Where the Secret Lies

by Gandhi, Malika

  Arianna took up a small stool, which conveniently sat in a corner and took the album with her. She began to study the picture and was soon lost in the garments, the jewellery, the expressions, and the simplicity of the children and the woman in the long skirt.

  In the case of the other woman, simplicity was not the case. She wore an ornate sari with many bangles on her wrists. Her earrings sparkled, as did her necklace. This woman’s face was uncaring and aloof whereas the other woman had kind and caring eyes.

  What a contrast, thought Arianna. She touched the photograph with her fingers and imagined herself in such a place and time.

  Arianna thought she heard someone call her name from a far distance. She stopped and listened hard but heard nothing more; she may have imagined it. Arianna flipped to another photograph.

  ‘Arianna...’ the voice echoed.

  Arianna stopped again.

  ‘You have come at last...’

  ‘Is someone there?’ Arianna closed the album and stood up.

  ‘You have come at last...’ the voice echoed around the room.

  Arianna stepped outside and stopped.

  ‘Oh Lord...’

  A woman in a red sari stood before her...she looked familiar. Arianna blinked.

  The woman began to fade.

  ‘Wait!’ Arianna rushed towards her but she only met a lingering white outline of where the woman had stood, a lingering scent lingered...just like what she smelt before...

  Arianna turned towards the room and found it was shut.

  Arianna walked back to her room, lost in thought. As she entered her room absent-minded, she did not ‘see’ Nikhil until he dropped something on the floor. Arianna saw a suitcase.

  ‘Nikhil, are you going somewhere?’ she asked, still confused by the previous events.

  Nikhil hastily packed, flinging clothes into the suitcase.

  ‘Nikhil, answer me please,’ Arianna felt the beginning of panic settle in her stomach.

  ‘I was going to leave you a note. I am glad you are here, I tried to find you to explain...believe me, I do not want to hurt you.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘Ari, I have to leave.’

  Arianna didn’t understand. ‘Leave? You mean go back to Mumbai? Do you have another job? Of course you do, what am I asking?’

  She walked to him and embraced him.

  ‘I have had quite a day,’ she said.

  ‘Ari, stop this. For a minute, just listen will you?’ Nikhil looked harassed.

  ‘Okay...I’m sorry,’ Arianna stepped back.

  Nikhil groaned. He took her hand and led her to the bed where he sat down and pulled Arianna onto his lap.

  ‘I love you, you know that right?’

  ‘I love you too,’ said Arianna.

  ‘Ari, I...we cannot be together anymore. I, oh this is difficult. What I want to say is that I have to go back to Mumbai, not because of a job but...something else.’

  ‘Because of what Nikhil?’ Arianna was feeling a little more than sick now.

  ‘I lied to you before. I mislead you...Khushboo does not know about this, in fact nobody apart from my parents and her parents know.’

  ‘Whose parents know what? Nikhil, you are making no sense.’

  ‘I am engaged Ari.’

  Ari stood up slowly. ‘You are engaged?’ She shook from head to toe. ‘This is a joke, right?’

  ‘I wish I was joking,’ Nikhil said sadly.

  ‘Did you get engaged before or after we met?’

  ‘It was before we met. I do not love her Ari. My parents arranged this engagement and I cannot defy them. I love you a lot, you must believe that.’

  Arianna slapped Nikhil across the face. ‘How dare you!’

  ‘I deserved that...I’m sorry Ari but I have to go.’

  ‘Are you going to marry her?’

  ‘I have to.’

  ‘I’m sorry I ever met you, that I loved you!’ Arianna screamed.

  Nikhil closed his suitcase. ‘If you could ever forgive me...’

  Tears coursed down Arianna’s face as she watched Nikhil walk out of her life.

  TWENTY-TWO

  ‘Ari, cheer up. Why are you wasting your tears on Nikhil? You wait; I will be having more than a few words with him when I see him next!’ Khushboo fumed.

  Arianna wiped her eyes but stayed silent. Five days had passed since Nikhil left, leaving her depressed. She loved and missed him so much...sure she was angry too. He was a coward and deceitful and she would never forgive him but unlike other emotions, love just did not disappear.

  When Khushboo and Tianna found out, they were angry beyond words.

  ‘How dare he? I always thought there was something weird about him. If I were you Ari, I would have slapped him!’ Tianna was furious. ‘How dare he do this!’

  ‘I did Ti. I slapped him,’ Arianna said in a non-caring tone.

  ‘You did? Well, good on you!’

  ‘I have a headache. Can I be left alone, I want to sleep,’ Arianna said.

  ‘Ari,’ said Khushboo.

  ‘I’m fine, really. I want to be alone for a while,’ Arianna said.

  Arianna buried herself under the covers and let her tears flow. Falling in love was something she did not do, not even with Jai. She had boyfriends but that was where it ended, there were no emotional ties and no complications.

  Meeting Nikhil and spending time with him awakened feelings inside her and she let herself get carried away. What was she thinking? Perhaps being in

  a different country, the smells, the scenery, and excitement heightened the attraction. His attention towards her made her realise what love was like. Those softly spoken words and gentle kisses did things to her she thought was impossible. They spent good times together...Nikhil once took her to a rocky terrain, she remembered the day well...

  ‘Where is everyone?’ asked Arianna.

  ‘Ari, how do you feel about going out – only you and I...alone?’

  ‘No Khushboo, Ti or Jignesh?’

  ‘Just us...’

  Arianna put her arms around him and kissed him. ‘What are we waiting for? But wait, what should we tell the others?’

  ‘Nothing,’ smiled Nikhil. ‘Khushboo and Tianna are out shopping with your family and Jignesh is asleep.’

  ‘They went shopping? Why didn’t they ask me to come along?’

  ‘You were asleep, Ari. Are you saying you would rather be shopping than spend time with me?’ Nikhil pouted.

  Arianna kissed him. ‘Does that answer your question?’

  The rocky terrain overlooked a fast flowing river. It was romantic and beautiful. Putting down the picnic basket, Nikhil picked up his camera.

  ‘Enough of the photographs, Nikhil. I am not photogenic!’ Arianna protested and tried to take it off him.

  ‘No way, you are stunning Ari and I intend to capture every little bit of you. You never know, if we were to

  be separated then all I will have would be these pictures.’

  Arianna and Nikhil had spent the day in each other’s arms and made love, away from prying eyes.

  Arianna now understood their ‘love’ did not mean anything to him. How naive she was! She thought she was special. She was a fool and an idiot!

  Arianna had seen her friends fall under the trap of deep love with no sense or direction. Repeatedly they were let down. Perhaps that was the reason she shied away from commitment, and vowed to not go down that path; to stay away from boys who thought girls were toys of sex.

  If Tianna or Khushboo found out what she did...it was one thing to make love but another if it happened before marriage. Arianna was a firm believer of no sex before marriage, so to commit such an act made her feel dirty and she was ashamed of herself. She let herself down and she hated it!

  Someone knocked on the door. ‘Can I come in?’

  ‘Go away Khushboo. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I want to be left alone.’

  The door opened. Arianna came ou
t from under the blanket expecting to see Khushboo or Tianna but it was not them. It was the maid.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked.

  ‘I’m sorry Memsahib. I have come to clean the room, am I interrupting? I can leave.’

  Arianna tried to conceal her teary face, what a state she must be in.

  ‘It’s okay. You have work to do. Carry on.’

  ‘Can I say something? I hope you won’t mind,’ the maid began to sweep the floor.

  ‘What do you want to say?’

  ‘Memsahib – ’

  ‘Please call me Arianna. You make me feel I am from the nineteen forties or something,’ Arianna’s laugh sounded hollow to her ears.

  The maid seemed shocked, then she smiled. She began to sweep again. ‘I am sorry you are upset. Nikhil Saab is not a good person. You should not grieve for him. Thank Bhagwaan (God) he left.’

  ‘What? How dare you lecture me about my personal life? This is none of your business.’

  ‘I understand. Your heart is broken; you hurt deeply. I too, have been hurt.’

  Arianna did not know what to make of this strange conversation. What should she say? She continued to watch the maid as she worked and the more she observed, the more familiar she looked but she didn’t understand why.

  ‘I live in a shanty house,’ the maid volunteered. ‘My husband and I have eight children.’

  ‘That’s nice.’ This conversation was getting stranger.

  The maid became silent and began to dust the curtain. Dust moat flew in every direction, as if dancing.

  ‘I see you many times on the lone corridor, especially near the door,’ the maid said.

  ‘What do you know about it?’ Arianna asked, excitement sparking.

  ‘Many things, I can tell you a lot.’

  How was this possible? Arianna tried to find out more about this maid and no one could tell her anything about her. No one had seen her, not now and not ever...then how...?

  ‘How do you know about the door?’ she asked.

  ‘I grew up in Lucknow. I used to work here many, many years. It is like my home,’ explained the maid.

  ‘Do you know anything about a certain door?’ Arianna quizzed her.

  ‘You are speaking about the closed door...you will find answers inside and the spirit will be happy...’

  ‘A spirit, you mean a ghost?’

  ‘A ghost, a spirit, a presence – it doesn’t make any difference what name you use,’ the maid said. ‘She is sad. She tells me things – we talk.’

  ‘You talk to the spirit?’ Arianna began to laugh. ‘You are joking. You had me fooled!’

  But the maid wasn’t laughing. ‘You big people don’t understand our life. You laugh at our tales. You do not believe in folk stories because they tell the truth and you are scared to hear it. Why do you want to listen to lies?’

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,’ said Arianna quickly.

  ‘Her name is Anjali.’

  Anjali! Could it be the same...?

  ‘She talks to me, she tells me her fears and the dreams she had.’ The maid became excited. ‘Come with me, I will show you!’

  ‘Show me what?’ said Arianna, startled by the sudden change of emotion.

  Arianna followed the maid to the corridor and saw the door was once again open.

  ‘How did...?’ she asked.

  The maid smiled. Arianna followed her into the room. The dust was no longer present and the air smelled fresh. The maid proceeded to a shelf and took a box down. She searched inside. At last, she brought out a tired looking diary and handed it to Arianna.

  ‘Whose diary is this?’

  ‘Anjali wrote in her diary every day,’ said the maid. Her mood changed, she was now tearful. ‘She wants you to read it.’

  ‘I am not sure...it is personal...’ Arianna objected.

  A cold breeze blew in and the light flickered.

  Arianna looked up in wonder and the maid beamed.

  ‘She wants you to read it,’ she said again.

  ‘How can you be sure?’ asked Arianna astounded.

  The room darkened and Arianna’s head swam. The maid seemed to fade or did she imagine? Her vision blurred and throat tightened. She tried to speak but no words emerged. Her eyes closed...

  Arianna awoke to find herself under the blanket. The darkness had vanished...oh what a dream! But it seemed so real.

  Arianna, preoccupied with her thoughts, she didn’t hear her name being called until a few seconds later. She peered out from the blanket and screamed.

  ‘Oh my God, this is not real!’

  ‘Ari, you are not dreaming. I am here. Believe me. Slap me,’ Jai held his hand out.

  Jai was here but he should be in London! No, she must be dreaming.

  ‘Is it really you?’ she stared at him long and hard.

  ‘Come here buddy,’ Jai took his best friend into a bear hug. ‘I’ve missed you.’

  Arianna hugged him back, still unable to believe Jai was in front of her. She took in the familiar perfume and for the first time in many days, she felt safe and happy.

  Arianna glanced down and saw it, she gasped. That was not a dream after all. Anjali’s diary lay on the bed, opened.

  ANJALI

  TWENTY-THREE

  Anjali opened her diary and began to write.

  She and her children have moved into my home. Mohan ji insisted even when I refused. Why would he not let her and the children go? They are not welcome here! I told Mohan ji to find them another house to live in and I will support him but not this, I cannot live in the same house as she.

  Mohan denied my compromise; he wants ‘his family’ to live together. She is his wife and they are his children, he cannot banish them from him. Mohan ji requested I call her didi (sister) but that is impossible. I may be his second wife but I will not be his mistress and her children – they are intolerable, ill behaved, and rude! How can I let my sweet daughters be near them? I dread to think what harm they could cause my girls. Oh God, why are you showing me these days? I would rather be dead!

  This is unbearable. I must do something.

  Anjali hid the diary underneath her mattress. The time was two in the morning and she was unable to sleep. The events of the previous day returned to her...

  ‘Anjali, I have a business meeting in Jaipur. I would like you to look after Tehzeeb; will you do this for me?’ Mohan looked deep into Anjali’s eyes. Of course, she could not refuse.

  Before Mohan left, he allocated bedrooms for Tehzeeb and her children.

  ‘Mohan ji, we can sleep in one room, there is no need for more,’ Tehzeeb said.

  Anjali scoffed, Tehzeeb was playing games with her husband. She wanted Mohan ji to herself – she was jealous.

  She listened to their conversation from the upstairs corridor, which overlooked the courtyard. Tehzeeb spoke loud and clear, as if she knew Anjali was listening.

  ‘Tehzeeb, you do not need to sleep on uncomfortable beds anymore. You are a wealthy Memsahib now, you deserve this,’ Mohan said.

  ‘When will you be back ji?’ she asked him.

  ‘This meeting is important. I will be back in a four days. Don’t worry; Anjali will look after your needs.’

  ‘But ji, didi (sister) doesn’t like me...’

  Mohan sighed. ‘You call her sister yet she cannot return your affection...’ Mohan embraced her. ‘She will come round, she will have to.’

  Anjali’s eyes flashed with fury. She was not Tehzeeb’s keeper; she did not volunteer to keep her happy and comfortable.

  Mohan listened as Arianna objected.

  ‘I...Mohan ji, why should I be a slave to her? Why should I run errands for her?’ Anjali was furious.

  ‘I am not asking you to be her maid,’ said Mohan softly. ‘All I ask is some cooperation. She does not know this haveli as you or I. This arrangement is an adjustment for her as well as you. My love, please do make this difficult for either of us.’

  Anjali t
urned her back to him. Mohan parted her long hair to one side and kissed her neck. Instantly aroused, Anjali melted under his touch. She turned to face him.

  ‘That is not fair,’ she mumbled.

  Mohan smiled and kissed her lips.

  ‘Now be good. I will be back as soon I can be.’

  ‘Didi, the children are cold. Can I have more blankets?’ Tehzeeb knocked on the door again.

  Anjali buried her head under the pillow, trying to ignore Tehzeeb’s annoying voice.

  ‘Didi?’

  Oh! Anjali stomped to the door.

  ‘What do you want?’ she snapped. ‘It is three in the morning!’

  ‘I’m sorry didi; the children are shivering. If you can give me more blankets...’ Tehzeeb was apologetic as Anjali’s face darkened.

  ‘Fine, follow me.’

  Anjali indeed was irritated. She was tired and only wanted sleep. She did not care if Tehzeeb’s children were cold! Opening a cupboard, she flung a few blankets to the floor.

  ‘Don’t wake me again,’ Anjali warned and left Tehzeeb to take the heavy blankets herself to the children.

  Back in her bed, Anjali stretched. Mohan was coming back tomorrow and she could not wait. She was tired of Tehzeeb and her ill-behaved children!

  Anjali fell asleep. She hardly knew when morning arrived and Mohan came home.

  Anjali was unusually drowsy and lethargic. She opened her eyes and squinted at the clock, it was nine. She furrowed her eyebrows as Tehzeeb’s face came to her mind. She got up, annoyed. The witch bothered her here too.

  Anjali made her way downstairs and heard laughter. She crept to the living room door and peered through the door, which was slightly ajar.

  Tehzeeb’s face shone with delight as she told the children a funny story. The children were in giggles.

  Mohan was there too...Mohan was there! What was he doing and why didn’t he tell her he arrived?

  Sparks flew within Anjali. She watched, rage curling in her...they looked happy – a happy family.