lips, too. Surely he doesn’t feel the same way I do. I must be missing the signals somewhere. However, the thought makes my loins wake up like never before. Feeling my face flush, I rub my knees together a little to try and ease the ache that’s developing. As his eyes come back up to meet mine, I almost moan at the need to kiss him. It overwhelms me so much, I start to lean forward, the pinging of my phone startling me.

  The spell broken, I look down. “I’d better check this,” I say, breathless. I notice the slight look of annoyance on Ethan’s face.

  I read Kyle’s message and sigh. “What is it?” Ethan asks. I show him the message, which basically asks if I or “Dr. Fuckwit” ordered the paternity test.

  Ethan shrugs. “Ignore it. He’ll eventually get the message and go away.”

  I place the phone down and sigh. God, I really hope so.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Two weeks come and go with not a peep from Kyle. Since I ignored his message, he’s left me alone. A part of me feels exhilarated, but another part feels anxious. Is he up to something? If so, what? Also, despite Sarah’s threats, I haven’t heard from a solicitor about the baby. Ethan says it’s because she hasn’t got a leg to stand on. Nothing was signed, but even if it were, I am the mother. I am entitled to change my mind. Whatever the reason, I’m glad she’s left me alone.

  Since I’ve heard nothing from either of them, I’ve used the time to soak up as much of Ethan as I can. We spend almost every day together, and the days we can’t, we talk to each other several times on the phone. In fact, I know more about him and his family than I ever knew about Kyle.

  I know I’m falling for him, which scares me to death. My mind is constantly at war with my heart. I want and need him, my dreams becoming much more vivid and intense. I’ve orgasmed in my sleep the last few nights now and, quite frankly, it’s driving me crazy. I daydream about Ethan all day, then dream of him in my sleep. He’s constantly in my head, making me think and feel things I know I shouldn’t. Ethan said we would make the perfect parents because we’ve never been in a relationship with each other. I have to respect that and move on, but I can’t. The more he’s in my life, the more he seeps into my heart. I want it to stop and not stop at the same time. I feel lost, not knowing what to do. At some point, I know I’ll have to tell him how I feel, but for now, I’ll keep it to myself because I just wouldn’t be able to handle the possible rejection. I’ve been trying to distance myself from him, but the more I do, the more I end up spending time with him.

  Like tonight. I was going to spend the evening in front of the TV with a bowl of Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough for company, but instead, I ended up texting Ethan and asking if he wanted to come over for dinner. Of course, he said yes. I know he wants to spend as much time with the baby as possible, so how can I begrudge him that?

  Opening the oven, I check the roast and potatoes. I have gravy ready, button sprouts and carrots boiling, and homemade Y
orkshire puddings that I’m proud of myself for making. Kyle always said I made a mean roast dinner. If there was one compliment in our marriage, it was that. I always take pride in making a good homemade meal.

  As I stir the vegetables, the doorbell rings. I feel my heart skip a beat when I see Ethan standing there, a bottle of orange Lucozade in one hand and a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough in the other. He knows me so well.

  Smiling, I see he’s dressed up. Wearing a pale pink shirt, a couple buttons undone at the top, and a pair of khaki trousers, he looks positively mouth-watering.

  He holds the Lucozade bottle up. “I’ve seen you drink this quite often. Also…” He holds up the ice cream, “I’ve seen you pack a couple of these in your freezer, too. I hope I’ve done okay.”

  I smile brightly. “You’ve done brilliant. Come on in.”

  “Thanks.” He wipes his feet. “The rain’s stopped now, but it was coming down quite a bit earlier.” He hands me the contents in his hands and walks into the living room. I move toward the kitchen and put away the ice cream and Lucozade.

  When I walk back in, Ethan is taking his jacket off. I stand there, marvelling at his physique. How I have been so blind to his masculinity, I have no idea. He has his back to me, so I take the time to shamelessly gawk. Without the jacket, I can clearly see the outline of his body through the shirt. I imagine myself peeling it off and kissing him all over. My face heats at the thought.

  When he turns, I feel like a deer caught in the headlights. I snap out of it, but not before Ethan notices me gawking. He smirks.

  “Um… Have a seat. What would you like to drink?” I’m blabbering now. I just wish the floor would swallow me up.

  He takes a seat. “Do you have any beer?”

  I nod. “Yes. I noticed you drink Stella, so I bought you some of those.”

  “That’s really kind of you. Thanks. Whatever you’re cooking smells delicious.”

  I suddenly feel like I’m back at school and talking to a boy I fancy. This is just so surreal. “Thank you. It’s a roast. I’ve been told I do a mean one, so I’m hoping you enjoy it.”

  He smiles. “I’m sure I will.”

  His smile takes my breath away, so I escape into the kitchen. I need some breathing room. Lately, I just want to rip his clothes off. In fact, I can’t stop thinking about it. Last week, I got so bad, I signed onto the internet to do some research. I’m almost sixteen weeks pregnant. Apparently, I can feel very horny at this stage. I remember shaking my head and thinking, Shit. This is all I need!

  Giving myself a few seconds to breathe, I grab Ethan’s beer and quickly check on the food. It’s just about ready. I rush back into the living room and hand him his beer.

  “The food is ready, so if you’d like to sit at the table…” I point to the table as he turns to see it all made up.

  “Do you need any help?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “No, but thank you. Just make yourself at home and I’ll be back in a few.”

  I walk back into the kitchen and get everything prepped. I carve the meat and place some on Ethan’s plate, then walk to the table and place it in front of him, setting the gravy down, as well.

  He smiles, inhaling. “It smells wonderful.”

  “I hope you enjoy it.”

  “Oh, I’m sure I will.”

  Looking at him again, my knees start to weaken. “Would you like any sauces? I have mustard or horseradish.” My voice sounds a little higher than it should.

  “No, this is fine. Thank you.”

  Nodding, I walk back into the kitchen to grab my plate and a glass of Lucozade before heading back in. I sit opposite Ethan, seeing he hasn’t touched his food yet, waiting for me.

  “My mouth’s watering, so forgive me if I start. I’m so hungry,” he says, looking at his food longingly.

  I laugh a little as I place my napkin in my lap. “Please. Be my guest.”

  We start eating. Because he’s relishing it, we hardly talk. All I get from him is moaning, which makes my…situation worse. I’m eating, but I don’t feel hungry for food. I feel hungry for something else, though.

  “I got a date for my divorce,” I say, trying to think of anything but sex.

  “Oh yeah?”

  “It came in the mail this morning. It’s for the twenty-first of June.”

  He seems relieved. “It still seems so far away, but at least it’s something. I’m glad things are working out for you. It’s just a pity Kyle won’t play ball and sign the papers. It shouldn’t have come to this.”

  I nod. “I know. I don’t particularly relish going to court. I know it’s only because Kyle has this insane notion we’ll get back together some day. It’s just weird.” I frown. “At first, he wouldn’t leave me alone, but ever since that message I sent about the paternity results, he’s gone away. If it’s because he’s finally realised we’re not getting back together, why hasn’t he agreed to the divorce?”

  Ethan swallows his bite. “He may be playing another game. Maybe he thinks if he gives you space, you’ll start to miss him. Or it might be that he just wants to make things as difficult as possible.” He lifts his fork, stopping in mid-air, frowning. “You’re not disappointed he’s suddenly vanished, are you?”

  My eyes widen. “Oh god, no! I’m happy about it. I just don’t get why the sudden change of heart. Maybe it is because he’s just being an arse and playing a game.” I think for a moment, then wave my hand. “Anyway, the date is set and that’s that. I won’t mention his name again. Tonight is about celebrating.”

  Grabbing his beer, Ethan holds it up. “To being free again.”

  I smirk and clink my glass to his. “To being free again. You haven’t heard anything in regards to your divorce yet, have you?”

  He shakes his head. “I’m not sure what’s happening. I’m going to give them a call tomorrow and ask.” He pauses a moment. “Speaking of tomorrow, I’m going to Plymouth. There’s a doctor’s conference I want to attend. Considering it’s so close to my sister, I figured I would stay with her. It’s only for one night. I’ll be back the following morning.”

  I feel a little pang in my stomach. I will miss him, but it’s only for one day.

  As if noticing my expression, he says, “I would invite you, but my sister’s place is rather small.”

  I shake my head. “No, I wouldn’t want to impose.”

  “I would like you two to get to know each other better, though. Maybe I can take you over there for lunch or dinner one day. I plan to tell her about the baby tomorrow. I’m sure she’ll want to speak with you once I do.”

  I smile, a little nervous about her reaction. “I would like that. We did say we’d go for coffee next time she was in town. How do you think she’s going to react when you tell her? She may hate me.”

  He laughs. “How can she hate you? Any woman who is willing to sacrifice herself to give a baby to another should be awarded a medal. I think she’ll highly praise you. She already likes you. This will practically make her fall in love with you.”

  “Do you really think so?”

  He nods, leaning forward. “I know so. Stop worrying.”

  “Okay,” I smirk.

  We carry on eating the rest of our meal, stopping every once in a while to chit-chat. Once finished, we set our utensils down and sigh. Ethan places his napkin on the table and stretches. “That was the best roast dinner I’ve ever had.” As he stretches, I see the outline of his broad chest through his shirt. Suddenly, I’m on fire.

  “It’s rather hot in here. Don’t you think it’s hot in here? I need to take this jumper off,” I say, all flustered. Ethan watches with concern as I stand up and pull the jumper over my head.

  “Whoa!” he shouts.

  I jump, pulling my arms away to look at Ethan. He’s on his feet, looking at my stomach. “What’s wrong?”

  He smiles. “Nothing. I just didn’t realise you had a tiny bump under your clothing. Can I feel?”

  I suck in a breath.
My mind doesn’t think it’s a good idea, and neither does my body. I seem to be on fire just being near Ethan, let alone having him touch me. Despite the war raging inside my head, I nod. After all, he’s the father. I know he intends to be there every step of the way. I just wish I didn’t want him the way I do. He’s my best friend’s husband. Despite what she did to me, I never intended to play tit for tat. Before now, Ethan was just someone I had a distant admiration for. Now it’s a completely different story. Every fibre of my being wants him in ways I never thought possible. I dream of his touch. I dream of him kissing me, caressing me, ravishing me…taking me. In all the years I was married to Kyle, I had never once had this burning desire to rip every piece of his clothing off and lick his body all over.

  Ethan looks at me like he is slightly unsure, but comes toward me with his arm outstretched. I place my jumper over the chair and grip it with all my might. I hold my breath in wanton anticipation as his hand edges nearer. He’s so close, I can smell his aftershave. If I stuck my tongue out, I could touch his neck.

  Whoa, I need to get a grip!

  My mouth parts slightly as I stare at his neck. I don’t dare look up at him because my eyes would totally give me away. As I feel his fingers glide across my stomach, I can’t help the overwhelming urge to close my eyes. I let them fall, swallowing hard as I open them back up again. His hand on my stomach feels as though it holds some sort of electric power. All sorts of sparks shoot through me. Sparks I have never felt before.

  As my lips part again, I look at Ethan. He’s frowning, almost as if he’s trying to figure me out. “Are you okay?” he asks.

  I take a deep breath, immediately breaking my trance. I can’t let him see just how much he affects me.

  I step away, grabbing the plates on the table. “I’ll take these and wash them up.”