by Amber Garza
Now I knew I was wrong.
“Thanks,” I responded.
“I mean, you could’ve been killed,” she went on.
“Might have been if Holden hadn’t stepped in when he did,” I added.
“Well, it’s the least he could do.”
Her words surprised me. “What does that mean?”
“I mean, if it weren’t for him Preston never would’ve hurt you.” She tossed a strand of hair over her shoulder.
Warning bells went off in my head. A voice deep down was urging me to leave, to not listen to another word she said. But the other part of me was curious. And in the end curiosity won out. “I don’t understand.”
“You and Preston were friends, right?” Bethany asked.
I nodded.
“So didn’t you think it was a little weird that he would threaten to shoot you?”
“We had gotten into a little argument on Friday night.” I shrugged.
“Let me guess, it was about your involvement with Holden. Am I right?” Her eyes sparkled in the sunlight. The wind lifted her hair and it sprayed across her face. Reaching up, she brushed it away.
“Yeah, but that’s not Holden’s fault. I chose to date him.”
“He didn’t have to rub it in Preston’s face though.” Her smile was calculated and it made my blood run cold. She knew something I didn’t. Something I should have known. “Not that you can blame him. It was obvious to everyone that Preston had a thing for you, and Holden just wanted to make sure he knew that you were his, not Preston’s.”
The earth spun beneath my feet like I was on one of those spinning rides at the fair. I took deep breaths to regain my bearings. Had Holden set this whole thing off? Why hadn’t he told me?
“Are you okay?” Bethany asked, her voice sugary sweet.
I wanted to punch her in the face. “Fine,” I spoke through gritted teeth. “I have to go.” Spinning away from her, I hurried toward my car.
When I reached it, Holden was leaning against the side, his leg bent. He looked like he had just stepped out of a magazine. The only flaw was his cast. The rest of him was perfect. But even his heart-stopping good looks weren’t going to work for him today.
“Hey, Chloe.” He smiled when I approached.
Keeping my lips together, I didn’t say a word. Just jammed my key into the driver’s side door and unlocked the car.
“Chloe? What’s going on?” His brows furrowed.
“I think you should get a ride with Sawyer or one of your other friends.” I hopped into the car and started to close the door. But Holden was fast, and he blocked it.
“Tell me what happened.”
“Bethany told me about your conversation with Preston about us.”
“What conversation?” He appeared genuinely confused, and it perplexed me.
But I powered on. “She said that you thought Preston had a thing for me so you made sure that he knew I was yours.”
“I never talked to Preston about us, Chloe,” he said.
I froze. “Why would she lie about that?”
“Because it’s what Beth does. She lies. She likes to stir up trouble.” Holden stepped back. “I guess the more important question is, why do you keep believing her over me?” When he turned away, I felt like a jerk.
“I’m sorry,” I called after him. “I don’t know why I believed her.”
“When you figure it out, give me a call.”
A stone descended in my gut when I watched him walk away.
I felt like I’d stepped back in time when I entered my house after school. The scent of chocolate chip cookies permeated the air. Following it, I went into the kitchen. Mom stood over the counter, a plate of cookies and two large glasses of milk sitting in front of her.
“I thought you could use a little chocolate therapy this week,” she replied to my questioning stare.
When I was younger my mom would have cookies and milk waiting for my brother and me every Friday afternoon. But when Cole reached high school it started waning off. I think Cole and I felt like we were too old for cookies and milk with Mom. But she was right. This week, it was exactly what I needed.
“Besides, your brother wanted some,” she added.
My heart leapt. Cole stepped out from behind the pantry door.
“Cole!” I squealed, racing toward him. “I didn’t know you were coming this weekend.”
I threw my arms around him and he hugged me back. “Wasn’t planning to, but then I heard what happened.”
Heart softening, I drew back and looked up at him. He hadn’t changed much. Still had the same dark hair and eyes, the same easy smile. He looked a little older, and there was a light dusting of hair on his chin, as if he hadn’t been remembering to shave.
“Figured I’d come home and make sure you were all right.” He smiled.
“Thanks,” I said softly. Moisture pricked at my eyes, but I blinked it away. All this time I’d wondered if Cole thought of me at all. By coming here, he’d proven that he did. That we were just as close as we’d always been. Moving over to the counter, I hoisted myself up on one of the barstools. Mom slid a glass of milk in my direction as I plucked a cookie off the plate. Cole came to sit on the stool next to mine. Then he downed a cookie in one swift bite. It was nice to see that some things never changed.
“So, Mom tells me you have a boyfriend.” Cole nudged me in the side with his elbow.
Heaviness blanketed me at the mention of Holden. “Yeah,” I muttered sadly.
“Uh oh. Do I need to kick someone’s ass?” Cole asked.
I chuckled at the mental picture forming in my mind. It wasn’t like my brother was a little guy. However, he was no match for Holden.
“If anyone needs their ass kicked, it’s me.” I bit into my cookie, chocolate coating my tongue. Reaching for my glass, I picked it up and brought it to my mouth. Then I washed down the cookie with the cool, creamy liquid.
“What happened?” Mom leaned over the counter, propping herself up on her elbows.
After finishing my cookie, I spilled the entire story of what happened after school today.
Mom frowned when I stopped talking. “I think Holden asked a good question. Why were you so quick to believe the worst about him?”
“I don’t know.” I stared at the counter, my gaze following the lines in the tiles.
“Yes, you do,” Mom pressed.
Cole leaned his shoulder into mine. “You might as well spill it, Chloe. She’ll get it out of you one way or another.”
One side of my lip curved upward. He was right. Mom was the most perceptive person I knew. And she had a way of forcing things out of us. Bending over, I picked at a stray string on my pants. I wound it around my finger. “I guess I just can’t stop feeling guilty about what happened. Deep down, I feel like it’s all my fault, you know?”
“Preston made his own choice that day, Chloe,” Mom spoke firmly. “You didn’t force the gun into his hand.”
My head snapped up. “But there was some truth to what Bethany said. I do think that Preston might have liked me as more than a friend. He did seem upset when I started dating Holden. And I didn’t help him like I said I would. He was still being bullied.”
“You did your best to help him,” Mom assured me.
“Did I?” I bit my lip. “I’m just not sure.”
“Chloe, when I was in school I got bullied a lot. There was one group of girls in particular that made my life a living hell,” Mom said. Both Cole and I stared at her like she had sprouted an extra limb. It was the first time she’d shared anything like this with us. “But I didn’t bring a gun to school and shoot them. I’m not saying that I don’t sympathize with Preston. Clearly, someone should have stepped in to help him sooner. I know how hard it is to be bullied, and I can’t imagine what that poor kid went through. But still, he didn’t have to handle it the way he did. And you can’t blame yourself for his actions.”
As I nodded in response to Mom’s words, a knock o
n the door startled me. Craning my neck, I stared out the kitchen window. Sawyer’s car was parked along the curb in front of my house. I recognized it immediately because he was the only guy at our school who drove a purple minivan. Holden explained that it had been Sawyer’s mom’s car before he turned sixteen. Now she drove around a brand new BMW. Poor Sawyer was stuck with the “Barney Mobile” as the guy’s called it, in reference to the children’s character Barney, the purple dinosaur.
That’s weird. Why would Sawyer be here? And how did he know where I lived?
“S’that the boyfriend’s car?” Cole raised a brow.
“No, it’s not.” Shaking my head, I hopped down from the barstool and hurried to the front door. Sawyer’s face was blurred behind the glass. When I opened the door, it became vivid and clear.
“Hey,” Sawyer tossed me a hesitant grin. “I’m sorry to just show up like this. Holden told me where you lived.”
“Oookay.” I was confused as to why Holden would be giving out my address to his friend’s. Then a panicked thought crossed my mind. “Is he all right? He’s not hurt, is he?”
“No. He’s fine.” Sawyer’s head whipped back and forth emphatically. “I needed to talk to you about something. Do you have a minute?”
I glanced back toward the kitchen. Both Mom and Cole were peering out into the entryway, clearly eavesdropping. Rolling my eyes, I stepped outside. “Yeah. Let’s talk out here.” After gently closing the door behind me, I leaned my back against it.
A loud breath whistled through Sawyer’s teeth, and he ran an agitated hand over his hair. A few strands remained sticking straight up when he took his palm away. “Holden told me about your fight after school.”
I tried not to let it bother me that he shared that with Sawyer. I figured maybe he had to in order to get a ride home.
His shoulders rose and fell when he took a deep breath. “It wasn’t Holden who talked to Preston about you and him.” An apologetic expression donned his face. “It was Ryan and me.”
His words bowled me over. “Why would you and Ryan talk to Preston about me?”
Sawyer’s face paled. “Holden mentioned to Ryan that he thought Preston had a thing for you. I think it was just an innocent comment. You know the kind of thing you say to your friend. But Ryan hated Preston.”
“Why?” I wanted there to be reason. Like Preston did something horrible to Ryan. Something that would explain all of this.
But Sawyer didn’t give me anything. “I don’t know. He just always thought he was a freak, I guess.”
I nodded, disappointment sinking into my gut.
“Anyway, Ryan and I approached Preston before the game on Friday night, and Ryan kind of razzed him about his feelings for you. He made it pretty clear that Preston needed to stay away from you because you belonged to Holden.” Sawyer’s face fell. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could go back in time and change everything. It was wrong how we treated Preston. I see that now.”
I knew he meant what he said. Shame and guilt were clearly etched on his face. Too bad it didn’t change anything. Too bad we didn’t get do-overs. What was done was done.
There was no going back.
CHAPTER 27
Holden
I was still angry when she showed up at my house that night. But she looked so damn hot, it was hard to stay that way. No one else in the world could look that sinfully good in jeans and a t-shirt. But this girl rocked everything she wore. However, no matter how good she looked it couldn’t take away how upset I was. It hurt me that she was so quick to think the worst of me. And to believe a liar like Beth over me added fuel to the fire. In the short time we’d known each other we’d been through a lot, and you’d think that she would trust me by now. How many times did I have to prove myself to her?
“Can we talk?” Her voice was small, unsure. So unlike her.
I’d never heard her like that, and it caused some of my anger to dissipate. “Okay.” Mom and James had gone out to dinner, so the house was empty and quiet. They’d invited me to come, but I didn’t feel like it. Stepping back, I swept my good arm out in an effort to usher Chloe inside.
Timidly, she stepped in. The way she was behaving made me want to grab a hold of her. To kiss her. To wake her up. To see that fire that she carried inside. This shell-shocked, shaky thing in front of me didn’t resemble the girl I’d been dating at all. But I couldn’t bring myself to touch her. Not until I knew how she felt about me.
Not until I knew that she trusted me.
I closed the front door. Chloe stood near the wall in the entryway as if scared to go any further. Or maybe she didn’t feel welcome. And I wasn’t sure how welcome I wanted her to feel.
“Sawyer came by my house.” She clasped and unclasped the hands at her sides. “He told me that it was he and Ryan who talked to Preston. Not you.”
“So now you believe me? Because Sawyer said something.” A bitter chuckle erupted from my throat. “Well, good to know you can trust him. Maybe you two should start dating.”
“Holden.” She sighed. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?” I snapped. “You believe Beth, who you know is a liar and a cheat, over me. And you only believe me now because my friend vouched for me.”
“It’s more complicated than that.”
“Not to me it’s not,” I said. “I trust you unequivocally. I would never believe someone else over you. But you don’t feel the same way about me.” I shrugged. “That’s crystal clear.”
“I do trust you, Holden.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
“You’re right.” She hung her head. “What I did wasn’t fair to you.” Pausing, she sucked in a breath. Licking her lips, she tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear, and despite the way I felt, I ached to kiss her. “I was making you pay for other people’s sins, and that was wrong.”
I cocked my head to the side. “Who else’s sins?”
“Just other guys.” Chloe shrugged.
My insides knotted. “What other guys?”
She was silent a moment, and my mind spun. Before she even spoke I was ready to kick some ass. I fisted my hands at my sides, ready to sucker punch any guy who’d ever hurt Chloe.
“You want to know why I was so hell bent on helping Preston?” Sadness flickered in her eyes. “It’s because I was him. At my last school and the one before that. I was teased and bullied for years. Not physically the way he was, but mentally. I was called fat and ugly. And guys played pranks on me, like placing bets on who could trick me into thinking they liked me and stuff.” Her lips quivered. “When you started liking me it seemed too good to be true, and I guess I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
Chloe always seemed so confident that I often forgot about people teasing her or treating her badly. It killed me to know that she had to endure that. And it didn’t make sense. Hell, Chloe was the hottest girl I knew. No way could I fathom someone calling her fat or ugly. All of my bravado withered, and I closed the gap between us. I hooked my finger into the belt loop of her jeans and tugged her forward. “God, Chloe, I can’t believe anyone treated you like that.” My lips feathered over hers. “But please trust me when I say that I will never intentionally hurt you. I care about you a lot. And that’s the truth.”
When she opened her lips, warm breath fanned over my mouth. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been acting so weird. I’ve just been wrestling with so many different emotions. I’m dealing with my insecurities, and on top of that I have all this guilt and shame I feel for what happened with Preston.”
I reached up, grazing my knuckles over her chin. My eyes searched hers. “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself.”
“But when we’re together I can’t help but feel like I’m betraying Preston somehow. Like I shouldn’t be this happy when he was so miserable that he killed himself.”
Her words cut to my heart. “Being happy isn’t a betrayal to him. And I promise you I won’t let his dea
th or Ryan’s death be in vain. We’ll learn from it. All of us. I’ll make sure of it.”
“But--”
I pressed my finger to her lips. “Chloe, I made you a promise. Are you going to trust me or not?”
She stared deep into my eyes. I held my breath. It was the last time I’d ask her. Either she trusted me now or I was walking away. I liked her a lot, but my heart could only take so much.
“Yes,” she whispered.
I exhaled with relief, my shoulders sagging. Then I leaned forward, sealing her words with a kiss.
Monday morning Chloe picked me up for school. I hadn’t seen her since Saturday night. She’d spent Sunday with her family since her brother was in town. And I was surprised at how much I’d missed her in only one day. I didn’t even wait for her to get out of her car. The minute I saw her pull up I raced outside, meeting her at the curb.
“Hey.” She smiled when I approached.
Without saying a word, I curved my hand around her neck and crashed my lips to hers. She tasted like fruit and mint, her lip gloss sticky against my mouth. My fingers tangled in her hair as our mouths moved in sync. I desperately wanted to reach my other arm up, to hold her close, to touch her body. But the cast and sling kept my arm encased, tucked close to my side. With my good hand I massaged her head as my tongue explored her mouth, as her lips pressed firmly to mine. I could stand out here all day kissing her. To hell with school and responsibilities. This was where I wanted to be. But I knew that wasn’t possible. Especially not today.
I’d made a promise to Chloe, and today I planned to keep it.
Breaking away, I gulped in air. Chloe’s chest rose and fell with each breath. Her lip gloss was smeared, her hair mussed. Damn, she looked good.
