by Jolie, Meg
At the same time, her mood periodically swung back to frustrated and even a bit bitter. How dare Nolan do that?! Call and act as though he had every right to say he missed her? All she wanted was the money, damnit! She needed it to get her mother off her back. Margo had let the issue drop for a few days over the holidays but she’d brought it up again multiple times this past week.
Carly really couldn’t blame her but it just gave her one more thing to worry about.
She realized she was scowling, knife in hand, staring at the dessert when Luke’s voice cut through the air.
“Carly, you don’t have anything to worry about,” he soothed.
She turned to him in surprise. She sure did have things to worry about. However, she realized that Luke could have no idea about the phone call she’d received earlier. He had to be talking about something else.
“Am I worried?” she asked, keeping her tone light.
He gave her a knowing look as he sidled up to the counter next to her. “Don’t be mad at Quinn. But when you and Jesse started things up again, she told me that you still have some doubts about him.”
Oh, she realized, that’s what he’s talking about. For a brief moment, she thought she should correct him. She should tell him that wasn’t what was bothering her at all. However, she knew he wouldn’t believe her unless she confided in him and told him what was wrong. And she just couldn’t bring herself to do that.
Instead, she let him keep talking.
“You know I’d never lie to you, right?” he asked.
Carly narrowed her eyes at Luke but she couldn’t force away her smile. “Luke McGrath, are you about to give me relationship advice?”
He made a ‘get serious’ face at her. “I’m going to tell you what I told Quinn. You know I stayed at Jesse’s house for awhile, right?”
She knew he had stayed with Jesse for over a year when he’d first moved back to Lanford. She nodded, a small smirk on her face because she knew Luke was going to give her relationship advice. Just like she’d done for him once.
“Let me just tell you this…When he broke things off with Betsy, I’m pretty sure he had it in his head that he was going to try to make things right with you. When you came home and surprised everyone with your engagement?” Luke made a pained face. “That night at Shady’s, when he saw you? I think it about killed him. He was unbearable to live with after that. I started spending a whole lot more time over at Quinn’s.”
“Luke,” she tried to interject.
“I mean it, Carly. The man was wrecked. I kind of know how he felt. I mean, I let Quinn get away and it was one of the biggest regrets of my life. I got my second chance. Now Jesse has his too. And I know the situations are nowhere near the same. But trust me Carly, I think he wants to make things work with you just as bad as I wanted to make things work with Quinn.”
She didn’t know what to say. The look on Luke’s face was completely sincere. Luke’s brother Jake had been Jesse’s best friend. But now that Jake was gone, Luke and Jesse had gotten a lot closer. Carly figured Luke probably knew Jesse as well as anyone at this point.
If Luke really believed Jesse felt that way, then Carly thought she should take him at his word. Unknown to him, she hadn’t really needed his pep talk. Since it was out there, she appreciated it all the same.
“I don’t know why shit happens the way that it does. What I do know is this,” he told her. “When fate, the universe, God, whatever it is that you believe in…If it gives you a second chance, you should grab onto it with everything you’ve got.”
She gave him a grateful smile. “Thanks, Luke.”
“Just…be good to him, okay?” Luke asked.
“I plan to be,” she assured him.
He narrowed his eyes at her for a second, as if to determine if she meant what she said. He must’ve decided her words were genuine because he finally gave her a little nod of appreciation.
She knew her behavior had been a little off all night. It had nothing to do with her feelings for Jesse and everything to do with the maddening call from Nolan. She hoped that Jesse hadn’t picked up on it. However, if Luke had, Jesse likely had too.
Suddenly, she was a little more anxious for Quinn and Luke to leave. She finished getting the dessert ready. They ate their dessert, which turned out better than Carly had dared to hope. Then they moved into the living room where they laughed over old memories and chatted for another few hours. The next time Quinn glanced at the clock and made an apologetic face, Carly swished her worry away, telling her to go ahead and head home. And to please kiss all those kiddos for her.
When the door closed behind them, Carly turned to Jesse. After she and Luke had come out of the kitchen, she’d noticed him sneaking worried glances at her. Her fear had been right. He had picked up on her up-and-down attitude. Since then, she’d been working hard at staying upbeat. She’d playfully tapped her foot against his under the table. When they’d moved into the living room, she’d curled into him as they relaxed with glasses of wine on the loveseat.
“We still have time to go out,” Jesse said. “I mean, it is New Year’s Eve. If we leave now, we’d get to Shady’s well before the stroke of midnight.”
She didn’t even have to think about it. “I’d rather stay here and have you all to myself.” In truth, she knew that if they went to the bar, there was a very good chance that they would run into Betsy, his ex. So far, she’d miraculously managed to avoid a confrontation with the woman during her visit home.
The last few weeks had gone so well. She didn’t want anything to spoil them. A run in with Betsy surely would.
“If you’re sure,” he said.
“I am. But I’ve got a question for you. Are you going to let me spend the night?” she asked with a devilish grin.
Jesse slid his arms around her waist, pulling her against him in a tight hug. “You didn’t bring a bag.”
She shrugged. “Don’t need one. I still remember where everything is at. I can find everything I need right here,” she assured him with a wink.
He let out a low laugh as she nuzzled his neck.
“You’re in a much better mood than you were earlier,” he said softly. “You had me worried for a while there.” She pulled back to look at him. He had a concerned, determined look on his face. “Tell me what was bothering you?”
She tried to give him a smile, but under his scrutiny, she was sure she didn’t achieve the desired effect. “Nothing. Nothing was bothering me.”
He loosened his grip just a bit. When he let out a sigh, a flash of disappointment flitted across his face. “Come on Carly, we’re friends right?”
She let out a teasing little laugh. “Oh, is that what we are?”
He didn’t look amused. “Among other things, yes. I want you to trust me. I want you to be able to talk to me. Friends do that, you know?”
Now she became serious when she said, “I do trust you.”
He gave a little shake of his head. “But not enough to tell me what’s going on with you?”
“It’s nothing,” she admitted in a tone that implied that it was something. “I mean, it’s no big deal.” The last thing she wanted to talk about was Nolan. She just wanted to spend this time with Jesse. “Look, I’m leaving in a few days. Can we just make tonight about us?”
She watched as he forcefully pushed a more relaxed expression onto his face. His arms tightened around her again. “Sure.” He said the word unenthusiastically, as if she’d disappointed him somehow.
“So, you never really answered my question. Do I get to stay?” she asked. She tried to keep her tone light, teasing and seductive. She wasn’t sure it was quite enough to lift the heavy mood.
Jesse smiled anyway. “Yeah, I was hoping you would want to stay. I’d like nothing more than to bring in the new year with you,” he said genuinely. “But…” Carly groaned as she pressed her hips into him. She already knew what was coming. “You have to promise to behave yourself.”
She shook h
er head at him. Partly in frustration and partly in confusion. “What exactly is it that we’re waiting for?” When he had told her that he wanted to keep the physical aspect out of the relationship, she hadn’t thought he was serious. Or at least, that he would be serious about it for so long.
Instead of answering her question he simply said, “What do you have against a little bit of kissing? And letting me hold you all night long?”
As it turned out, she had nothing at all against it. In fact, the next morning she realized with a little pang of guilt that she never should’ve teased Quinn about the nights she’d spent simply ‘snuggling’ with Luke. Maybe Quinn had known exactly what she was doing all along.
14
She could be maddening.
She could be sweet and caring and fiercely protective. Yet, there was a vulnerability about her that she desperately tried to hide.
That’s what Jesse was thinking as he followed Carly back to Roseville. He was thinking of all of the things that had drawn him to her. She’d been in Lanford for nearly a month. While he wouldn’t have wished a broken heart on her, he was grateful for Nolan’s timing. Jesse couldn’t have asked him to time it more perfectly. It had given him three solid weeks to spend with Carly before she had to leave again.
Three weeks to convince her that what they had was real. Not something based on sex, or revenge, or spite. Instead, it was based on having spent years getting to know one another. The good things and the bad.
He could clearly remember the first time he’d seen her. He and Jake had been watching Luke after football practice, waiting to give him a ride home. They were watching because they were always amused by Luke’s awkward attempts at flirting with Quinn. He knew that Luke had wanted Quinn, even back then. So he and Jake would give Luke, who was a sophomore, a hard time about his complete lack of skills. Luke would make pitiful attempts at flirting and they would go right over Quinn’s head. He and Jake would snicker over it and rib Luke about it mercilessly afterwards.
Only that day, while Quinn and Luke were talking, Carly had bounded up to them out of nowhere. Both she and Quinn, who were only a year apart, were on the JV cheerleading squad. They stood side by side in their uniforms as Luke said something that made Quinn laugh.
“Who’s that?” Jesse had asked Jake.
“Her? That’s Carly,” Jake had smirked at him. “Quinn’s little sister. I’d leave that one alone if I were you.”
At that moment, Carly had glanced his way. Instead of being abashed at being caught checking her out, he’d winked at her. She’d blinked at him in stunned surprise. Then her confidence took over and she’d grinned at him, winking back.
It was that moment that Carly Johnson had been emblazoned into his mind, and apparently into his heart and soul. He could clearly recall her waist length, strawberry-blond hair and her mile long legs. Even then, she towered over her big sister.
After that, for the rest of the school year, it seemed that she popped up everywhere. It was a natural move on her part. She’d just started spending more time with Quinn, who always seemed to be with Luke. So therefore, because Jake was Luke’s brother, Carly ended up spending time with him and Jake by default.
Until the night that everything went too far and everything was blown all to hell.
Jemma had just gotten her license. They’d all gone to a party at Shane’s house. Carly was supposed to catch a ride home with Jemma and Quinn, only they’d left without her. Or so Carly had claimed. Jesse was sure now that wasn’t what had happened at all.
He should’ve known better than to let things get so out of control. But she had a fire and determination behind her golden brown eyes. It was a fire that lit him up inside. When she’d asked to pull into the empty parking lot at the lake, he hadn’t hesitated.
From there, things had quickly escalated. In a haze, he’d found himself in the backseat of his car.
On the road ahead of him, Carly tapped her breaks, pulling him out of his memory. It was just as well. Even now, he didn’t like to think about it. She had been far too young. Ironically, it was Luke who had ended up telling him so.
Jesse hadn’t told a soul about what had happened with Carly. Apparently, Carly had told Quinn. A furious Quinn had told Luke just enough. It was Luke who told Jesse that Carly was barely fifteen. And it was Luke that had painted Jesse a very clear picture of Carly’s mother. None of it was Luke’s fault. He was simply the messenger.
The choices Jesse had made had been his alone. As his adult self scrutinized the actions of his teenage self, he knew without a doubt that he’d handled the situation badly. Hell, he’d always known that.
He was sure that everyone had at least one thing in their life that they wished they could undo. Take back. His was that night, when he’d gone to Nicole.
He’d gone to the extreme and pushed Carly as far away as possible, as quickly as possible. It hadn’t been hard to do. Nicole Miller had been chasing after him for months. He hadn’t been interested. But he’d gone after her the next weekend, knowing she’d be a sure thing. She had been. So had a few other girls after that, but none of them had liked him the way Nicole had. None of the others seemed to care that he was only interested in a one night stand.
He shook his head in disgust. “I was such an ass,” he muttered as he turned up the radio. The music that thudded through the speakers didn’t drown out his thoughts. He’d hurt Carly terribly. Nicole, too. He hadn’t thought through the repercussions. A few weeks later, by the time graduation rolled around, he’d left two shattered girls behind. One whose virginity he’d inadvertently take. Another whose dignity and heart he’d trampled on.
Yeah, he reminisced, the end of senior year went out with a real bang.
At the time, he’d assumed that would be the end of Carly Johnson. It didn’t take long to realize that was not the case. The Johnson girls and the McGrath boys seemed to be intrinsically tied together. And because of his friendship with Jake and Luke, there seemed to be no escaping her completely.
Though he kept his distance.
For years.
He could never get her completely out of his head because she was always around. It’s hard to forget someone when they are constantly popping back into your life.
He’d see Carly at a party every now and again. Her junior year she started working at a café in town. It was one he and Jake, like many other college guys, frequented. Sometimes he’d see her out for pizza with her friends. Sometimes he’d run into her when one of them was on a date. Often times he’d see her on the football field, cheering, because he’d accompanied Jake to one of Luke’s games. He would pretend he was going with to support Luke. Jake always gave him a hard time because he knew that wasn’t true. Jake knew Jesse was just hoping for an eyeful of Carly in her uniform.
Sometimes he wondered if the girl lived to torture him. He would swear Carly never left the house without looking like an underage sex goddess…for the sole purpose of tormenting him should they run into each other. Or maybe the torment was all in his own head, a prison of his own making.
It wasn’t until Carly was a senior in high school, only weeks before her graduation, and he a junior in college that their paths collided again. Until that point, they seemed to be running parallel. They ran into each other at a frat party. She’d gone back to his dorm room with him but she was gone by morning. She hadn’t left so much as her phone number behind. Suddenly, he was the one being tossed aside. He hadn’t liked it one bit. Though he couldn’t blame her.
He’d hurt her badly when she was younger.
Years later, she’d left him lusting after her. So he’d done the only logical thing. He’d hunted her down.
And so, the game playing began.
Somehow, somewhere along the line, in the unlikely mix of mind-games and honest conversations they’d shared, he’d fallen in love with her.
It was no wonder that she had an issue trusting him. To be honest, he still wondered sometimes if he should really trust
her. But after their time apart—which he was now deciding was much needed—he was seeing things with a new clarity.
She wasn’t the same girl that she had been. And he wasn’t that same guy. They’d both grown up. He knew he’d taken her by surprise when he’d told her he loved her. He hadn’t expected her to say it back. And she hadn’t. She also hadn’t kneed him in the balls. Overall, he thought the whole proclamation had gone better than expected.
He knew she was partly annoyed and partly baffled by his no-sex rule. But it was simple, really. For so many years, that had been their common thread. He wanted to prove to her that there was so much more to them than that.
He knew that there were still things that she was keeping from him. But in all fairness, he was keeping something from her too. Something he couldn’t bring himself to tell her just yet. It was something he knew that in the past, she wouldn’t have been able to hear without having a meltdown. He hoped now, she’d hear him out. Let him explain things. He hoped she would understand why he’d been waiting so long to tell her.
The last several weeks with her had been amazing.
But now, the true test was coming.
Five months apart.
He was willing to take a chance on her.
He was willing to hand her his heart, and hope that this time, she wouldn’t break it.
If only she was willing to trust him and do the same.
~*~*~
“So this is it,” Carly said dryly as she pushed the front door open with her hip. “Home sweet home.”
She still could barely believe that Jesse had insisted on coming back to Roseville with her. He’d even taken the day off of work. He planned to stay through Sunday evening. They’d left Lanford that morning. It was now Friday afternoon. She needed to come back because she had books to buy, rent and a tuition bill to pay before classes started up on Monday morning.
Jesse followed her into the small, cramped house.
“It’s—” he started to say.
“A damn mess!” Carly finished for him. She dropped the suitcase she was carrying and flung her hands to her hips. She let out a huff as she looked around. The kitchen was visible from where she was standing. She made her way inside. All of the cupboard doors and drawers were open to some degree or another.
