Where the Secret Lies

by Gandhi, Malika

  The rain and wind stopped, silence screamed in Anjali’s ears - MURDERER. She walked down slowly and knelt beside Tehzeeb’s body. Then she screamed and screamed.

  Moments later, Mohan and Rajesh were there. Mohan saw Tehzeeb’s lifeless body.

  ‘What happened? WHAT HAPPENED ANJALI?’ he shook her like a rag doll but Anjali kept on screaming.

  ‘Rajesh, help me. We have to get Tehzeeb to a hospital!’ Mohan’s eyes were wild.

  ‘It’s too late. She is...she has passed on,’ Rajesh hung his head.

  Anjali pointed to Tehzeeb’s body, then at the roof. She closed down.

  ARIANNA

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  The message was clear; the room and the diary was for Arianna only. It was the wishes of the spirit, the maid told her.

  ‘Why me?’ Arianna asked.

  ‘You will find out soon,’ the maid said simply.

  Arianna read the diary every night. She read Anjali’s happier times – when Mohan serenaded her with love and affection, taking her to theatres and to hill stations for long vacations. She read about their daughters and their births; how happy she and Mohan were. Some passages made Arianna blush and she skipped over the intimate moments.

  When she was able to, Arianna spent a lot of her time in the room, and when the room “called” out to her, she would obey and visit, pouring over old writings and photographs. Numerous photographs seemed to be of the girls and Anjali. There were some photographs of Mohan with Anjali and their daughters, smiling into the camera.

  Arianna found another album, which contained a different set of photographs. Here, another woman stood with Mohan...she looked familiar, could this be Tehzeeb? She took out the family portrait of the two women and the children. This was the photograph that Anjali mentioned in her diary; the one taken after the rape...

  Arianna compared the photograph with the others; it was now clear to her that the other woman was Tehzeeb. The closer Anjali looked, the more she

  resembled...no, don’t be daft Ari, you do not resemble Tehzeeb!

  The entries in Anjali’s diary were mostly references of her hatred towards Tehzeeb and the tone from love to abhorrence was drastic. The more Arianna read, the more engrossed she became of Anjali’s colourful past.

  ‘Ari! Where are you?’ Jai called.

  Oh! Arianna put away the photographs, all but one she wanted to study. She picked up the diary and tucked it into her bag along with the photograph. As before, the door sealed itself as soon as Arianna exited.

  Arianna wanted to show Jai the room and tell him everything she had found but this time she was unable to. As soon as she thought of it, she literally could not speak of it. Like the door was sealed – so were her lips.

  Her holiday in India was soon ending and Arianna hoped she would be able to find out more about Anjali, Tehzeeb, this haveli, and her relation to these women, if any. She had to understand, to “see” the reason why she was chosen.

  ‘Where were you?’ Jai asked.

  He met her a few feet away from the door.

  ‘I want to tell you but I can’t’.

  ‘Ari, you are acting stranger and stranger but, you can tell me when you are ready. Shall we go for lunch? I am starving!’

  ‘Is it that time already?’

  Jai raised his eyebrows. ‘You have been busy! Come on, I can’t stay without food for long.’

  Arianna took Jai’s offered arm. Out of habit, she looked back at the door and started – a transparent figure of a woman dressed in a red sari was watching her. She was crying. She turned and seemed to glide away, fading...

  ‘Anjali! Don’t go, wait!’ Arianna had her arm stretched out.

  ‘Ari, who are you talking to? There is no one here. Ari, talk to me, you are scaring me,’ Jai shook her.

  Arianna rubbed her head. ‘Jai, I am not hungry anymore. I want to see...I have something to do.’

  ‘What’s going on Ari?’

  ‘I’ll try and tell you later okay? Trust me on this,’ Arianna left a bewildered Jai behind as she ran in the direction of the woman dressed in red.

  ANJALI

  TWENTY-NINE

  Sedated, Anjali slept.

  ‘Tehzeeb...please, open your eyes, I am sorry...’

  She fidgeted; images of the park, rain, wind, and Tehzeeb’s body crowded her mind...MURDERER...

  ‘Tehzeeb!’ Anjali awoke to find Mohan by her side.

  ‘Oh Anjali,’ Mohan’s eyes were wet. ‘What will do without her?’

  Anjali listened to Mohan talking. He sometimes cried but she could not show emotion. She could not speak – the guilt twisted, eating her heart.

  Mohan sat by her side for hours, sometimes watching her and sometimes just sitting. Anjali blamed herself for Mohan’s state of mind – a broken man. This was her fault...

  ‘The post-mortem will be completed, and then we will cremate Tehzeeb’s body. The police want to speak to you; they want to know how she...’

  Anjali met his eyes.

  How she died... Mohan ji, I know you are looking for answers too. What do I say? I am a murderer – I killed your wife? I pushed her Mohan ji...

  Mohan took Anjali’s lifeless hand and kissed it. ‘Please come back, please talk to me Anjali. I need you, the children need you.’

  You need me after Tehzeeb has gone, Anjali thought bitterly. Stop it Anjali!

  ‘Rajesh has gone back to Bombay; he will be back for the funeral.’

  Do not speak of him; Anjali felt white anger uncurling inside her, ready to strike but saw Tehzeeb’s face before her...smiling and happy.

  I am sorry, Tehzeeb...

  Anjali’s eyelids felt heavy, she left Mohan’s hand and succumbed to sleep.

  Anjali left her bed, looking sideways – Mohan was asleep. The night was young and the moon shone in its glory, splashing light into the room.

  She needed to pack; she was going away. Not making a sound, Anjali walked bare foot to her cupboard and took out a few personal items – some sarees that Mohan had gifted her, their photographs taken as a couple, her diary, a pen and some paper. Making space on her dressing table, she sat down to write.

  ‘Tehzeeb,

  I hope you can forgive me. I did not want to do it but I was angry. I am sorry I pushed you...you did not deserve it. You are a better person I could ever be.

  Forgive me,

  Anjali

  Anjali took another fresh sheet.

  My dear Mohan ji,

  I love you very much. I had not planned this and I am sorry. I am guilty of everything – my resentment of Tehzeeb and my lust and seduction of Rajesh. I did it to hurt you and I am very sorry...I have sinned.

  I am leaving you Mohan ji. Please accept this. Give my love to all the children; they deserved a better

  mother like Tehzeeb didi. I am sorry I killed her; sorry I pushed didi...’

  Anjali left the two letters on the table and retrieved the red sari. Dressing in the sari, she added red lipstick to her lips and wore her Mangal Sutra – the necklace that united her and Mohan.

  She looked up at the sky; it was a clear night. The moon seemed sad.

  Anjali left the bedroom and came to Tehzeeb’s portrait, hanging large in Mohan’s private room. Tehzeeb’s portrait smiled, adorned with a garland.

  ‘Forgive me didi,’ she whispered, tears rolling down her face.

  Anjali turned and walked to the tree in the courtyard. She took her sari off and wrapped an end to a branch. Taking the other end, she made a loop. Placing her feet on a box, she put the loop around her neck.

  ‘I am ready,’ she said. ‘Mohan ji, I love you.’

  She closed her eyes and kicked the box.

  ARIANNA

  THIRTY

  The woman disappeared, leaving two envelopes on the floor. Arianna picked them up and read a different name on each one – Mohan ji and Tehzeeb. She sat on a nearby lounge chair and opened them with impatience. Arianna read the letter addressed to Mohan first; her eyes wid
ened...

  Why did Anjali kill Tehzeeb? It didn’t make sense, why would she do this? Taking the next letter addressed to Tehzeeb, she read the forgiveness Anjali craved.

  ‘Anjali was jealous of the love between Mohan and Tehzeeb but to go to such lengths...why? It was unnecessary,’ Arianna spoke to herself.

  The woman in the red sari is Anjali – she is the spirit...but why did she want her to read her letters? What significance did the death of Tehzeeb and Anjali’s guilt have with her?

  The maid – perhaps she knows something. She must find her, but where? Arianna checked the kitchen first, then the rooms where she could be cleaning. Next Arianna tried the hall, the main room, and the courtyard.

  ‘Where are you looking Arianna? I am here,’ the voice spoke in her head.

  Arianna’s heart thudded and she turned around to find the source.

  ‘Who said that? Show yourself.’

  ‘Meet me at the room...’

  Of course! All the answers were there.

  Arianna rounded the last corner and stopped at the door. She pushed it but it remained sealed. A strange feeling enveloped her.

  The haveli changed around her – the plants disappeared and the red floor transformed into grey concrete, the pillars changed into walls. Wind and rain danced, the sky darkened with black clouds.

  ‘Where am I?’

  There was shouting above, Arianna climbed to the roof. Through the rain, she saw Tehzeeb with Anjali. They shouted something to each other. Anjali flung her arm away from Tehzeeb; she seemed upset.

  ‘Oh no...Anjali, don’t do it!’ Arianna yelled.

  Anjali raised her arms and Tehzeeb fell...

  ‘Tehzeeb! Anjali, no!’ Arianna’s hand reached out. ‘No, no!’

  The wind lashed around her and Arianna was falling...she found herself back at the haveli.

  ‘Tehzeeb...she was murdered, ‘Arianna said to the maid, who seemed have been waiting for her.

  ‘Do you still not understand?’ the maid began to cry. ‘I am sorry.’

  Arianna stepped back, startled.

  ‘I’m sorry? Why are you sorry?’ she asked.

  The maid showed the letters to Arianna.

  ‘What is all this about?’ Arianna said. ‘Why am I seeing things? The dream or whatever it was...why has the spirit chosen me? The door has not opened in years and yet as soon as I come, everything is laid out in front of me.

  ‘Tell me, is the woman in the red sari – is she Anjali? Is she the spirit?’ questions poured out of Arianna she had been asking herself since she arrived.

  The maid nodded. ‘The spirit is Anjali. She is also I. I am Anjali.’

  The maid transformed into the woman in the red sari. Arianna thought her heart would stop.

  ‘Oh my...’

  ‘Arianna,’ said the maid or Anjali. ‘You are...Tehzeeb.’

  Arianna thought this was a joke; someone having fun at her expense. She laughed.

  ‘You are in doubt. You must believe me Arianna. I...I am sorry I ended your life. It was an accident, I did not want to do this...I am sorry didi.’

  The maid began to cry.

  ‘Am I to understand I am Tehzeeb and you killed me?

  ‘Yes, I waited for so long for you to come. I have sinned. My punishment is what I deserve.’

  ‘What is your punishment?’

  ‘I am unable to leave this haveli until you can forgive me.’

  This was absurd, how could she be Tehzeeb? She did not even believe in reincarnation!

  ‘I want to be free, Tehzeeb. I tried to kill myself, thinking my guilt would vanish but I was denied that also.’

  ‘You committed suicide?’ Arianna asked, surprised.

  Anjali lifted her head and Arianna saw a red prominent mark around her neck.

  ‘Oh my God, Anjali...you hanged yourself...’ Arianna didn’t know what to think or feel – shock, anger, or pity?

  Then an understanding dawned.

  ‘Is this the connection, that I am Tehzeeb?’

  She realised now why the woman in the picture – Tehzeeb – looked so familiar. Anjali moved towards the open door. Arianna followed.

  The room had changed, no longer full of shelves upon shelves of boxes but a bedroom dressed in purples and reds. The four-poster bed beautifully made with adorning flowers, a fragrance of heavy scented perfume hung in the air.

  This was Anjali’s room...letters freshly written lay on the dressing table. Anjali brought a tall mirror to face Arianna. Her image began to change and in a matter of seconds, Arianna wore a long cotton skirt with a long sleeved tunic; her head loosely covered in a veil. Arianna touched the mirror...she was Tehzeeb...

  The scene changed and she/Tehzeeb stood at the army base. Mohan came towards her. He was crying, and embraced her and their children.

  He took her to meet his new wife Anjali and their two girls. Hurt and jealousy coursed down her veins but she calmed, accepting her fate. Anjali’s daughters called her Bari Ma; a beautiful welcome.

  She and Anjali stood in the rain and wind. Anjali was not listening, anguish and pain clouded her understanding. Her arms rose...

  ‘No!’ Arianna shouted. She was back in the storeroom.

  ‘Do you believe?’ said Anjali.

  ‘Did you show me that?’

  Anjali shook her head. ‘No, you remembered.’

  Arianna sat on the floor. ‘I am sorry for everything. I never wanted you hurt. If I had known how my being with Mohan affected you...’

  Anjali sat beside her. ‘I was selfish and wrong. Can you forgive me, Tehzeeb? Will you help me? Will you let me leave this non-existence?’

  ‘What is there to forgive? You loved.’

  ‘But I killed you...’

  ‘It was an accident,’ said Arianna. ‘You punished yourself by committing suicide, who am I to punish you further. Anjali, I will give you Mukti (leave). I will arrange a priest for the ceremony, but Anjali, you will need to show yourself to the family.’

  THIRTY-ONE

  The Marajh (Indian priest) lit the sacred fire and began the prayers. He beckoned Arianna to come forward.

  ‘Arianna beta, Anjali requires Mukti (freedom) from you. You will need to perform the ritual.’

  She was expecting this – Arianna adjusted the veil and bowed to Lord Ganesh, the Goddess Parvati, and the God Shiva. The Marajh began the ritual, throwing rice seeds into the fire. He spoke in Sanskrit, asking for freedom of Anjali’s soul.

  Arianna’s mind went back to the time she told her auntie about Anjali and Tehzeeb...

  Auntie was in the kitchen cooking when Arianna walked in. She inhaled the mouth-watering aroma. Focus Ari!

  ‘What do you need beta?’ her auntie asked.

  Arianna couldn’t believe she was about to tell her auntie about Anjali. After leaving Anjali and the room, she was back in her normal jeans and t-shirt. She was no longer in Tehzeeb’s dress, but the memories stayed within her. She was Tehzeeb in a previous life and she accepted it, no matter how bizarre it was.

  ‘I think you need to sit down, what I am going to say is a little strange.’

  ‘Sounds interesting,’ auntie turned off the gas and sat down on the kitchen stool, stretching her legs. Arianna sat opposite her.

  ‘Do you remember when we talked about the door, the one that doesn’t open?’

  ‘I do.’

  ‘Auntie, it is no longer sealed, I have opened it! Will you come with me? I would like to show you,’ Arianna took her bewildered Aunt’s hand. ‘Trust me.’

  When auntie and Arianna reached the door, auntie put her hands to her mouth.

  ‘It...it is open! But how can that be possible?’ auntie’s frame shook. She looked scared. ‘Are you a powerful magician or a witch?’

  Arianna would have laughed if the situation were not so serious.

  ‘Auntie...I am Arianna and...Tehzeeb.’

  ‘Who is Tehzeeb?’

  ‘Come into the room and I will explain. There are things
you need to see to understand, to believe.’

  Arianna showed her the diary, the clothes, and the photographs. She explained everything to her.

  ‘A murder?’ her auntie shook her head. ‘Nothing you are telling me makes sense Arianna. It sounds like...you made this up...’

  ‘Auntie, I am not lying,’ Arianna said this with a serious face and looked at her auntie in the eye. ‘Please, you have to believe me. Anjali wants me to free her.’

  Auntie’s face paled. ‘There is a spirit here, in this haveli? She has been the cause of the door being locked and you are Tehzeeb, the other wife?’

  ‘Yes, I was once Tehzeeb.’

  ‘Take me to my room beta. I am not feeling too well.’

  Arianna promptly took her to her bed.

  ‘Can I get you anything?’ she asked.

  ‘Arianna, is the spirit here, in this room?’ auntie asked wearily.

  ‘No, she will not leave her room. She is waiting for me.’

  ‘Will she leave the haveli once we give her Mukti?’

  ‘That is all she wants.’

  ‘Call everyone here beta. They need to be told.’

  Relieved her auntie believed her, Arianna set about getting everyone together. The questions came in quick succession.

  ‘What happened? Is she alright?’

  ‘What does she want to talk about?’

  ‘What is the secrecy?’

  ‘Did she have a heart attack?’

  The last question was from Tianna.

  ‘Will everyone be quiet please? Ti, auntie did not have a heart attack. She is feeling a little tired and that is all. Now no more questions until we get there.’

  Jai, Khushboo, Tianna, and uncle followed Arianna to auntie’s bedroom. Auntie was sitting up; she seemed in a much better state. Uncle went to check on her.