by Rae Hachton
“Don't even think about climbing out the window, Kaleb Jr,” my mom told him. “You're not going to make Kayleigh look like a tramp before the whole neighborhood.”
Without anymore hesitation, I jerked my clothes on. I racked my fingers through my hair, trying to make it look presentable, since I didn't have time to brush it. I slipped my glasses back on.
Opening the door, Kaleb and I left my room. He tiptoed to the stairs. “You go down first,” he whispered. We crept down the steps. My mom was in the kitchen, cleaning out the refrigerator. The banging and clanking unnerved me. I was afraid to say anything. So I just stood there, quietly. She jerked open the freezer, and with no hesitation, she picked up the containers of ice cream and slammed them in to the sink.
She spun toward us. “Ice cream! Dairy?! I can't believe you've been putting that garbage in to your body. I can't believe you at all. Put the trash out and sit down!” she yelled at me.
Kaleb jumped to the defensive. “I know you're not talking to me like that.”
“Leave,” she told him sternly, “before I do something we'll both regret.”
Now he was pissed. “First of all, if you touch me lady, or get too rough with Kayleigh, you'll go to jail. Secondly, you need to stop being such a bitch. Also, I don't know what you're getting all cave woman about, but if it's because your daughter and I just had sex, you can chill. Maybe if you got some once in a while you wouldn't be bitchy all the time. They've got solutions for that y'know.”
When I saw my mom's face, I wanted to laugh, but I knew better. It looked like her eyes were about to pop out of their sockets. I bit the inside of my lip to keep from bursting out hysterically. My mom was prone to throwing things. I glanced at Kaleb. He looked all serious, with one hand on my shoulder.
“If you were a year older, I'd have you arrested for statutory rape!” She slammed the freezer door closed.
“Well,” he mocked. “Isn't that too bad. That's the best you could do?”
My mom was crying now. Not just tears, she was about to break down. She looked like she was about to pass out in the floor. She gripped the counter.
“Mom? What's wrong?”
“Both of you.” She cried more.
“Go away. I don't want to look at either of you.”
I glanced up at Kaleb again. “I think you should go,” I told him. “I'll call you later.”
“I didn't know she'd freak out like that or I wouldn't have said anything.” He looked terrified, like he was the reason she was having a breakdown. “I can't leave. I feel terrible. I was a jerk to your, mom. I didn't mean to be. It just flew out of my mouth.”
“Mom?” I asked again. “What's wrong?”
She didn't answer me. Kaleb spoke to her. “I didn't mean to say what I said. I apologize. It's just that, you've never liked me, but I’ve never done anything to you. I don't understand.”
“I knew this was going to happen,” she said. “Sooner or later. I was hoping for later, but...”
“Knew what was going to happen?” I asked.
“You and Kaleb. I was a teenager once y'know. Just like you. Didn't listen to my mother, either. She preached and preached, but it didn't do any good.”
I blinked.
My mother had calmed down. The whirlwind had settled.
“Guess it won't do me much good either. It's already happened. Can't stop it now.” She reached into the cupboard and grabbed a glass, turned on the faucet and filled it with water. For a second, I thought it was scalding water that she was going to throw on Kaleb. But then she drank it.
“Mom? That's tap water!”
She shrugged. “What the hell.” Then she grabbed a pint of ice cream out of the sink, sat down at the counter on a stool, popped open the top and scooped a big gulp into her mouth. “Just the way I remember it tasting. I like it when it's soft and a little melted.”
Her sudden changes were scaring me. I really thought she was on the verge of a mental breakdown and that I'd caused it, just from being with Kaleb.
“There's more if you two want to join me.” I shook my head. How could we possibly be in the mood for ice cream?
Kaleb said, “Sure!” And paraded across the kitchen, selecting the melted mint chocolate chip from the sink. He looked up at me and I mouthed What in the hell are you doing?
“C'mon, Kayleigh,” he said. “Let's have an ice cream party.” He sat down on the stool, directly across from my mother.
Once again, I was in the Twilight Zone. And Kaleb was fearless. I pinched myself, but when I didn't wake up, I decided I might as well join them.
“There isn't anymore mint,” I said.
“We can share,” Kaleb told me. I grabbed a spoon and sat down next to him. Everything was silent for a while. I had taken three bites when my mom pointed her spoon at Kaleb and said—
“You got lucky that time. Don't even think it's going to be this easy. Because if you break her heart, I'll break you in half. Got it?”
“Yes Ma'am,” he said. “Does this mean you like me?”
Mom's eyes slid up to glare at him. “Don't push it.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
existence
*
Kayleigh and I took a stroll through the park that night. No one was around. The stars were just beginning to come out. We walked down a path, through a groove of trees. A gentle breeze made the tops of them sway.
Someone cared about me. That someone was Kayleigh, the girl who'd always seen me. I was going to make sure she knew how much I loved her, everyday, for as long as I was with her.
We weren't even halfway down the path before we fell down in the grass and I started kissing her all over. I couldn't keep my hands off of her. We didn't have sex again, but I did touch her while I kissed her, and she touched me, too.
Best night of my existence.
I took Kayleigh home because I wanted to respect the fact that her mother had given me a second chance after I'd showed my ass and been disrespectful toward her. But really, I wanted to stay the whole night with Kayleigh.
Tomorrow was another day, I told myself.
When I got back home, my mother was sitting in the recliner. A stack of photo albums covered the coffee table. I stepped into the living room and sat down, joining her.
“Why doesn't Kayleigh's mom like me? It's like she hates me. I never did anything to her, not that I know of. She doesn't want me around Kayleigh at all.”
Even though she'd given me a free pass tonight, I knew she still didn't approve of me being with Kayleigh.
My mother thumbed through a picture album. “I need to tell you something, Kaleb. It's about your father.”
I sighed. “Do we really have to talk about that bastard? Tonight has been wonderful, let's not ruin it.”
“Don't speak about him that way. It's my fault you think he left us behind.”
“Well, he isn't here is he? I don't see him around.”
My mom paused before she said, “Your dad didn't leave us, Kaleb. He fell from a water tower and died. He broke my teenage heart.”
A chill covered me. “My father's dead? This entire time, I've been cursing him for not being around, for being a sorry low down bastard, and you knew he was dead?”
She nodded, about to cry.
“Don't cry. I've had enough crying mothers for one evening.” I let out a puff of air. “Look, my energy level is low, so I'm not going to even rant tonight about how you’ve been lying to me all this time. Let's just cut to the next scene. Was it suicide or an accident?” I stretched out on the couch.
“We'll never know.”
“That's terrible,” I said. “Did you love him?”
“Yes. I did. I named you after him.”
“Awesome.” What was I supposed to say?
“You look exactly like him, so much that it's scary.” She laughed. “I can absolutely commiserate with Kayleigh. I can see why she tried to avoid you but couldn't. I did everything I could to stay away from your father, but it was too hard. For him
, I had a weakness.”
Great story.
“You act just like him, too.”
Okay.
“The night before it happened, he and I shared the most glorious day and night together. There was never any indication that he was thinking about ending his life. When they found him, he had this in his pocket.” She held out a tiny black box. Inside was a wedding ring. “I'll never know if it belonged to me or Kayleigh's mom,” she sobbed, “but I want you to have it. It belongs to you now. No one has ever wore it, but someone special might.”
Only one girl came to mind. Only one girl who I wanted to give a ring to. Kayleigh. It made sense, she and I made sense.
“He was Susan's boyfriend, not mine, but I was in love with him. I betrayed her, but I don't regret a second of it. She was so mad with me. She's never forgiven me.”
“Well,” I turned my head to look at her. “That explains everything. It's your fault Kayleigh's mom doesn't like me.”
“She doesn't want you around Kayleigh because she's afraid you'll do to Kayleigh what your father did to her—betray her, cheat on her, break her teenage heart, or worse—fall from a water tower unexpectedly,” she cried. “But that woman shouldn't hate you for something I did. This isn't your fault. I'm the one who betrayed my best friend.”
“And I'm the one paying for something you did to that woman years ago. Gee, thanks, mom.”
“You don't have to be such a smart ass, Kaleb.”
I stood up from the couch and headed for the door.
“Where're you going? You just got home.”
“Out,” I said, leaving.
I couldn't believe that my father had been dead this entire time. I'd been angry at the guy my whole life for running out on me and my mom and she hadn't even told me the truth. Here I was thinking he was an absolute loser who drank his life away and refused to pay child support and that somewhere down the line I'd end up like him. Part of the reason I was angry all the time had a lot to do with the missing father from my life, and fear that I'd become someone I never even knew.
If I wasn't destined to be a nobody, was I destined to kill myself? I shuddered at the thought, remembering the wreck I'd had and how I wanted to die. Was that inherited from him, too?
At the edge of town, I climbed the water tower. The city people should've removed the bottom section of the climbing ladders to keep people from going up there.
Once I was at the top, I could see the city lights and the stars for miles. Up here I felt so alone, but not alone at the same time. There was a whole world out there. But for right now, I was just gazing at a small part of it.
I wondered if the view was this nice before he jumped. The view up here was gorgeous—the city lights, the stars, the sounds, the colors, all of the tiny things that fill you with wonderment. There's no way this was suicide. He couldn't have possibility killed himself with a view like this.
And if he did?—I knew I could never do something like that— leave my mom, leave Kayleigh behind? No freaking way.
It couldn't have been suicide. He had a ring in his pocket on the night he died. He was thinking about the future—life was supposed to go on. He had plans. Dreams. It just didn't add up. It had to be an accident. There's just no way. What were his last thoughts—who was he thinking about? My mom? Kayleigh's mom?
I knew what I had to do with the ring now. I dug it out of my pocket.
“This should've died with you,” I said to him, to the wind, to no one. I tossed the ring over the railing of the water tower and watched it fall until I could no longer see it. Didn't matter who it might've belonged to. It belonged to no one now. He was dead. Whatever might've been was dead now, too.
I was alive. I was meant to be here. Hearts had been broken, but life wasn't. I would make things right. This was the worst time to be up here on this water tower. I'd just spent the most amazing day with Kayleigh, made love to her—just like my father had with my mom. I couldn't possibly imagine how Kayleigh would feel if I accidentally fell to my death with no goodbye. No last words. Nothing. Would she remember what I'd said to her last? Would she remember how I looked when I made love to her? Or how she felt with me?
Oh how her mom must've felt knowing that it was my mother who had seen him alive last—who'd been with him last. My own heart felt bruised just thinking about it.
For everyday of her life, there wouldn't be a day that went by that I wouldn't tell Kayleigh how much I loved her. I wasn't my father.
I wouldn't cheat on her. I wouldn't kill myself in the middle of the night and leave her heartbroken.
I understood everything now.
That was a lot to have to live with. I was so glad my mom told me the truth. I could let go now, knowing that he hadn't abandoned us. I knew why Kayleigh's mom “hated” me, it wasn't me she hated—it was the memories, what she saw every time she looked at me. But I would make sure she'd know—and see—how much I loved her daughter. And that I'd never do anything like this to hurt her.
If a guy fell from a tower in the middle of the night, what would race across his mind? Would time slow down? Would he see everything that would never be, flashing through his mind all at once? Would he close his eyes?
Morbid, melancholy thoughts.
I didn't want to ever know.
CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
car wrecks & getaways
*
“I can't believe he's dead.”
For minutes, after hearing the news, I couldn't breathe.
“I can't believe Mr. Macon is dead, either. There's no way I can make that film now,” I said. “We were all supposed to meet back up at the end of the summer, but....”
Gunner couldn't hold it together. He bawled. We were in Kayleigh's room, sitting on the floor. Gunner was leaned on her shoulder. I was on the other side of Kayleigh.
“How did it happen?” I asked Kayleigh, because Gunner couldn't talk.
“He was in a car wreck last night out on the highway. Head on collision. There's no survivors.”
“Oh no.”
“Would both of you just shut up? I don't wanna talk about it. It's all my fault,” he sobbed. “Ben was on his way to see me.”
I tugged on Kayleigh's arm and mouthed, Ben?
Tell you later she mouthed back.
Okay...
Her mom sent up more snacks. We'd been holed up in her room for hours. I stood up and took the snacks from her. “Let me know if you guys need anything else.” She quietly left the room.
“Gunner,” Kayleigh said. “You need to eat.”
“I don't want to eat.”
Kayleigh's mom had sent up a tray of finger sandwiches and cheesecake bites.
“I know you're hurting right now, but you need to eat,” Kayleigh told him again. He sat up and I passed him the food tray. As soon as he'd found out the news, he'd rushed over to Kayleigh's house because his mother wouldn't let him suffer in peace. Something about how gay people get punished by God. Poor Gunner.
Mr. Macon was gay?
Oh! Ben. Mr. Macon's first name was Ben.
Ben and Gunner?
It clicked in my head. I didn't need Kayleigh to explain.
Oh wow.
Oh shit.
Dang. I never knew.
I had my phone on vibrate so we wouldn't be disturbed. It buzzed in my pocket. Mom had sent me a text.
Guess who's here. It's your favorite person. Brian...
My uncle Brian was in town. Stephen's brother.
Be home later. Here with Kayleigh and Gunner. Our teacher's dead.
There was a tap on Kayleigh's door. “Yes?” she said.
Her mother opened the door and peeked inside. “Gunner's mom just called. She needs him to come home.”
“Why?” Gunner said. “So she can torture me?” But he stood up anyway. “I'll see you guys later,” he said, leaving.
My phone buzzed again. Mom sent me a sad face.
“Do you need to go?” Kayleigh asked.
“I
don't need to go,” I told her.
“It's okay. You can call me later.”
***
Brian, Stephen and mom were sitting at the table, playing cards. Alison was watching cartoons on TV.
“What brings you in?” I asked Brian.
“Wanted to see your ass,” he said. “Sit down, I'll deal you in.”
“Nah, thanks. Not in the mood today. Teacher died last night.”
“Dude, that's terrible.”
I joined Alison instead, but didn't really watch the cartoons. I just sat on the couch, texting Kayleigh.
“So,” Brian said. “You up for watching that beach house for me?”
“What?” I asked.
“Didn't Stephen and your mom tell you? You're going to watch my beach house.”
“Nope,” I glanced up. “They didn't tell me that.”
Brian stood up from the table. “Well come on, I'll tell you all about it.” I followed him outside. We walked down the road and when we were away from the house, he said, “Okay, look. I don't need you to watch the summer beach house. But I figured you'd want to. Look around. You just graduated, your mom needs a break. Rebekah is doing whatever it is that she does. You're a teenager. You don't need to stay cooped up around here so I'm offering you my beach house for a week. Take it. It's a great excuse for you to hook up with a hot babe and have a blast. I know how hard Stephen is on you, sometimes.”
Wow, did he really just say all of that. “When did you become so cool, Brian?”
“Okay, I'm not sure whether I should feel complimented or insulted. You know I've always been the cooler brother.”
“True. You're the best step uncle a guy could ever have.”
“I convinced your mom to let you watch the beach house for me. I pretended to be in desperate need of a house sitter. I asked her weeks ago. At first, they suggested Rebekah watch it. No way in hell. She's my niece and all, but if Rebekah gets those keys to that house, she'll just trash it or have a drug party. You don't do drugs, and if you do, at least I know it'll be the good kind.”
Whatever the hell that meant.
“Yeah, Rebekah won't be back,” I told him.
“I heard.” He handed me the key. “Don't lose this. You remember where the beach house is in North Port?”
