Tough Enough

by Jayne Ann Krentz

  “Jessica and Kate came in about an hour later to check on me, and when I showed them the picture in the encyclopedia, well, Jessica went bonkers!” Rachel chuckled. “She began babbling a mile a minute-you know how Jess can get when she’s excited—and she told me the following story, which I’ve been meaning to share with you.”

  Interested, Jim placed his empty coffee cup on the table. The peacefulness that surrounded Rachel was something he’d craved. Any excuse to remain in her company just a few minutes longer he’d take without apology. “Let’s hear it. I like stories. I recall Mom always had a story for me at bedtime,” he said wistfully, remembering those special times.

  Sipping her coffee thoughtfully, Rachel decided to give Jim all the details Jessica had filled her in on since the day she’d come home from the hospital. “A while back, Morgan Trayhern and his wife, Laura, visited with us. They were trying to put the pieces of their lives back together after being kidnapped by drug lords from South America. An Army Special Forces officer by the name of Mike Houston was asked to come and stay with them and be their ‘guard dog’ while they were here with us. Dr. Ann Parsons, an M.D. and psychiatrist who worked for Morgan’s company, Perseus, also stayed here.” Rachel gestured to the north. “They each stayed in one of the houses here at the ranch.

  “Jessica made good friends with Mike and Ann while we were here for the week following Kelly’s funeral. At the time, I was too busy helping Kate to really get to know them, although we shared a couple of meals with them and I helped Morgan and Laura move into the cabin up in the canyon, where they stayed.” She frowned slightly. “One of the things Jessica said was that she confided in Mike. She asked how he, one man, could possibly protect anyone from sneaking up on Morgan and Laura if they wanted to, the ranch was so large. I guess Mike laughed and said that he had a little help. Jessica pressed him on that point, and he said that his mother’s people, the Quechua Indians, had certain people within their nation who had a special kind of medicine. ‘Medicine,’ as you know, means a skill or talent. He said he was born with jaguar medicine.”

  Laughing, Rachel placed her cup on the coffee table. The intent look in Jim’s eyes told her he was fascinated with her story. He wasn’t making fun of her or sitting there with disbelief written across his face, so she continued. “Well, this little piece of information really spurred Jessica on to ask more questions. You know how she is.” Rachel smiled fondly. “As ‘fate’ would have it, Jessica’s good friend, Moyra, who lived up in Vancouver, was also a member of a Jaguar Clan down in Peru. And, of course, Mike was stationed in Peru as a trainer for Peruvian soldiers who went after the drug lords and stopped cocaine shipments from coming north to the U.S. Jessica couldn’t let this little development go, so she really nagged Mike to give her more information.

  “Mike told her that he was a member of the Jaguar Clan. He teasingly said that down there, in Peru, they called him the Jaguar god. Of course, this really excited Jessica, who is into paranormal things big-time.” Again, Rachel laughed softly. “She told Mike that Moyra had hinted that members of the Jaguar Clan possessed certain special ‘powers.’ Did he? Mike tried to tease her and deflect her, but she just kept coming back and pushing him for answers. Finally, one night, just before she left to go home to Canada, Mike told her that people born with Jaguar Clan blood could do certain things most other people could not. They could heal, for one thing. And when they touched someone they cared about or loved, that person could be saved—regardless of how sick or wounded he or she was. Mike admitted that he’d gotten his nickname out in the jungles fighting cocaine soldiers and drug lords. He told her that one time, one of his men got hit by a bullet and was bleeding to death. Mike placed his hand over the wound and, miraculously, it stopped bleeding. The man lived. Mike’s legend grew. They said he could bring the dying back to life.”

  Fascinated, Jim rested his elbows on his knees and watched her shadowed features. “Interesting,” he murmured.

  “I thought so. But here’s the really interesting part, Jim.” She moved to where he was sitting, keeping barely a foot between them. Opening her hands, she whispered. “Jessica also told me more than once that Moyra had a jaguar spirit guardian. Jessica is very clairvoyant and she can ‘see’ things most of us can’t. She told me that when Carl, her ex-husband, was stalking her, Moyra would know he was nearby. One afternoon, Jessica was taking a walk in the woods when she came to a creek and saw Moyra.” Rachel shook her head. “This is going to sound really off-the-wall, Jim.”

  He grinned a little. “Hey, remember my mother was Apache. I was raised with a pretty spiritually based system of beliefs.”

  Rachel nodded. “Well, Jessica swears she saw Moyra standing in the middle of the creek, and then the next moment she saw a jaguar there instead!”

  “Moyra turned into a jaguar?”

  Rachel shrugged. “Jessica swears she wasn’t seeing things. She watched this jaguar trot off across the meadow and into the woods. Jessica was so stunned and shocked that she ran back to the cabin, scared to death! When Moyra came in a couple hours later, Jessica confronted her on it. Moyra laughed, shrugged it off and said that shape-shifting was as natural as breathing to her clan. And wasn’t it more important that she and her jaguar guardian be out, protecting Jessica from Carl?”

  With a shake of his head, Jim studied Rachel in the firelight. How beautiful she looked! He wanted to kiss her, feel her ripe, soft lips beneath his mouth. Never had he wanted anything more than that, but he placed steely control over that desire. He liked the intimacy that was being established between them. If he was to kiss her, it might destroy that. Instead, he asked, “How does this story dovetail into your seeing that jaguar?”

  Rachel laughed a little, embarrassed. “Well, what you didn’t tell me was that there was a terrible accident a mile below where I’d crashed!”

  He nodded. “That’s right, there was. I didn’t want to upset you.”

  Rachel reached out and laid her hand on his arm. She felt his muscle tense beneath her touch. Tingles flowed up her fingers and she absorbed the warmth of his flesh. Reluctantly, she withdrew her hand. The shadows played against his strong face, and she felt the heat of his gaze upon her, making her feel desired. Heat pooled within her, warm and evocative.

  Clearing her throat, she went on. “Jessica was the one who put it all together. She thinks that the jaguar was protecting me from becoming a part of that awful wreck down the road. We calculated later that if I hadn’t spun out where I did, I could easily have been involved in that fiery wreck where everyone was burned to death.” Rachel placed her arms around herself. “I know it sounds crazy, but Jessica thinks the jaguar showed up to stop me from dying.”

  “You almost did, anyway,” Jim said, scowling.

  She relaxed her arms and opened her hands. “I never told you this, Jim. I guess I was afraid to—afraid you’d laugh at me. But I did share it with my sisters. Until you arrived, I kept seeing this jaguar. I saw it circle my car. I thought I was seeing things, of course.” She frowned. “Did you see any tracks around the car?”

  “I wasn’t really paying attention,” he said apologetically. “All my focus was on you, the stability of the car, and if there were any gas leaks.”

  Nodding, Rachel said, “Of course …”

  “Well …” Jim sighed. “I don’t disbelieve you, Rachel.”

  She studied him in the growing silence. “I thought you might think I was hallucinating. I had lost a lot of blood.”

  “My mother’s people have a deep belief in shape-shifters—people who can turn from human into animal, reptile or insect form, and then change back into a human one again. I remember her sitting me on her knee and telling me stories about those special medicine people.”

  “Jessica thinks it was Moyra who came in the form of a jaguar to protect me until you could arrive on scene.” She laughed a little, embarrassed over her explanation.

  Jim smiled thoughtfully. “I think because we’re part Indian
and raised to know that there is an unseen, invisible world of spirits around us, that it’s not really that crazy an explanation. Do you?”

  Somberly, Rachel shook her head. “Thanks for not laughing at me about this, Jim. There’s no question you helped save my life.” She held his dark stare. “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” She eased her hand over his. “I wish there was some way I could truly pay you back for what you did.”

  His fingers curled around her slender ones, as his heart pounded fiercely in his chest. “You’re doing it right now,” he rasped, holding her soft, glistening gaze. The fact that Rachel could be so damned open and vulnerable shook Jim. He’d met so few people capable of such honest emotions. Most people, including himself, hid behind protective walls. Like Kate Donovan did, although she was changing, most likely softened because of her love for Sam McGuire.

  Rachel liked the tender smile on his mouth. “Now that the weddings are over, I have a big job ahead of me,” she admitted in a low voice. “My sisters are counting on me to bring in some desperately needed money to keep the ranch afloat.” Looking up, she stared out the window. A few snowflakes twirled by. “If we don’t get good snowfall this winter, and spring rains, we’re doomed, Jim. There’s just no money to keep buying the hay we need to feed the cattle because of the continued drought.”

  “It’s bad for every rancher,” he agreed. “How are you going to make money?”

  She leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes, feeling content despite her worry. The natural intimacy she felt with Jim was soothing. “I’m going to go into Sedona on Monday to find an office to rent. I’m going to set up my practice as a homeopath.”

  “If you need patients, I’ll be the first to make an appointment.”

  She opened her eyes and looked at him. He was serious. “I don’t see anything wrong with you.”

  Grinning a little, he said, “Actually, it will be for my father, who has diabetes. Since meeting you, I did a little research on what homeopathy is and how it works. My father refuses to take his meds most of the time, unless I hand them to him morning and night.”

  “Can’t your two brothers help out?” She saw his scowl, the banked anger in his eyes. Automatically, Rachel closed her fingers over his. She enjoyed his closeness, craved it, telling herself that it was all right. Part of her, however, was scared to death.

  “Bo and Chet aren’t responsible in that way,” he muttered, sitting up suddenly. He knew he had to get home. He could almost feel his father’s upset that he was still at the Donovan Ranch. Moving his shoulders as if to get rid of the invisible loads he carried, he turned toward Rachel. Their knees met and touched. He released her hand and slid his arm to the back of the couch behind her. The concern in her eyes for his father was genuine. It was refreshing to see that she could still feel compassion for his father, in spite of the feud.

  “Your father’s diabetes can worsen to a dangerous level if he doesn’t consistently take his meds.”

  “I know that,” Jim said wearily.

  “You’re carrying a lot of loads for your family, aren’t you?”

  Rachel’s quietly spoken words eased some of the pain he felt at the entire situation. “Yes …”

  “It’s very hard to change three people’s minds about life, Jim,” she said gently.

  One corner of his mouth lifted in a grimace. “I know it sounds impossible, but I have to try.”

  Feeling his pain and keeping herself from reacting to it the way she wanted to was one of the hardest things Rachel had ever done. In that moment, she saw the exhaustion mirrored in Jim’s face, the grief in his darkened eyes.

  “You go through hell over there, don’t you?”

  He shrugged. “Sometimes.”

  Rachel sat up. “You’ll catch a lot of hell being over here for the wedding.”

  “Yes,” he muttered, slowly standing up, unwinding his long, lean frame. It was time to go, because if he didn’t, he was going to do the unpardonable: he was going to kiss Rachel senseless. The powerful intimacy that had sprung up between them was throbbing and alive. Jim could feel his control disintegrating moment by moment. If he didn’t leave—

  Rachel stood up and slipped her shoes back on her feet. “I’ll walk you to the door,” she said gently. Just the way Jim moved, she could tell he wasn’t looking forward to going home. Her heart bled for him. She knew how angry and spiteful Old Man Cunningham could be. As Jim picked up his suit coat and shrugged it across his broad shoulders, Rachel opened the door for him, noticing how boyish he looked despite the suit he wore. He’d taken off the tie a long time ago, his open collar revealing dark hair on his chest.

  They stood in the foyer together, a few inches apart. Rachel felt the power of desire flow through her as she looked up into his burning, searching gaze. Automatically, she placed her hand against his chest and leaned upward. In all her life she had never been so bold or honest about her feelings. Maybe it was because she was home, and that gave her a dose of security and confidence she wouldn’t have elsewhere. Whatever it was, Rachel followed her heart and pressed her lips to the hard line of his mouth.

  She had expected nothing in return from Jim. The kiss was one to assuage the pain she saw banked in his eyes—the worry for his father and the war that was ongoing in his family. Somehow, she wanted to soothe and heal Jim. He had, after all, unselfishly saved her life, giving his blood so that she might live. She told her frightened heart that this was her reason for kissing him.

  As Rachel’s soft lips touched his mouth, something wild and primal exploded within Jim. He reached out and captured her against him. For an instant, as if in shock, she stiffened. And then, just as quickly, she melted against him like a stream flowing gently against hard rock. Her kiss was unexpected. Beautiful. Necessary. He opened his mouth and melded her lips more fully against his. Framing her face with his hands, he breathed her sweet breath deep into his lungs. The knots in his gut, the worry over what was waiting for him when he got home tonight, miraculously dissolved. She tasted of sweet, honeyed coffee, of the spicy perfume she’d put on earlier for the wedding. Her mouth was pliant, giving and taking. He ran his tongue across her lower lip and felt her tremble like a leaf in a storm beneath his tentative exploration.

  How long had it been since he’d had a woman he wanted to love? Too long, his lonely heart cried out. Too long. His craving for her warmth, compassion and care overrode his normal control mechanisms. Hungrily, Jim captured Rachel more fully against him. Her arms slid around his shoulders and he felt good and strong and needed once again. Just caressing the soft firmness of her cheek, his fingers trailing across her temple into the softness of her hairline, made him hot and burning all over. He felt her quiver as he grazed the outside curve of her breast, felt her melting even more into his arms, into his searching mouth as it slid wetly across her giving lips. He was a starving thief and he needed her. Every part and cell of her. His pulse pounded through him, the pain in his lower body building to an excruciating level.

  Rachel spun mindlessly, enjoying the texture of his searching mouth as it skimmed and cajoled, his hands framing her face, his hard body pressing her against the door. She felt him trembling, felt his arousal against her lower body, and a sweet, hot ache filled her. It would be so easy to surrender to Jim in all ways. So easy! Her heart, however, was reminding her of the last time she’d given herself away. Fear began to encroach upon her joy. Fear ate away at the hot yearning of her body, her burning need for Jim.

  “No …”

  Jim heard Rachel whisper the word. Easing away from her lips, which were now wet and soft from his onslaught, he opened his eyes and looked down at her. Though her eyes were barely opened, he saw the need in them. And the fear. Why? Had he hurt her? Instantly, he pulled back. The tears in her eyes stunned him. He had hurt her! Damn! He felt her hands pressing against his chest, pushing him away. She swayed unsteadily and he cupped her shoulders. Breathing erratically, he held her gently. She lif
ted her hand to touch her glistening lips. A deep flush covered her cheeks and she refused to looked up at him.

  Angry with himself for placing his own selfish needs before hers, he rasped, “I’m sorry, Rachel …?.”

  Still spinning from the power of his kiss, Rachel couldn’t find the right words to reply. Her heart had opened and she’d felt the power of her feelings toward Jim. Stunned in the aftermath of his unexpected response, she whispered, “No… ?.” and then she couldn’t say anything else. Rocking between the past and the present, she closed her eyes and leaned against the door.

  “I shouldn’t have done it,” Jim said thickly. “I took advantage…?. I’m sorry, Rachel… ?.” Then he opened the door and disappeared into the dark, cold night.

  Rachel was unable to protest Jim’s sudden departure. She could only press her hand against her wildly beating heart and try to catch her breath. One kiss! Just one kiss had made her knees feel like jelly! Her heart had opened up like a flower, greedy for love, and she was left speechless in the wake of his branding kiss. When had any man ever made her feel like that? At the sound of the engine of a pickup in the distance, her eyes flew open. She forced herself to go out to the front porch. Wanting to shout at Jim, Rachel realized it was too late. He was already on the road leading away from the ranch, away from her.

  She stood on the porch, the light surrounding her, the chill making her wrap her arms around herself. A few snowflakes twirled lazily down out of an ebony sky as she watched Jim drive up and out of the valley, the headlights stabbing the darkness. What had she done? Was she crazy? Sighing raggedly, she turned on her heel and went back into the ranch house.

  As she quietly shut the huge oak door, she felt trembly inside. Her mouth throbbed with the stamp of Jim’s kiss and she could still taste him on her lips. Moving slowly to the couch, she sat down before she fell down, her knees still weak in the aftermath of that explosive, unexpected joining. Hiding her face in her hands, Rachel wondered what was wrong with her. She couldn’t risk getting involved again. She couldn’t stand the possible loss; she remembered how badly things had ended the last time—all the fears that had kept her from happiness before threatened to ruin her relationship again. But Jim was so compelling she ached to have him, explore him and know him on every level. He was so unlike the rest of his family. He was a decent human being, a man struggling to do the right thing not only for himself, but for his misguided, dysfunctional family. With a sigh, she raised her head and stared into the bright flames of the fire. Remembering the hurt in his eyes when she’d stopped the kiss, she knew he didn’t know why she’d called things to a halt. He probably thought it had to do with him, but it hadn’t. Somehow, Rachel knew she had to see him, to tell him the truth, so that Jim didn’t take the guilt that wasn’t his.