Worst Valentine's Day Ever: A Lonely Hearts Romance Anthology

by Kilby Blades

  I hesitated. “When I was eight, I joined the Girl Scouts.”

  “How long did that last?”

  “Couple months. I used the glue and glitter to make their hair all pretty.” I turned away and my billowy top shifted to the side, clinging to my belly.

  “You’re pregnant.” The door clicked shut and he froze, staring at my silhouette. “Very pregnant.”

  I waited and watched, hoping he’d flinch and leave, proving my anger had been justified.

  Praying he’d smile and hold me close so I’d know saying yes hadn’t been the biggest mistake of my life.

  The transition was slow but told me everything.

  Shock.

  Wonder.

  Joy.

  My lip trembled and my eyes burned, but I stayed strong. “What clued you in, other than me looking like I swallowed a dinosaur egg? My triple D boobs? My elephantine ankles? My pink and blue fuzzy teddy bear slippers?” He reached out but I shuffled away. “Don’t touch me. Who knows what dreaded disease you picked up on the banks of the Amazon. And stop staring at me.” I wrapped my arms around my enormous body, suddenly shy.

  “I can’t. You’re beautiful. More beautiful than ever. I’ve missed you so much, baby.”

  He was the beautiful one. Always had been. I’d missed him too. Ached for him. Cried for him.

  I pushed those thoughts away and sat my fat ass on one of the kitchen chairs, yearning for a time lord to show up and take me back seven months when I could have told him I didn’t want him to leave. That I needed him with me. That we were going to be parents and turn into real adults, at least in public.

  “How pregnant are you?” He knelt at my feet, placing his hands on my knees.

  My body tingled in a really good way. “Eight months down. Ambrose and I are very happy.”

  His lips twitched. “We were together eight months ago.”

  “I was cheating on you. Now you can leave and not feel guilty.” I folded my arms and rested them between my boobs and my belly. A shelf designed for that purpose. Mother Nature knows her shit.

  But his happiness covered every inch of his face, from glittering eyes to lips curled up and showing teeth. He rested his hand on my gigantic belly, as gentle as feathers, as comforting as a fuzzy blanket. “She’s mine. Ours.”

  The tenderness in his voice almost ripped me apart. To hold onto my sanity, I needed him gone. “First of all, the succubus could be a he. Second of all, this baby is mine to raise. You left and never sent me one proper letter or text or email. What guy screws a woman for two years, three months and nine days, tells her he loves her more than life, then takes off and doesn’t contact said woman?”

  “I sent you notes. I couldn’t manage more. Didn’t you get them?”

  “They were written in Greek. Who speaks Greek? I took Spanish!”

  “I couldn’t take a chance someone might find and read them. I thought Damien could translate for you. He’s a language geek like I am. Do you have them or did you…”

  “I have them.”

  He lifted my hand and kissed my palm. My wrist. My knuckles. “I’ll read them to you.”

  I should snatch my hand away. Like right now. “You might make up a bunch of stupid mushy stuff.”

  He nibbled my thumb, then kissed it. “Show them to Damien. I’m telling the truth.”

  Those puppy dog eyes were crumbling my resolve. “Why did you leave me? We’d started to plan a wedding, then suddenly saving the world was more important to you than our life together.”

  “I was a fucking idiot.”

  “You could have come home.”

  “Our group was held prisoner by guerrillas. We were threatened with death if we tried to leave or contact anyone.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Did King Kong show up too?”

  “Guerillas,” He cocked a gun. “Not gorillas.” He scratched his sides like a monkey.

  “Oh. So how did you get the notes out?”

  “One of the yoga teachers escaped on the day the supply guy arrived with the hot tubs.” His brow wrinkled. “They are unbelievably flexible. I think she dislocated a shoulder or something to get through that hole. She convinced the supply guy to take our letters whenever he could.

  “Was she pretty and flexible?”

  He put his arms around my nonexistent waist and leaned his head against my breasts. “There’s no one but you. You know that.”

  “How did you escape?” I threaded my fingers through his hair and he sighed as I combed it out. It was on the long side, thick and wavy, a brown that shined with red in the sunshine. He’d grown a scruffy beard that matched.

  “The rebels disappeared one day before TWOPT showed up to take us back. When we talked to the drivers about the rebels, they pretended ignorance.”

  Marley nuzzled my breasts and rubbed my belly. My body was all, Oh yeah,‘bout time, but I nudged him away. “What the fuck are you doing?”

  “I learned all about massage while I was held captive.” He kneaded my inner thigh. I held in the moan. “Every day we were threatened with death. It helped us cope, but it wasn’t sexual.”

  “Rubbing your nose over my nipples isn’t sexual?”

  He laughed. “That was just me saying hi to the girls. Missed them too. Triple D?” Before I could push him away he grasped my shoulders and kissed my cheek. “This is the best day of my life.” Cheek two was next. “I’m home with you.” He brushed his lips over mine, then smiled against my mouth as he whispered. “I’m gonna be a Dad.”

  This closeness with Marley was something I’d yearned for since the day he left, but… I pushed on his chest and he sat back, still on the floor, his hands massaging one of my calves. Heaven.

  “A new adventure will come along and you’ll take off.”

  “I’ll never leave you again. I’ll sleep on the couch or the floor or the stoop, but I’m not going anywhere.”

  The downstairs doorbell buzzed. Damien and Cassie Granger waved at the security camera. Marley buzzed them up before I had time to waddle over.

  How was I going to get rid of him so I could go all pathetic and cry hysterically in Cassie’s arms and have her tell me he’s scum and I shouldn’t let him anywhere near me or the baby? I deserved at least one night of drama before I totally caved and let him get reacquainted with more than just the girls.

  I hadn’t had a decent orgasm in forever.

  But he had to pay.

  I gasped. “I completely forgot. It’s threesome Thursday. You should leave before things get hot and heavy.”

  “Damien is your boss and Cassie is a good friend.”

  “Things have changed. Better go. Like right now.”

  “You expect me to believe you have sex with the Grangers?”

  Why was he laughing? “I’m a watcher. A…a lurker. A…a...”

  “Voyeur?”

  “Yeah. That.”

  “Rach, if you were into ménage, you wouldn’t be watching.”

  “Oh?” I glanced down at my ridiculous body. He was never going to want me in this condition. We were strangers now. How could I strip in front of him?

  “I dreamed about fu…”

  I slapped my hand over his mouth. “Shush! G-rated around junior.”

  “You dropped the f-bomb.”

  “Children never listen to their mothers.” A well-documented fact.

  “C’mere.”

  I made a half assed attempt at pulling away, but he smelled so good, and his laugh brought back all the best memories. His lips pressed against mine, and oh, god…his kiss. Marley’s mouth was heat and sweetness and salty bursts of happiness. I wanted to rub up against him, only I couldn’t give in. He deserved his punishment. He’d left me and I had every right to make his existence a horrible nightmare.

  “Our Valentine’s Day three-year anniversary is tomorrow. I have a surprise planned.” His sweet breath warmed my ear.

  I nuzzled his neck. “Invite someone else. I’m not going.”

  “I can’t
invite someone else to the anniversary of our first meeting.” He kissed my ear, my throat, my shoulder. I allowed it.

  “We’re not married. It’s not a real anniversary. Your fault by the way.”

  “Do you remember how we met?”

  The doorbell rang. Who the fuck was ringing the… Oh, yeah.

  “If you don’t leave, I’m going to scream and Damien will beat the crap out of you.”

  “He won’t. We’re old friends and I know what he used to do for a living.”

  “You’d blackmail your old friend?”

  Marley shrugged. “If he tried to beat the crap outta me.”

  “Men. Open the door. I’m starving.”

  He did. Cassie and Damien’s expressions turned sour.

  “Marley?” Cassie rushed past him and gave me a hug. “Are you okay?”

  Two sniffs and a couple of blinks. “I’m fine.”

  Damien glared at Marley, moving into the room with long strides. Marley took a step back. “Where have you been?”

  “Trying my best to get home.” Marley answered.

  Damien placed the large bag of Chinese food on the table “You fucked up big time. Rachel’s been worried about you.”

  “Language.”

  “Sorry, Rachel.”

  Cassie pulled down plates and started opening food containers. “I got a double order of pot stickers so you’ll have some for tomorrow, sweetie.” She turned to Marley. “You should be horsewhipped.” She glanced at her husband. “Punch him in the nose or something.”

  Damien had just taken off his nice leather jacket. “Give me a chance, hun.” He hung it on the hook by the door, then grabbed Marley’s collar and pulled him closer. “You deserve it.”

  Marley didn’t look all that scared. “I do.”

  Damien let him go. “As much as I care for Rachel, I don’t believe a broken nose would help the situation. Maybe you should explain.”

  “Mmph.” Cassie touched my shoulder. “Come and eat. The two ridiculous men are going to talk.” She rolled her eyes. “I bet Sloane’s brothers would know how to handle this.”

  “We’re not going to bother Sloane or her family tonight, are we, dear heart?” Damien suggested.

  “It would only take a second to make the call. Joey might be at the club beating someone up this very minute.” Cassie said, pacing.

  “He’s the club boxing coach. He isn’t my personal hit man.”

  This was sweet and all but… “I can handle Marley myself.” I didn’t want him bloodied by anyone but me. Marley stepped closer but I couldn’t let Cassie and Damien think we were okay again. Cause we weren’t. Not at all. Not even a smidgeon.

  His mouth had tasted so sweet.

  “Where are the notes? The ones I sent you?” Marley asked.

  I opened the kitchen junk drawer and handed them over. Every time I’d pulled them out to throw them away, I saw his handwriting and stuffed them back into the drawer. “Here.”

  “Shall I read them to you, or…”

  I snatched them out of his hand and thrust them at Damien. “What are these?” Damien asked, taking them.

  “The only letters I was able to send because my life was in jeopardy,” Marley explained.

  “I heard TWOPT had a peaceful relationship with the locals.” Damien said.

  “TWOPT is a scam organization. I found out the hard way.”

  “These are written in Greek.” Damien skimmed through the first one. “Ancient Greek. Nicely done. It’s like riding a bike, yes?”

  “It is. I was surprised how quickly the three genders came back.”

  “And right to left is no joke,” Damien added.

  “These notes are written right to left?” I asked.

  “It’s Ancient Greek,” they said in unison. Like duh.

  “Leave this to me.” Cassie approached the two bros with a kitchen knife. “Your balls are going into the sweet and sour soup if one of you doesn’t start reading.”

  “And I’m hungry enough to eat one.” I murmured. “Maybe two.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Sit down, sweetie.” Cassie gestured toward my chair. “Let the boys chatter on while we start.”

  Marley shifted his stance as if he could protect his family jewels from a duo of ferocious females. In his dreams.

  Damien ignored us and turned back to Marley. “Why this language?” he asked.

  “I couldn’t send anything the rebels could read. A few of them had studied abroad.”

  I ignored the idiots and bit into a pot sticker, moaning with happiness. I finished two, then asked Cassie, “Is Wat Foy married?”

  “The head chef’s name is Harold.” Cassie said after swallowing a wonton. “He giggles a lot.”

  “Is Harold married?” I asked. Lifetime access to yummy Chinese food sounded pretty good right now.

  “The guerillas referred to themselves as rebels fighting for their freedom. They were actually fighting for a way to get rich and lord it over the less privileged,” Marley explained to Damien.

  “Read the damn letters!” Cassie called out.

  “Yes, dear, but later…”

  “Anything. Just read the letters. Please.”

  Damien’s sexy grin was the kind he only reserved for his wife. I cleared my throat and he glanced down and read.

  Do not be afraid. I am a prisoner but have not been hurt. I imagine you every day and wish I could smother and kiss you.

  You meant embrace, correct?” Marley nodded.

  Please do not respond to the authorities. The lives of every prisoner is at stake. I will write again.

  “Not bad, although the tense at the end…”

  “You really wrote that?” I’d risen and drifted closer.

  “Yes. And all the others.” He pointed toward the pile.

  “I almost threw them in the recycle crate.”

  His eyes glittered with warmth as his gaze met mine. “You were all I thought about.” This time when he opened his arms I stepped into them. His rib bones poked me.

  I slid my hand over his abs. “You’ve lost weight. What did they feed you?”

  “Mostly fruit, beans and rice but the diet kept us alive. TWOPT is in for some serious legal battles. The guerillas pay them for free labor.”

  Cassie tugged on Damien’s arm and he kissed her on the cheek before following her to the table. “The food will be cold if we don’t sit down to eat.”

  Marley took the chair next to mine. He told his story as we ate the delicious food, even better now that Marley was here looking after me. He poured my tea, pushed the containers closer so I wouldn’t have to reach for them, even encouraged me to eat some vegetables.

  “Our daughter needs the vitamins.”

  “It’s a boy.” Cassie sounded so certain.

  Damien scowled. “You should know that Rachel is doing fine, no thanks to you. We’ve been looking out for her.”

  “Thank you, but I can take it from here.” He turned to me. “You shouldn’t be going into the office this close to giving birth.”

  “No, no, no, no. You don’t get to boss me around just ‘cause you’re the baby daddy.”

  “You should be resting more.” He glanced at my belly. “Um… How much have you… I mean…”

  Cassie was furiously shaking her head. Damien winced and concentrated on spearing a prawn from his Kung Pao Shrimp. They knew the rocky ground Marley was treading. They also knew what a hormone-ridden Rachel was capable of.

  I straightened in my chair. “According to my doctor, I’m within the normal parameters of weight gain.” Kinda.

  “Should we…maybe… get a second opinion?”

  I stood, dumped one of the food containers in his lap, unlocked the four locks, opened the front door, then dragged Marley’s surprisingly heavy bag into the hallway. Did he bring back a fucking crocodile?

  “Hey!” He’d jumped up, using his napkin to wipe the food off his jeans.

  “You can leave now,” I grunted. “My baby is not being
raised by a sizeist. I’ve lived through that with my mom.”

  He came toward me, a little wary. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m only thinking about your health. And…um…just wondering.”

  “What?”

  “Did you know? Before I left?” He hefted his bag and brought it back inside.

  Cassie straightened in her chair. “Wait. I thought Rachel told…”

  I frantically motioned to Cassie, repeatedly using the universal zip-it gesture.

  “You didn’t tell him you were pregnant before he left?” Damien asked.

  “He would have gone anyway,” I blurted out.

  “How could you think that? How could you think I’d leave you to go through all of this alone?”

  “I was never alone. I had Victor and Sloane and Damien and Cassie.”

  I glanced at my boss for support. Unfortunately, Cassie had snatched up their jackets and was dragging him to the door. “Marley loves you sweetie. Give him a chance.” The door closed behind them.

  Huh. Those traitors. Our argument had probably killed their appetites. Maybe they’d come back if I apologized.

  But Marley had peeled off his jeans. “That was over the top.”

  It was. “I’m sorry. I’m kinda sensitive about my weight. Mom is constantly harping on it. But I can’t help that the parasite is eating like a shark. Are you okay?”

  “Fine, except I smell like shrimp.” He took my hand. “Come and eat.”

  He led me to a different chair, moved my plate over, then dished out food for himself. We ate in silence for a few minutes. It was nice, this peaceful quiet between us. We’d always had that.

  Shit. I still loved him. He still loved me. But I’d grown up tough. Never letting anyone get the best of me. If I forgave him. If I gave in and let him stay and hold me and kiss me and… Well, if I did that, would he hurt me again? When he saw my body, would he flinch and look away? It wasn’t like he’d seen it change in stages.

  “I can hear you thinking.”

  “What?”

  “Are you finished eating?” I nodded. “I’ll get you more tea.”

  He cleaned everything up while I sipped my tea. I dreaded what might come next. I ached for what might come next.

  “Let’s shower.”