When Love Comes

by J. H. Croix

  At Hannah’s nod, Susie continued, “Maggie and I were freaking out, trying to hide behind trees while you hollered and chased that damn moose and her calves off. I thought you were crazy, and that’s saying something because people are always telling me I’m crazy. Then there was the time that Tommy dared you to dive into Otter Cove one night and you did it!” Susie threw back her head and laughed. “Even though he was your boyfriend at the time, I don’t think he realized you’d do it, much less in front of four people. You didn’t hesitate—just stripped to your underwear and dove right in. Froze your tail off, but it looked like fun for a minute. Good thing you two didn’t stay together; I thought he was a little too tame for you. Now Luke may be on the quiet side, but I don’t think he’d blink if you did something like that.”

  Hannah interrupted, “Whatever happened to Tommy? We lost touch before I even went to graduate school.”

  Susie lifted her eyebrows. “Nice try at changing the subject. I’ll bite, but only for a second. Tommy went to UW in Seattle. While he was there, his dad retired, and next thing we heard, they were moving to be closer to other family. I don’t think Tommy came back after that. Back to my point though…it wouldn’t hurt you to channel that girl who wasn’t afraid to chase off an angry mama moose or dive almost naked into Otter Cove in the dark when the water’s freezing all year-round,” Susie said before turning back to continue cleaning up.

  Hannah took Susie’s words in and cleaned quietly for a few minutes. Susie’s voice cut into the quiet. “You can find something between that girl and the one who ran so far, so fast that we all got worried. That’s all I’m saying. As for Luke…I don’t have a crystal ball, but he’s not a jerk. I know that much.”

  Hannah wasn’t thinking about Luke, but rather about the girl that Susie mentioned. It wasn’t that she’d forgotten doing those things; it was more that she had a hard time feeling like the girl that she’d felt like then. She’d pushed too far in that direction, and then her parents’ death had swung the pendulum to the point that she forgot what it was like to have fun. She paused from wiping down the counter. “I had a lot more fun back then. Wouldn’t be a bad idea to dive into Otter Cove again,” she said with a wry smile.

  “I wasn’t being literal, but I’m with you there on Otter Cove. Maybe wait a bit before you strip in front of Luke like that. I don’t think he’d blink—in fact, he’d probably take a good look. But you haven’t known him that long just yet,” Susie said with a wink. She put away some leftovers before speaking again. “Just one more thing. If you don’t even try, you lose from the start. You lose the chance, and you lose what might have been. Now go back out there and flirt with the man.” Susie snapped a dish towel in Hannah’s direction.

  Hannah dodged the towel. “Well, I was going to give him a ride home. I came in here to tell you I’d be going soon. Before I do, though…thanks for having this tonight. It gave me a chance to visit friends and just…well…just be here.”

  Susie wanted to bet breakfast at Misty Mountain on whether Hannah could manage to leave with Luke without sparking gossip. Knowing she’d lose, Hannah ignored Susie and made her way back into the living room. Fortunately, Luke and his brothers were standing when she entered the room. Jared was explaining that they were headed to Sally’s. She just stood back and followed the tide. She gave hugs and said her good-byes with promises to see more of everyone there soon. The shifting of the group led to others starting to help Susie clean up and allowed her to slip out casually with Luke and his brothers.

  Despite the late hour, the sky was still faintly light, a soft slate gray with wisps of sun streaks left. The moon was rising above the mountains through the faded pink and gray. The mountains were a dark outline against the backdrop of the sky. Just as she was wondering if Luke changed his mind about needing a ride, she heard him tell Jared and Nathan he was catching a ride with her and taking a pass on Sally’s. Their laughter floated across the yard. Luke grabbed something out of Jared’s truck and met her at the steps, a jacket in his hand. The air was quickly cooling off. Alaska was an environment of contrasts. Summer days could be hot with blinding sun. Within hours of the slow sunset, the temperature could drop twenty, and even sometimes thirty, degrees.

  Hannah sensed Luke watching her and turned toward him. “Just enjoying the endless dusk here. I missed summer evenings here. Such a quiet time. We should get going. Might be quicker to get to your house through town, but I’d rather drive across the hill if that’s okay—much better view.”

  “You’re in charge,” he said, gesturing to her truck. “Not a long drive either way.”

  Luke followed her over to her truck. She’d started to think of it as hers rather than her parents’. As she drove toward Luke’s house, they talked about his upcoming fishing trip. She was tense but managed to make polite comments. A few hours sitting beside Luke had stoked her nerves. Being alone with him in the deepening dusk put her senses on high. She couldn’t deny that she was drawn to him physically. He definitely had the flint to make her spark. It wasn’t just his dark curls and bright green eyes; it was the heat she felt whenever he was near. She thought back to what Susie said in the kitchen. The girl Susie mentioned, the Hannah who didn’t stop to think before chasing away moose, or diving into a cold harbor in the dark, seemed a distant memory. She’d pushed that part of her into a corner after almost burning herself out with her wild choices. Luke kindled the wish to be daring again. That feeling ran into the wall of protection she’d built around her heart after her parents died.

  Luke was quiet for the last part of the drive. Hannah pulled into his driveway and turned the engine off. The quiet was punctuated by the sound of a distant raven call. Luke stepped out of the truck before she had a chance to speak and walked around to the driver’s side. She rolled down her window and looked into his eyes in the gloaming. Despite the rapidly fading light, she could still see the green of his eyes. She shivered from the chilly air.

  Luke took a long look and then leaned toward her. He moved slowly enough that she had time to turn her cheek or say something. She felt like he was giving her time to say no if she wanted to. She wondered if he sensed her hesitance. She wanted to tell him that it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with her. She didn’t break from his gaze or speak. She watched as his lips came to hers. Her eyelids fell as his lips landed softly and purposefully on hers. She let herself lean into his kiss. She opened her mouth, and his tongue stroked inside.

  In seconds, Hannah felt like she was on fire. Her breathing was labored, and she felt perspiration slide between her breasts despite the cool air. As she pulled back to take a breath, Luke quickly stepped back and swung the door open. Before she had a chance for another breath, he captured her lips again. She turned into him, so that she was sitting on the side of the seat facing toward him with her feet propped on the edge of the truck. He stepped between her knees and brushed her hair back from her face with one hand. She leaned farther into him until she was almost flush against him. She felt his erection press in between her legs and liquid pool in her center.

  Luke’s hand tangled in her hair as their kiss went wild. His lips traveled down one side of her neck. Goose bumps rose in a trail behind his lips. He traced her ear and collarbone with the tip of his tongue. Tearing at the buttons on his soft flannel shirt, she pulled it apart. She thought she might expire if she couldn’t feel his skin. She slid her palms up his abdomen and chest and nipped at the lower part of his neck. He inhaled sharply. He paused for a second, and then she felt his hands moving down her back, walking his fingers slowly down her spine.

  Hannah didn’t know how sensitive her spine was until that moment. Each point Luke touched along her spine came alive. One hand slipped under the hem of her shirt and caressed her side coming around to the front. He deftly unhooked her bra with his free hand. He found her lips again just as his warm hand slipped up to cup the breast he bared. Her nipples tightened unbearably. She sighed into his mouth. He didn’t remove t
he hand cupping her breast while he used his other hand to swiftly unbutton her blouse. He pushed it off her shoulders, and her bra slid off with it. Her head fell back as his lips traveled down her neck again. He dallied at her collarbone and made a trail of soft wet kisses down the center of her chest. Her nipples almost hurt. He licked his way to the soft underside of her breasts and outlined them with his tongue, all the while softly playing with her nipples with his fingers. Just when she thought she might lose her mind, his lips closed over one nipple. The relief was so sweet, she gasped. She looked down for a moment, seeing Luke’s dark head bent over one breast and his large hand caressing the other. She saw the wet outlines he’d made on her chest and felt the area between her legs dampen even more.

  Luke pulled back and looked at her. Hannah stared back, taking in the view of his upper body. He was fit and sleek, not like an athlete, but like a man who used his body for work. His muscles were defined and sinewy. He had a scar that started below his bottom left rib and curled around part of his waist. She traced it with her fingers. She reached up to push his shirt off his shoulders, not breaking eye contact. As she did so, he dragged one fingertip slowly down the center of her abdomen. He paused to suck on the same fingertip and then continued tracing a moist line down her belly. He used his other hand to unbutton her jeans and slowly slide the zipper down as his wet fingertip reached the top of her panties. He watched her watching him.

  “I think we need to stop soon, but I need to take care of something first,” Luke said softly. Hannah’s breath was coming in fitful gasps. He kept watching her as he slipped his finger down, directly into the dripping heat between her legs. She instinctively opened her legs. He delved into her slick heat. Her head fell back again, and he leaned to nip at her neck. He stroked softly and deeply into her. A second finger joined the first. Her heart beat wildly, and her body felt like liquid fire.

  Luke brought one hand up to cup the back of her head and brought his lips to hers again. He began stroking her with his thumb above where he was diving into her with his fingers. She clenched her fists around the edges of his shirt and pulled him as close as she could. She gasped into his mouth and came apart in waves. Her body clenched and convulsed around his fingers. She became boneless and felt her body shudder. His hand went still, and he slowly slid his fingers out. He softened their kiss and pulled back a fraction to look into her eyes. Their lips were no more than an inch apart.

  “I don’t think you realize what you do to me,” Luke said.

  Hannah felt the motion of his lips against hers and spoke. “I don’t know. I don’t want to stop, but I think we should. I feel like I’m not being fair, though.”

  He shook his head. “More than fair. I got to watch you fall apart in my arms. That’s enough for now.”

  She just looked at him for a long moment. He pulled farther back until he had moved out from the cradle of her legs. She felt cool air wash against her bare breasts and abdomen and shivered at the contrast. Uncurling her hands, she let go of his shirt. The moon was high in the sky, and what light was left was residual. She was relieved for the mask of fading light. She looked up at Luke and down again as she felt his hands return to gently pull her zipper up and button her jeans. He quietly helped her fasten her bra and button her shirt. She reached up and buttoned his shirt, smoothing her hand down the center when she was finished. They remained there in the quiet night for a few more moments. Another raven call pierced through the silence.

  Luke cupped his hand under her chin. “I want to see you again before we leave for our trip. When can that happen?”

  Hannah fought the urge to look away from his intense gaze. She wanted to stare at him for hours and was frightened by the strength of her feelings. It took her a moment to respond. When she did, her voice came out roughly. “Well, I’d say the weekend, but it is the weekend. You have more of a schedule than me right now. Just pick a night.”

  He held her gaze. “How about Wednesday? We have two guiding trips in a row. Group of tourists that want to fish for silver salmon. Wednesday at seven?” he asked.

  She nodded her ascent. Stepping away, he gestured for her to tuck her knees back inside the truck. “Don’t forget to buckle up,” he said, carefully shutting the door before he leaned forward for a brief kiss.

  Luke turned away and walked to the front stairs of the house. He stood on the stairs with one hand tucked in a pocket, the other hand lifted in a wave. She watched him in the rearview mirror for a moment, illuminated by a soft light over the front door that cast a circle around the stairs.

  Chapter 11

  Hannah walked Jessie through the drizzle the following morning, returning from the walk damp and chilled. After drying Jessie off with a towel, she took a long, hot shower. Eager to get her mind off of the treadmill of thoughts about Luke, she ducked the odd feeling she had about the file boxes she’d picked up from June and started going through them. She quickly realized the boxes were filled with her parents’ personal papers, encountering birth certificates, social security cards, and the like. She also found letters from before their marriage when her father was out of state. It was strange to read their words to each other in the younger part of their relationship. Her mother’s letters were filled with informative, practical details with occasional comments about how she missed him. Her father’s were more sentimental, scattered with endearments. His longing to be with her mother was the thread that wove through all of his letters. Her throat tightened as she read their words. They’d loved each other and had nurtured that love for many years beyond its beginning. She missed being a part of the circle that they cast around themselves and her.

  Despite the passing thought that maybe she should slow down, she pushed herself to keep going. In the second box, she encountered many of her personal items saved by her parents—a copy of her birth certificate, art projects from school, report cards, and more. She was about to take a break when a sealed manila envelope toward the back of the box caught her eye. She pulled it out, thinking there would be a label on it. Thus far, everything had been labeled in her mother’s small, tidy handwriting. This envelope was blank and looked old and faded. The edges were worn and bent from being in the box. She smoothed it out on the floor. She looked over at Jessie, who was curled up nearby sleeping on a dog bed Hannah had gotten her. Returning to the envelope in her hand, she had to fetch an envelope opener when the seal didn’t give easily.

  With a tilt of the envelope, the papers slid onto the floor. They appeared to be legal documents. As Hannah began to read, her stomach started to feel hollow, as though she were falling. The papers indicated that her parents had given a child up for adoption five years before Hannah had been born. She couldn’t read for a moment. Nausea welled, and she swallowed against the lump in her throat.

  Jessie woke and came over to sit beside her. Her hands buried in Jessie’s soft dark fur, she rested her forehead on the top of Jessie’s head. She took deep breaths and tried to calm the hammering of her heart.

  She finally lifted her head and looked back at the papers. Jessie settled just beside her on the floor with her head on one of Hannah’s knees. Hannah carefully picked up the papers again and shuffled through them. The first section was titled “Relinquishment of Parental Rights,” which outlined her parents’ relinquishment of their parental rights of a daughter named Emma. No last name was listed. The date of birth was five years and ten days prior to Hannah’s birth. Based on her estimate, her sister was born while her father was getting his doctorate in biology out of state. She quickly calculated, realizing that likely meant her mother had gotten pregnant when he was home for a visit. She sifted through the rest of the papers. She read through the legal papers several times, trying to find the names of whoever adopted Emma. She found nothing.

  Hannah sat still for what felt like hours. She stroked Jessie while anger and confusion welled inside. Had anyone asked her if she ever thought her parents would keep a secret like this from her, she would have confidently sai
d no, absolutely not. She didn’t know what to think. She could see that it would have been very difficult for her mother to have a child out of wedlock at seventeen in the conservative South with a lover out of state. Yet even with that sketch of understanding, she was furious that they hadn’t told her.

  She got up and began to pace in the living room, restless, agitated, and numb all at once. Jessie sat and watched her. Hannah finally called Susie. All she got was Susie’s voice mail. She left a quick message asking her to call as soon as she could.

  Out of sorts and not ready to look through the rest of the files, she changed into her running clothes and headed for the closest trail. The damp cold seemed fitting now; it braced her. She didn’t have the hope that a good, hard run would take her mind off the emotional bomb she’d just found, but running had been a refuge for her for years. The rhythm settled her body and grounded her. In the weeks she’d had Jessie, she’d found Jessie to be the perfect running companion. Hannah ran for close to an hour in the cool, misty rain with Jessie jogging quietly alongside. One stretch of the trail nearby offered a clear view of Mount Augustine, standing tall in the gray mist of the bay. Clouds hung low above the volcano. She breathed in the earthy scents of rain and spruce. When she and Jessie finally returned home, they were both soaked through. She toweled Jessie dry, turned up the heat, and took another steaming hot shower.

  Arming herself with a glass of wine, Hannah sat on one of the stools by the kitchen counter. She’d dressed in warm, soft clothes after her shower, aiming for comfort however she could find it. Across the room, the papers were scattered on the sofa where she’d tossed them before her run. She sighed and glanced at her cell phone. Just as she looked away, it rang, Susie’s number flashing on the screen.