Live to See Tomorrow

by Iris Johansen

  “No.” His lips twisted. “Unfortunately, that option is allowed and even encouraged. I just have to choose wisely and decide if it’s worth a possible death to accomplish the goal.”

  “You decide? Yet you just said your hands were tied. Not consistent, Cameron. What government do you work for? What agency are you with? China? Russia? Great Britain? You sound American, but that doesn’t mean much. Kadmus was born American, and he works for everyone who has the cash to pay him. I don’t think Venable knows about you, or he would have told me. He doesn’t let me go in blind.”

  “That’s good,” he said. “And Venable doesn’t know I exist. Though I think Caudell may have suspected at times. He knows there’s someone who was occasionally there before him.”

  “Who do you work for?” she repeated.

  “It’s an international organization with worldwide membership.” He smiled. “I assure you that you’ve never heard of it. I’m not going to interfere with anything the CIA is doing unless they interfere with me.”

  “What do you do for them?”

  “Too much and too little.”

  “That’s no answer.”

  “No, it isn’t. It’s a skill at which I’ve become an expert.” He was silent a moment, then added wearily, “Okay, I act as a sort of Guardian, troubleshooter, and executioner. In a way, our duties are similar in scope. I’m not going to go into details with you.”

  “Is it some kind of commercial organization?”

  “In many ways.” He held up his hand. “No more, Catherine.”

  “Yes, there’s going to be more,” she said fiercely. “I’ll stop asking about your damn organization, but I have to know about Erin. She was being tortured because she wouldn’t tell Kadmus what he wanted to know about a man he was searching for.” She stared him in the eye. “Was that man you, Cameron?”

  “I think you know it was.”

  “Why does he want to find you?”

  “Because I am who I am. Kadmus has been searching for me for a long time.”

  “That’s vague as hell. And why did Erin feel she had to keep him from finding you?”

  “Because she made a mistake, and she wouldn’t let us suffer for it.”

  Catherine could feel her frustration rising by the minute. He was answering her, but the answers were totally unrevealing, and she knew if she delved any deeper, he would close up. “And yet you couldn’t go after her and get her away from that bastard?”

  “I did what I could.”

  “The hell you did.”

  “It was a risk I wasn’t allowed to take,” he said quietly.

  “You son of a bitch; I saw what he did to her.”

  “And so did I. I was with her every time he touched her,” he said. “I taught her how to block out the pain. It was all I could do for her until I found the right person to go after her.”

  “Hu Chang.”

  “Yes.” He paused. “It was going to be Hu Chang. Until I found out about you. You were always there in Hu Chang’s mind. I became very familiar with you. And, to my regret, I knew it had to be you who went to get Erin.”

  She stared at him in shock. “You’re telling me that you were pulling the strings? No way.”

  “I’m very good at it. I could have lied to you about that. I know the idea of manipulation would be salt on a wound. But I’m trying to be as honest as I can be.” He leaned his head back on the leather armchair. There was a lazy, sensual, catlike grace in the movement. “You’ll probably never trust me, but you have to be able to work with me. As I said, I was going to deal through Erin, but you wanted to be in control.” The thread of steel in his voice suddenly belied his indolent position. “That’s not going to happen. I’ll always be in control. It’s what I do. It’s what I am.”

  “Not when you hide away and just play around with these mental hijinks. When you come out in the daylight and do something with your own hands, then you can show me why you deserve to be in control.”

  “Catherine.” For an instant there was a flash of anger in those glittering light eyes. Then he relaxed and smiled. “Hold your tongue. It’s sharp as that knife you carry in that sheath on your calf. For a moment, I actually felt pain. It’s been a long time since I permitted myself to get that annoyed. You’re arousing all kinds of emotions.” He held her gaze. “I’m tempted to arouse a few interesting emotions in you. That would be very … satisfying.”

  A wave of heat.

  Breathlessness.

  A swelling and tingling in her nipples.

  “And that’s only physical,” he said softly. “That’s satisfying, too, but emotional response can tear you apart.”

  She drew a deep breath. She had been caught off guard, and she was still shaken. “You’re not in control. Not of me, not of Erin. As for that childish little display, next time I’ll be prepared, and it won’t happen.”

  He was silent. Then he chuckled. “It was hardly childish. But I’ll try to keep it from happening again.” He paused. “Unless I decide to heed your suggestion and show up in person.”

  “Show up for sex but not to save Erin from being tortured?”

  His lips tightened. “You’re doing it again. I’m not going to make excuses. I had only two options with Erin. I’ve told you the one I chose.”

  “What was the other option?”

  “To kill her,” he said simply.

  “My God.”

  “You asked.” He sat up straight in the chair. “And now we have to deal with what’s important. I want Erin off this mountain.”

  “So do I.”

  “And I will help you in any way I can to get her away from Kadmus’s men and out of Tibet. But that’s not going to be good enough. Take her back to the U.S. and hide her until I send someone to kill Kadmus. She won’t be safe while he’s still alive.” He paused. “I admit I had hoped that you might take care of that when you went after Erin.”

  “It was Erin who was important. I didn’t give a damn about Kadmus at the time.”

  “I thought as much, but there was a chance.”

  “In that charming little scenario that you said you contrived? Too bad. I did what I could.”

  “And you did it brilliantly.”

  “Then do some more contriving and come up with a way that we can skirt Kadmus’s men and find our way to a place where I can safely contact Caudell. It was you who told Erin about this cave, wasn’t it? Can’t you come up with something else useful?”

  “I’m trying. It takes research … and consultation. But I’ll manage to do it given a little more time.”

  “We don’t have time. Kadmus is on the hunt. Who’s to say he won’t find this cave and catch us off guard.”

  “I won’t allow that. I’ll know long before he gets to you and warn you.”

  “How?”

  He shook his head. “I’ll warn you,” he repeated. “Relax. Try to sleep.” He smiled faintly. “And don’t try to pull me back here. I have Hu Chang to deal with, and I need to concentrate on keeping him from storming the mountain to get to you.”

  “Hu Chang?” She stiffened. “He’s in Hong Kong. I told him to stay there and take care of Luke.”

  “And I’m sure he will do it but in his own way. You might have had a chance of keeping him at bay if you’d been able to make that helicopter.” He got to his feet and moved toward the fire. “And we both have a good deal of trouble persuading Hu Chang to do anything he doesn’t want to do.”

  “He mustn’t come here.”

  “Back to square one. Then we must get you off this mountain.” He was only a dark silhouette against the leaping flames again. But now she knew him, the power, the charisma, the hard edge behind that velvet, sensual surface.

  And the danger of which Hu Chang had spoken.

  “I hope not to you, Catherine,” he said gently. “I’m trying not to hurt you.”

  Dammit, she had forgotten he could read her mind during the conversation that had transpired. “I wouldn’t let you hurt me.�
�

  “It’s time for me to leave and let you come to terms with all that I’ve bombarded you. You’ve taken it extraordinarily well, but then I knew you would.” He chuckled. “I’m looking forward to our next meeting.”

  “And I’m looking forward to you making it up to Erin for covering your ass and not going in and getting her away from Kadmus. I can’t see why—”

  Cold.

  No fire.

  No cozy, book-lined room.

  No Cameron.

  She knew when she opened her eyes it would be to see Erin in her sleeping bag a few yards away and the stark dimness of the cave.

  She wouldn’t open her eyes and face that reality yet. It would come as too much of a shock, and she had to assimilate all that Cameron had said and revealed. It was all weird and difficult and frustrating … and frightening. No, not frightening. She wouldn’t accept fear. It was just that she’d felt momentarily helpless when she’d realized that her thoughts were transparent, and he could create a scene for her that didn’t exist down to the last detail.

  It shouldn’t have that effect on her. Mental telepathy was just a gift that had to be dealt with like any other weapon. She was sure Cameron was unusually adept, but she’d find a way to understand and learn to cope. It was only those damn marvelous good looks and powerful personality that kept getting in the way. He was undoubtedly the handsomest, most intensely sexual man she had ever met, and as a woman, she instinctively responded to it. She would have to ignore that—

  She had a sudden thought that brought a smile to her lips. What if Cameron wasn’t what she had seen? What if he’d created his appearance as he had the rest of that inviting scenario? Hell, maybe he was really as ugly as Mr. Hyde or the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

  She definitely liked that idea.

  “Nasty, very nasty, Catherine.”

  She felt a ripple of shock. “Go away. Now. I won’t have this.”

  Laughter. “I’m going. I was just staying to make sure you were all right…”

  Was he gone, she wondered crossly a few moments later. How could she tell? One thing was certain—she could not count on keeping anything secret from the bastard.

  Well, she would just have to learn to adjust until she found a way to close him out. Since he supposedly was on Erin’s side, anything he learned from Catherine should not be damaging to her.

  Maybe. If he was telling the truth, if he was not twisting perceptions.

  If she kept questioning, she would get nowhere. She would put suspicions aside and be wary but cooperative. She would work for a solution of her own to the dilemma but take help when given.

  Decision made.

  She turned over in her sleeping bag and settled down to nap. She wanted to wake Erin and ask her a hundred or so questions, which she probably wouldn’t answer. Not now. Let the woman sleep a little before she had to face the barrage.

  Catherine doubted if she would sleep again, but she would try. She had to have all her strength and mental acuity for the next few days.

  Hu Chang.

  Don’t think of him now. She had enough to worry about without borrowing trouble. If she managed to get off the mountain, Hu Chang would have no reason to try to come and save her.

  Stay away, Hu Chang.

  CHAPTER

  6

  MILCHANG MOUNTAIN

  Catherine was everything he had thought she would be, Cameron thought.

  He smiled with amusement as he stood up from the boulder where he’d sat down to mentally build their rendezvous. He started up the icy path toward the plateau where Hu Chang’s helicopter would land.

  No, she was more, he amended. Brimming with fire and intelligence and emotion and completely her own person. It had been a stinging, lively, and tumultuous encounter, and he had enjoyed every minute of it.

  When he hadn’t wanted to kill her.

  Or take her down and have sex with her until they were both out of their minds.

  He was readying at the thought.

  Control.

  Not easy. From the moment he had caught glimpses of Catherine in Hu Chang’s mind, he had been aroused and stimulated beyond belief.

  How long had it been since he had wanted a woman this much?

  He couldn’t remember. Maybe never.

  Not only desire but intrigue and excitement …

  Control.

  Concentrate on Erin Sullivan. She had to be protected. He probably should not have even sent Catherine to rescue her. He had known at the time that he was having a physical and emotional response to her.

  But, dammit, Catherine Ling was the one who should have gone. All his experience had pointed to her as having the best chance. She had the instincts of a prime warrior. It was not because of that sexual response.

  But now she was here, and they were going to have to interact.

  Interact in what way?

  He was tired, too much had been demanded of him during the last year. Didn’t he deserve a reward?

  Discipline. He only deserved what he could take and what he allowed himself.

  He must not allow himself to take Catherine Ling.

  * * *

  “So why did you feel it necessary to eavesdrop on my call with Venable, Luke?” Hu Chang asked as he came back and sat down beside Luke in the rear of the helicopter. “Why did you not come to me and ask what you wanted to know?”

  Luke was silent, then said slowly, “You didn’t want to talk to me about Catherine. I have to know if she’s safe, Hu Chang.”

  “She’s not safe. I told you that when I gave you the choice whether to come with me.” He smiled faintly. “And you said that you would have gone after her by yourself. The answer pleased me.” He added ruefully, “But your mother would not have been pleased either by the question or the answer. And she will be in a rage that I brought you with me. She told me to take care of her son. Yet how can I take care of her son unless he is under my eyes? Since I had to journey to help her it was a paradox.”

  “That you solved.” Luke suddenly grinned. “You could have left me with Chen Lu. You wanted me with you.”

  “You are usually good company. However, you will have to prove yourself to me. You are not a child. You’ve lived a hard life, but I will take no excuses for disobedience when it could hurt our Catherine.”

  Luke’s grin vanished. “When I’m in the lab, don’t I do what you tell me? Do you think I’d do less for Catherine?”

  “No, but a warning does no harm. You might become overenthusiastic. It happens in the young.”

  “Rakovac put a gun in my hand when I wasn’t even big enough to hold it. He wanted to teach me to kill so that he could hurt my mother. When he first took me on guerrilla raids in Russia, I was afraid. After a while, I was excited and began to think of it as a game,” he said. “Then later, I saw the deaths all around me, and it was no longer a game.” He looked Hu Chang in the eye. “I will not be overenthusiastic. I will only do what I have to do to save Catherine.”

  “Tell me why.”

  He frowned. “Because she could die if I don’t. That’s a strange question, Hu Chang.”

  “Not so strange. Then you’re not looking for a grand adventure?”

  He shook his head. “I told you, Catherine could die.”

  “And is she worth saving, Luke?”

  “Of course she is. She’s a fine agent, a good soldier, and I owe her for saving me from Rakovac.”

  “Very cool and logical. Do you know why I think she’s worth saving? Because it would be a barren world if I didn’t see her smile at me. She came to me, and I suddenly discovered how lonely I had been. She fills so many places in my mind and heart that I can’t conceive of life without her.” He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug. “Yes, we owe each other many debts, but that’s only surface. She is worth saving because she hears my soul speak, and I hear hers.” He added softly, “Do you hear her soul speak, Luke?”

  “I … don’t know what you mean.”

  “I t
hink you do hear, and that’s why you wanted to come to find her.” He smiled. “And I brought you with me because it’s time you admitted to yourself that you hear her. There’s nothing like enduring hardship and danger to clarify emotions. Perhaps before this is over, you will tell her that you hear her.”

  He moistened his lips. “I don’t know what you want from me.” He made a face. “And you’re talking weird. Catherine would laugh at me if I started talking about hearing souls.”

  Hu Chang nodded. “That is true. You don’t have my eloquence and gift of words. Pity. But you might be able to make her understand in your own crude way.”

  Luke shifted his gaze to the snow-covered mountains outside the window. “Are we almost there, Hu Chang?”

  “That’s a disgustingly trite and overused phrase,” Hu Chang said. “But I’ll answer you anyway since you’re scrambling frantically to fend off my own questions you find awkward. Yes, we’ll be landing soon.”

  “Where?”

  “On a plateau near the top of one of those mountains at which you’ve been looking so admiringly.”

  “How close will we be to Catherine?”

  “Not close enough. But we’ll be met by a man who will be able to help us to locate her. He’s the man who sent this fine helicopter and pilot to bring us here. His name is Cameron, and you must be polite to him though he may confuse you.”

  “Confuse me?”

  “Yes, I know youths of your age are so blasé and wise that they find it difficult to believe that anything can bewilder them, but you may be surprised. Just flow with the tide.”

  “You’re talking weird again.”

  “Then you must forgive me. My heart is heavy, and it is difficult being both wise and witty.” He leaned back against the paneled wall of the cabin. “I will rest and be myself by the time we arrive at our destination.”

  Luke was silent. “I didn’t mean that you were really weird.” He added awkwardly, “And you’re always wise. You’re the smartest man I’ve ever met.”

  Hu Chang didn’t open his eyes. “But you’ve had a limited acquaintance. Still, you’ve been lucky enough to have many hours in my exceptional company. That makes up for many lapses. I take it this is your gauche way of apologizing?”