by Brenda Ford
But I lose control when I’m around Nelson. It was this four years ago and it’s exactly the same now.
A dragon of desire suddenly claims me, rolling my hips into him, letting Nelson know just how much I want him. How much I’ve always wanted him. His tongue explores the inside of my mouth with the same need and passion that I feel, causing a moan to vibrate in my throat, shuddering through him as well.
Nelson lifts me up and crashes my butt down on the kitchen counter. It’s cold against my legs which makes me squeal loudly, but the coolness of the side does nothing to stop the heat of passion flushing through me. I’m burning hot for him, fizzing all over, slowly losing myself in this man.
“You look so beautiful like this,” Nelson groans, pressing himself between my legs, his bulge grinding against my core. I remember how big he is, how good he feels, and I can barely stand it. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.” I claw at his top, needing it off. I absolutely have to know what’s underneath there, to see how much he has changed. I can already feel a growth in muscles in there. I bet he’s been working out a lot while at college. If this is going to be the only time I’m with him, I want to see it all.
Sensing exactly what I need, Nelson takes a step back and yanks his tee shirt up. I let out a loud gasp as I see him, all ripped and toned, incredible to look at. He’s gorgeous, even better than he used to be. He’s a man now, I can see that. It sends a shiver tearing up my spine to see him all grown and wonderful.
“Wow, you have transformed,” I practically growl. “You’re looking absolutely incredible now.”
I grab him and pull him back to me, kissing him once more, all rationality flying out the window. I’m on fire, my body screaming out for him, flames licking up and down my skin. As we kiss, Nelson strips the air from my lungs by tracing his fingers quickly up my legs, connecting with the outside of my panties.
“Shit.” I fall backwards and lean on my elbows to watch him as he plunges his fingers into me, owning my body like he always used to. Honestly, nothing has changed except he might be better at touching me than he was before. Either that or it’s just because it’s been a very long time since we were together. “Oh God.”
His fingers circle, exploring and massaging all of me. The sounds that fly out of my mouth are unlike anything I have ever heard come out before. This is utterly phenomenal. I need so much more.
Then Nelson gives me just that. He drags his finger along my soaking wet slit and draws patterns over my clit. I start to see stars as he pulls me along with him, drowning me in the whirlpool of bliss, causing a storm to swirl through me complete with lightning bolts that make my hips buck hard. At one point, I lose all control of my arms and my head slams back on the kitchen counter. But I don’t notice if it hurts or not. I can only feel the incredible lust burning hard in my core. Every stroke of his expert fingers sends me ever closer to the edge by the moment. I squeeze my fists together by my side because I don’t have anything to hold on to and I brace…
“Fuck!” But Nelson whips away from me at the very last moment, making me scream. “I haven’t waited four years to be teased by you, Nelson. I want you and I want you right now.”
“You do?” The arrogance in his voice makes me want to growl again. “Well, if that’s what you want…”
The relieving sound of his zipper being undone follows, then I listen to him rolling a condom over himself. I half want to sit up and watch him do this, but I’m frightened of falling apart too quickly. I can already feel the orgasm brewing, swirling and twisting around in me, threatening to break free. I don’t want to do anything that will cascade me into the abyss too quickly. I want to feel absolutely everything first.
“Have you missed this feeling?” He whips my panties off and tosses them to the ground as if they are meaningless. Then he guides his cock towards my entrance and rests it there. “Because I sure have.”
I don’t know if he’s been with other women during our time apart. Probably. It’s been his youth, a time to go wild and lose his mind, exploring and sowing his wild oats. But that doesn’t matter anyway. What matters is that he’s here with me now and it feels like nothing has changed between us.
“Of course I have.” I push myself into a sitting position and pull him in for a hug. “But I have missed this more.” I hook my legs around his ass and drag him all the way into me. “Now, that feels incredible.”
Nelson gets a glazed-over look in his eyes as he begins to thrust. Slow and steady at first, testing the waters as if he’s trying to be certain that I still like the same things before he goes too wild. It’s good, but I need the passion to be unleashed. I need to experience every inch of him, so I use my legs to guide him in, driving him deeper into me. Every thrust hits all the right spots from this angle. He grazes passed my clit every single time, so it isn’t long before I’m soaring, flying higher than air, never wanting this moment to end.
I tense up hard as a heat bolts through me, stiffening me through the fiery bust. It isn’t just creeping through me, it’s swallowing me up whole, and there isn’t a damn thing that I can do to stop it. I cling to Nelson tightly, pressing that gorgeous grown-up body of his against me. I need to feel every inch of him to keep me connected while I soar. I speed down the tracks hard and fast, unable to hit the brakes even if I want to…
“Oh shit, Nelson!” I toss my head back and scream out his name as the waves of orgasm crash over me. I’m an animal, all primal and raw, as I yell through the bliss that feels like it will never end. It ebbs all the energy out of my body, leaving me deflated and exhausted, but that doesn’t mean I don’t adore it.
It’s been four long years. I needed that and it’s a wonderful way to bring myself back in.
As soon as the pleasure has finished shattering through me, I hold Nelson and kiss him tenderly, loving him with every inch of me as he erupts too. I watch his face, loving the familiarity of his expression at his most deliciously vulnerable moment. Every intense memory that I have had with Nelson damn near overcomes me.
“Wow.” Nelson rasps into my chest, his heart pounding heavily against me. “That was something else.”
I don’t respond. Mostly because my brain has decided not to enjoy this wonderful post orgasmic moment, but to race off at a hundred miles an hour instead, wondering what comes next. I would never be able to just have a one night stand because I can’t stop getting emotionally involved… but what if that’s what this is?
“So, erm…” I pull back from him, a coldness shivering through me. “You probably need to go…”
“Huh? What?” He makes my heart bleed by appearing hurt by what I have said. “You’re kicking me out?”
“No, I…” I try to make myself look respectable without hurting him further. “I just don’t want to keep you away from your party longer than you need to be. I’m sure people are looking for you now.”
“Come with me.” He holds out his hand to me, but I don’t take it. “I don’t want to go without you.”
I shake my head rapidly and fold my arms over my chest to protect myself…although I don’t know what from. “We can’t go over there together. It will make everyone start talking again like before when it comes to me and you.”
He lets out a little laugh before he realizes that I’m serious. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing, why all of this is flying out of my mouth, but my instincts are telling me that I need to put a halt to this before we get in over our heads again. Four years might have passed, but we aren’t slowing down and acting more rashly.
“It doesn’t matter. There isn’t anything that anyone can say about us now, is there?” he argues. “Plus, it’s my friends and family, so they aren’t going to have anything negative to say.”
He might well be right, but for some reason I can’t handle the idea of it. I feel all cold and weird. I have made too many mistakes in my life, damaged myself and my reputation too many times, all for love. I’m so frightened of doing it
again that it’s making me take a step back from the best thing that has ever happened to me.
“I just… need to think,” I gush desperately. “I need a moment to work out what I want.”
“You don’t want me?” He cocks his head to one side. “I thought you wanted me.”
“Have we not proven that what we want isn’t always what we get?”
“Before yes, but I was young then and…”
“You were,” I bite back. “But I wasn’t, and it blew up in my face. It was fine and I handled it, but things got really shit for a long time. I just need to… to work out how this is going to be and if I can hack it. I just need time.” I break off panting, all confused about what I’m playing at. “I ‘m sorry, Nelson, I know…”
“No, it’s okay.” He takes a step away from me and sorts himself out, presumably to go back home to his party. Filled with all of the people he loves while I will be left here alone. “I understand. I shouldn’t have come over here and moved things along so quickly. That was a mistake. That was too much pressure. I didn’t mean to…”
He walks away, thinking that he’s doing the right thing. Half of me wants to scream and grab him, to beg him to never leave me, and the other half wants him gone so I can get my head in order and work out where we go from here. As he steps through the front door and closes it behind himself without saying goodbye, I know that it’s the latter side of me that has won out. He’s gone. I’ve pushed him away. I might have lost him for all good because I can’t seem to stop myself from freaking out for no apparent reason.
What am I doing?
Chapter 35 - Nelson
“So, this is my new office,” I say to Wesley with a smile. “A space where I can work quietly. Start getting clients and writing for them… all while working on that bestselling novel.”
“This is good. I like it.” He nods. “It’s a good office. And not too massive so I can’t imagine that it’s costing you a fortune which is good. Especially in the early days when you’re just setting up. You don’t want to spend more than you’re making or that could end up being really problematic. You’ve done it well.”
I beam with pride. This compliment from Wesley feels great. “Well, thank you. It’s good to hear that I’m finally doing something right in your eyes. After all the things I haven’t been so smart about.”
We laugh together, but I do feel like our relationship has taken another step. I feel more like Wesley’s equal these days rather than his little brother. It’s exciting to be more of a grown up.
“So, when do you start writing?” Wesley runs his hand along the top of the computer. The only equipment I have at the moment. But it’s all I need. “And getting clients and stuff? Sorry, I don’t know how this works.”
“Yeah, I’ll get to it on Monday. Properly start working then. See how I get on. I learned a lot in New York, and also during my work experience placements along the way. I made some connections as well.”
“Good, good. Well, it seems like you have a lot under control. Are you glad to be back?”
“I am.” I pat Wesley on the arm. “But I’m also glad that I left. You did the right thing by pushing me away. Sending me off to New York. I think I would have ended up regretting it if I didn’t.”
After a beat of stunned silence, Wesley replies. “I thought you would resent me for it. I thought you’d hate me for taking you away from Amelia. I could see how in love you were with her at the time, but I knew that it wasn’t going to work right then. Not with all the drama surrounding you both. It was bound to explode.”
“I know. And it wasn’t fair on Amelia to put her in that situation. If I’d stayed, the drama wouldn’t have ended. The press would have continued to hound her, and she might have ended up in jail. Not really fair since you can’t help who you fall for, but then again that’s just the way it is. The way that it has to be.”
Wesley gives me a side eyed glance. “Have you seen her since you’ve been back?”
I nod. There’s no point me lying about it. I’m sure he probably knows anyway. “Yes, I’ve seen her.”
“How was it?” He can sense me being cagey, so he probably senses something happening already.
“It was weird. There’s still a connection between us but she’s pushing me away still. She doesn’t seem to realize that if we want, we can just be together now. There won’t be any drama.”
“Oh, so you do still want her? I didn’t realize that. Well, yes… like you said you can be together now if you want. There isn’t anything standing in the way. So, yeah… you should go for it.”
I burst out laughing. “Thank you, Wesley. I am going to try. She’s worth it. She’s always been worth it. I don’t want to give up on what was the best relationship of my life. I was young then, but now I have had those life experiences and I still want her. She’s always going to be the best person for me.”
“But what if she doesn’t want to be with you as well? Sorry, I don’t mean to be a dick, Nelson. I just want to know if you have a plan ‘B’. I don’t want you to end up with a broken heart.”
“I think she does,” I admit. “I’m sure of it. But if it turns out to be nothing from her side, then I will have to walk away from the situation. It won’t derail me. I know where my life is headed and it’s fine.” I shrug. “I understand why she might not want to be with me anyway. She had to give up so much for me. She lost her teaching career, faced the press alone, and had people being awful to her… I wouldn’t be surprised if she feels like she has to turn her back on us. I will just have to accept that, won’t I?”
Of course I’m sounding much cooler than I actually feel. Inside, I’m a mess. I want her so badly it hurts. Us being together last week has just reminded me how incredible me and her are. That chemistry, that connection, that everything… wow… she blew me away all over again. It hurt a lot when she kicked me out, but if I look rationally at it, I do get it. I just need to be sure that eventually she realizes that we are worth it.
“Right, well shall we go for lunch then?” Wesley asks. “You did promise me lunch…”
I roll my eyes and laugh. “Always about food with you. Sure, come on then. Where do you want to go?”
“Oh, well there’s a new Italian place that’s just around the corner. I have always wanted to go there ever since it opened last month. That’s actually why I came here today, to give it a try.”
I feel good as we leave my office, proud of who I’m becoming. I’m really glad that I have focus now and a proper direction to take my career in. It will allow me to be creative and business smart as well which is everything I want. There is one thing I’m missing though, one thing that would make this picture complete, and that’s the relationship I left behind. I won’t be deterred, not when I feel so strongly for her. In fact, tonight I might surprise her with a romantic gesture to see how she reacts to that.
Okay, so a bunch of roses might not be the most romantic gesture in the world, but I don’t want to go in too hard, too fast. This is just a small start in the right direction that hopefully won’t scare her away. As I walk towards her office, my heart skips a few beats. I’m so excited to see her, I can barely stand it.
What if she doesn’t want to see me here? My brain suddenly pipes up, freaking me out with self-doubt that I really don’t need. What if she’s embarrassed to see me in front of her work colleagues?
I know that it’s been easier for me than anyone else here to forget about what happened because I was away, and the last thing I need to do is spark all that again. But I don’t want it to be that way. My mind wrestles the closer I get, and I feel myself slowing down. I lean towards running away and seeing her at home instead.
What should I do? I pause and lean against a nearby wall. Her office is in view, but she won’t be able to see me. I could run if I want to, but do I want that? It would be more like and eighteen-year old. Escaping when things get tough. Or would it be the grown up thing to recognize when things are wrong and to fix it?
“Fuck,” I whisper to myself. “What the hell am I going to do? Am I a fucking idiot or what?”
All of a sudden, I’m struck by a brand new feeling. One that I don’t know where it comes from. It’s like an ice cold prickle on the back of my neck. All the hairs stand high and I can’t help freaking out. It’s like I have eyes upon me. Someone is watching me, and I don’t know where that sensation is coming from.
Of course, the first place I assume the stare might be coming from is Amelia’s office. Perhaps I was wrong, and someone can see me from there after all. I imagine people gossiping, confronting Amelia, asking her what’s going on between us now… but I have to admit it doesn’t feel that way. There is something more sinister about it. I’m not the one for horror movies but I can only imagine it’s what the main character is supposed to feel when a predator is coming after them. The frightening, terrifying, like life is about to end kind of sensation.
Don’t be stupid, I scold myself angrily. Stop distracting yourself from everything.
I turn back to the office with the roses in hand, wondering again which way to turn. But I still can’t shake off the feeling that I’m not one hundred percent safe. It’s the weirdest feeling ever…
“I know you,” a gruff voice growls at me, making me jump. My instincts scream at me that this is where the source of danger is coming from. “You’re the kid, aren’t you? The one who was fucking my wife?”
Urgh, great. Just what I need right now. Lux. Apparently, he’s still here. Still in the picture. Things have never been good between me and this guy, even the first time I saw him, but now it’s going to be even worse.
“Oh, and I know you as well. The one who wanted to destroy your ex-wife by going to the press.”
He moves closer to me, getting right up in my face. Immediately I’m overwhelmed by the scent of booze which is just ridiculous. Still, even now, he hasn’t done anything to clean up his act.
