Talk of the Town Too

by Saxon Bennett

  “As soon as Bel gets over the shock,” Helen replied.

  “Well, yes, there is that small detail.”

  “How can you be certain this plan will work?”

  “Because where there’s a dream, there’s passion, and that combination renders the impossible a nonentity. In ten thousand years I’ve discovered that small revolutions work better than one big one.”

  “You’ve done this before?”

  God smiled. “Now, about dinner.”

  On Sunday evening, Bel was cooking up a storm in the kitchen. There was food everywhere on the kitchen island and pots all over the stove. “I can’t believe she’s coming for dinner,” Bel said. Her face was flushed and her temples were wet. Helen couldn’t decide if Bel was sweating from cooking or having a panic attack. Most likely it was the latter.

  “Yes, well, it is rather unusual. I think the roux is burning,” Helen said, pointing to the saucepan on the stove. Bel whipped around.

  “Oh, shit!” She pulled the pan off the stove.

  Megan and Rafferty had arrived earlier and were setting the large dining room table with explicit instructions from Bel. Rafferty came sauntering in the kitchen. Bel grabbed her by the shoulders. “We have a very important guest coming for dinner. You are not to be smart, provocative, or get out of line in any manner or fashion. You’re to do everything she says. Do you understand?”

  Rafferty was clearly shocked by Bel’s firm tone.

  “Do you want to spend the rest of your life in hell?”

  “No.”

  “Then do it.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Rafferty looked to Helen for guidance.

  “She’s just a little nervous,” Helen said, going over and rubbing Bel’s shoulders. “It’s going to be all right. Now take a deep breath and remember you are a great cook, God loves food and Rafferty will behave herself.”

  Bel relaxed a little.

  “Now, what can I do to help. I’m a great prep cook.”

  “You can make the salad. Everything’s right there.” Bel handed her a chef’s knife and got out a large crystal bowl.

  God slipped in the back door. Both Helen and Bel jumped as God peered over Bel’s shoulder at the wild rice and mushroom soup.

  “It smells fantastic,” God said, taking a big sniff.

  “You almost gave me a heart attack,” Bel said, putting her hand to her chest.

  “I would have saved you,” God said sweetly.

  “She’s a little nervous about cooking you dinner,” Helen explained. Her pulse was racing. She knew from this moment on their lives were going to change dramatically. She felt guilty for not telling Bel about God’s latest plan, but she was bound by doctor-patient confidentiality. Plus she’d been advised by God to keep her mouth shut. One did not argue with the Almighty. God’s threatening Gigi with the lightning bolt still stuck firm in Helen’s mind.

  God peered into the dining room. “Where’s Rafferty?”

  “I sent her down to the wine cellar,” Bel said. “Please tell me that you’ll forgive any of her transgressions this evening.”

  “Relax, everything will be fine.”

  “I hate trying to figure out your insane system of organizing that place,” Rafferty mumbled as she ascended the stairs.

  God took the bottle of wine from her. “Good year.”

  “Hey, long time no see,” Rafferty said with a smile.

  “You remember?”

  “Of course. I actually cried when you left,” Rafferty said. “That’s big for me.”

  “Yeah, it is,” God said. “I told you I’d be back.”

  Bel stood there stunned. “You know each other?”

  “She was my imaginary friend,” Rafferty said matter-of-factly.

  “She was Delphi?” Bel said.

  “A rather fitting name, I thought,” God said smugly.

  “I always thought you were the one who ate the extra snack you insisted I put out for your friend and I was afraid you were going to get fat. I never understood why a six-year-old insisted on pickled herring and black coffee.”

  “Thanks. You made great cracker plates. The pickled herring was my favorite,” God said, rubbing her belly.

  “Hey, that trick with the plants was hilarious.”

  “I thought you’d appreciate it,” God said.

  Megan came in.

  “Megan, I’d like you to meet Delphi,” Rafferty said, winking at God.

  “So nice to meet you,” God said, extending her hand.

  Megan shook her hand. “Rafferty, wasn’t that the name of your imaginary friend?”

  “As a matter of fact . . .”

  “Rafferty, perhaps you should get us another bottle of wine,” Bel interjected.

  “But I was just down there.”

  “Take Megan with you,” Bel suggested.

  “All right,” Rafferty said, getting a gleam in her eye. “What kind now?”

  “You pick,” Bel replied.

  After they left, Bel whipped around. “You’re going to get us all burned at the stake at this rate.”

  “Relax, Bel, everything is almost done and then I’ll be gone and all aspersions will fly away like little birds,” God said, fluttering her hands. “And by the way, you two falling in love, that was a happy accident.”

  Helen and Bel both let out a sigh of relief.

  God, Megan and Rafferty went out on the back patio and had a glass of wine while Helen and Bel finished dinner. They had pork tenderloin with mushroom gravy and an avocado, artichoke and tomato salad with French bread followed by strawberry tart.

  Helen noticed that Megan didn’t seem overly concerned about Delphi’s presence; rather they chatted about the law. God gave a long history of how the law came into being that Megan clearly found very interesting. Rafferty was horribly bored, she could tell. Helen and Bel watched like mother hens, but nothing out of the ordinary occurred except that they were having dinner with God.

  After dinner in the den they had port and Cuban cigars that God had brought. Helen respectfully declined but Megan and Rafferty appeared to do quite well. Bel looked perfect smoking a cigar. God thanked Bel for her hospitality and left. The girls said good-bye shortly thereafter.

  Rafferty and Megan were in the car when God made her appearance. “Yikes!” Rafferty said when she looked in the rearview mirror.

  Megan turned around to find God lounging in the back seat of Rafferty’s car.

  “I need to talk to you two but there didn’t seem a right time with your mothers sitting like hens watching their chicks.” God handed over a piece of paper with the name Trustworthy scribbled on it.

  Rafferty looked at her, puzzled.

  “It’s a horse, a ten-to-one long shot. I want you to bet ten thousand on it and the ranch will be yours, but you have to share part of it with another friend of mine. Her name is Gigi Montaine. You’ll like her, she’s a lot like you. Think of her as the sister you never had.”

  “What! Why do I have to share it?”

  “It’s part of the deal,” God whispered. “We’ll work out the details later. Don’t let me down.”

  “Like I would dream of it,” Rafferty snapped. “I knew having you as an imaginary friend would bite me in the ass one day.”

  “Look, you’re getting your dream. Don’t bitch.”

  “I really get the ranch?”

  Megan could tell the dream was dancing around in Rafferty’s head but all she could think about was how Bel was going to take it. It wasn’t going to be pretty.

  “Yes, I need it.”

  “Why?” Rafferty asked. Megan could tell she was instantly suspicious.

  “It’s a special place that will serve as a center for spiritual growth.”

  “I’m not having some sprout-eating, dope-smoking, hippie commune out there,” Rafferty replied.

  “It won’t be. It’ll be a dude ranch.”

  “A dude ranch?”

  “Yeah.” God leaned back in the seat. “I think we’d bette
r get out of here. We’ve been in the drive a little too long. Can we drive to the Preserve and look at the lights? I like the city lights. They make the city look all warm and fuzzy.”

  “Night time is when most crime occurs,” Megan stated.

  “I know but I like to pretend. Can we have the top down?”

  “Anything else?” Rafferty said as she pushed the button and the top started its descent.

  “So you’re thinking of some kind of undercover spirituality retreat,” Megan inquired.

  “Precisely.”

  They drove to the top of the Preserve, which sat on the outskirts of Phoenix, and gazed down at the lights.

  “You know, I never really believed in God until now,” Megan said. “I mean, my mom took me to the synagogue a few times but that was the extent of my spiritual education. I guess they couldn’t decide on how much religious education I needed so I didn’t get any.”

  “Ditto. My mom hated the Catholic church so we didn’t go. Like I cared,” Rafferty said.

  God put her arms around them. “There is one thing you need to remember, and that is that I am in you and you are in me. The light that shines in me, shines in you.”

  “How beautiful is that?” Megan said.

  “I just feel sorry for the poor fuckers who believe without seeing,” Rafferty said.

  Megan poked her in the ribs.

  God laughed. “But those are the ones that will come to the ranch to discover the light.”

  “All right, I guess this hippie thing will be all right.”

  They left the lights behind and drove into town. They dropped God off in front of the homeless shelter on Thomas.

  “Are you sure you want to go in there?” Rafferty asked.

  “Yes, I like to spend my Sundays here. I like to think I might change something for these people in the next week.”

  As they drove off Megan looked over at Rafferty and said, “Bel’s going to kill you.”

  Rafferty shrugged. “I don’t know which is worse, Delphi’s condemnation or my mother’s.”

  Megan took Rafferty’s hand. “But the upside of this plan is that I get to live with you in a beautiful spot and see you in tight Wrangler jeans. I’m convinced that’s as close to heaven as I’ll ever need.”

  Rafferty breathed a sigh of contentment.

  “I do have an idea to soften the blow,” Megan said.

  Rafferty perked up. “You do?”

  “Yes, we make sure Eileen hears where we’re going and she’ll make sure to tell Bel.” Eileen, their receptionist at the law firm, would love to know she and Rafferty were headed to the races on a workday.

  “And that will set the whole thing up.”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re a genius.”

  “No, I just handle your mother better than you do.”

  It was hot that Monday afternoon as Megan and Rafferty stood under the awning that shaded the seats at the racetrack. They had arrived thirty minutes before the race started because Rafferty wanted to check out the horses. She was studying them through her binoculars.

  “Okay, let’s go place our bet,” Rafferty said.

  Between the two of them they had scraped up ten thousand dollars. Both of their checking accounts were drained and whatever they had in their savings accounts. Rafferty had taken a cash advance on her credit card to make up the difference.

  “Is it a good horse?” Megan asked.

  “Not really. He’s kind of small and rather timid. Those aren’t positive attributes for a racehorse.”

  They went to place their bet. The man behind the counter didn’t say anything as Rafferty set down a ten-thousand-dollar cashier’s check, but Megan could tell he was skeptical. Still, it was their money and they could do as they pleased. They went back up to the stands and waited for the race to begin. Megan was looking through the binoculars when God showed up.

  “How’s it going?” God said.

  Megan swung around and looked at God through the binoculars. Her nostrils were the size of nickels and her teeth looked like playing cards. “Jesus!”

  “Another one of my favorites,” God said, taking her hand and lowering the binoculars.

  “Thanks,” Megan said, recovering.

  “I didn’t know you were coming,” Rafferty said.

  “Like I would miss this.” God stuck her hands in the pockets of her linen blazer. She was impeccably dressed in tan pants, a white shirt and a black bowler.

  “See, I wanted an outfit like that,” Megan said.

  “It’s hot out here and besides, we didn’t exactly have time to shop,” Rafferty said, taking the binoculars from God. The race was about to begin.

  God waved down the guy selling peanuts. “You two want some?”

  “I couldn’t possibly eat at a time like this,” Rafferty said.

  “No, thanks,” Megan said.

  The starting gun fired and the horses took off. Trustworthy got off to a bad start and bad went to worse.

  “Are you sure about this horse?” Rafferty said.

  “Oh, yes. This is where the fun part starts. Just wait,” God said, popping a peanut in her mouth. Just then Trustworthy got a burst of speed and cruised past the other horses until he was neck and neck with the leader. The announcer was having an orgasm and Megan and Rafferty stood in disbelief. God smiled. Trustworthy took two giant leaps and won the race by a nose. The crowd was in an uproar. Megan and Rafferty hugged each other and jumped up and down.

  “What did I tell you, oh ye of little faith. Now go get your money.”

  Later that afternoon Bel stood in the middle of the reception area looking for Megan and Rafferty. She was supposed to be meeting with them at this moment. “Where are they?”

  “Where are who?” Eileen asked.

  “Rafferty and Megan. We had a meeting scheduled for ten minutes ago and they seem to have gone missing.”

  “They’re at the horse races,” Eileen said knowingly.

  “Excuse me?”

  “They went to the track about an hour and a half ago. They should be back any moment.”

  When Rafferty and Megan came walking in, they were laughing and very excited. It appeared Bel was not happy. “And just what were you two doing at the horse races in the middle of a workday?”

  “Placing a bet,” Rafferty said.

  “Betting?” Bel said incredulously. “Into my office, now.”

  “Well, of course, that’s what people do at the horse races,” Rafferty said as they took a seat in Bel’s office. Megan knew that Rafferty was attempting to summon a sense of false confidence. It was as if the exuberance of her dream quickly faded as she stood looking at her mother.

  “How much did you bet?” Bel asked with a frown.

  Megan and Rafferty exchanged looks. It was now or never.

  “Ten thousand,” Rafferty said in her best offhand manner.

  “What! Did you lose?”

  “No, we won.”

  “What were the odds?”

  “It was a long shot, ten-to-one odds,” Rafferty replied. Megan watched as Bel did the math.

  “You won a hundred thousand dollars?” She was pacing in front of the window.

  “Well, it’s not exactly mine. I did it for Delphi. I have to do something specific with the money.”

  “She’s behind this,” Bel said, her eyes narrowing. “What are you supposed to do?”

  “It’s kind of complicated,” Rafferty said.

  “Enlighten me.” Bel put her hands on her hips and Megan felt her stomach drop. She could only imagine how Rafferty was feeling.

  Bel perched herself on the corner of her desk. It was a power- plus-anger pose and Megan knew this meant trouble. This was the biggest moment of their lives and Megan could tell Rafferty was scared shitless.

  “So?” Bel prodded.

  “I’m supposed to buy this ranch.”

  “What ranch?”

  “The one where I board my horses.”

  Megan could tell
by the look on Bel’s face that this didn’t sit well. She thought she knew everything about Rafferty and now that this had come to light she was not happy.

  “You have horses?”

  “I’m learning to barrel race.”

  “How long has this been going on?”

  “A couple of years,” Rafferty replied. Megan watched Bel’s face. She knew that Rafferty was holding the scissors to cut the apron strings and yet she was wondering which one of them would cut them first. Bel did not like secrets.

  “So you’re supposed to buy this ranch and do what?”

  “We’re supposed to make it a dude ranch.”

  “And this is the plan? What about your law career?”

  “I would be leaving,” Rafferty said. Megan could feel the axe come down. Bel would be furious and there was a good chance she would cut them out of her life permanently. Bel was like that.

  “To become a cowgirl,” Bel said with an acid tone in her voice. “Something like that.”

  “I see.” Bel got up.

  “Where are you going?” Rafferty said in a panic.

  “To have a word with God.”

  “Mom . . .”

  “You’ll have to excuse me but I’ve had enough explanations for one day.”

  “What are we going to do?” Megan asked after Bel left.

  “Wait it out. She was pretty mad when she found out I was gay and we got past that.” Rafferty put her feet up on the coffee table in Bel’s office. She took a deep breath.

  “But this doesn’t compare.”

  “I know. I’m worried,” Rafferty said, taking her Palm Pilot out of her pocket.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Programming it to see how long it’ll take before she speaks to me again. This is big.”

  “This is really big.”

  Bel was still crying when God walked in. When Bel had called from the parking garage of her office building, Helen had told her God was coming in for an appointment. Helen was trying to comfort her but to no avail. “Why did she go to law school if all she wants to do is ride a horse?”

  Helen refrained from saying, “To please you.” She had decided it was best in their relationship not to give advice on how to handle Rafferty. She and Bel would finally sort out what needed to be done with their odd togetherness. Helen hadn’t counted on that time being now or under such extreme circumstances.