Unholy Heist (Lucifer Case Files Book 5)

by Thomas Green

  “I got woken up by a light earthquake and went to check the most probably source, you.” She smiled. “But honestly, when I heard you had a vampire problem, I didn’t think it was this bad.”

  I nodded. “Guess I’m going back to sleep then.” Even in the inverted colors, I could see her face drop. Yeah, she was late and there was nothing for her to do.

  “I… suppose,” she whispered, gaze aiming for the ground.

  Seeing the disappointment in her eyes hurt. I raised an eyebrow. “Truth or dare?”

  She frowned. “Dare.”

  “I dare you to get into the forest and back out of it.”

  “What the heavens does that mean?”

  “Come.” I motioned her to follow me and stepped through the rubble. The three series of blasts I had done devastated a good two hundred foot radius around me, which was where all the vampires happened to be. But so were six offices, filled with furniture, machinery, and magical equipment. All of that was utterly destroyed and Galen wasn’t going to be happy about that. But he promised the guild to be vampire proof so we were going to end up square.

  I led Amaranta through the lobby, where the red, emergency lights were on. We proceeded to the next wing, and straight into the bar. No one was inside and the emergency lights gave everything a pleasant, red hue.

  “Is the forest thing a drinking game?” she finally asked.

  “Yes.”

  She measured me head to toe. “I need to change.” She turned into lightning and bolted into a socket.

  I shrugged and vaulted over the bar. Pain burst from my arm, calf, and ribcage so strongly I almost shouted. And my arm gave in, so I lost balance halfway and fell behind the bar for another dose of agony. That was a bad idea. Good no one saw me. I crawled up to my feet, almost blind from the pain. Okay, I was wounded much worse than I had thought.

  After breathing out the pain, I reached for the tap and poured two pints of beer. I also prepared three bottles of absinthe, the greenest one I could find, and hid them behind the counter.

  Amaranta appeared in a flash, materializing ten feet away from the bar after pouring out of one emergency light. She wore ankle-high heeled shoes, skin-tight leather pants, and a crop top above a pushup bra.

  I arched an eyebrow. “Clothes you can’t normally wear?”

  “I have four wardrobes of them.” She sat on a bar stool, smiling, crossing her legs. “So, how’s the forest game played?”

  “First, you drink from a pint,” I said and put a full pint in front of her. I grabbed my own beer. “Cheers.” I drank the entire pint in one go.

  She drank from hers, downing about a half before she had to stop because she started coughing.

  I waited for her to catch her breath. “Okay,” I said dramatically, and grabbed one of the bottles of absinth. I pried it open and poured it into her cup to make it full. “You’re halfway into the forest.” I did the same to mine, filling the pint with absinth. “And I’m already in the forest fully.”

  She stared at the glass for a good few seconds. “Drinking this will kill me.”

  “Normally, this is played with peppermint schnapps or something soft like that.” I smiled. “But I’m sure being an angel comes with poison resistance, so we’re drinking absinth.”

  She shrugged and stared drinking again. This time, she made it to two thirds of the pint before she had to stop, coughing.

  “You haven’t drunk in a while, have you?” I asked as I refilled her glass with absinthe.

  “With whom would I drink?” She shook her head, features dropping. “Everywhere other than on the Church grounds, I am unwelcomed. And there, I am the idol, the effigy. Idols aren’t allowed to drink even if it wasn’t impossible to find someone to drink with.”

  “Are the other angels that boring?”

  “Mostly. About half are truly pious, living by the virtues, so they would give me a preaching if I as much as suggested grabbing a beer. Then about a third are addicted to the celebrity status that the wings bring, and the rest are hiding or in the process of falling from grace.”

  I grabbed my pint and drank, downing all the absinth in one go. I returned to the tap to refill the glass with beer. “Now, I’m out of the forest.”

  “So, what’s it like to be a fallen angel?”

  “Similar to being a normal human. Just without the ageing part, with more power, and with the constant feeling of doing something wrong.”

  She paused for a moment. “Why would you feel like that when you had never even been an angel? I mean, you started by merging with Lucifer’s soul, so you never were anything other than fallen.”

  “The feeling’s still there.”

  She picked up the pint and started drinking. But she had drunk too much already, so she only made it halfway before she had to stop.

  I topped up her glass with absinthe, anyway, opening a new bottle. “Why would you have illusions of me haunting you?”

  Amaranta smiled painfully. “What’s Hell like?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You are the king there. You have to know.”

  “I’ve never really been there. I mean, as far as I understand, it’s a subsection of the Void that Lucifer created and ruled after his death in this world, but I don’t know how to get there.”

  She sighed. “Well, can’t be much worse than this.”

  “By this you mean Katherine, right?”

  “No… not just her. For the thirty or so years I’ve known her, she has always been bossing me around. And if she wasn’t doing that, some priests would. It’s ironic…” Her eyes watered up, speech slightly stuttering. “When a follower has a problem, he speaks to the priest. When a priest has a problem, he talks up the clergy ladder. When that problem gets high enough, the archbishop consults with angels. But who do I talk to? To everyone I know, I’m not a person anymore. I’m an effigy. No one talks with effigies. And when they do, it’s because the effigy did something wrong and needs to be corrected so their view of the effigy remains consistent with their beliefs.”

  “Can’t you talk to the angel who gave you the blessing. Baraquiel, wasn’t it?”

  She shook her head. “He sees things too differently and is even less chatty than you. He’s immortal, ancient, and busy waging whatever war Heaven is fighting in the Void.”

  “Differently?”

  “He’s a warrior angel. To him, what matters is if I’m strong and that I follow the Ten Commandments the way he interprets them… which is very different from today’s standard interpretation.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “He doesn’t sound like he would bother to explain to you how he interprets them.”

  “I tested him.” A sour smile returned to her face. “He told me that when I do something he disapproves of; he will warn me by quiescing the blessing for a moment. He said I would get two warnings and after the third violation, he would withdraw the blessing and I would become a fallen angel. The whole thing bugged, so I tested what I would need to do to get one warning. And I have yet to succeed.”

  “What did you try? Not making your bed in the morning?”

  She snorted. “First, I did minor misdemeanors, like swearing, talking dirty, wearing clothes like I’m wearing now, stuff like that. I got hammered by the priests, nuns, paladins, other angels, everyone from the Church. But not Baraquiel, no, he didn’t notice. So, I stepped things up and wore a pentagram pendant one day. The priests had me locked into solitary penitence cell for three days for that. And my angel couldn’t care less.”

  I leaned against the bar. “That’s all schoolgirl stuff.”

  “I tested him on the commandments too and stole a pair of shoes from a nun. No warning, probably because I didn’t have any malicious intent to begin with and gave them back later. I robbed a beggar on the street, taking his hat with money. I guess he wasn’t a Christian, because I received no warning for that either.”

  “Is that why Katherine is keeping you on such a short leash?”

  “
You phrased that nicely, but I’m literally her bitch now. You see, I went further, bought a strap-on, and fucked a nun on an altar in St. John’s Cathedral, making sure the archbishop caught us.”

  My mouth gaped. “And no warning?”

  “From Baraquiel, no, of course not. Why would he bother? But the priests threw me in the penitence cell for a month, and then the council of archbishops officially ordered me to be re-educated. After two months of seminars and living in the penitence cell, I was assigned to Katherine, and got explicitly ordered to follow her every command to the letter. That’s my current punishment.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  She sighed. “Pity, yeah, that’s the thing. I’ve spent my whole life trying to become an angel. After being the most accomplished operative of the Vatican Inquisition, after over thirty medals and awards, I succeeded. I fulfilled my dream. And thanks to that, I now live in hell.” She grabbed the pint and drank it all.

  I felt ready for another trip to the forest, so I drank my beer, and filled both our pints purely with absinth, needing to open the fourth bottle. “That doesn’t explain how I fit in.”

  “Every day, multiple times, I think about falling. About leaving all this bullshit, throwing away the cross, walking from the church, and becoming a fallen angel. And you’re the only fallen angel I’ve ever met. And worse, Baraquiel made you my goal.” For a moment, she stared blankly at the pint full of absinth, the alcohol finally kicking in. “I pestered Baraquiel to give me some goal to work toward. He didn’t want to, but a lot more pestering later, he told me become stronger than Lucifer.”

  What was his problem with me? Like really. The current devil was Lucielle, not me. She was supposed to be the person-to-beat for every angel in the world. “You can’t be serious.”

  She laughed so sharply my ears started ringing again. “Ironic, isn’t it? I’m literally on your team to get the Spear of Destiny so I can proceed to stab you with it.” She grinned. “Truth or dare?”

  “Dare.”

  “Fuck me on the bar.”

  I spat out, almost hitting her. “Truth.”

  “What?” She asked and I couldn’t tell if the tone drop was acted or from being hurt. “Is it because I’m an angel? Because from what I’ve seen in your files, you bang everything that’s at least moderately pretty and available.”

  “The Church has a file on whom I sleep with?”

  “You are Lucifer. You are classified as biblical-tier threat, so we have files on your partners, on your friends, on where you park your car, even on how many burgers you eat per month. There’s a thirty-two person team assigned to watching you, including four angels and seven divination mages.” She whipped out her phone, tapped around a bit, and said. “From the last two months, you shagged the witch at the Sushi bar eight times, spent two weekends banging Evelyn when she was in-between concerts, and had seventeen one-night, bang-in-your-office affairs with local witches, a different one each time.”

  I gave myself a moment by going to refill my beer. “Did you just spill me Church secrets to test if you would get a warning?”

  “And I didn’t. Worse, my blessing just amplified, so Baraquiel approves of me doing this to the point of giving me an extra boost.”

  “Because telling me this was honorable. And I bet you got a boost after punching my face in yesterday.” I smiled. “I’ve got a feeling Baraquiel and I were friends back when I was an angel.”

  Amaranta opened her mouth to speak and no words came out. Instead, her eyes turned into pure lightning, and massive, feathery wings sprouted from her back. “Yes, we were,” she said in a voice that wasn’t hers.

  Before I managed to answer, the wings disappeared, and her eyes turned to normal. Okay, I had too much absinthe.

  “Did he just possess me?” Amaranta demanded.

  “Yep.” I smiled. “Though he didn’t say anything useful.”

  “Typical.” She sighed. “But anyway, what’s your problem with my dare? Am I that unattractive?”

  “No, but I promised Galen I wouldn’t do exactly that over political reasons.”

  “Fair enough. Back to the game. I’m not interested in truth since I know everything there has ever been to know about you. So, I’m taking a different dare. Dance with me.”

  “… dance?”

  “I danced often before I ascended. Now, I don’t have anyone to dance with. Hell, I don’t even have anywhere to listen to music without using headphones.”

  I nodded, and noticed we were out of absinthe. Luckily, I was just getting the right amount of drunk. So, I grabbed a couple of whisky bottles. “Turn on the music.”

  The next day morning, I woke up with a nightmare of a headache. I was shirtless, lying next to a stack of tables in the bar. And two humans-resembling shapes towered above me.

  I cleared my eyes with my hand, blinked a few times, and saw Galen and Katherine standing next to me. Crap. I should have put a morning alarm. Aside from the headache, my entire body hurt and I was lightheaded. I probably reopened my wounds last night and did a lot more bleeding.

  Using both my hands to help myself, I crawled up to my feet, straightening. I had no shirt, but dried blood and booze covered my body so much that it didn’t matter. “Morning,” I said, putting on a smile.

  “Where’s Amaranta?” Katherine snapped.

  I shrugged theatrically. “I would start the search in her room.”

  “She missed breakfast, and the morning sermon. She has never done that and I’m sure it’s your fault.” She clenched her fists, trying to stop herself from shaking. “Where is she? What did you do to her?”

  Galen tactfully cleared his throat. “By the security footage I reviewed on my way here, she should be behind the bar.”

  Katherine stormed in the direction.

  I glanced at Galen. “How bad is the footage?”

  “You cannot imagine.” He smiled shortly. “And I apologize for the vampire thing.”

  “Sorry for messing up the offices… and the bar.”

  He waved it off with his hand. “Those are minor inconveniences, at most. The security camera footage, however, is pure gold.” With a smirk, he followed Katherine.

  I did the same, step unstable.

  Katherine opened the staff-only entrance by the bar’s side, looked on the floor behind the bar, and shouted, “Heavens, Amy, what did he do to you?” She rushed behind the bar, ducking out of view.

  We caught up in a moment. Amaranta lay in a position so twisted I wondered if she didn’t break anything. Katherine shook her and Amaranta grunted, blinking, instantly reaching to clear her eyes.

  “What happened?” Katherine asked, voice full of worry. “Are you all right?”

  Still confused, Amaranta looked around. Her gaze soon rested on me. Her face colored to the darkest shade of red, she turned into lightning, and bolted into a socket.

  My hero.

  Katherine stood up slowly, entire body shaking, fists clenched. “What did you do to her?”

  “Paladin, I believe the issue is more what he did not do to her,” Galen said, voice perfectly controlled in spite of the corners of his mouth twitching. “In the meantime, my men have sent me security records from the cameras placed around this bar. If you would come take a look,” he added, drawing his phone.

  With her gaze piercing me, Katherine walked to him. I stepped to see because I was curious how accurate was my memory. Galen pressed play on the video, and in a pretty decent resolution, his phone now displayed me and Amaranta dancing… or well, if that was how her crawling over me, furiously trying to kiss me while I kept dodging, could be called.

  Color withdrew from Katherine’s face, mouth gaping open.

  “Now, I ponder what to do with this video,” Galen said. “On the one hand, Institute’s members deserve to know why the bar will be closed today.”

  “You can’t make this public,” Katherine whispered.

  “I can,” Galen said. “But I can also sweep the records u
nder the rug, where they can be forever forgotten together with a few black magic investigations and accusations.”

  Katherine shook her head. “You mages violated dozens of Secret Societies’ laws.”

  Galen moved the time bar on the video, getting to the part where Amaranta was literally ripping the shirt from me, holding herself by having her legs clenched around my waist. “I am certain the Archbishop who tasked you with watching over Baraquiel would love this part… and the two more hours of variations of this theme that followed.”

  Katherine sighed. “Fine.” She forced out a smile. “We can pretend this never happened, I will release your mages from custody, drop all charges, and return the equipment I seized from their laboratory.”

  “I knew we would find a peaceful resolution.” Galen turned to me. “Your new suit and information have been prepared and await you in Dolores’ office. If you would now excuse me, I have a restoration to handle.”

  “Thanks,” I said with a broad smile.

  “Goodbye,” Katherine added.

  Galen turned and walked away, leaving me alone with Katherine in the room. She stared at the exit door, apparently speechless.

  I glanced at her. “So, how about you give me an hour to wash, change, get the intel from Dolores, and we meet outside afterward and go recruit a cipher mage together?”

  Reluctantly, she nodded, and headed toward the door, speechless.

  Lucas 7

  THE CIPHER MAGE lived in a lone house a two hour drive away from New York. We went with Katherine’s car, a far-from-new Mazda 6, dark green with a grass green cross on the hood.

  We didn’t speak during the hours of the trip, Katherine just staring at the road ahead, driving way past the speed limit. And I was too hungover to mind.

  We dove into the forests west of New York City. Luckily, Galen’s instructions were precise, and we soon drove on a dirt road, stopping in front of a large cottage. The brown paint was peeled off at places, mailbox knocked over, and the fence around the yard was entirely broken in parts.