“Oh yeah…about that…” he stammered.
“I’m just kidding. You don’t have to answer that.” I playfully punched his shoulder. He grabbed my hand and held onto it. Caught by surprise, I stared up at him. His beautiful, hazel eyes accented by delicious specks of caramel and dark chocolate held mine captive for a few seconds.
“Kaitlyn, you have no idea how pretty you are,” he told me.
I could feel my cheeks burning, but I didn’t care. He leaned toward me, and my breath hitched as his lips touched mine. His soft lips stirred my senses. Kissing him came so easily, as if we had done it a hundred times already. He lightly caressed my cheek with his fingers as he moved his lips in rhythm with mine. His tongue caressed the seam of my lips, gently prodding my mouth to open. I gladly complied. His gentle touch and swirling tongue awakened the butterflies in the pit of my stomach. Then, he pulled away quickly, leaving me breathless. My lips burned for more.
“Sorry—”
“No, don’t be,” I said, cutting him short.
“There’s just something about you, Kaitlyn.”
I leaned into him and flirted, “There’s just something about you, too.” Giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, I hopped out of the truck.
“Hey, what’s your screen name?” he asked.
“Cheerchick88. What’s yours?”
“Str8ballin05. I’ll IM you.”
“Okay,” I said eagerly, and bounded up the stairs toward the front door.
“He hardly notices you, huh?” my mom snorted when I walked into her bedroom to tell her goodnight.
“Well, maybe I was wrong…”
She shook her head knowingly at me. “I remember my first crush.”
“Mommm,” I whined, rolling my eyes at her.
Chuckling, she turned her attention back to her book.
Sleep didn’t come easily that night. I lay awake for a long time just thinking of the possibilities. Trevor Kent kissed me! I felt like I floated into dreamland as I drifted off to sleep. Our kiss occupied my dreams the rest of the night.
Only a few short weeks lingered on the school calendar. Summer break started shortly after the night he took me home from the baseball game. Since Trevor had his driver’s license, I knew it would be easy to see each other over the summer break. Trevor surprised me with his good manners considering what a pest he had been earlier in the year. He was a most gracious gentleman. Unlike most guys, he was not in a hurry to rush things between us physically. He opened doors for me; he pulled out chairs for me. He even asked permission from my parents before he asked me out on our first official date. He completely mesmerized me.
It had been exactly two months since we shared our first kiss in his truck. I could hear his loud, muffler-less truck barreling down the road miles before he got to my house.
“Hop in. I’ve got somewhere special to take you.” He gave me a tantalizing smile as he opened the door for me.
“Where are we going?” I asked curiously.
“You’ll see…” He just grinned mischievously at me, like he had something up his sleeve.
I crawled in and squeezed into the middle of the truck cab so I could sit as close to him as possible.
“You look stunning,” he said, finding my hand and curling his fingers around mine.
“Thank you.” I gave him my best flirty grin.
We pulled into the parking lot at dusk. The sunset painted the sky with varying hues of pink and orange clouds. A dark and empty wooden picnic shelter overlooked the lake. The water glistened as the sailboats created white-capped ripples that lapped up onto the shore. In the distance, I could see a blanket spread out under the trees by the water’s edge. The tall oak trees hung their heavy branches over the spot Trevor had chosen for our romantic picnic by the lake. It was perfect.
He gently kissed my hand. “Happy two month anniversary.”
“Wow! You planned all this by yourself?” I couldn’t believe that Trevor would go to such lengths for me.
“Well, I had a little help,” he confessed. “Allison helped set it all up before we got here.”
Allison was my co-captain on the varsity cheerleading squad. We had been friends since elementary school. She and I got along pretty well. We squabbled a little, as most friends do, but in the end we always seemed to work it out and keep our friendship intact. Allison was short and sassy, and she seemed to be loved by everyone. A natural born leader, Allison could tame the masses. She was never afraid of a challenge. She would toss her auburn hair around her head as she gave her pageant queen smile and could convince even the famous groundhog that he did indeed see his shadow. She drew people in with her spunky attitude. I was always a little envious at her ability to captivate an audience.
“This picnic is better than anything I could have imagined,” I said, trying to convince myself I wasn’t dreaming.
Trevor led me down the path toward the picnic blanket. “I hope you like Antonio’s.”
Duh! Antonio’s is only the best Italian restaurant in town!
“I love it!”
We sat down on the blanket, and Trevor lit a candle. We ate in silence, savoring every bite of Antonio’s special entrée of baked ziti. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I saw that I had devoured mine. Trevor just smiled as he opened a box with a delicious looking slice of vanilla bean cheesecake. Handing me a spoon, he winked at me and said, “Enjoy!” Trevor watched me as I relished the first bite.
“What?” I asked, suddenly aware that he was staring at me.
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just thinking about how perfect things are between us.” He pressed play on the portable CD player he’d carried with him from the truck. Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton started playing softly through the speakers. “Wanna dance?” he asked as he held out his hand to me.
I grinned as he grasped my hand and helped me to my feet. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I nuzzled into his chest. I breathed in the cool, refreshing scent of his cologne. He held me close as we swayed back and forth under the moonlight. The feeling of warmth spread throughout my body as I cuddled up to him. I held my breath so I could hear his heartbeat; the constant rhythm was soothing. Melting into his arms, I felt my feet sweep right out from under me.
“I hope things will always be like this…perfect,” I whispered.
“Me too,” he said. His breath in my hair sent shivers down my spine, and the butterflies came back. Trevor gently cupped my face with his hands. I could feel his breath sweep across my lips. He leaned in and touched his lips to mine. His kiss started gently, but it quickly became more urgent as he pulled me closer. I let myself melt into his body. He slowly pulled away and looked into my eyes. “Kaitlyn…” He seemed apprehensive to continue. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”
I knew it had only been two months, but I couldn’t help the way I felt. I gave him a crooked grin. “I’ve been there a while, waiting for you.”
That night was magical—forever etched into my memory. I think the remembrance of that night is why I held onto Trevor for far too long.
The rest of the summer flew by at record speed. Trevor and I saw each other every day. We couldn’t get enough of each other. Every day felt more intoxicating than the day before. I dreaded seeing the summer come to an end, although I was excited about a new school year. I couldn’t wait to walk down the halls of East Jenkins High School with Trevor Kent by my side.
I spent most of my time that morning deciding what to wear. Having bought a few new outfits over the summer and loving all of them, I stood at my closet longer than normal trying to decide. I finally settled on a cute denim skirt, a pink form fitting T-shirt from my favorite SoCal-inspired store in the mall, and my trendy brown flip flops that I had to break in by wearing them in the hot shower. I checked the mirror several times to reassure myself. The first day of school was always a big deal, regardless of your age.
Arriving a little early to pick up my new schedule from the main office, I recognized several people who
were waiting in line. Already hot and stuffy from the heat of mid-August, the office buzzed with excitement of a new school year. The secretary answered phones as quickly as she could, while the assistant principal gave important announcements over the loudspeaker. After getting my schedule, I took a moment to check it out. I was thankful for what seemed like a fairly easy semester. As I was trying to memorize my class list, I heard someone call my name.
“What’s up Kaitlyn?” a male voice greeted me.
I looked up, catching a glimpse of baby blue eyes and a wide grin smiling at me under a bright red zip-up hoodie. While it was nearly one hundred degrees outside, some classrooms tended to get chilly from the air conditioning. Hmmm… too bad I forgot to grab a hoodie in my rush out the door this morning.
“Hey,” I said. It was a guy from my English class last year. I couldn’t recall his name, but I remembered he was pretty funny in class—a practical joker.
“So, who do you have for homeroom?” he inquired.
I checked my schedule again. “Mrs. Hamilton.”
“Cool! Me too. I’ll see you in class.” He turned around and walked down the hall toward the cafeteria.
Breakfast. I had forgotten about breakfast. Oh well, my stomach felt too jittery to eat anything anyway. The first day of school always got the best of my nerves. “Okay, see you later!” I called after him.
Just then, a hand grabbed my shoulder from behind. I spun around. “What are you doing?” Trevor asked.
“Um…getting my new schedule?” I answered, more in the form of a question, confused by his tone of voice.
“No, who were you just talking to?” He glared down the hall at the kid walking toward the cafeteria.
“Just some guy from my English class last year. I don’t remember his name.” I wondered what he was getting at, and why he was frowning.
Trevor scowled down the hallway as the kid disappeared around the corner, and then he looked back at me, scrutinizing me from head to toe. “Kaitlyn, go put some clothes on!”
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.
“Do you want every guy in the school checking out your butt in that short skirt? And look at that T-shirt. You can practically see right through it.”
I immediately felt defensive. “My mom bought this for me. Trust me. If it were inappropriate, she never would have let me leave the store with it.”
“Well, I think it’s inappropriate, and I’m your boyfriend.”
I sensed his frustration.
“Here. Put this on,” he barked as he handed me his lettermen jacket.
Stunned by his insistence, I complied with his request.
“And, I’d really rather you not talk to that guy again.” His demeanor became more pleasant after I’d put on the jacket. “I don’t want some other guy trying to steal my girl,” he said, winking at me.
I swooned….he called me his girl. Trevor wrapped his arm around me as he walked with me toward my homeroom. I sensed every girl staring at us as he escorted me past them. Murmurs rumbled down the hallway like the domino effect.
“You and Trevor are still dating,” Eva said, sounding somewhat disappointed. Eva was in my homeroom class. She was also on the varsity cheerleading squad with me. I was fully aware of her disdain for me; it began a year ago when I had been voted captain of the junior varsity cheerleading squad. I felt her contempt for me growing as she realized that Trevor and I were still a couple. I couldn’t understand why it mattered since she was dating Caleb, the rising star quarterback of the varsity football team.
“That’s great!” Eva smirked. “You guys make a cute couple.” She patronized me with her fake, sticky sweet grin. If she smiled a little wider, maybe I would have seen her fangs. I wondered if she was considering sinking them into my throat.
When homeroom ended, the guy I had talked to before school walked up to my desk. I remembered his name from the morning roll call; it was Logan Canterbury.
“Oh, hey Logan,” I said.
“So, you and Trevor are a thing, huh?”
“Yeah, we’ve been together almost three months.”
“Oh.” His smile disappeared for a moment, but he quickly recovered. “Cool. Well, see ya around.” He waved as he headed toward the door to his next class.
“Bye, Logan!” I waved back. My hand was still in the air when Trevor sauntered through the door just as Logan ducked out. Trevor glared at me. He didn’t have to say anything. I could see the disappointment on his face. Or was that anger? I couldn’t be sure.
“Come on,” Trevor said flatly.
I quickly obeyed. What was his deal? “What’s wrong?” I asked innocently when we arrived at his locker.
“I thought we talked about this. I don’t want you talking to that guy. I watched him checking you out like you were a piece of meat.”
“Who? Logan? He’s perfectly innocent, and besides,” I said, flirtatiously bumping my shoulder against his arm, “you’re the only one for me. No one is going to steal me away from you.”
“Whatever,” he said emphatically, slamming his locker door shut. “I’ll see you after class.”
I reached up to give him a quick hug, but he brushed me off. What’s gotten into him?
The summer had been so perfect for us, but the first day of school that year was the beginning of the downward spiral. It was such a gradual process, like the ‘boiling frog’ analogy. If you throw a frog into boiling water, he’ll jump right out. But, if you place him in a pot of water and slowly bring it to a boil, then he will sit in the water until he dies. I guess I was sitting in a pot of cold water and Trevor was slowly turning up the heat.
“I’m so sorry,” Trevor pleaded with me one day after school.
We had been arguing about my new lab partner in Biology, a guy on the soccer team, and Trevor insisted that I request a new female lab partner. I had flat out refused; the teacher would think I had officially lost my mind. I knew exactly what Mr. Hendrix would have said as he glared at me with his beady eyes over his wire-rimmed glasses. ‘What difference does it make, Miss Davenport, if your lab partner is male or female?’ No way! I was not going to comply with Trevor’s ridiculous request. My stubbornness sent Trevor over the edge. It was the first time he had ever raised his hand at me.
He immediately apologized, his eyes wide with shock over his own actions. “Oh my god. I’m sorry, baby. I know you don’t really have a choice about who your lab partner is. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I rubbed my cheek where he had slapped me across the face in anger during the argument. Tears welled up in my eyes.
“Please,” he begged. “I love you. Please forgive me. I’m so sorry. I can’t live without you!” He tentatively reached out to touch me.
I recoiled from his hand.
“Oh, Kaitlyn,” he cried with tears welling up in his eyes. “Please don’t be afraid of me.” His hand caressed my bright red cheek. “I’m sorry. I love you,” he pleaded.
Cautiously, I let him draw me into his arms. He smelled so good. He was wearing the new cologne I had bought him for his birthday. His warmth enveloped me, and the memory of this past summer when things were so good between us flashed into my mind. He seemed sincerely regretful. Resistance seemed futile.
“I love you too,” I whispered.
After the first incident, it seemed easier and easier for him to raise his hand in anger toward me. Our arguments always ended in the same scenario. He begged for my forgiveness, professed his love for me, and held me in his arms until I caved. Every single time I surrendered to his pleadings, I scolded myself for being so weak. When did I become such a pushover? Why did I let Trevor walk all over me? Why couldn’t I just walk away from him? Why did the thought of letting him go terrify me so much?
I laid in the bed at night and argued with myself about the reasons why I bothered to stay with Trevor. First, there was the Trevor that I fell in love with in the beginning. We had a history. He was my first date, my first kiss, and my first love. T
he world viewed him as a hero—a god. He was the junior co-captain of the varsity football team, gorgeous, popular, headed to a great college on a scholarship, raised by a good family…the list went on and on, ad nauseum. Everyone expected me to be with him. People constantly reminded me of what a cute, great, wonderful, ‘add your own adjective’ couple we were together. No one knew that he hit me, shoved me, or bruised me. No one knew that he threatened to kill me if I ever broke up with him. No one knew that under that façade of godliness, he was a monster. I felt like a scared kitten on the edge of a bridge in the middle of a busy freeway. Either way I turned I was sure to meet with doom. Staying with Trevor would cause more pain and heartache. Breaking up with him would only cause more of the same. I felt scared and lonely. Fear apprehensively clutched the key that would unlock the real truth about Trevor.
Late one night while my parents were out to dinner with some friends, we were in my bedroom arguing about my instant messenger chat activity. He insisted that I log in so he could search my chat history. While I knew I had absolutely nothing to hide, I refused to yield to his demand. Searching my history and invading my privacy was a line I was unwilling for Trevor to cross. He ranted and raved, clenching his fists and pacing the floor like a crazed lunatic, accusing me of cheating on him. I stood my ground and insisted he was imagining things. His faced hardened with frustration while his eyebrows furrowed in a deep crease. He demanded me to log in immediately, which I adamantly declined.
“Log in now, or you will regret it!” he growled and grabbed my arm, leading me toward my computer.
“No!” I yelled and attempted to jerk my arm free of his tight grip. “If you don’t trust me, I’m sorry, but that’s your problem!” I managed to slip away from him and took a few steps backward.
“How can I trust you if you won’t let me see your history?” Gritting his teeth, his jaw muscles twitched while the veins of his neck bulged on each side.
So Much It Hurts Page 3
