When Forever Changes

by Siobhan Davis

  “Oh, honey, don’t waste your time trying to figure out the inner workings of the male brain. You’ll just give yourself a headache.”

  I burst out laughing. “So that’s how you and Dad have managed to last this long,” I tease.

  “That’s one of my many insights,” she jokes, wiggling her brows. “Just hit me up any time you want more tips,” she quips, nudging my hip.

  We put the potatoes and carrots into pots and put the meat in the oven. Then we grab some coffee and sit down at the table. “So, I know how Slater feels about you, but how do you feel about him?” she inquires, sipping from her cup.

  “I’m not sure.” I worry my lip between my teeth. “I mean, there’s definitely an attraction there, and we already have a close friendship, and it feels like my feelings toward him are stronger than I realized, but I can’t put a name to it. And my head is still a mess over Dylan, and I’m not really sure what I want.”

  “That’s all completely understandable. Have you told Slater any of this?”

  I shake my head. “I didn’t see him before I left.”

  “Well, if you want my advice, you should tell him what you just told me. Clear the air so there’s no awkwardness, and let him know where he stands so he doesn’t get hurt. That boy has been through a lot this year.”

  “I know, Mom, and I don’t want to do anything to hurt him or jeopardize our friendship.”

  She stands, messing up the top of my hair. “Talk to him, and everything will work out the way it’s meant to.”

  I’m half-expecting Slater to be a no-show, so I’m a little surprised when he rocks up to the house with Ryan and Myndi a couple hours later. I hug Ryan and Myndi but deliberately hang back with Slater, unsure of myself and where I stand with him.

  “Hi, Belle.” His smile is borderline shy as he shoves his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels.

  “Hi, Slate.” My voice is more high-pitched than usual, and I’m sure everyone can detect the anxiety in my tone. My palms are sweaty, and I discreetly rub them down the front of my jeans, all the while my heart is jackhammering in my chest. It’s been years since I’ve felt this antsy and excited around a boy.

  “Myndi, go say hi to Paul while Ryan helps me set the table,” Mom suggests, steering them out of the room while subtly winking in my direction.

  I pull on my big girl’s panties and plaster a smile on my face as I look at Slater. “We need to talk.” We both speak the same words at the same time, cracking up at the awkwardness of the moment, but it helps to ease the tension.

  “Do you want to sit on the front porch? It’s probably our only chance at privacy.”

  “Sure.”

  I’m conscious of his attentive gaze watching my every step as we walk through the house and out the front door. I sit down on the love seat, folding my hands in my lap.

  He sits alongside me, careful to keep a little room between our bodies. I can’t decide if I’m relieved or disappointed.

  He reaches out, taking my hands in his. “I’m sorry for running out on you last night like that.”

  “It’s okay. You don’t need to explain.”

  “I think I do.” His voice is softer, and I tip my chin up, staring into his handsome, earnest face.

  “Did you mean it?”

  “Yes.” He peers deep into my eyes. “I do love you although I had no intention of telling you that yet.”

  “Why?” I can guess, but I’d rather hear him say it.

  “You’re not ready, Belle.” He reaches up, stroking my cheek.

  “I feel something for you too, but I’m not sure what,” I admit honestly.

  His eyes sparkle, and his mouth pulls into a smile. “That’s completely okay, and I don’t mind being patient while you work things out in your head.”

  “I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you. I’m a bit of a hot mess right now, and I know I’ve been acting crazy and irrationally, but sometimes, I wonder if I even know who I am anymore.”

  “You don’t need to apologize. I know how much Dylan hurt you. I have murderous thoughts about the guy most nights, so I can only imagine the kind of turmoil you’re in, but don’t doubt yourself, Belle. You’re the same sweet, fun-loving girl you’ve always been. You don’t need Dylan to confirm that. You’re still you, Belle. Never question that.”

  “Why haven’t I seen how utterly amazing you are?” I ask the question out loud even though it’s more of an internal one. “I mean, I’ve always known you were amazing but not in this way.”

  “Dylan was your whole world.”

  “Yes, he was.”

  “Which is another reason why I can wait.” His eyes are completely serious as they bore into mine. He lowers his tone a little. “I don’t want to be your rebound guy.” He pauses momentarily. “I want to be your forever guy.”

  Tears prick my eyes. “You really mean that.” It’s more of a statement than a question because I see the conviction on his face and hear it resonating in his words.

  “I’ve loved you for a long time, Belle. I wanted to believe our time would come, but, to be honest, I never really believed it would. I thought I’d missed my chance.”

  My eyes probe his, and I grip his hand more tightly. “I’m not sure how to respond to that,” I whisper.

  His thumb starts tracing little circles on the back of my hand. “That’s okay. You don’t need to say anything now. I’ve learned how to be patient. I can be patient a while longer.” His eyes twinkle with mirth. “Although, after last night, I think I’ve realized my patience has its limits.”

  My cheeks heat, and he chuckles. “Last night was hot.” I grin. “Kissing you was … wow.”

  “Just wow?” he inquires with an arrogant swagger, palming one side of my face.

  “What, you want a medal?”

  He shoots me a lopsided grin. “A gold one would be nice.”

  “Dude, I can’t lie, as much as I want to tease you about it. If I’m dishing out medals, only platinum will do. You totally owned that kiss.”

  He throws back his head, laughing, before pinning me with a heated stare. “God, I really want to kiss the shit out of you right now.”

  I quirk a brow. “Ahem, Mr. ‘I have patience.’”

  He sighs. “I know, you just make it so hard to resist. I don’t know if you realize exactly how beautiful you are. Your heart, mind, and soul are every bit as beautiful as your gorgeous exterior, and I’ve spent years trying to resist temptation.”

  I’m not sure what expression he sees on my face, but it’s enough to make him backtrack. I guess my shock and confusion is transparent, considering I’m an open book and all, and that helps rein him in.

  “But I mean what I say. You’re one of my best friends, and I don’t want that to change even if nothing ever happens between us. No matter what, your friendship is so important to me.”

  “I’m glad you feel like that, because your friendship means the world to me too.” Briefly, I press my lips to his. “And I’m excited about the possibilities for us in the future, but I need to get my head on straight first. I don’t want to hurt you or mess anything up.”

  He lifts my hand to his mouth, planting a soft kiss on my skin. “I’m glad we’re on the same page, and I’m really glad we had this conversation. I don’t want anything to be awkward for us or any of the others.”

  “Which is why we should also keep this to ourselves for now.”

  His eyes scrunch up and he purses his lips. “It might be a little late for that.”

  “Ah, crap. You told Ryan, didn’t you?” I sit up straighter as a thought occurs to me. “Or has he always known?”

  He shakes his head. “No. The only person who knew about my feelings for you was my mom.” Both our expressions turn sad. “She gave us her blessing,” he whispers, and my heart thumps frantically. “But we don
’t have to talk about that now,” he quickly adds, no doubt spotting the abject terror on my face. “And Ryan heard us arguing last night and put me on the spot. I had to tell him, but he’d pretty much figured it out for himself.”

  “I hope he wasn’t mad at you, because if he said anything mean, I’m going in there now to kick him in the junk.”

  Laughter rumbles through his chest. “No, my little ninja. No junk-kicking is required. He was actually cool about it although he did promise to feed my balls to the piranhas if I hurt you.”

  I wince. “Ouch. He doesn’t mess around.” My parents’ obsession with their red-bellied piranhas is so weird. They look innocuous floating in the tank until they open their mouths, snapping their jagged teeth. As a kid, they used to give me nightmares, but I never told my parents because I knew they would’ve gotten rid of the tank, and I didn’t want to take that away from them.

  “When it comes to you, Ryan never has.”

  “I know. He’s amazing, just don’t tell him I said that!”

  “Don’t worry. That dude’s ego is big enough without me adding to it.” He touches my cheek, ensuring I have his full attention. “You know I would never intentionally hurt you, Belle.”

  “Of course.”

  “But you’re not the only one who’s a bit of a mess right now, and I don’t want to start anything with you until I know I can be the man you deserve. I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for and then let you down.”

  “You could never let me down, Slate.” I thread my fingers through his hair. “That’s a virtual impossibility.”

  Mom calls us from inside the house, and we stand. “I’d like to think that’s true, but I don’t want to take any chances with you.” He pulls me into a tentative hug. “Because you mean everything to me, Gabby. Absolutely everything.”

  “I want you to become everything to me too.” It’s the most sincere response I can give him.

  “And I can wait for that.”

  I look up at him, still wrapped around him. “So, how do we do this?”

  “Let’s hang out as friends, like we always do, and just see what happens.”

  I nod, even as I wonder how I’m going to keep my hands off him now I know how amazing it is to be kissed and touched by him. “I’m down with that plan.” I stretch up on tiptoes, planting a light kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, Slate. For always looking after me when I don’t even know how to do that myself sometimes.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  I sleep soundly that night for the first time in weeks, and as I step foot on campus Monday morning, there’s a new spring in my step. The week flies by in a hive of activity. Things are relaxed between Slater and I although I can’t pretend that things are exactly back to normal. Every opportunity we get, we’re sharing sly looks and smiles, and our usual bantering has elevated a few notches to full-on flirting. But without the pressure of expectation or any feelings of guilt, it’s amazingly blissful, and I’m practically floating around the place on a cloud.

  I cleared things up with Austin too, telling him Slater and I have feelings for one another but we’re taking things real slow. He was cool about the whole thing, and even Ryan wasn’t too concerned when we had a little heart to heart. Dylan hasn’t come near me, and the couple of times I’ve bumped into him around campus, we’ve both pretended not to see the other. While it hurts, it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to.

  So, life is good, and for the first time in weeks, I’m smiling again.

  Mom and Dad are gone away for a romantic weekend so Ryan, Myndi, Slater, and I decide to forgo heading home on Sunday, agreeing to spend the day together.

  Slater drives us to the nearest state park for a hike. It’s only a forty-minute journey, but I nod off with the swaying motion of the car, and it’s not long before he’s swinging into the parking lot and killing the engine.

  I’m yawning as I slip out of the back seat. “You should’ve said you were tired, and we could have set out later,” Slater says, helping me into my jacket.

  “I’m fine. I think all these late shifts are just finally catching up to me.”

  “I can always ask Donny to schedule you off earlier. You don’t have to stay till closing every shift, but you might have to change nights. At least you could avoid Shelby that way.”

  “I’m not running away from that psycho bitch,” I hiss. “I can handle her.”

  “Didn’t quite look like that last night,” he says, removing the bags and locking the SUV.

  “The only reason I didn’t retaliate when she deliberately knocked into me was because I have some class, and I’m a professional, even if it was embarrassing to be cleaning up another tray of ruined drinks so soon after the last one.”

  Myndi loops her arm through Ryan’s, and they set out with us following on their heels.

  “I’m sorry she’s being a bitch,” he says, pulling a beanie over his head. My inner tigress rears her head, and saliva pools in my mouth. Slater looks fucking hot in that hat, and I’m thinking all manner of forbidden thoughts, but I force them aside, because we’ve agreed to tread carefully, and I don’t think jumping his bones less than a week after making a deal conveys a willingness to take it slow.

  “Don’t apologize for something you aren’t responsible for. It’s not your fault she’s a complete psycho.”

  “I don’t know why Donny keeps her around. She’s a shitty waitress, and no one likes her.”

  I nudge him in the ribs. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know. She’s told everyone she’s banging him.”

  We head out on one of the shorter routes, quickly building a steady pace.

  “Except I don’t think she is,” Slater replies. “I think it was just a one-time thing and she’s using it to keep everyone in line. She knows no one will complain about her if they think she has Donny wrapped around her little finger.” He rubs his hands together, blowing on them. “Fuck, it’s cold.”

  It is pretty cold today so we’ve all wrapped up accordingly, bringing our rainproof jackets incase the heavens open. “If the world is cold, make it your business to build fires,” we both say in unison, repeating one of Mom’s favorite phrases, breaking out laughing at the fact that we’ve gone there again.

  “Sad.” Ryan turns around in front of us, shaking his head. He’s wearing a faux solemn expression. “So sad.”

  “I think it’s cute,” Myndi, says smiling at me.

  I flip them both the middle finger. “And that’s what I think. Move on. Nothing to see here, folks.”

  Myndi giggles, snuggling in to Ryan’s side, and I have a fleeting urge to do the same with Slater. The thought takes me aback, so I ignore it. We continue walking, chatting casually as a group. Myndi and I packed a picnic, which the guys currently have safely secured in their backpacks, and I’m scouting the area for an ideal spot to stop. I’m suddenly ravenous and in desperate need of a drink. Slater removes two bottles of water from his bag, handing one to me. I stare at him like he just hung the moon. “How did you know I was thirsty?”

  “It might have something to do with the fact your tongue is lolling out the side of your mouth like a dog in heat,” my brother supplies.

  “If anyone resembles a dog in heat, it’s you, brother dearest. And if you don’t stop pawing at my best friend, I might have to resort to drastic measures. Like binding your balls or shoving your dick in a blender.”

  Both guys wince.

  “Don’t even fucking joke about something like that, Tornado.” Ryan shudders, and I laugh.

  “Pussies!” I snicker.

  “Watch your language, Gabrielle.” My brother does an amazing impression of Mom.

  “Watch your wandering hands, Randy Ryan,” I retort, eyeballing his palm which is currently manhandling my friend’s pert derriere.

  “My girlfriend is sexy as hell.” He shrugs
, sending me a smug look. “It’s hardly my fault if I can’t keep my hands off her.”

  I roll my eyes, and we press on ahead. The paths are gravelly, and I’m glad I wore my hiking boots. Every time, I slip up, Slater is by my side, helping to steady me. After a while, he decides it’s safest to hold my hand, and I don’t mount any protest. His hand is warm and solid in mine, fitting perfectly.

  I’ve worked up a sweat, and I unzip my jacket to cool off as we decide to stop at an empty picnic area. The tables are sheltered under a blanket of trees which helps offset the light drizzle now falling from the sky.

  Myndi and I unpack the sandwiches, wraps, fruit, and cookies we brought, and we all dig in.

  “This reminds me of the time we all went hiking at Cape Henlopen, remember?”

  “The time dufus here fell off his bike and broke his leg?” Slater says, nudging Ryan.

  “Yay, what a happy memory to bring up,” Ryan deadpans.

  “It is a happy memory up to that point. We stayed in those cabins for the weekend, and we went swimming, and biking, and fishing, and Mom made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches too.”

  “You have some memory, Gabby,” Ryan says. “I barely remember what I ate yesterday, let alone on a weekend trip six years ago.”

  “It’s weird what things trigger memories,” I muse. “Or the minor details that imprint in one’s mind.”

  “You wore a pink ribbon in your hair that weekend,” Slater quietly says, tugging on the end of my ponytail. “The color was almost identical to these pink strands in your hair.”

  I turn to face him, as Ryan splutters, “Dude, you have it so bad.”

  “I don’t even remember that,” I admit, smiling shyly at him.

  “You’d just gotten those pink acid denim Vans, and you wouldn’t take them off even to sleep.” He chuckles. “Remember, your Mom tried to untie them when you were asleep, and you woke up and gave her hell!”

  I reach under the table and give Slater’s hand a gentle squeeze.

  “Oh shit!” Ryan laughs. “I totally remember that.”