When Forever Changes

by Siobhan Davis

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Slater

  The words greet my ears, and all the air leaves my lungs. My jaw slackens, and I stare at my beautiful Belle, looking up at me with so much love and fear on her face. Tears spill out of her eyes and down her cheeks, and that breaks me out of whatever shocked daze I’m in. “You’re pregnant? When? I mean how?” She giggles, and the sound is like music to my ears. It also helps to ease the strain. I tenderly cup her cheek, peering into her beautiful, shiny, big, blue eyes. My heart is beating a million miles a minute. “Obviously, I know how.” My lips tug up into a suggestive smile. “We’ve been fucking like wild animals any chance we get, but I thought you said you couldn’t get pregnant?”

  Her chest heaves, and she opens her mouth to speak when the waitress reappears with Belle’s water. I order our food, picking out the first things that catch my eye on the menu, along with another round of drinks for both of us. As soon as she leaves, Belle starts filling me in. “My Ob-Gyn said it would be extremely difficult to get pregnant with my condition, not that I couldn’t get pregnant,” she clarifies. “I know we had unprotected sex a few times, but I thought it was fine because I haven’t had a period for months and you always pulled out.”

  “Except for that one time.” I arch a brow. There was this one time, a few weeks ago, when I wasn’t sure if I’d pulled out quick enough, but Belle wasn’t worried, so I never gave it a second thought.

  “Yeah, I’m guessing that’s when I conceived although we won’t know until I have an ultrasound. Because I haven’t had periods in months, we can’t work out my dates that way, so the doc booked me in for an emergency ultrasound tomorrow in the hospital.”

  “At the risk of sounding like a dumb jock, if you haven’t had periods, how did you get pregnant?”

  She folds her hands in her lap. “I don’t fully understand it, but I was obviously still ovulating.” She frowns a little. “My Ob-Gyn prescribed some new birth control pills which were supposed to help regulate my periods, and I’m guessing that had something to do with it.”

  A beat of silence descends. My mind is fucking blown. This has come completely out of left field. Belle looks me straight in the eye. “Please tell me what you’re thinking. I know this is a huge shock, but are you happy or unhappy?”

  I pull her to me, pressing my lips to her forehead. Her delicate, floral scent swirls around me, grounding me like always. It’s hard to speak over the lump in my throat, but I try. “I love you, Belle. You know that. And, as far as I’m concerned, you’re the only one for me. Was I planning on having kids with you right now? No, but that doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. I’m not unhappy. I’m fucking delirious, gone, because I’m so fucking overjoyed at the thought of my baby growing inside you right now.” As the words leave my mouth, I bathe in the absoluteness of them.

  I place my hand over the teeny-tiny little stomach she’s sporting. I hadn’t even paid it any attention. We’ve been holed up at my place, eating and fucking for weeks, so a little weight gain made complete sense. I’m surprised when moisture stabs my eyes. “I’m over the moon, babe, and I promise to be with you every step of the way, holding your hand and supporting you. And when our son or daughter arrives, I am going to be the best damned father ever.”

  Although I’m equally terrified, and a whole host of fears are waiting in the wings, ready to attack my euphoria, I damp them down. So what if I didn’t grow up with my father in my life? I’ve had enough good examples to learn from. And, besides, the fact my dad wasn’t around only makes me more determined to be there for my child. To give him or her everything I never had.

  Belle is openly crying now, and I reel her into my arms. “Shush, it’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay. I’m with you. You’ve got me. You’ve got all of me.”

  She swipes at her tears, easing back to look at me. “I’m not scared, Slate. Well,” she sniffles, “I mean, I am, because giving birth and being responsible for a tiny human is frigging scary as shit, but these tears are happy tears.” She kisses me softly. “I love you, and I already love our baby.” She rubs a hand over her stomach. “And it might not have been planned, but a baby is a blessing from God, and I have no regrets.”

  I barely remember eating our meal or driving us home, but I’m fully aware as I make sweet love to my pregnant girlfriend that night, and every touch, every thrust, every kiss, and every caress is magnified a hundred times at the thought of my seed developing in her belly. I didn’t think it was possible to feel this much love, but as I watch Belle’s chest rise and fall in sleep, I think I might burst at the seams.

  I know, looking at her, that she is my life, my future, my family.

  And, as soon as the timing is right, I intend to propose to her. If I have my way, we’ll be married before the baby arrives, but I’ll let Belle decide what she wants to do.

  As I wrap my arms around my sleeping beauty, I take a moment to memorize this night and to cherish this precious gift she’s given me. As I drift off to sleep, I realize what a lucky bastard I am.

  Belle’s knee taps up and down as we wait in the reception area to be called for her ultrasound. I place my hand on her thigh to stall the movement. “Relax, babe. Everything’s going to be fine.”

  She drains the last cup of water like a pro. She’s been told to drink water and not to pee until after the ultrasound. “I can’t help worrying.” She bites on the corner of her mouth. “You know what happened to Terri and Caleb last year, and she said the doctors told her a lot of women miscarry the first time. What if something’s wrong? I have been having those weird cramps? What if it means there’s a problem?”

  I wrap my arms around her, kissing her head. “You need to keep calm. Stress can’t be good for the baby, and I’m sure everything is fine. The doctor told you the heartbeat was healthy and strong, right?” She nods, having told me yesterday that the doctor put some device to her stomach and she’d heard the heartbeat. I was devastated to have missed it, but I’m hoping today’s ultrasound will more than make up for it.

  “Gabrielle James?” A woman in a clinical blue shirt and pants calls Belle’s name out at the top of the room, and we stand. Belle clings to me, and her expression is a mix of excitement and fear. “Follow me,” the woman says with a warm smile when we reach her. She pushes through a set of double doors, and we follow her along a corridor and into a small room. She instructs Belle to get changed into a gown, confirming the doctor will be along shortly.

  I clutch Belle’s hand as she lies on the cot, waiting for the doctor to arrive. “Do you want a boy or girl?” I ask, partly by way of distraction.

  “I don’t mind once the baby is healthy,” she instantly replies, confirming she’s already thought about this, “but the thoughts of a little boy just like you has my ovaries dancing a happy dance.”

  I reach over and kiss her. “I’m imagining a little girl with those gorgeous blonde curls you had as a kid and that cute, toothy smile that always melted my heart, and now I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.”

  She beams at me. “Maybe it’s twins, and we’ll both get our wish!”

  My eyes pop wide. “Steady on there, Belle, I’m not sure we’re ready for two just yet!”

  Her body shakes with laughter as the door opens, and an elderly gentlemen with a mop of salt and pepper hair approaches the bed. He has bushy gray eyebrows and a thick gray mustache. The same lady from before slips into the room as the doctor introduces himself. “So, are you ready to meet your baby for the first time?” he inquires with a genuine smile.

  “Definitely,” Belle says excitedly.

  “And you’re the daddy?” he asks, and I smile.

  “Yep, that’s me.” I squeeze Belle’s hand, my heart bursting with pride.

  “You estimate you’re about five or six weeks pregnant?” He’s scanning her chart. “Is that correct?”

  “Yes.” Her eyes sparkle wit
h excitement.

  “Okay, let me just have a feel of your stomach first.” He pushes her gown up to just under her bra and starts probing her belly. A frown puckers his brow, and Belle’s face pales. I squeeze her hand, trying to ignore the alarm bells echoing distantly in my ears. Please, God, let there be nothing wrong.

  He removes his hands, sending her a reassuring smile. “This will feel cold, so prepare yourself.” He squirts a gel-like substance all over her stomach, and, to give Belle credit, she barely flinches.

  That’s my girl.

  The nurse turns on the machine, and the screen is blank at first. The doctor trails a hand-held scanner over Belle’s tummy, rubbing the gel all over her skin. All of a sudden, a loud whoosh-whoosh sound fills the room. “That’s your baby’s heartbeat,” the doc confirms as an image loads on the screen. I’m no expert, but it sounds steady and strong, thumping rhythmically as Belle and I stare at one another in amazement. The most profound sensation presses down on my chest as I listen to our unborn child’s heart beating powerfully, and I’m struggling to hold it together. I’ve never heard anything so amazing.

  “I’m sure your doctor confirmed this is just a basic ultrasound, but you can book in for a 3D ultrasound once we process your paperwork, and you’ll be amazed at how clear the image is.”

  The screen loads in front of us, and I lean forward, squinting as I try to distinguish what I’m seeing.

  The doctor runs the scanner back and forth a little over Belle’s stomach until the picture is clearer. “Look, Belle.” I can’t contain my excitement as I point at the image. “I can see his head and his arms and legs.”

  “So, it’s a he now, is it?” she grins, her eyes glued to the screen, gripping my hand even tighter.

  “It’s amazing.” I sound like a pussy, all choked up and emotional, but I couldn’t give two shits. All I can think is that Belle and I made that little human in there, and it’s the most miraculous thing I’ve ever seen, every heard.

  “I felt that!” Belle exclaims as the baby turns on the screen. “Oh my God!” Her eyes pop wide. “That’s what I’ve been feeling! It was the baby moving! They weren’t weird cramps at all.” Her shoulders relax as a layer of stress lifts from her.

  “Yes, and your pregnancy is much more advanced than you thought,” the doctor says, still rubbing the monitor over her belly as he examines the baby on the screen.

  All the blood drains from my face.

  “What … what do you mean?” Belle asks quietly, her face pale like mine.

  “Judging from the development of the fetus, I am estimating your pregnancy at sixteen or seventeen weeks. It’s usual for mothers to start feeling the baby move and kick at this stage.”

  He is saying other stuff, but I’ve zoned out. Blood is thrumming in my ears, and my vision is blurring in and out. My heart is torn to shreds, eviscerated, as reality sinks in. Disappointment and grief sweep over me, and my chest aches painfully as all-too-familiar feelings threaten to drown me.

  I feel this loss as acutely as I felt the loss of my mother.

  I don’t need to be a genius to do the math.

  I’m not the father of Gabby’s baby.

  Dylan Woods is.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Gabby

  The doctor is most likely telling me important stuff, but I’m not listening to a word. I’m watching Slater’s world crash down around him as he reaches the obvious conclusion. The same one I reached the instant the doctor confirmed my pregnancy is more advanced than I thought.

  Slater isn’t my baby daddy. Dylan is.

  My heart pounds wildly, and I’m betting my blood pressure is off the charts. My head is a hot mess. I don’t know what to think. How to process this life-altering curveball. Slater was so happy. Happier than I can ever remember him being. And now he looks like his world has just ended.

  “Slate.” My voice is hoarse, and I can barely get the word out over the raw pain in my throat. He hops up out of his chair, extracting his hand from mine. He sways a little on his feet, and his eyes are jumping wildly all over the place. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, tears trickling down my face. “I didn’t know.”

  I remember my Ob-Gyn told me to use additional contraceptive measures when she first switched out my pill, but I thought she was just being overly cautious because she’d previously told me I would most likely have difficulty conceiving thanks to my endometriosis. I didn’t take it as seriously as I should have. And then I caught that bug going around campus and spent a couple days worshiping the porcelain gods. I never even considered how it would affect my birth control.

  If I’d had more than twenty-four hours to process my pregnancy, I might have thought more carefully about when I most likely conceived, and I might have been able to better prepare Slate.

  But, honestly, it never crossed my mind that he might not be the father.

  The doctor and nurse are exchanging puzzled expressions.

  “I can’t, Belle. I just …” He doesn’t finish his sentence, racing from the room before anyone can stop him.

  My lower lip wobbles as I struggle to keep the tears at bay. It feels like my heart is rupturing behind my chest cavity.

  “Is everything okay, Ms. James?” the doctor asks in a gentle tone. I can only shake my head. He sends me a sympathetic smile while he wipes my stomach with a paper towel. “We’re done here for today. I’ll email the results to your doctor, and you should meet with her to discuss your prenatal care.”

  He shares another look with the nurse before bidding me goodbye and walking out of the room. There’s nothing like a pregnant woman on the verge of an epic meltdown to send a man running for the hills.

  The nurse helps me sit up. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “No,” I whisper. “But thanks.”

  “Do you need me to call a taxi for you?”

  I shake my head. “No, I’m good.” Even if Slater has left without me, I can call my own taxi or call Mom to come and get me.

  “Okay, well take your time getting dressed. This room isn’t in use the rest of the day, and if you change your mind, if you need anything, just go to the reception desk and ask for Mary.”

  “Thank you, Mary.” I offer up my best smile. Both her and the doctor were very kind, helping to settle my earlier nerves.

  She leaves the room, and I get dressed like a zombie. My tears have subsided, giving way to shocked numbness. I sit down on the chair Slater vacated, burying my head in my hands. How the hell could I have been pregnant this whole time and not know? Thinking back, now I understand why I was so teary when all that shit was going down with Dylan. It was pregnancy hormones, and I didn’t even know. But, apart from being weepy and more emotional than usual, and a few bouts where I slept for unusually long periods, I have felt completely fine. I’ve had no vomiting or nausea and no other symptoms. Lack of periods was nothing new for me either.

  A horrific thought surfaces in my mind. I drank alcohol on several occasions in the early stages of this pregnancy, and I know that isn’t a good thing. I run out to the reception desk and ask for Mary.

  I’m biting my nails to the bone as I wait for her to return. I babble out my concerns the instant she arrives, frantically knotting and unknotting my hands as I pace the room.

  “Relax, Gabrielle. While alcohol consumption isn’t advised in pregnancy, especially in the early stages, there is no risk to your baby unless you were drinking regularly and to excess.” She forces me back down into the chair. “Everything looks perfectly normal on the ultrasound, so there is nothing for you to worry about.”

  “Thank you, and I’m sorry if I overreacted.”

  “Not at all.” She smiles at me. “It’s natural to have concerns.” She hands me a large envelope. “I’ve gathered all the information we have on pregnancy. Start taking your vitamins straightaway, eat healthily, get ple
nty of rest and sleep, and don’t forget to exercise regularly. Then attend your appointments, and everything will be fine.”

  Her words are hugely reassuring, and I’m calmer as I walk out with her. I’m disappointed that Slater isn’t in the waiting room. Not that I blame him. I can’t even begin to imagine how upset he is.

  I’m upset for him too.

  I’m just not sure how I feel myself.

  It seems wrong to admit I’m upset that the little family scenario I’d visualized with him will not become reality, because that’s like admitting I wish the baby was his and not Dylan’s, and I can’t bring myself to say that either.

  I’m lost in thought as I walk out through the hospital. Mom’s words from a couple months ago reemerge in my mind.

  I love Slater. I know I do. I love him very much.

  This doesn’t change that.

  But I still love Dylan too.

  Not in the same way—I can’t love him like that when he’s hurt me so badly, but I used to daydream about having Dylan’s baby, and now I am. So how can I say I’m upset about it?

  And how ironic is it that I find myself caught between two men I love, just like my mom.

  I exit the hospital, taking a seat at the nearest bench as I try to figure out my thoughts.

  This is a clusterfuck of epic proportions.

  I don’t know what to do. Where I go from here.

  There is only one thing I am sure of—this baby is my sole priority. No matter how devastated my heart is, I have to stay calm and remain strong for my unborn child. Stress isn’t good for the baby, and I’ve already missed out on the first sixteen weeks of my pregnancy, so I owe it to my child, and to myself, to put both of us first.

  Whatever mess I’ve made of my love life will have to take a back seat.

  I get up, still feeling heartsick, and upset for Slater, but feeling more settled at the same time, because at least I have a focus.