The Only Way To Live

by M. A. Innes

  He shoved his binkie back in as I grinned and nodded. “Well, Sean was there in the office, so I started teasing him about the Daddy comments people keep making. That blonde is still being aggressive and I thought it was funny.”

  Ethan was still calling Sean Pop instead of Dad because it was making Sean nuts.

  “But I don’t know…something about his reaction. He…he reacted. At first he was rolling his eyes and ignoring it like he does when anyone flirts with him, but at some point, he just…he reacted.” I didn’t know what it meant, if anything.

  Jules sat up a little straighter and took out the binkie as the microwave dinged and I came back over to the table. “Like reacted how?”

  “Not negatively and not even like it was weird…I don’t know if it was just that he reacted to the flirting or if it was something about the kink, but he…he wasn’t bored or neutral about it. He was confused, but there was something there.” If he’d been shopping in the store, I would have known his reaction meant he’d found something he was curious about…but outside the store, I wasn’t sure what it meant.

  I’d known Sean for years and I’d never even seen a hint that he was bi or anything else but straight. He was one of the most open-minded men I’d ever met, which I’d really needed in high school, but he’d never read as anything other than straight and vanilla.

  “Who’s he been dating?” Jules cocked his head as his brows pulled together.

  I stirred dinner and took a bite as I shrugged. “No one that I know of. Ethan said that the neighbor is still after him, but Sean isn’t dating the waitress anymore because I saw her with that lawyer from the terrible TV commercials.” He really needed a better marketing team.

  “But it’s always been women, right?” When I nodded, Jules continued. “So maybe it was just the idea that being kinky isn’t really that weird anymore? When he was first dating and single, everyone was probably really vanilla. Then with building his work and raising Ethan on his own after his wife died, there wasn’t time to figure that stuff out.”

  He was probably right.

  “Do you think I should mention something to Ethan?” I couldn’t imagine that conversation if the roles were reversed, but they were closer than any father and son I knew.

  Jules scrunched up his face like he’d just sucked on a lemon. “Really?”

  “Okay, maybe that’s a bit much even for them.” I took another bite, trying to think. After a few minutes of eating, I focused back on Jules. “Maybe I should say something? At least let him know that he can talk to me about anything he’s curious about.”

  “Maybe. Do you think he’s going to be uncomfortable after the whole flirting thing?” Jules was playing with his binkie, trying not to yawn. He wasn’t as much of a night owl as I was, so he’d been fighting sleep for a few hours already.

  I should have made him go to bed, but on nights where he didn’t have to work the next day he liked staying up until I got home.

  “I don’t think so.” He hadn’t been upset…but he had been a bit unnerved.

  Wide eyes and backing himself into a corner hadn’t been something I could have missed. And that wasn’t even counting the sparks that I was sure went through both of us when he’d taken the keys…

  “Even if he was, we’ll get over it. He’s not like that.” I shrugged, not worried.

  “Some days I don’t know how you fit your balls in your pants. They’re just huge.” With that, he shoved his binkie back in his mouth and shook his head.

  Laughing, I almost spit spaghetti halfway across the table.

  As I fought to catch my breath, I thought about what he’d said. I didn’t think it was balls or even confidence that was pushing me. I’d just seen too many confused people over the years, and at one point I was the confused guy who didn’t understand what was going through my head.

  I didn’t want that for anyone else. It was one of the big drives to open the store to begin with. That, and working for other people and having to be bored all the time would’ve killed me.

  “I’ve known him for too long to worry. It’s not balls. It’s just common sense between friend-ish people.” I wouldn’t describe Sean as a friend the same way I would Jules or Ethan, but he’d been a great boss and we’d stayed in touch even after I’d stopped working at the garage.

  “But I’m not going to think about that because I have a victory dinner to plan.” I grinned as Jules shook his head.

  He popped the binkie out. “No, you cheated. That means I won.”

  “No, he’s the perfect age. He’s possibly a Dom because I’ve seen him bark out orders and every once in a while he gives you this look that makes you quiver.” I fanned my face as Jules chuckled. “And he’s so hot you have to melt.”

  He’d starred in more than a few of my teenage fantasies.

  Not that he’d ever looked at me sideways.

  But at the time, the fact that he hadn’t looked at anyone made me feel better about not being able to catch his attention.

  “But you’ve flirted with him for years. That means it’s cheating.”

  “Nope, there’s a difference between regular flirting and flirting with intention…and I definitely had intentions.” It hadn’t started out that way, but something had quickly changed…I just couldn’t pinpoint what.

  “But did he realize you were flirting with intention?”

  “That doesn’t matter because at least he didn’t try to call 911.”

  Jules huffed. “Fine. You win.”

  “That’s what I thought. I’ll call in the morning and get reservations for Saturday.” We both got off early enough on Saturday that it should be perfect.

  When he yawned again, I smiled and finished the last bites of my dinner. “Come on. Bedtime for you.”

  One day he’d have a Daddy and I’d take a step back, but until they found each other, it was my job to take care of him. I just hoped when I found my Dom he’d understand.

  * * * *

  “No, I get it. Don’t worry.” Jules sounded so frustrated I couldn’t be upset. “I’ll change the reservations for next weekend.”

  “No, just because I’m stuck at work doesn’t mean you can’t go. I’m sure you can find someone fun to hang out with over dinner. My treat still.” Jules sighed into the phone. “Fair warning, though. I’m going to pout about this for days.”

  “Deal.” Not that I blamed him. “You know you’re going to have to fire this guy if he keeps flaking out.”

  How many times could an employee call in sick before it was just stupid? Of course, hiring and firing were the parts of the job Jules hated most.

  “Some people have weak immune systems.” Jules sounded a bit too hopeful for that…if it had been anyone else I’d have laughed and said they sounded creepy.

  “That only flare up on weekends?” Yeah right. “This is the third time this month. There have to be other students who have a work ethic and actually need the money.”

  “Maybe.” To get him to agree that much meant I’d won the battle; he just didn’t want to admit it. “I’ll think about it.”

  That translated to “Once I figure out a way to fire him that doesn’t seem mean, I’ll do it.”

  We could practice at home.

  Role-playing was fun no matter what the fantasy was.

  “Okay, I have to go, but seriously, find someone else to have dinner with.” He shuffled the phone like he was moving and sighed. “And now someone’s complaining at the front desk. Got to go.”

  Before I could say anything, he’d hung up. Libraries were not supposed to be drama-filled institutions. No one seemed to have told the locals that, though.

  “And who do I know who has no life and can go to dinner at the drop of a hat?” Too many people, really, but none that I wanted to sit through a meal with.

  Dinners out were an art form…pick the wrong person and you were trapped in misery for hours. I needed someone who’d be comfortable in a nice restaurant, fun to talk to, and wouldn�
�t take it wrong. I had a few friends who I had a feeling were holding out for more and I didn’t want to send anyone mixed signals.

  This was one of the reasons I’d wanted to go out with Jules. He checked all the boxes and was fun to tease. Who else fit all that and wouldn’t be boring?

  “Oh…I really couldn’t…I mean, I probably shouldn’t.” As I leaned against the kitchen counter, I smiled. But it would be so much fun.

  “And if I backed him into a corner, there’s no way he could say no.” He was too polite.

  Turning my phone over in my hand, I called Ethan. When he picked up, I couldn’t hide the smile in my voice. “Hey, what’s your dad doing tonight?”

  “Huh?” I heard Christopher moaning in the background. “No, be patient.”

  They were so cute together.

  “Your dad.” I couldn’t get distracted by their antics. “What’s he doing tonight?”

  “Nothing that I know of. I saw him earlier at the shop and he said he was going to watch a game or something.” Ethan’s head was only half in the conversation, but that was a good enough answer for me.

  “Great. Thanks. Have fun torturing Christopher.” Before I could hang up, Ethan spoke again.

  “What are you up to?”

  “Do you really want to know?” ’Cause I’d tell him if he was really that curious.

  He sighed. “Nope. Just don’t give him a heart attack.”

  “That would not fit in my plans at all.” A dead sexy hunk wouldn’t be any good to me.

  Ethan chuckled and disconnected the phone.

  I had about two hours before the reservations, but giving Sean that much notice would be a bad idea. He’d figure out a way to escape. Grinning, I headed back to my bedroom and started getting ready. When Jules had been my date I wasn’t going to worry about what I wore, but Sean was another fish altogether.

  By the time I was heading out of the house, I looked fabulous in fitted black slacks that cupped my ass beautifully and a button-down shirt that was almost masculine, but was from the women’s department. It was soft enough that most people wanted to touch it every time I wore it, so I was hoping it had the same effect on Sean.

  If I was lucky, I’d get another one of those electrifying touches of his.

  I was right on time as I pulled up in front of his house. He’d have thirty minutes to get ready, so that couldn’t be an excuse, but it didn’t leave me enough time to find someone else. And he was too well-mannered to do that to me.

  It was a good thing I wasn’t that polite, or he’d be sitting home all night instead of going out to dinner.

  As the doorbell rang, I peeked through the side windows and saw him frowning as he walked toward the door. When he finally saw me he looked suspicious.

  I loved smart men.

  Opening the door, he gave me an appraising glance and raised one eyebrow. “I’m taking it that you won the dinner, Pest?”

  “Yes.” Beaming, I did a little twirl. “Don’t I look fabulous?”

  That seemed to stump him for a few seconds, but he quickly recovered. “Of course.”

  Good answer.

  “But Jules had to work late at the last minute and so I’m stuck with reservations. I am in need of a charming date and you’re the lucky man who got picked.” I stepped closer so he automatically moved back deeper into the house. “You’ve got about twenty-five minutes to get ready, so don’t dawdle. We both know you’re too polite to make me go alone, especially when you helped me win.”

  When he stood there staring at me with surprised confusion on his face, I smiled wider. “You really don’t want me to come help you, so get going.”

  That at least got him moving.

  But I hadn’t actually gotten him to verbally agree to the plan.

  However, since he was heading back to his bedroom, that might not actually be necessary. He could take charge later. For now, if he wanted to follow, that was good too.

  He was just lucky I was a switch.

  Chapter 4

  Sean

  One day I was going to find my footing around that handful.

  Today didn’t seem to be the day, though, because I found myself getting ready like he’d very politely ordered.

  Ordered.

  I’d never tried to be overly nosy about Ethan’s relationships or his friends, but I’d heard enough comments over the years to guess that Derek wasn’t…well, that he was into BDSM. Maybe it was stupid of me, but I’d always assumed that meant he was the submissive.

  I was starting to rethink that assumption.

  As I quickly changed clothes, I thought back to all the times he’d flirted with customers or just teased Ethan. I’d walked in on more than a few strange conversations, but I still couldn’t remember anything that made him sound like a…the…the dominant in the relationship.

  Heading back out to the living room, I refused to question why I’d agreed to go and why I’d gotten dressed up…I also refused to even think about his preferences in a relationship. Was that the right word? Was it like picking a favorite flavor of ice cream?

  Yeah, not bringing up that conversation at all.

  There was no point in going into a discussion where I’d sound like an idiot.

  “Ready.” I chuckled as I saw him on his stomach, stretched out on the couch playing on his phone.

  But my laugh turned slightly strangled as he sat up, seemingly ass first, wiggling and excited.

  About food.

  “I can’t wait for this. I’m starving.”

  He didn’t even seem to realize how it looked as he’d gotten up, but maybe that was because I was too old and too straight to be noticing things like that about someone who was basically Ethan’s age.

  The straight thing probably should have come first, though.

  That was probably more important than age.

  But since Derek was just here because he needed company for dinner, I was definitely overthinking it.

  “I did not take that long.” Rolling my eyes, I grabbed my wallet and phone off the side table. “I’m assuming you’re driving?”

  “Of course, a polite date should always offer to drive and pick you up.” Derek paused as he sauntered toward the door. “If he’s not, then he’s not treating you right and you need to move on.”

  I snorted. “I’m not sure I’m going to run into that problem anytime soon.”

  Following him out of the house, I grabbed my keys by the door and locked up. “Besides, for safety reasons, a lot of people would rather meet their date at the restaurant.”

  Derek rolled his eyes. “If you don’t trust your date, you shouldn’t agree to begin with.”

  “People are careful these days.” It felt a little bit wrong to me, but I understood where they were coming from. “It’s not like when I was young.”

  He chuckled. “It’s not like you’re ancient. Things haven’t changed that much.”

  It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Yes, they have. Dating is more open. Relationships are different. Just look at Christopher and Ethan. I have no idea how they structure their relationship, it’s not my business, but I can tell you that it’s nothing like dating when I was younger.”

  Derek giggled as he walked around to the driver’s side. “Probably not, but that doesn’t mean you’re ancient. People don’t really change. It’s just easier to be open now.”

  “I can definitely agree with that.” Climbing in on the passenger side, I buckled and tried to relax. All the talk about dating and relationships put me on edge. Everywhere I turned lately, all people wanted to do was push me into dating.

  “I’m glad things have changed for Ethan’s sake and yours. I want you guys to be happy.” Pushing the conversation back toward him made it easier.

  Derek sighed as he pulled away from the curb. “It’s easier to be ourselves, but in a way that just makes things harder. You know what you want and don’t have to hide it, but that makes dating insane.”

  Chuckling, I nodded. “I ca
n understand that. Ethan dated more than a few interesting guys and I bet you’ve done the same.”

  He groaned. “Oh yeah. Dating now is like knowing the best book you’ll ever read is in the library, but there’s no way to find the damned thing. Even though there’s a list of books, none of them are shelved right and some of the covers don’t match the insides.”

  “A comparison from Jules?” He was quiet, but the fact that they’d been friends for so long said he was just as interesting as Derek.

  He grinned. “I’m misquoting a meme one of his librarian friends online sent him. I think it makes me sound profound if you don’t know it’s coming from a meme.”

  “Very profound.” I tried to look serious, but it was hard. “I’m sure you’ll find the right book eventually.”

  “Uh, just don’t tell me I have plenty of time. You’re not old enough for that shit. I know guys who are your age who just had their first kid.” Derek pulled up to a stoplight and glanced over. “You seem to forget how young you were when you had Ethan.”

  “I won’t tell you that you have plenty of time to find Mr. Right if you don’t tell me to start dating and to live my life.” Something had changed and I wasn’t sure I liked it. When I’d first starting dating Shelly, it’d felt like we were equals, but now women either approached me like I was a hamburger or like I owed them something.

  Neither felt right to me.

  There’d been a few women over the years that I’d gotten physically close with—I was human, after all—but nothing that had gone further than that. When Ethan had been young, I’d told myself that he would come first. It hadn’t taken long after I’d started dating again to realize what a good decision that had been.

  “Hm, part of me wants to push you and see why you don’t want to start dating, but I’ll take that deal. I’d like to picture Mr. Right waltzing into my life and sweeping me off my feet anyway, not hunting for him like it’s a weird reality TV show.”

  “One with desperate players and high stakes.” Derek smiled in apparent agreement at my words and turned back to start driving as the light changed to green.

  “So no more talk of dating other people while I’m taking you out. That’s not very polite.” He grinned as I shook my head. “A good date is entertaining and keeps the conversation going. At the very least you can ask me how work has gone this week.”