by Rae Hachton
“Yep,” I told him. “How could I forget?”
“Letting you stay there for the rest of the summer is a graduation present from me. Don't let me down.”
“How am I getting there? Stephen's being a hardass about the car.”
“I'll let you take my convertible,” he said. “I trust you with it.”
“And you've cleared this with both my mom and Stephen?”
“Yep. All but the girl part. You may not want to tell them about that.”
“I agree. I'll just keep that to myself.”
“So,” he said. “How pretty is she?”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Steal you away
*
Mom hadn't really spoken to me since she'd caught Kaleb and me together in my bed. The day of Mr. Macon's funeral, it rained and rained. After he was buried, I went to check on Gunner. He was crying, alone. I hugged him.
“The one good thing about the rain? You can cry in it and no one will know the difference. God, I just had to get away from everyone,” he sniffled.
“I know.” I needed to get away, too. “Are you gonna be okay?”
“Eventually. Someday. But for now? No. I just need to mourn.”
After everyone left the funeral, I found my mother hovering over someone's grave. The rain had ceased and the clouds parted.
“Mom, I really wish you'd talk to me.”
She sighed. “You know, you can protect yourself against a lot of things in this world, but the one thing you cannot protect yourself against is getting your heart broken.”
“Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, but I love him.”
She turned to look at me. “Not you, Kayleigh. You didn't break my heart. He did.”
“Who is he?” She moved back and I glanced down at the grave. Kaleb Scheffler. Kaleb's father? He was dead? Did Kaleb know? He never mentioned it to me, not once. My dad had skipped out on us, we didn't know where he was. Kaleb said his father had done the same thing to him, but...he was dead? I needed to go to him. Now. This was big.
“I don't understand.”
“You never forget your first love. Not even when they rip out your heart. When he cheated on me, I thought that hurt, but the worst thing he could've done was die.” I heard the tears in her voice. She was about to cry. “I'm so sorry, Kayleigh, but I was only looking out for you. Every time I saw Kaleb's face, I saw him. I didn't want the same thing to happen to you.”
“Mom...what happened?”
“Maybe I'll tell you one day, but right now it hurts too much to talk about it.” She was incredibly melancholy. My heart hurt for her. She spoke again. “I'm going away for a few days. With a friend. You think you'll be okay?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I'll be just fine. I'm worried about you.”
“I'll pull through,” she said. “I always do. You have no idea how painful it is to love someone who's dead. And I hope you never will. I still can't let go. When someone dies so suddenly, everything you shared with that person is suspended in time forever. Almost as if you're waiting for someone to press rewind, or press play. But it never happens.” She gazed at his grave. I never knew she hurt this much. I deserved the terrible daughter award of the year for all the mean things I'd said to her. I couldn't possibly understand her pain. Kaleb loved me. I loved him. Some people were more fortunate than others. She was only trying to protect me.
“Mom,” I said. “I feel so terrible for everything I've said to you, but—you've got to start living for you. Don't worry about me. I can handle life. You've taught me how. I just need you to know that I'm in love with Kaleb and he loves me, too. I trust him. And if being with Kaleb means that at some point I might be in pain, then that's what I want, because I couldn't imagine anything else. Love is rare, it's a beautiful thing. And I want this beautiful thing. I deserve it. You deserve it.”
She smiled. “Look at how fearless I raised you. How strong you are to dare to breathe.”
I hugged her. Everything finally made sense. We stood there for a few moments before she said, “I'm applying to be a travel nurse. When you graduate, I'm not staying here.”
“And you shouldn't. Go see the world. Help people.”
***
Later that day, Kaleb stopped by my house.
“Summer is almost over,” I said and felt the sting of pain flash through my heart at the thought of not seeing Kaleb much after this. “You have to go away for college. I return to high school. We won't see each other for a while.”
“Yeah, but I'll be back for the Holidays. And for summer. Definitely for summer.”
“Until some other girl scoops you up and claims you for herself.”
He grinned. “You still don't get it, Kayleigh. But I do, and that's all that matters. You're so worried about me choosing to be with another girl, but you have no idea how much I don't want to leave for college. I'm scared, Kayleigh. I admit it. I'm absolutely terrified.” He cupped my face. “At any moment, some guy who's not me could realize how fucking beautiful you are and steal you away.”
“It won't happen,” I said. “I can assure it.”
“Sometimes, I wonder...what kind of me would I be without you?” He kissed me. “You know what else, Kayleigh?”
“What?”
“I'm the guy for you. Did you know that?”
“Mhm,” I said, pulling him closer and pressing my lips against his. “Definitely.” I kissed him like it was hello and goodbye. I didn't want the goodbye. I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“I'm not saying I'm the only guy for you—of course I'm not because any guy in his right mind would have to be nuts not to want you. But I'm the guy for you.”
“I never doubted that for once,” I told him.
“Ideas are fucking gorgeous,” he paused, gazing at something, nothing, like he'd had an epiphany. “I want you to come with me to the beach house. Let's leave tonight. It'll be perfect.”
Kaleb had just asked me to go away with him for a while. My thoughts?
It was exactly what I needed.
But—
“Kaleb, I need to ask you something.”
CHAPTER THIRTY ONE
Beach House
*
I packed a few bags and Kaleb picked me up in Brian's convertible. It was only three hours from here to North Port. I scribbled a note to my mom and told her I’d be back in a few days, I was with Kaleb at the beach house. I stuck it to the refrigerator with a magnet. I would've asked permission to go, but she'd already left somewhere with a friend. She told me at the funeral that she'd be gone for a few days. I just wanted the letter to be there when she got home, in case I wasn't home when she returned.
Kaleb and I left that afternoon. He told me the story on the way there.
“My mom and your mom were best friends in high school until your dad broke my mom's heart by cheating on her with your mom?”
“Yes, that's what my mother told me,” he said.
“Oh, wow. That explains a lot.”
“Mhm, it does. That's exactly what I thought, too, after hearing the story.”
“I can't believe your mother let you think your father abandoned you for all these years. I know my father did.”
He shrugged. “We may not have our fathers, but we have our crazy infuriating mothers. We should love them while we can.”
As soon as we arrived at North Port beach, he found Brian's beach house. It was in a secluded area, and had a whole end of the ocean to itself. I yawned.
“Sleepy?” he asked.
I nodded.
He popped open the trunk and lugged our bags inside. Drowsy, I got out of the car, slipped off my sandals and walked down a sandy path to the beach. I sat down in the sand and watched the ocean waves lick the shore. The moon had just appeared in the evening sky. I buried my toes in the white grit and inhaled the refreshing ocean breeze. It'd been years since I'd been to the beach. I hadn't realized how much I missed it until then.
In the distance, I heard Kal
eb close the trunk. A few moments later, he shuffled down to the beach and sat beside me.
“Brian's really awesome for doing this,” I said.
“I told you I'd bring you back here, didn't I? I can't believe you really came here with me,” he said.
“Are you kidding? I'd go anywhere with you.” I leaned against him and he held me. I must've zoned out because I awoke to his voice in my ear.
“Kayleigh,” he whispered. I stirred. When I opened my eyes, I was in bed beside him. I looked up. He was hovering over me. “You fell asleep on the beach. I carried you inside.”
I smiled. “What time is it?'
“Two in the morning,” he told me. “You've been asleep for hours.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Are you still sleepy?”
“Maybe. Why?”
“Because I want to do lots of this,” he bent down and kissed me. “And this,” he took off his shirt.
I shook my head. “I'm not sleepy.” And he grinned.
***
As soon as we awoke, Kaleb made me breakfast and we spent the rest of the day swimming in the ocean until we were tired. And then we crashed in the sand, our energy spent. He was written on me so indelibly. Salt water on his skin, sand between my toes. Grit all over our bodies, the sun blazing down on us. It was like this section of the world had been built or reserved just for us. We had this whole end of the beach to ourselves.
“I could picture an entire summer of me and you,” I told Kaleb.
“Me too,” he said. “An entire summer of me and you. I love the sound of that.”
And maybe that's what we'd have one day.
CHAPTER THIRTY TWO
Wild to be wreckage forever
*
In the backseat of the car, she curled up against me, laying on my naked chest. I was absolutely sedated. Maybe the sun had gotten to my head, or maybe just being here like this with Kayleigh had made me deliriously happy. Everything was peaceful, I didn't have to think about it. We just laid there together, with the top down and wind blowing salt and sand. Her skin still tasted like it. We both smelled like the ocean. Our skin was baked. The summer sun flared once. We gazed across the ocean, watching the waves wash onto shore.
I recited the lines from my favorite poem to her. I'm not sure what made me think of it at this precise second. But my eyes were closed and everything was vague and dreamy and I was in that sweet tranquil transition from wake to sleep and the words just danced their way out of my moving lips. Maybe I'd been reciting it to myself. I don't even think I realized what I was saying until I said the last line.
Wild to be wreckage forever.
And suddenly, I had full consciousness again. I knew why.
“You make me feel like that,” I told her. “You make me feel like the last line of that poem—Cherrylog Road by James Dickey.”
I'm not even sure I liked the whole poem, but I really loved that last line. I'd loved it ever since I had to read it in American Lit class. And now, being here like this with Kayleigh? Everything suddenly made sense.
The sun completely sat, leaving remnants of summer color in the sky.
Back at the house, I just wanted to sleep beside her. For once, I didn't feel so crazy or on edge. And I didn't even have any cigarettes and strangely I didn't want any either.
“You're out,” she'd told me, realizing.
“No—I told you I was going to quit.” And I decided I would.
After Mr. Macon's death, we all needed an escape. It'd been too much to deal with. I was glad I could spend this time with Kayleigh.
The rest of that week sped by fast. We took a bubble bath together. We decided to karaoke horribly to songs we didn't know all the lyrics to until we were laughing hysterically from how awful it sounded. I took Kayleigh down to the carnival rides and we rode the roller coaster and ate enough cotton candy to turn our fingers, teeth and tongue the color of plums.
On the last morning of our stay, before we had to return home, the sun filtered into the room. Our legs were entwined. I unwrapped myself from her and with my feet, I lifted Kayleigh up into the air, and held onto her hands with mine so she wouldn't fall. She gazed down at me, laughing. This was golden. Bending my knees back towards my chest, I brought her back down then pressed her upward again.
But the joy faded when we had to collect our belongings and repack. We didn't want to leave. It was then that I knew how much I enjoyed being with her. It would never get old or boring. It was something I felt like I could do for the rest of my life.
On the highway during the ride back home, her feet were on the dash, wind blowing through her hair. She had a worried look upon her face. I turned the music down. I'd felt her melancholy back at the beach house in North Port. It'd happened when the sun dimmed and the wind grew colder. Summer was shifting slowly into fall. There were only a handful of weeks left before she had to return to her senior year of high school and for me?—college. But, no—for Kayleigh I would wait.
“Kayleigh?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you okay?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because,” she turned to look at me. “What's going to happen to us when summer ends?”
“Nothing is going to happen to us. I'm going to defer until you graduate.”
“And then?”
“And then you'll be with me. I'll be with you.”
I reached for her hand, held it in mine.
I decided to stop by my house first before taking Kayleigh home. It was a good thing I did because if they'd had to wait another second to see me and Kayleigh I think they would've had a heart attack.
“Where in the hell have you two been?!” my mom shouted. “I almost filed a missing person's report on you, Kaleb. God! You couldn't even answer your phone? You've been gone for an entire week!' ”
“What's the big deal? You knew I was at Brian's beach house in North Port. And why is her mom here?”
“You weren't supposed to take Kayleigh with you!” My mother yelled at me.
Her mom was upset and nearly crying. “I didn't know where you were,” she said. “I came home from my trip and you weren't there. And Kaleb didn't tell his mom he was taking you to the beach house. Neither of you answered the phone. I didn't know what to think.”
Kayleigh hugged her mom. “I'm okay, mom. Sorry for worrying you. I left a note on the refrigerator.”
“I didn't see it, Kayleigh.”
I was sure that this was the first time in several years that Susan and Sheri had been in the same room together. I wondered if it felt odd for them.
“Well,” my mom said. “Since everyone's here and they're all safe, we should have a meal together.”
“Sounds good,” Susan said. I could tell it still hurt, but maybe in time it wouldn't. Maybe they could work things out and be friends again.
CHAPTER THIRTY THREE
All Mine
*
After we ate dinner with Kaleb's family, on the drive home, mom finally told me the story.
“Sheri and I used to joke about having houses side by side and being best friends forever. She said if she had a girl she'd name her Kayleigh. I told her I would have a boy and name him Kaleb, and our children with grow up together and have this perfect life. Kaleb would fall for Kayleigh, the girl next door. Turns out, I had the girl and she had the boy. Named him Kaleb—the name I'd chosen because I had a major crush on a guy named Kaleb back then. And teenagers say and do silly things. When you grow up, life is different.”
“So, why do Kaleb and I have these names if you two aren't friends anymore?”
I found that strange. Mom could've named me anything in the world, but she hadn't. She named me the name that her best friend wanted to name her own daughter. She'd still clung to the idea of that perfect world, with the perfect story that she and her best friend had created years ago.
She couldn't answer me. “Kaleb was supposed to fall for Kayleigh? M
om, that's what's happened. Nothing's changed. It's just been rearranged. You ended up with the girl, and she ended up with the boy. I know it hurt that she was the last person to see Kaleb alive, and that Kaleb belongs to her and him, but maybe that's how it was supposed to turn out. Maybe the story has a twist. Sometimes stories are like that, you know?”
We were parked in the driveway. She leaned her head against the steering wheel and cried. “It doesn’t mean the story has to have a bad ending. I think it'll have a great ending. You'll see.”
A week later, I stood with Kaleb on his front lawn. He'd decided not to defer after all.
“Well,” he shut the trunk. Stephen had finally given him the car. “—my bags are all packed,” he said. “I'm headed out at 5 pm tonight. Summer is officially over.”
“I can't believe it all happened so fast.” Kaleb and I had our toes in the cold grass. The last sunset of summer was on its way. “This was the most amazing summer of my entire life. I can't believe it's all over.”
“But it's not over, Kayleigh. There's still one thing left to do.”
“Oh yeah, and what's that?”
“Well,” he leaned in. “First there's this.” He planted a sweet kiss on my lips, making me blush, and smile. “And then there's this.” He lifted me up off the ground and tossed me over his shoulder, spun me around, making me dizzy. The world rushed by fast. I squealed. We fell down in the grass, intoxicated. We laughed and we laughed and we laughed. Then everything became silent again as we peered into the sky for the final show. The amazing flare of color right before the first shimmering star claimed its place in the twilight sky.
Unannounced, Kaleb jumped to his feet. Underneath the tree in his yard was a bag and in that bag was a firework. He lit it and our part of the sky lit up, glittering fire dust raining down. I stood, gazing upward at the burst of color. I knew then this wasn't the last night for us. I even said it.
“This isn't our last night together, is it?”
He took my hands into his. “No, you're right. It's not.” He swung me back. “Some things don't have a chance of ending.” He glanced down at my lips, hesitating. He still had a way of making me that jittery, nervous girl I'd always been in his presence—anticipating his kiss. But this time he kissed my neck, ceremoniously. “I'll stay though. Just one more night with you.”
