The Journal of Tom Barnett: Vampire Apocalypse Survivor

by Daniel S. Atkinson

  9th February. 12.03pm.

  Zoe announced this morning that she was going to be blunt with me. I wasn’t sure what to expect. Had I done something wrong?

  She was true to her word, she put her hands on her hips and said, ‘you stink. Bad.’ I smelt under my armpits and had to agree. She continued, ‘There is only so much deodorant can mask.’ I must have looked ashamed because she laughed and said, ‘It’s not just you Tom, I feel all funky and gross too. That cold bucket and rag it not going to cut it anymore.’

  I understood the direction she was taking and added, ‘There is a big bathtub in the house next door. I saw it yesterday. It’s one of those big old ones with claw feet.’ ‘Perfect,’ Zoe said, rubbing her hands together. ‘Now we just have to figure out a way to get some hot water in there.’

  ‘Leave that to me,’ I said, ‘It might take a awhile though.’ Zoe gave me a dead pan look, ‘That’s no good, I have to meet Charles for a latte at three.’ We both rolled around laughing until she kicked me in the bum and told me to get cracking. I saluted her and set to work on operation deodorise. Zoe seemed to get a decent amount of pleasure from my salute so I set her a few tasks to deflate her ego.

  I had anticipated this taking some time to do and I wasn’t wrong. The first problem to solve was getting enough water. I made a trip to my trusty Bunnings store and loaded up with a dozen five-litre containers. I then drove down to the Eastern freeway. I knew a creek runs alongside the freeway but it took me at least an hour to find a road that accessed the waterway. In the end I had to drive through a reserve to get there but my new Jeep handled it with aplomb.

  The part of the creek I first approached looked stagnant. Some fat lazy flies hovered above a thin film of oily muck on the surface. I didn’t want to think about what might be floating in there. I took the Jeep upstream a few hundred metres. Here the creek was flowing nicely, the water was cold and clean. I wouldn’t drink it but it should be fine to bathe in once we’ve boiled it up. I filled the tanks and lugged them back to the car.

  Zoe had not been idle during my absence. She had followed my instructions to the letter. In the backyard of the neighbouring house she had dug a shallow pit and filled it with dry wood and kindling. One either side she had stacked bricks. Across the brick I laid some metal rods I had earlier acquired from Bunnings. We lit a fire and began heating up the 5 litre cans.

  The water steamed up out of the bathtub in wispy, intricate whirls. I stood there like a dumb idiot examining our handy work. The reason I say dumb idiot is because I didn’t think about what was going to happen next. Zoe gave me a gentle nudge and then it clicked in my brain. I started stammering, ‘Sorry I wasn’t going to try to hang around while you, you, you know. I’m not a peeping Tom or anything.’ She just laughed kindly and pushed me playfully out the door. At the door she teased me by saying, ‘I’m sure you’ve heard about the last man and woman on earth scenario, but we only just met a few weeks ago.’ I could hear her giggling to herself after she closed the door.

  I sat in the empty kitchen feeling like such a dickhead. I know her playfulness wasn’t designed to be hurtful, but it made me feel like a kid, someone she doesn’t take seriously. If I told her this she would probably apologise but I don’t want that. I’m just happy to see her in a good mood. She hasn’t fallen into one of those morose moods for a few days now, and that’s a good thing.

  Zoe eventually finished her bath and poked her head in through the kitchen doorway. ‘Your turn smelly.’ I looked up and nodded. She left to get changed but not before I caught a glimpse of something I can’t get out of my mind. She had a towel wrapped around her. It went from under her armpits to her calves. Not much to look at, you see more flesh in a Target catalogue. But I got to admit that brief look at her naked shoulder combined with her wet glistening hair made my heart beat so fast I thought I would go into cardiac arrest. Luckily she didn’t see my distress and I went into the bathroom to calm down.

  The bath was fantastic. Even though the tub was only half full, the water was warm and soapy. It felt so good to have a month worth of grime and grit out of my skin and hair. Halfway through washing myself I realised that Zoe was sitting here not ten minutes ago doing the same exact thing. I was overwhelmed with the image of her. I started trembling uncontrollably. I knew what was happening to me but that doesn’t mean I could control it. I hurriedly finished washing and jumped out of the bath.

  I tried not to do it, but it was impossible to ignore the urge. After I finished I felt terribly guilty. Like I had soiled our relationship somehow. I know I really didn’t do anything wrong, but it felt wrong somehow. I got dressed and sat on the floor. I was still trembling, like I had just come in from the snow, only I wasn’t cold. Whatever was happening to me was not just physical. It was emotional too.

  Zoe eventually knocked on the door. She called out, ‘You haven’t drowned in there, have you?’ My tremors doubled, my teeth began clanging together like cowbells. I opened the door and pushed past her with my head down. She followed me out the front door. I could hear the concern in her voice. ‘Tom are you OK? What’s the matter? Tom?’

  I increased my pace. I was so confused, I didn’t know how to react or if I could even face her. She caught up with me and grabbed at my elbow. I shrugged it off and started running. I yelled over my shoulder something like, ‘I left my tools at Bunnings. I’ll be back soon.’ I hopped in the Jeep and sped off without looking back.

  I’m sitting here in the Jeep writing this. I still don’t know what I’ll say to her when I go back. It’s getting dark.

  9th February. 19.45pm.

  I pulled into the church driveway and killed the engine. I could see Zoe inside the church. Her vague shape danced through the stained glass windows backed by flickering candlelight. She was drawing our makeshift curtains closed for the night.

  This is the reason why Zoe is the greatest person I have ever met: the big double front door was wide open. Warm yellow light spilled out into the gathering dusk. The symbology of this gesture was immediately apparent to me. I am welcome here. No, more than that, I am wanted here.

  I closed the doors on the hostile dark behind me and turned to face her. Zoe walked slowly towards me with a sad smile on her face. I hated that smile. I much preferred the crooked mischievous one. I started to speak but she placed her cupped hand gently over my mouth. She shook her head, ‘It doesn’t matter Tom. I don’t know what the hell happened back there. I can take a good guess, but that doesn’t matter either. OK?’ I nodded dumbly, unsure whether I could ever reply eloquently to this kindness. ‘You can always be yourself around me. Just don’t ever run off like that again, you promise.’ I croaked in the affirmative. ‘Good, you scared the life out of me. I was so worried.’

  “I’m sorry,’ I said. She took my hand and led me into our living area. We sat down and faced each other. “Let’s make a promise to each other. We never run away like that. It’s too dangerous.’ I agreed and added, ‘And it’s not fair on the other person.’

  Zoe dismissed the whole issue abruptly with a wave of her hand. “Now we have a more pressing issue.”

  “Oh?’ I asked. She picked up a box and waggled it in front of me. It was a Monopoly board game. “I found this at our neighbours house. “Do you want to be the top hat or the little dog?’ The crooked, cute smile returned and everything was all right in the world.

  10th February. 14.14pm.

  Exciting news today. We found a radio broadcast. I’ll copy down the message first then tell you all about it.

  This is a call out to any survivors. We are broadcasting from the community hall on Phillip Island. The situation here is under control. We have secured the island and are actively guarding it against future threats. The local pastor has rallied the residents here and brought them under his wing. We invite any and all survivors to come join us. Please be assured we are decent citizens and that all newcomers abide by the standards of decent civilization. This message will repeat.

&
nbsp; Wow huh? It blew our minds I can tell you. We had gone for a ride on our bikes this afternoon and ended up at a newsagent. It was surreal inside the store. We sat down and read the Herald-Sun that was stacked neatly next to the register. There were a few articles in there relating to the crisis unfolding but most of it was normal news items. You know the type: this sportsman did something stupid, this politician did something stupid, etc. Kind of made me feel weird reading it all.

  Behind the counter was a radio. I flicked it on and surprisingly it worked. Good old battery power. I scanned the FM dial and got nothing. When I found the message above playing on an AM signal I nearly fell on the floor. Zoe scrambled over and we stood there in dumbfounded silence. I reckon we must have listened to it ten times before we looked at each other and laughed.

  So what to do with this information? It’s been the only topic of conversation all day. Zoe has never been to Phillip Island before but I have. I went there on school camp last year. It s a fairly large island about 200 kilometres south of Melbourne. If it really is the safe haven they claim it to be, we should at least consider the option. However we are quite happy here. We’ve set up a nice little home in the church, it’s safe and we enjoy each other’s company. But is it enough? Do we need other human company in order to diversify and grow? I have a sneaking suspicion that our closed off bubble here can’t last forever. I mean we are surrounded every single night by the oppressive hordes. Death is a constant reminder. If the island is vampire free then we should go. I believe we will be forced to eventually. I told Zoe as much, but she remains unconvinced. She’s happy here and that’s good enough for me. For now.

  11th February. 16.49pm.

  As of 13.22pm I am officially not a virgin anymore. Hope Zoe doesn’t read this. Don’t want her to think I am bragging to the world. In fact I better show her. Make sure it’s ok with her. We don’t keep any secrets from each other. There is no point anymore. I could never image, having met Zoe, that I would want to be around someone who I couldn’t be myself with. Life is too short, especially this fucked up life. We need each other. I’ll get her to edit this entry later. The only salacious details you get to read are the ones she approves of.

  It happened rather unexpectedly. We were wandering through a Harvey Norman store. No vamps in there, the whole front of the store lets in beautiful streams of daylight. We were mucking around, just wasting time. I started jumping on the beds. Don’t ask me why, I was having fun. I then started trying to jump from bed to bed. I wasn’t sure where Zoe was at this stage, but she must have been watching me because she set up an ambush. As I landed on this huge bed she launched herself from a hiding place and knocked me on my back. A reached out an arm as I was falling and dragged her down on top of me. We were face to face. We just stared at each other for a while. Her body felt so comfortable. Eventually she gave me that crooked, cute smile of hers and buried her head in my shoulder. I don’t know how long we lay there like that but I definitely fell asleep.

  Zoe woke me up. Now, here’s the thing, if you ever want to know how to wake a teenage boy, I tell you the best way to do it. Have a girl he’s been besotted with for the past three weeks put her hand on his stomach. Zoe’s hand on my bare skin sent goose bumps up my back.

  We had managed to get under the huge soft doona at some stage during the nap. Zoe flung it aside as she began to wriggle out of her clothes. I could hardly believe this beautiful, odd girl was doing this. With me! She must have caught me gawking, because she suddenly grew shy. Or pretended to be shy. My face grew hot, but she just laughed and tugged on my jeans leg. I got the point. Once we were down to the bare essentials, we crept under the doona again. I think I’ll stop there with what happened next. Let me just say I was so nervous and awkward. But Zoe’s the best, she was able to make it go smoothly. Arghh. That sounds so bad. Zoe, I apologise in advance for when you read this.

  11th February. 0.00am.

  -

  12th February. 22.16pm.

  We’ve fallen into the nasty habit of dozing off during the afternoon, especially in department store beds. It is understandable considering what we get up to, but it is still irresponsible. And no, we are not always doing that, sometimes we just like to talk or read or hang out. This time it might cost us dearly.

  It all started this morning when Zoe declared over breakfast that she missed consumerism. Just like that, out of the blue. The closest shopping centre to us is Doncaster. I have to admit I got a bit excited at the prospect of going on a shopping excursion, more due to Zoe’s enthusiasm than anything else. Seeing her all bubbly and worked up is infectious.

  I filled the backpack with my usual day trip gear (crucifix, holy water, chewing gum, etc.) and we headed off in the Jeep. The day was overcast and rather cold, fairly unusual for this time of year. I commented on this to Zoe and she replied that it is perfect weather for being indoors. I laughed at this. Nothing could dampen her spirits once she has some fun in her sights.

  I drove us to the shopping centre without major incident. The roads were mostly clear and only once did I have to mount the kerb to get around a crashed bus. Soon enough the centre loomed above us, all gleaming metal and glass. I drove around to the eastern entrance and ascended the long ramp up to the rooftop parking area. There was no way in hell I was going to venture down into the dark and cavernous underground car parks. It gives me shivers to imagine what goes on down there, even during the relative safety of the day. At the top of the ramp a boom gate stopped us in our tracks. I leaned out of the car and pressed the button to receive my parking ticket. After nothing happened I pressed the call operator button and yelled, “Hello? Is anyone there?” Zoe laughed at my antics and this made me feel good.

  I backed the Jeep up, put it in first and revved the engine. Zoe understood immediately what I was planning and tightened her seatbelt. I gunned it forward and we crashed through the boom gate. Zoe whooped in delight and I had to hit the brakes to avoid a concrete wall. Surprisingly the boom gate had offered little resistance to my bull bar. I circled around the empty car park and settled on a spot near the entrance to the cinemas.

  We hopped out and got ready. I took out my gun and made sure it was loaded and the safety was on. Zoe looked at me quizzically, “What do you need that for? It's daytime.”

  “I’m not worried about vamps in there.” She frowned in response. “There could be other survivors, people who’ve set up home inside. Probably big fans of George Romero. And maybe they don’t want to share.”

  “I hadn’t thought of that,” Zoe said, “you are the only other human I’ve met. I keep forgetting there could be others around.” Suddenly she wasn’t as enthused as before. I put an arm around her and said, “Don’t worry. If we find anyone, we’ll leave.”

  As it was we had nothing to worry about. The place was completely empty, the only trouble we did had was getting inside. We laughed nervously when the sliding doors didn’t open for us automatically. It’s weird how accustomed you are to certain things. I had to resort to breaking a window to gain entrance. It was one of those huge plate glass ones too. We carefully stepped over the broken shards and entered the shopping centre. Doncaster had recently undergone a major facelift. The old 70’s décor had been stripped away and replaced with steel and glass. It was perfect for our situation as the whole joint was bathed in natural light. Only the larger department stores descended into inky blackness due to their size. That didn’t bother us so much as there was plenty to explore.

  The first thing Zoe wanted was some new clothes. Neither of us are very good at washing our garments, not due to laziness as such, but more a lack of facilities. So it makes a kind of warped sense to have heaps of clothes and wash them irregularly. We found a luggage store and grabbed two large suitcases each, the kind with roller wheels. I finished my clothes shopping in about twenty minutes. After an hour Zoe had hardly filled the bottom of her first suitcase. To make matters worse she didn’t want me to leave her alone, so I had to wait. After another hour
I started to grumble, so she agreed to accompany me to Borders so I could get some reading material. Many hours later (only joking, it was two!) she had finished. I was halfway through reading a batman funny book called “The Killing Joke” so I threw it in with my luggage to finish later. We made two trips back to the car and loaded it up.

  It was close to lunchtime then and I could hear Zoe’s stomach gurgling. She punched her complaining midriff playfully and said, “Stop that you or I’ll end up the size of an elephant.”

  “You look fine,” I said, and meant it. She shook her fist and grinned, “You watch it too mister, there’s plenty more of this to go around.” I ran past her back towards the entrance, patting her bum on the way past. “Come on Dumbo,” I called over my shoulder. She screamed in mock outrage and gave chase.

  I streaked past the empty stores and down a frozen escalator. She finally caught up to me in the food court, tackling me down onto a couch near a trendy cake and coffee shop. I wrestled with her playfully until we were both out of breath. I worked my way around until I was half on top. We looked at each other for a moment and she smiled. “Time enough for that later,” she promised, “food first.” Reluctantly I let her up and we explored the food court.

  Zoe commented that she had expected this area to stink of spoiled food. In actual fact it was very clean. The food court employees must have preformed their usual cleaning routines the night before everything changed. I vaulted over the counter of Burger Edge and opened one of their fridges. I got a whiff of desiccation and quickly slammed it shut again. So there was spoilt food here, it was just neatly packaged away. We left the foodless food court behind and went downstairs to the Safeway instead.