Josie Griffin Is Not a Vampire

by Heather Swain

  I knew I had to shut up. I knew I had to leave, but I couldn’t. I cried for my friend. For how I had let her down. For all the problems I had caused to the few people who’d been decent to me lately. I cried loud and stupid, like a blubbering idiot, until I felt the cold grip of bony fingers on my shoulder and I froze.

  chapter 20

  get off me!” I yelled and thrashed, throwing wild punches into the air, but not connecting with anything.

  “Mmmh,” the girl said. She tugged at me with the strength of a hummingbird trying to lift a dead horse. “Mmmh,” she said again.

  I scrambled to my feet and looked into the face of Bethany, the love zombie Kayla had freaked out over. She put her bony hand around my wrist and led me to the alley where the other zombie girls waited in a huddle. They seemed agitated, shifting from foot to foot, and making little moaning noises until Bethany and I joined them. They surrounded me then all at once they started to walk, heading north.

  “But Gladys,” I said, spinning around, trying to work my way against the tide of bodies. “We could just drive, you know!” They ignored me and continued walking, pushing me forward with their determined momentum.

  We walked through alleyways and backyards, across railroad tracks, and under overpasses filled with trash. I had no idea where they were leading me and I didn’t really care because at that moment, they were literally the only friends I had in the world. Zombies. Nice, I thought, real nice. One more rung down the social ladder for me.

  After twenty minutes, I knew exactly where we were. The neat little houses and trim gardens filled with azaleas gave Lockerby away. “Oh no!” I said. “Are you taking me to Johann?” I tried to push my way out of the group, but they surrounded me again like we were a school of fish. Maybe Johann had been lying all along and they were his minions. “Are you doing his bidding?” I shouted, but of course, no one answered. They walked on, jostling to keep me in the center. “I won’t go,” I yelled at them. “You can’t make me.” I pushed hard against the girls until I broke their ranks and I slipped into the street. They stopped, cocked their heads to the side, and blinked at me with those horrible hollow eyes. I backed away, panicked, and scrambled into the shadow of a burnt-out streetlight then ducked behind a tall hedge in someone’s yard.

  Once I was out of sight, the girls turned away as if I had never been with them and continued their slow silent march down the street. I watched from a distance as they turned a corner then I decided that I should follow them.

  I kept ten feet behind, lurking along the edge of the sidewalk, ready to run away at any moment, but they ignored me. We turned another corner onto a street lined with big, old Victorian houses, only half of which had been fixed up. They trudged forward to the most run down of the houses. A single bulb burned weakly on the dilapidated porch and half the windows were boarded over. They marched up the steps single-file and vanished inside. I stood in the weedy front yard for a few minutes then I circled the house to get a lay of the land.

  Behind the house, I saw the gray Prius from HAG. “Aha,” I said, quietly confirming my suspicion that HAG and the love zombies were connected. But I still had no idea how. I thought of Kayla and Ellie and the girls.…Now I was too curious to let fear take over. I crept through the backyard, stepping over thorny bushes and patches of gravel to the back porch. The steps creaked under my weight, but I went slowly, sticking close to the rail that was protected by the shadow of a loose gutter hanging overhead. The porch ran the length of the back of the house and wrapped around the left side. I dropped to my knees and scurried up against the wall where I slunk from window to window, peering in each dark portal. The interior appeared to be black and empty until I got to the side of the house where a lamp burned in one of the rooms. I wrapped my fingers around the crumbling wood of the windowsill and very slowly inched up until I had a clear view of a large open space inside.

  Love zombies filled the room. Some sat on ratty couches and ancient overstuffed armchairs. Others leaned up against the peeling wallpaper. A few lay on threadbare Oriental rugs in front of an empty ornate fireplace. I squinted, trying to find Bethany and the others who had led me away from HAG. I scanned each vacant face then I landed on a girl with thick blonde hair half-covering her features, but the butterfly shirt and short shorts gave her away. I stood up and slammed my hand against the pane. “Kayla!” I called. I grappled with the bottom of the sash and lifted. The window flew open. “Kayla!”

  Movement in the corner of the room sent me ducking down out of sight. It was stupid of me to shout out—I had to keep control. When I peered into the open window again, I saw Atonia Babineaux weaving through the bodies. She trailed her fingers through their hair and along their arms as she slithered across the room. She looked like a snake taking its pick of drugged up rats in a science lab.

  “Who will it be tonight?” she asked in a singsong voice. She stopped in front of a dark-skinned bag of bones slouched against the mantel. “You?” she asked and reached out to lift the girl’s chin. Her cheekbones were as sharp as shale beneath a mass of unruly curls. She turned the girl’s face left and right then moved on. “Or you?” She knelt in front of a girl with dyed blue hair who slouched, knock-kneed in a chair. Atonia spun around and crawled cat like across the floor, picking her way over arms and legs akimbo. “Perhaps someone new?” She stopped at Kayla and brushed the hair away from her face, which had been drained of all its vitality. Her blue eyes loomed large in dark sockets and her mouth looked like a gash across a stone. I didn’t know what Atonia had done to my friend, but I knew I could take that skinny freak out if it meant saving Kayla. Except for one thing. Maron.

  Maron marched into the room, barking, “It’s all set!” She glanced toward the windows.

  I jumped off the porch and sprinted across the yard. I had no idea if Maron had seen me half in and half out of the window or not, but I wasn’t going to stick around and find out. I tore through the yards of Lockerby, hurdling flower beds and avoiding snarling dogs for three blocks until I tripped over a sprinkler and fell to my knees, gasping for air.

  I had nowhere to go. No one to help me. The paras didn’t trust me anymore. Neither did my parents for that matter. How long had it been since I snuck out? I was in way over my head. “What am I going to do?” I wailed up at the night sky, searching for some kind of answer but all I saw were the brightest stars glowing faintly through the haze of city lights. The Big Dipper, Orion’s belt, Betelgeuse. The vastness of the universe weighed down on me and I whimpered.

  I was the tiniest speck. Alone on the Earth on a late summer night. As insignificant as any bug. I lay back in the grass. There were no lights on in the house. No one to see me or ask what I was doing on their front yard. I realized at that moment, I could either freak out and lose my mind, or give up and crawl home to my parents who would surely be seething because by now they would have found the empty running shower and would be certain I was out trying to score some drugs for the half-zombie girl I dumped on them. Or I could I breathe like Charles had taught us in anger management.

  After a few minutes, my heart had slowed and I could think again. Charles always said to break a problem down then deal with it step-by-step instead of rushing headfirst into more trouble. So. First step, I got up off the ground and brushed the grass off my knees and butt. Second step, I thought through all the people I could go to for help. Most of them I had to cross off. Tarren—she’d kill me. Helios—he would never have anything to do with me again. Avis—no matter how nice and chill he was, he would be loyal to Tarren and Helios. The Council—I had no idea who they were. My parents—they would never believe me, especially after I ditched tonight. Which left only one person who just might care enough to overlook what a jerk I’d been.

  I got my bearings and headed for Johann’s house.

  I might have been stupid enough to ask a vampire for help, but I wasn’t stupid enough to knock on his door and risk his mom taking a bite out of me. Instead I crept around the house, loo
king for a way to get his attention without disturbing his parents. I’d had plenty of practice sneaking around when Kevin and I first started dating, so I figured it shouldn’t be too hard. I found a tree at the side of the house with some low branches. I picked up a handful of pebbles from the side yard and stuck them in my pocket.

  “Jeez,” I muttered as I hung by one knee from the lowest branch and tried to swing myself up. “My butt is getting too big for this.” After about fifty tries I got on top of the branch. Then tree climbing came back to me like I was ten years old again. I worked my way from branch to branch until I was eye level with a lighted window. I straddled the branch and scooted forward so I could peer inside.

  I don’t know what I was expecting—a sarcophagus and blood-red velvet drapes? But Johann’s room looked like every other guy’s room I’d ever seen. A mess of clothes, posters of 80s bands, a desk with a computer, shelves of books shoved in at awkward angles. Apparently thirty years of being eighteen hadn’t improved the slob factor much. I scanned the room for signs of life, or unlife I guess, and had almost given up when I realized that he was there, on the bed, lying so still that I had mistaken him for a mound of laundry. I took a pebble from my pocket and tossed it at the window. Nothing. I did it again. “Johann,” I whispered harshly and threw more rocks. “Hey, Johann!”

  He opened his eyes and rose from the bed like Bela Lugosi out of a coffin. “Johann! Come to your window.”

  Johann blinked a few times like he thought he’d been dreaming, so I threw the rest of my pebbles, which startled him. He hopped up from the bed and thrust open the window. “Who’s there?”

  “It’s Josie.”

  He found me among the leaves and glared. “Gott im Himmel, Yosie! What are you doing?” He frowned, “In a tree? At night. There could be bats out there,” he said and squirmed.

  “Please, Johann!” I pleaded as I realized what an idiotic idea climbing up there had been. He was a vampire. He could probably fly. But then again, he seemed to be afraid of bats. “Look, I know I messed up big time and you guys probably all hate me and rightfully so…”

  “I’ll never understand how humans can think we are the monsters,” he said.

  “You’re right,” I told him. “We’re so much worse. But you have to believe me when I say, I never meant to hurt you guys or put you in any danger. I didn’t know what I was doing. And I’m sorry.”

  He looked away. “Why are you here?”

  “For Kayla,” I pleaded. “I found her and…” Before I could get any more out, he slammed the window and dashed out of his room. “What the…?” I wriggled across the branch to get a better look in the house, but then I heard the front door burst open and he was on the ground beneath me.

  “Get down!” he commanded. “You will take me to her.”

  “Wow,” I said, picking my way down through the branches. “I had a big speech ready with all the reasons you should help me…” I dropped down to the grass beside him and fell on my butt. “But that was easy.”

  He reached down, grabbed the back of my shirt, and lifted me to my feet as if I were a marionette. Then he pulled me close to his face. His black eyes glinted in the moonlight. I shuddered, fearing this would be my last breath before he drained me of my blood. “Shut it, Yosie,” he growled.

  “Okay,” I squeaked. He dropped me like a cat that was tired of a dead mouse. I slumped to the ground then picked myself up. “Follow me.”

  We jogged three blocks to the big house and stood in the front yard. “She’s in there,” I said, pointing.

  He put his hands on his hips and shook his head. “This is where the love zombies live.”

  “I know. It’s like freakin’ America’s Next Top Zombie in there,” I told him. “Plus that…thing that runs HAG and my crazy social worker are inside, too, but…” Before I could finish yammering, he was striding up the front porch steps to the door with superhuman confidence.

  “Maybe we should think of a plan first!” I said, scurrying along behind him, but nothing was going to stop him. “Johann!” I whisper-yelled as I stepped into the eerie hall. “Johann, where’d you go?” I made my way toward the back of the house, past closed doors and a dark stairway. “We should really stick together, you know.” I saw a light shining out from a half-open door. I took a deep breath and pushed it open.

  Johann stood in the center of the room, half undressed and surrounded by desperate love zombies who clung to him, tearing his clothes from his limbs.

  “Jeez, Johann,” I said, stamping my foot. “Is this really the time to be getting it on with these zombie girls?”

  “Yosie!” He reached for me like a man being pulled under water by piranhas. “Make them stop.”

  “Take me. End this. Free me,” they moaned and pawed at him.

  I stomped up and grabbed them by their skinny arms, tugging them away from him. “Okay, enough. Let go.” But each time I got one off of him another would worm in between us and cling to him. “What do they want?” I asked, still yanking girls away.

  “I don’t know!” he cried.

  “Bite me,” one of them wailed. “Bite me!”

  “You bite me!” I said and shoved her to the side. She fell like a crumpled sock then picked herself up and came at him again. “Can’t you do something?” I asked Johann.

  “Like what?” he said.

  “I don’t know. What would the Lost Boys do? Use your superhuman strength or turn into a bat or something!”

  For a half second, he looked bewildered.

  “I’ll see why they’re freaking out,” someone called from the hallway. I knew that voice too well.

  “It’s Maron!” I whisper-screamed and ran to hide behind the door.

  Johann closed his eyes, bowed his head, wrapped his arms around himself, and exploded. “Aaaargh!” he yelled and shook like a dog that just came out of a pond. Girls flew off his arms and legs and landed heaped in a perfect circle around his feet.

  Maron stormed into the room, took one look at the strange guy and stopped. “What the…?” she said, but Johann didn’t waste any time. He turned and flew through the open window into the darkness of the night.

  Great, I thought. There goes the wimpiest vampire in the world.

  chapter 21

  while Maron screamed at the lovesick zombies dragging themselves across the floor moaning for Johann, I slipped into the hallway. All I had to do was find Kayla and get us both out. That was it. Everybody else could fend for themselves. I had my own problems to deal with now. Namely Maron, who was still yelling at the zombies. At least she wasn’t after me. Yet.

  In the kitchen, I found a staircase leading to the basement. A light shone up the steps and I heard voices. Of course, I thought. Where else would the scariest people in the world be? Could they be in the dining room? No. Perhaps on the back deck having a nice cookout? No way. The only possibility was down the cellar stairs. If I were watching myself in a horror movie, I would call me an idiot and tell me to get out now. But I couldn’t do that, because my friend was down there and she needed my help.

  I searched around the kitchen for a butcher knife or a heavy candelabra to clobber someone with, but other than a wobbly table and a few broken chairs, the room was bare. Apparently love zombies didn’t throw dinner parties. So, without a weapon or a plan, I did the only thing possible (besides peeing in my pants)—I went down the stairs.

  “Turn her a little to the left,” a man said, then a flash went off. “A little more.” Another flash. “Push her head to the right.” More flashes. “Yeah, like that. That’s right. Work it, baby. Work it, girl.”

  I pressed my body against the dank cement wall and slowly crept forward. Between me and the voice were racks and racks of clothes. Mesh hoodies. Tiny tube tops. Plunging V-necks. Itty bitty micro-miniskirts and ripped-up fishnet hose. I scurried behind one of the racks and peered out through the hangers.

  Huge lights illuminated a plain gray backdrop. A lanky guy with a frizzy comb-over and handl
ebar mustache clutched a camera. “Put some more girls in there,” he said. “Like they’re at a naughty slumber party.” He leered and laughed.

  Atonia moved bodies in front of the backdrop. She pushed and pulled them, turning legs out, setting one girl’s hand on her protruding hip bone. She pushed another girl’s forehead back until her chin tilted up and her mouth hung open as if she were in pain.

  “Yeah, yeah,” the guy said. “Just like that.” Atonia got out of the way and he started snapping pictures again.

  Kayla stood in the center. They’d charcoaled her eyes, teased her hair like she was going to the prom in 1982, and smeared blood-red lipstick across her mouth. She leaned to the left, her arms heavy at her sides, her head dangling and her mouth half open. The other girls slumped over her like rag dolls trying to hug. They were all eyes, hair, pouting mouths, elbows, knees, and hip bones in the same hideous purple dress with black slash marks across the belly that Madison had worn to my trial. I silently gasped and pressed my hand against my mouth. It worse than I imagined. They were being forced to model Zombie Apparel!

  “Some guy got in the house!” Maron shouted, as she clomped down the stairs behind me. “He had them all in a frenzy.”

  Atonia and the photographer stopped the shoot and turned around. I was trapped and there was no place for me to go but inside the clothing racks, like a little kid hiding in a department store. I ducked and tried to climb inside the racks, but my foot got caught and I fell. Hangers clattered, fabric ripped, I sprawled face-first into the center of the floor, covered in trashy dresses. Nobody moved. Everybody just stared at me. So I stood up and tossed aside the clothes clinging to me. “Hey, Ms. Babineaux!” I said. “What a coincidence.”