by Jolie, Meg
She hadn’t realized how badly she’d been craving him until that moment. Both physically and emotionally.
Her body started to spark to life with the familiar feel of Jesse beneath her. As the hand on her back pulled her into him, she let out a little moan.
Of frustration.
“I don’t think I can do this right now,” she said as she rolled off him. She landed on the pillows beside him. “You stuffed me so full of chocolate I can barely move.”
His eyes twinkled in amusement as he chuckled at her.
She playfully slapped his chest. “Did you plan it this way? Did you plan to make me eat so much chocolate that I would be miserable? I mean, I get that you’re still insisting we don’t get too carried away yet, but making me this miserable was just plain cruel.” She rested a hand on her stomach and made a pitiful face at him to prove her point.
He rolled over on his side, leaning over to kiss her on the nose as he did so. “I didn’t make you do anything. It’s not my fault that chocolate is your weakness.”
She let out a sigh. Since the mood had already been killed by her overstuffed stomach, she decided now was as good of a time as any to dredge up some unpleasant business.
“Why did you stay with Betsy for so long?” Carly asked quietly as she rolled onto her side to face him. It hurt. Getting that question out in the open? It hurt. She hated thinking of Jesse and Betsy together. She was sure she didn’t want to hear about them together. And yet…she had to. If they were truly going to start over, she had to know.
“Why were you with Nolan so long?” Jesse volleyed back.
Carly felt herself bristle in annoyance. Leave it to Jesse to not answer. To simply throw the question back at her instead. Her initial near-response was to give in to her frustration. She tamped that desire down. Instead, for once, she decided to give in without a fight and go first.
“I guess because…” She faded off, gathering her strength as she prepared herself for baring her soul. “Because I thought I couldn’t have you. I thought I’d lost you forever and,” she shrugged, “I didn’t want to be alone. That’s how things started with him. I guess they grew from there.”
Jesse nodded slowly. “Yeah. You pretty much summed up my relationship with Betsy. I mean, we did have a lot in common. And we had fun together. She could be a real bitch sometimes,” he admitted quietly. “But to be honest, I figured I deserved it. I mean, I couldn’t blame her. Sometimes I knew I was leading her on even though I’d try to convince myself that I wasn’t.”
Carly nodded as she glanced at the shadows flickering across the wall. She wondered if she’d been unintentionally leading Nolan on. Had he felt that somehow? They had broken up early on in their relationship. But then they’d decided to try things again. She’d thought the relationship was on solid ground. She had thought she loved Nolan. But now, she was seriously doubting it. Now that she’d taken that all important step back, she kind of had to wonder if maybe she’d simply been in love with the idea of being in love with him. Was it possible he’d felt that, too? Is that why he’d broken up with her?
She decided she didn’t want to think of Nolan right then. She needed to concentrate on Jesse and the conversation they were having. Once they had it, once everything was laid out, she hoped to never have to have the conversation again.
“What I really want to know, is why you ran to her in the first place,” Carly admitted. It was Betsy, Jesse’s long-term relationship with her, that had effectively halted what they’d had.
He shook his head. “I didn’t run to her. That summer, I asked you out, time and again. And you just wouldn’t commit. I was so frustrated with you. I couldn’t get you to commit to a picnic. I knew at that point, I’d never be able to get you to commit to forever. I thought I needed a clean break. I thought if I did it on my terms, I’d get over you. It sure as hell didn’t work out that way. I got myself stuck in a relationship with Betsy and you got engaged. So you can see how trying to get over you really blew up in my face.”
Carly knew he was trying to keep his tone light. Yet his confession was heavy with the truth. Something in his expression intuitively told her that he wasn’t done.
“Things got really complicated with her for a while,” he admitted cautiously. “I stayed with her for so long because it was the right thing to do.” Carly was about to question him on the comment but he continued with his explanation. “I don’t think Betsy and I ever really had a chance, though. I don’t think we were ever a good fit.”
Carly cringed and chose her words carefully. “I’m not trying to bash her, I swear, but I never thought you were a good fit. You know she said some really horrible things to Luke one night. I couldn’t imagine how you ever ended up with someone like that.”
Jesse sighed. It was clear to Carly that he didn’t like talking about this any more than she did. Yet, he must’ve felt the same way; that they needed to get everything out there. He finally said, “I’m not defending her. I know she was confrontational with Luke more than once. She was out of line. I know that. And I’m sure that whatever impression you have of her, it’s bad. She and Quinn had a few run-ins and yeah…Betsy was, well, she was a bitch. To Quinn. She obviously wasn’t always like that. I think she just felt jealous. Or insecure.
Carly’s eyebrows twitched. “Because of Quinn?”
He scoffed. “No. Because of you. Things were fine with us for a long time. Then Quinn started dating Luke and, I don’t know. I think that connection bothered her. He was my roommate at the time. He was dating my ex’s sister. An ex that she knew I still felt something for. When Quinn and Luke started getting serious—when he would come back to the house and talk about Quinn all the time and your name would come up occasionally—things got bad between us. Part of that was because she started treating Luke like shit. I think, again, because of Quinn and her association to you.
“Then there was that night at Shady’s, when she got into Luke’s business and I just realized I couldn’t deal with it anymore. Up until that point, I thought I’d rather be with her than be alone. And I felt like I owed her. But that night, I realized that maybe being alone for a while wasn’t that bad. And honestly? It hasn’t been. I’ve dated some this past year—nothing ever got serious. But mostly, I took some time to get my head on straight.”
“Did you love her?” Carly asked, bracing herself for the answer.
He looked at her and she was under the impression that he was trying to get the answer straight in his head. He was propped up on an elbow and he settled his free hand on her hip. His fingers slid into the space where her shirt and jeans met. He absently rubbed his thumb against her bare skin.
“I don’t know how to answer that. See, there’s the way I feel about you. And there’s the way I feel about other women that I date. The way I feel about you? I’ve never felt that way about anyone else. So did I love her? I guess I did as much as I could. But obviously, that wasn’t enough.”
She flinched at his words. Even though he’d been telling her how he felt about her every chance he got, she still had a hard time hearing it. Years of believing it couldn’t be possible had given her a mindset that was hard to break.
“Carly?” he asked, troubled by her reaction. “What is it?”
She scrunched up her face apologetically. “I don’t know. I guess it’s hard to hear you say things like that. It’s hard to believe you really mean them. That you’re not just trying to mess with my head,” she quietly admitted.
“Do you really think so little of yourself that you think I couldn’t love you?” he asked. He pulled her to him, tunneling his hands through her hair, forcing her to look him in the eye. “If I knew what jackass ever made you feel that way about yourself, I’d kick his ass. But the thing is, I have a feeling that jackass was me. Carly, you’ve got to know, or if you don’t know, then you have to believe me when I say this: You are damn easy to love. You might not be easy to get along with. You might not be easy to understand or easy to commu
nicate with. But you are so damn easy to love.”
Carly felt her lips curl up in a small smile. It was a slow, sad smile. She was only now realizing just how much time they had wasted. How much unnecessary hurt they had caused one another.
“Did you love Nolan?” His gaze was zeroed in on her. She could see him grimacing slightly in preparation for her response. He shook his head. “That’s a stupid question. Never mind. Of course you did. You accepted his proposal.”
She internally cringed, not wanting to answer. Yet Jesse, as far as she could tell, had been brutally honest with her. She needed to do the same. “I really, truly thought I did. And I probably did, as much as I could,” she said, mimicking his response. “But obviously that wasn’t enough. Because he wasn’t you.”
Jesse’s eyes lit up at her answer. “Does that mean you love me, too?” he asked huskily.
Her heart slammed against her chest. She thought she did. She wanted to say the words but they got trapped, clogging her throat. She expected Jesse to pull back from her. Instead, he did the opposite. The hand that had been resting on her hip slid behind her, pulling her in close.
“It’s okay,” he said soothingly. “I know you still have some reservations about us. I haven’t really earned your trust in the past. I want to earn it now. All you have to do is let me. So would you just open up and let me love you? Let me love you the way I need to love you. The way you deserve to be loved?” he pleaded.
She nodded and that was all the answer he needed. He leaned over and kissed her again. Unlike before, these kisses weren’t hungry and all-encompassing. They were light, heartfelt, and full of promise.
13
Carly cast an accusatory glare at the clothes stacked on her bed. She had no idea how she was going to get them all back in her suitcase. It was New Year’s Eve day and the past week had been the busiest over break so far. She’d shared the holidays with Jesse’s family. They had been far more receptive of her than she’d expected.
She’d even been swallowed up in a hug from his sister. She had whispered in Carly’s ear, “It’s about time you make my brother happy. You won’t regret it.”
She had wanted him to share the holidays with her family too. However, after tossing around the idea for a few days, they’d agreed that it was probably in everyone’s best interest if they waited. Carly apologetically explained to him that Margo would likely ruin the holiday for everyone. That wouldn’t be fair to Quinn and her family. Margo would ruin it with her haughty attitude and snide comments. Neither Jesse nor Carly wanted that. So they’d settled for Christmas with his family. After some prodding, Quinn and Luke had agreed to spend New Year’s Eve with them. It would be their first night away from the twins.
Quinn had asked Margo and Pete to watch the kids for the evening so they could all have dinner together at Jesse’s. Carly knew that was Quinn’s subtle way of telling her mom that she approved of her sister’s relationship. She wanted her mom to know that she accepted Jesse and Carly.
But now, Carly needed to get some packing done. She would be leaving for school this weekend. The day before Christmas, she’d gotten a disappointing text from Melissa. She told her that the housing she’d been looking into had fallen through. Carly had resigned herself to the fact that she would have to get a job when she got back. She only hoped that she could find one this time of year. It was doubtful, with the after holiday-slump that most business experienced. She pushed that worry away for another time.
Right now, she had other things to contend with. Like how she was going to pack her suitcase. The new items she’d gotten for gifts were the culprits that were causing her some problems with space.
When her phone rang, she answered it absentmindedly.
“I made a mistake.”
For a split instant, she didn’t recognize the voice. It was a voice she’d more or less given up on hearing again.
“Nolan,” she said dryly. She tossed the sweater she was holding back onto the stack as she began to pace her room. Nearly three weeks had gone by since he did her the biggest favor of her life: Called off the engagement. She briefly wondered if she should be feeling a little more than she was feeling at the moment. The only emotions she could pull together were feelings of frustration and disgust.
“I made a mistake, Carly,” he said again.
“Yes, you sure did,” Carly told him.
“I miss you. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry, babe. I was nervous. You understand that, don’t you?” Nolan asked. “I’m sorry it took me so long to call you back. I just needed some time to think things through. I didn’t think I could deal with hearing the sound of your voice.”
He sounded heartbroken. Carly was sure his tone was meant to be endearing but it grated on her. She rolled her eyes at him.
“Sure. I understand,” she said cordially. “Now tell me when I can expect a check from your parents?”
“Come on Carly, don’t be that way. I miss you so bad I can barely stand it.”
“Nolan,” she said calmly. “Whatever it is that you’re trying to do here, I don’t have time for it. So just tell me when I can expect the check.”
Ignoring her, he continued on. “Okay. I get it. You’re pissed. You have every right to be mad at me. But I know we can talk this out. You can’t be ready to give up on us.”
“There’s nothing to talk out,” she said, trying to keep the conversation simple. She briefly considered telling him she’d moved on. She decided against it because it really wasn’t any of his business. Also, she wanted to remain focused on the real issue. “Wait, we do have one thing to talk about. I want my parents’ money. Come on, Nolan! You can’t keep avoiding me like this! It was a lot of money.”
“I miss you, babe. I get that you need a little more time to simmer down,” he coaxed.
“I don’t need time to simmer down!” she grated out. “I need my parents’ money back. So stop being such a jackass!”
“Sounds to me like you do need to simmer down,” he countered. “You need some space. I’m going to give it to you. But you’ll be hearing from me, real soon.”
He disconnected before Carly could protest. She was left staring at the phone, sputtering in disbelief.
“What the hell was that?!” she asked the phone in her hand. She raked her other hand through her hair. He could not possibly be serious! He missed her?! Well, too damn bad. He’d broken her heart twice. It was no surprise to her when she realized she didn’t miss him at all.
If it weren’t for the money, she’d be happy to never hear from him again. In fact, that made her even more determined to get the money back. Once that tie was severed, he could be out of her life for good.
~*~*~
“Oh my gosh, you two,” Quinn said with a laugh. “Don’t think that Luke and I haven’t noticed you making flirty eyes with each other across the table.”
“Can’t help it,” Jesse said with a smirk.
They were just finishing up dinner. It had been decided that a quiet evening in was preferable to everyone. All of the restaurants and bars in Lanford would undoubtedly be packed for the evening. Jesse had offered to make everyone dinner so that they could actually sit back and enjoy a meal. Without being rushed and without dealing with a huge crowd.
“That was so good,” Carly said as she dabbed at her mouth with a napkin.
Jesse had prepared penne and chicken with a vodka cream sauce. It was completely out of Carly’s realm of ability and it had been amazing. She had managed to put together a salad and slice some French bread from the bakery to complement the meal.
“It was delicious,” Quinn agreed.
“Yeah, thanks Jesse,” Luke said. “I’m glad you had us over.”
“It’s been fun,” Quinn added on.
“Oh, no you don’t!” Carly interjected. She knew her sister well enough to realize she was paving the way for a graceful exit. “It’s still early. I’m sure Mom and Dad are doing just fine.
You and Luke need to sit back and relax. It’s been three weeks and this is the first time the two of you have been able to leave the house at the same time.”
Quinn crinkled up her face but she smiled. “You’re right. They would call if they needed us.”
Both sisters knew this was true. If Margo was having difficulty with the babies, or even Carter, she would not be shy about sharing that.
“Besides,” Jesse said, “we have dessert.”
“I made cheesecake,” Carly admitted almost apologetically.
“I’m sure it’s fabulous,” Quinn said reassuringly. She was well-aware of her sister’s insecurities. Her skills in the kitchen topped that list.
Carly stood to retrieve the dessert. She glanced at Luke in surprise when he bounced to his feet.
“I’ll help,” he offered.
She opened her mouth to decline but quickly realized Luke must have an ulterior motive. Though her kitchen skills were lacking, she was certainly capable of dishing up four plates of cheesecake.
They each loaded up with dinner dishes, clearing the table of what they could before they went into the kitchen. After everything was placed near the sink, Luke began to rinse. Carly pulled the cheesecake from the fridge. The entire time, she kept a surreptitious eye on Luke, wondering what he was up to.
Her mood had been all over the place this evening. She was excited to spend the time with her sister and brother-in-law. Even more so because while they stayed in, it was still a double date of sorts. And that, a double date, was another first for her and Jesse.
