“Charlie?”
“What darlin’?”
“Where’s Mali?”
“West Africa.”
“Daddy! I can’t get the puppy to come inside.”
“Coming sweetie,” Charlie called even as he went to help her out.
I stood gingerly, happy that my stomach seemed to have settled down a bit. I splashed some water on my face, brushed my teeth and pulled a comb through my hair. After looking at myself in the mirror, I decided I might have to stay in hiding for the next seven months or so. By my calculations, I must have gotten pregnant instantly. That meant I had no more than two months until I would be noticeably pregnant. Maybe I could convince Charlie to move. Probably not.
“Hey Neena,” Conrad met me in the hallway and did a worried double take. “You don’t look so good.”
“I really wish people would stop saying that.”
“Are you okay?”
“Sure. Never better.”
“Do you know what you plan to say to Gabrielle?”
“Not yet.”
The conversation was cut short by Cara’s muddy puppy barreling down the hallway, followed by both girls running full tilt. Conrad swept me out of the way in the nick of time.
“My hero,” I teased.
“There was a time,” he tapped the end of my nose playfully. “Oh, hey, I didn’t give you your birthday present yet.”
“You didn’t need to get me a present,” I argued. “Not after all you’ve done.”
“You’ll like this present,” he insisted. “Wait right here.”
He disappeared into his room for a moment before returning with a stack of newspapers in hand.
“What are you up to now, crazy man?”
“I figure the papers up here wouldn’t be covering Mary’s appeal, but it’s causing quite a stir down home. And I figure your husband wouldn’t be talking about it.”
“Thank you,” I grabbed the papers from him and hugged them to me. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
I kissed him on the cheek and ran to stash the papers in my room. I’d sit and pour over them as soon as I was alone.
When Charlie insisted I stay home from church to get over my supposed flu bug, I thought I’d get my alone time to read about Mary’s trial. My hopes were dashed when Gabrielle announced that she wanted to stay behind to take care of me. All three adults exchanged uneasy glances but agreed.
So, long before I was ready, I found myself alone with my daughter. We sat in front of the fire Charlie had kindled before leaving, watching the flames dance and wondering what to say.
“I heard rumors about Conrad’s sister…that she killed a man and was in prison. I always kind of figured she was my mom.”
“Oh,” my voice sounded ridiculously feeble even to my own ears.
“She died.”
“I know.”
“But then I met you. And for some reason I feel like I know you. And I think you look like me, but maybe I’m just seeing what I want to see.”
“Why would you want to see that?”
“Because I want to know my mom.”
“Even though she wasn’t there for you? Aren’t you mad at her?”
“I don’t know,” Gabrielle seemed to think about that one. “I wasn’t when I thought she was in jail and couldn’t see me. I don’t know how I’d feel if I thought she could have seen me and didn’t.”
“But what if Conrad’s sister didn’t die, people just thought she did… and what if it was really important that people still thought she was dead?”
Silence hung in the air. I stared at my lap, studying the reindeer print on my flannel pajamas. She seemed to be processing my words; I wondered if I should say more.
“It is you, isn’t it?” Gabrielle’s dark eyes seemed to pierce right through me.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” I whispered. That was all the confirmation she needed before launching herself at me. The force of her hug knocked me back in my chair. I froze for a moment, unsure of what to do. She seemed undaunted by my lack of response and perfectly content to just stay latched on to my waist. Eventually, the shock wore off enough that I thought to wrap my arms around her as well. I patted her back a little awkwardly and stared into the fire.
Like mighty titans locked in a death match, emotions collided. I didn’t have the faintest clue how to be a mother. Now I was about to get a crash course in the subject. It was one thing to be raising Cara. Charlie’d already done all of the hard work there. Old enough to be fairly independent but too young to be into teenage rebellion, she’d been simple enough to take care of so far. Babies, however, were work. A lot of work. At least, so I’d heard. And how long until Gabrielle hit the teenage angst? I was in way over my head here.
I wanted desperately to talk to Anjelita but couldn’t. If I told her about the baby, she’d tell Charlie. She’d probably be as adamant as he would that this was a good thing. Neither seemed to fully grasp the situation.
“So… can I call you Mom?” Gabrielle hesitated.
“What? Oh, sure. Sure sweetie.”
“Thanks,” she finally pulled away to look at me again. The adoration in her eyes was almost more than I could bear. I’d feared her hatred. Now I would almost welcome it. I deserved it after depriving her of a mother for so long.
“I’m really sorry,” I cupped her face in my hand. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. For leaving you to wonder.”
“It’s okay. I understand.”
Somehow, I doubted that she truly did. But I could see that she was like Conrad—loyal to the point of insanity. Even if she couldn’t understand, she’d try because I was family and that’s just what you did.
“You’re a good girl. I’m glad you’re like Conrad. He always had a good head on his shoulders.”
“How long can I stay with you?”
“I don’t know sweetie. As long as Conrad thinks you should, I guess.”
“Why can’t I live with you?”
“What about school?”
“I can go here.”
“But you should go to school on the reservation. How else will you know what it means to be Coushatta?” I didn’t voice my real reason for wanting her on the reservation. There was protection in being surrounded by your people—protection my parents and I had both taken for granted.
“I’m three-fourths white, too,” she had a stubborn set to her jaw now.
“I know,” I scowled. I could do basic math. “Let’s wait to have this conversation until I talk to Conrad.”
“But you’re my mother. It’s your decision.”
“And Conrad was the one that tucked you in at night and nursed you through illness… he’s been your father, sweetie. He has a say in this.”
“He’ll want me to be happy.”
“But don’t you want him to be happy, too? Let me talk to him and we’ll see.”
As she and I sat across from each other with stubborn scowls on our faces, it occurred to me that less than five minutes into this relationship, I’d managed to screw it up. This was doing nothing to calm the rising panic that I’d made a horrible mistake here. I should have kept wandering the woods. I could have become Louisiana’s own little Sasquatch legend. It would have been fun.
“You don’t want me, do you?”
“That’s not true….”
“Really? Because you act like it’s true.”
“You terrify me, I’ll admit that much. But that’s not the same as not wanting you.”
“I terrify you?” Her eyebrows shot up and a giggle escaped before she could suppress it.
“Worse than sharks—and seeing Jaws at an impressionable age really ruined me on those.”
“You’re so strange.”
“So I’ve been told. Just remember… we’re related.”
“Oh great.”
“You’ve got quite a mouth on you, don’t you?”
“Conrad says I remind him of his sister… well, you.”
“He talk
ed about me?”
“All the time. He really missed you.”
“I missed him too…. Hey, I’m feeling a little better. Do you want to help me make some bracelets?”
“Sure,” she perked right up at that. “Conrad says I’m really good at making jewelry.”
And she was good. No sooner than I set the tools on the table, she went right to work. We were both still bent over the kitchen table intent on our respective projects when the others came home from church.
“Hey, there’s my girls,” Conrad kissed me on the top of the head before ruffling Gabrielle’s hair. “Did you two have a good talk?”
“The best,” Gabrielle threw herself into Conrad’s arms. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
Conrad seemed years younger in that instant. I would have been relieved to see it, but there was too much guilt washing over me. How much weight had I laid upon his shoulders?
“Hey,” Charlie greeted me somewhat warily.
“Hey baby,” my face split into a grin at the sight of him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my face against his chest. I liked hugging Charlie.
“You seem to be feeling better,” he smiled in relief and wrapped his arms around me.
“I am. Sorry for being a crab.”
“No worries. Do you want to go to the Torres’ for lunch, then?”
“Yes, I’m starved.”
“We’ll wait while you get dressed then,” he chuckled at my surprised expression.
“I forgot. Dang it.”
“What did you do to her?” Conrad playfully punched Charlie in the arm. “She used to be smart.”
I rolled my eyes and sighed, already on my way upstairs. I tried to close the door behind me but Charlie was right behind me.
“The girls are taking the puppy out.”
“Okay.”
“Conrad went to feed the horses.”
“Okay…”
“You aren’t rethinking marrying me, are you?”
“Oh,” that took me off guard. “Not seriously.”
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing.”
“No. Don’t do that, Neena,” he ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation.
“I guess I’m rethinking the wisdom of it… but I don’t regret it.”
“You scared me this morning.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t scare me like that.”
“I’ll try not to.”
Charlie closed the distance between us, pulling me hard against him. The kiss wasn’t gentle this time. There was something fierce in it. It seared through me like a branding iron.
Whatever emotions I’d been holding in check snapped free and I met his urgency with my own. He reached behind him to lock the door before carrying me over to our bed. Our lips never left each other. Somehow we managed to completely strip without breaking contact. My hands were everywhere; I couldn’t touch him enough. His held me close; he couldn’t seem to risk letting me go.
The tidal wave was gone as quickly as it had come. We were lying in each other’s arms trying to catch our breath when we heard Conrad slam the mudroom door. I smiled; he’d done that on purpose to signal he was back in the house.
“I think he knows what we’re doing up here.”
“Really?” Charlie kissed my temple. “I thought he was just naturally noisy.”
“I love you, Charlie.”
“I could die right here a happy man.”
“Don’t talk like that.”
“You know I’m not going anywhere.”
“If this were a horror movie, you’d be the next to die.”
“That’s cheerful.”
“Well you would.”
“Get dressed.”
“You get dressed.”
“Hey Neena…”
“Hey Charlie…”
“Why does our bed crinkle?”
“Crinkle?” I tried to look innocent.
“Get up,” he stood up.
“No.”
“Neena.”
“It’s my birthday present.”
“Neena.”
“You can’t take them from me.”
“Would you just get up already?”
“Fine,” I made a face at him but did as he asked. He reached under the mattress and pulled out my stash of newspapers. He didn’t need to look past the first headline to know what they were.
“I’m going to kill him.”
“Don’t talk like that.”
“Ha,” Charlie snorted. “That’s a switch… you telling me to watch my mouth. I’m going to beat him? Is that better?”
“Well, you wouldn’t tell me what was going on.”
“Did it ever occur to you there’s a reason for that?”
“How could I possibly know what that is? You won’t tell me that either!”
“Because I don’t want to worry you!” Charlie shouted back. “You walk around looking like death all the time. I can tell you’re already losing sleep over this.”
“I’m sleeping just fine. Maybe I’m just homely,” I retorted.
“What?” he laughed in spite himself. “Homely? I don’t think so, sweetheart.”
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
“Not when we’re already late to Anjelita’s lunch.”
“Later?”
“Later,” he promised. “Now we really should get dressed.”
“Only if you promise to get undressed again tonight.”
“Mrs. Russell, I find your behavior quite shocking.”
He teased, but I could tell he was happy our playful banter had returned. He’d forgiven me for picking a fight. And he was hoping I’d forget about an update on Mary’s trial.
I did let it go—for the moment. With Conrad and the girls waiting downstairs, I hurried to get dressed so we could go eat lunch. Now that the nausea had passed for the day, I was ravenous.
Chapter Fourteen
It was no surprise that the Torres family welcomed Gabrielle with open arms and without question. I was sure Charlie had given them a heads-up at church, but they were still more accepting than any normal person would have been. When I grew up, I wanted to be just like them.
Isabel instantly recognized Gabrielle’s name. I’d forgotten that conversation until she commented, “Miss Neena, your dream came true. She’s very pretty, like you.”
“You’re right, sweet pea. My dream did come true.” So much had changed since Isabel overheard me talking in my sleep. I’d told her at the time Gabrielle was just a dream. Now those dark days were feeling more and more like they were the dream.
Lunch passed quickly. I was exhausted by the time the dishes were cleared, but didn’t dare let it show. Anjelita was watching me like a hawk. I’d even stopped eating long before I was full just to keep from arousing her suspicion. So now I was sneaking food every time she walked out of the room.
The third time she walked back in and caught me with my cheeks full, she threw her dish towel down in disgust.
“That is it, Neena Russell.”
“What?” I tried to look angelic, but my cheeks were too squirrel-like to pull it off.
“If I promise to not tell Charlie before you’re ready, will you at least stop trying to hide it from me?”
“You really won’t tell Charlie?”
“No, I think you should.”
“Oh thank God, I’m starved. This is the first food I’ve kept down in ages,” I collapsed into a chair with a fork and the leftover pot roast. “You are such a good cook.”
“Have you been to the doctor yet?”
I gave her a blank stare.
“Neena, you should go to the doctor.”
“Doctors file insurance claims.”
“You have to tell him. He’ll be so excited.”
“I don’t know how to explain this to you, but I just can’t tell him yet. Just let me wait one more month. Then I’ll tell him.”
“You
’re killing your marriage if you do this.”
“Gabrielle is a good kid, isn’t she?”
“She is,” Anjelita gave me a look that spoke volumes, but allowed me to change the subject. “I was really surprised when Charlie said you had a daughter today.”
“Don’t worry, he knew about that one.”
“Very funny. Is she going to be here a while?”
“I’m not sure. I have to talk to Conrad still.”
“If you enroll her in school it will stir up gossip faster than the one on the way.”
“I’d thought of that. Boy, won’t the combo be fun?”
“Just face it. You’re a gossip magnet. The sooner you get used to it, the better.”
“I really didn’t want to draw attention to myself, though.”
“You messed that up when you became the .01 percent of the town that is Native American. Even if they would have let that one slide, marrying the town’s most eligible bachelor right away probably hurt your chances a little.”
“You set us up,” I frowned.
“I know,” she admitted. “I’m just saying you’ve already drawn attention to yourself. Who cares? You have a good life. Don’t let a bunch of small-town gossips ruin that for you.”
“I don’t know. Something about Elena scares the hell outta me.”
Anjelita frowned at me and I shoveled more pot roast into my mouth. She could chalk it up to small town gossip all she wanted. Something in my gut told me that Gabrielle’s presence might stir up gossip, but the baby would be enough to send Elena over the edge.
I almost wondered if my family wouldn’t be better off if I left rather than turn the wrath of the sheriff’s daughter on them. And I wasn’t about to risk giving birth in prison again.
“Are you still eating?” Conrad poked his head back into the kitchen.
“Leave the girl alone, she needs the extra fuel,” Mamá Torres swatted Conrad on her way by to pull the pie out of the oven.
“There’s pie?” My head perked up.
“Why does she need extra fuel?” Conrad cocked his head to the side and studied me.
“For the baby, of course,” Mamá Torres looked at him like he was a brick shy of a full load.
“The baby? Really? Charlie, you sly dog!”
“Shhh…” I jumped up just as Charlie ambled into the kitchen.
“What did I do now?”
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