Once a Hero

by Lisa Childs

  “You had guts to take on the department, to take on Sergeant Terlecki.” Marla gestured to where he sat, his blond head bent close to the reporter’s red one. “I thought you were a fighter.”

  Erin shook her head in self-disgust. “I was fighting the wrong battle then.”

  “So go fight the right one,” Marla advised. “Fight for the guy you want.”

  “I…” Couldn’t deny that she wanted Kent. “You’re right.”

  Marla took the darts from her hand, perhaps not trusting Erin with them around Monica Fox. “Go…”

  Erin had to smile. Just a few weeks ago, the woman had been telling her to go, but for another reason. “Thanks.”

  Marla nodded, and murmured, “Now if only I could take my own advice…”

  Erin wanted to ask her new friend what was bothering her, but Marla planted a hand on her back, pushing her toward the bar. Despite the nudge, Erin walked slowly toward Kent and his date, uncertain what to say now, when she had always had so many words. Too many words.

  He didn’t turn toward her, but he obviously tensed, as if aware of her presence. She raised her voice above the din of the crowd and said, “Excuse me.”

  The reporter flicked her an irritated glance and reached out, putting her hand over Kent’s, where it rested on the bar. She stroked her long, red nails over his skin with all the subtlety of a dog marking its territory.

  Erin barely resisted the urge to shudder. She ignored the woman and focused on Kent. “I need to talk to you.”

  “I’m off duty,” he said, which was obvious, since he wore faded jeans and his leather jacket instead of his uniform.

  “It’s not the department I want to talk to you about,” she said, then swallowed hard. “I want to talk about us.”

  He shook his head and tossed back words at her that she had uttered to him so long ago. “There is no us, Ms. Powell.”

  Monica Fox’s painted lips lifted in a triumphant smile, while Erin’s heart clenched with pain.

  “I—I just wanted to apologize,” she murmured thickly, through the tears burning her throat.

  “It’s too late,” Kent said.

  Erin nodded in agreement and turned away, pushing blindly through the crowd.

  Maybe he wasn’t the man she’d thought he was, after all. Or maybe he was. Just a man, not the great man Roberta had claimed him to be. Even though he was a hero, he was still human. A man who’d slept with her and then moved on to another woman. He was a user.

  Now he wouldn’t even accept her apology. Erin had nothing left to give him but her heart, and apparently he didn’t want that.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “I’m sorry,” he said the minute she pulled open the door, but his apology didn’t clear the pain from her dark eyes. That wounded look had haunted him since she’d run out of the Lighthouse an hour ago, and he’d known he would get no rest until he saw her again.

  “For what?” she asked through the mere crack she’d opened.

  “You’re not going to let me in?”

  She shook her head. “Jason’s sleeping.”

  “Your mom didn’t take him tonight?”

  “She only did that the once.”

  The night they had made love.

  “She didn’t realize how much work it was to get him ready for school the next morning.”

  Work that Erin did every morning by herself.

  “Then there was the long drive to bring him to school. It didn’t work out,” she said.

  That hurt flickered in her brown eyes again, and Kent knew she wasn’t talking about just her nephew spending the night. His spending the night with her hadn’t worked out, either.

  “I’ll keep my voice down,” he promised, not waiting for her to agree before he shouldered open the door and brushed past her, his chest bumping hers.

  She sucked in a breath and stepped back, closing the door behind him. “Breaking and entering,” she murmured.

  “I didn’t break anything,” he protested. But then he wondered—had he broken her heart? Could she care about him as much as he cared about her?

  He’d wanted to step back from her so he wouldn’t cause her more grief with his medical issues, but he was afraid that he’d failed. He walked into the living room, not trusting himself to remain in the close confines of the foyer with her and not touch her, not kiss her. It was good that Jason was home.

  Kent noticed the open laptop casting light on the pillows of the couch. “So are you writing about what a jerk I am?” he asked.

  Her face bright with color, she stepped around him and closed the computer.

  “It’s okay,” he assured her. “This time I probably deserve it.”

  “I’m surprised you’re here,” she replied.

  “I know I’ve been avoiding you.” He couldn’t tell her why, though. He had been crazy to come here. And selfish.

  “I thought you were on a date,” she said, her voice sharp with bitterness. Was it possible she was jealous?

  He grinned, ridiculously pleased that she cared. “I wasn’t on a date.”

  “That’s not what you told me.”

  “I lied. I spent your class time in my office, working.” Getting caught up so he could take time off. “Billy called me and asked me to stop by the Lighthouse.”

  Interestingly, his friend hadn’t shown up himself. Being undercover was like that—things unexpectedly arose. Somehow Kent suspected more was going on with his friend than the job, though.

  “So you just ran into Monica Fox?” Erin gazed at him.

  He nodded. “We weren’t on a date.”

  “She didn’t seem to realize that.”

  “I don’t care what she thinks.” He stepped closer, unable to stay away from Erin. He ran his thumb along her jaw, then tipped up her chin. “I care what you think.” And he hadn’t been able to let her believe he would go from her arms to those of another woman. He couldn’t let her think what he’d seen on her face, that that night they’d spent together had meant nothing to him.

  She blinked those thick lashes. “You could have fooled me. I’ve been trying to talk to you, to apologize….”

  “I don’t want your apology.” He just wanted her. But it wasn’t fair to get so deeply involved when he had no idea if he would have a future to offer her.

  “But I’ve been so awful to you,” she said, her voice laced with guilt. “I was so wrong…about everything…but most of all about you. I’m sorr—”

  He pressed his finger across her lips. “I don’t need the words. You don’t have to tell me. I understand…everything. I know you were acting out of loyalty to your brother.”

  Embarrassment heated her face, but not as much as his touch. She had missed it; she had missed him. “Turns out he didn’t deserve my loyalty.”

  “You love him.”

  “Yes.” She sighed. “Even though I hate what he did, I still love him.”

  “I admire that about you,” Kent said, “that you’re going to stick by him.”

  She furrowed her brow, detecting something in his tone. “Did someone not stick by you? Did someone leave you when you got shot?”

  He shrugged as if it didn’t matter. “They were already gone.”

  “Who?” Jealousy clutched at her. “A girl?”

  “My folks. They weren’t too happy when I chose the police academy over the family farm,” he admitted.

  “What do you mean, they’re ‘gone’?” she asked. Even though her parents didn’t approve of what Mitchell had done, her mother still visited him, and her father probably would if Mitchell would agree to see him.

  Kent shrugged again. “I don’t know if they officially drummed me out of the family, but we haven’t talked in years.”

  “Not even when you got shot?”

  “I told the chief not to call them.”

  “Kent, they had a right to know.” Just as she’d had a right to know when Mitchell had been arrested. Yet her parents had chosen not to tell her until she came h
ome from South America. “You should have called them.”

  “And hear what? I told you so?” He gave a short, bitter laugh. “They didn’t want me to become a police officer.”

  “But you did anyway.”

  “Sometimes I feel like I didn’t have a choice. I just had to…”

  “I misjudged you,” she murmured. “I feel so badly about that.”

  “It’s okay,” he assured her.

  She shook her head. “No—”

  “You were being loyal to your brother. That’s the way you are,” Kent said, with understanding and something that made Erin uneasy—something like resignation or regret. “You don’t need to apologize for that, or to me, for anything.”

  She doubted she could have been as forgiving as he was. “You’re not going to let me say the words?”

  A slight grin curving his lips, he shook his head. “It’s not necessary.”

  She linked her fingers with his and tugged him toward the hall. “Then let me show you how sorry I am.”

  “But Jason’s home,” he reminded her as they passed her nephew’s room. Kent resisted her efforts to pull him into her bedroom.

  “We’re going to be very quiet,” she promised him. “In fact, we won’t be talking at all, since you won’t let me say the words.”

  He chuckled. “Erin…”

  “We’ll lock the door.”

  His grin widening, he stepped over the threshold, and Erin closed the door behind him. He chuckled again as she clicked the lock.

  “Shh…” she said, but instead of placing her fingers across his lips, she rose up on tiptoe and pressed her mouth there.

  He cupped her face and kissed her back.

  She pushed his jacket from his broad shoulders, then attacked the buttons on his shirt, parting the fabric to bare his chest for her hands—and her mouth—to explore. His throat rippled as she slid her lips up his neck, to where his pulse pounded with desire for her.

  A groan barely escaped him before he bit it back. “Erin, you’re killing me.”

  “I haven’t shown you anything yet,” she promised as she unclasped his belt and jeans, pushing the denim and briefs down his lean hips. Then she dropped to her knees.

  “Erin…” His fingers tunneled through her hair, trying to pull her back up.

  She began loving him with her mouth, sliding it down the hard length of his erection. She gazed up at him, at the look of torment on his handsome face.

  Done with being gentle, he lifted her from the floor and carried her to her rumpled bed. The sweatshirt, the same ratty gray one she’d worn the first time they’d made love, ruffled her hair as he dragged it over her head, then dropped it to the floor. Next came the camisole she wore beneath it, freeing her breasts.

  He teased her the way she’d teased him. Slowly. Sensually. He skimmed her pajama bottoms down her legs, then pulled aside her panties and loved her with his mouth.

  Erin grabbed a pillow from the bed, biting a corner of the cotton case to hold in her cries of pleasure as her body writhed and shuddered. Gasping for breath, she reminded him, “I’m supposed to be showing you how sorry I am.”

  He left her for a moment to retrieve his wallet and protection, then joined her on the bed once more. Erin pushed him onto his back and straddled his lean hips. Bracing her palms against the hard muscles of his chest, she eased herself onto him, taking him deep inside her. She threw her head back and moaned at the erotic sensation.

  “Shh…” he reminded her, rising up to silence her with his lips. His tongue moved inside her mouth, mimicking his movements inside her body, thrusting slowly in and out. His hands skimmed over her skin, cupping her breasts, and he stroked his thumbs back and forth across her nipples.

  The pressure inside Erin built again, with such intensity that it was almost painful when it broke. His hands clasped her hips, thrusting her up and down. Suddenly, he threw back his head and bit his lip, groaning as he came, too.

  Erin collapsed onto his chest, his skin damp with his perspiration and hers. She sighed as his palm moved down her spine.

  “That was some apology,” he said.

  “It’s not enough…” She propped her chin on his chest and gazed up into his gray eyes. “I wish I could print a retraction. That I could tell everyone how wrong I was about you.”

  “Stein won’t let you.”

  “He’ll fire me.” She shook her head as frustration tightened the muscles their lovemaking had just relaxed. “I should just quit.”

  “You can’t.”

  She sighed. “No, I can’t. Not until I find another job. I’m trying…” She pressed a kiss against his heart, which beat fast and hard beneath her lips. “But I can apologize for every column just like this,” she offered.

  “Erin…” That same mixture of resignation and regret that had alarmed her before was back in his voice. “I need to explain—”

  “Shh,” she said, afraid to hear what he wanted to say. “We’re not talking, remember?”

  Desire brightened his eyes, and he slid his hands down her back to the curve of her hips. “Then what are we going to do…?”

  She smiled as she moved. “I’m sure we’ll think of something.” But Erin really didn’t want to think at all. She only wanted to enjoy everything she felt for this man.

  KENT DIDN’T KNOW what hurt more—leaving Erin lying alone and naked in bed, or his back. He moved slowly down the hall, carrying his shoes. In the living room he settled next to her laptop on the edge of the couch. Gritting his teeth, he leaned over. His muscles tightened and protested the movement as he slid his feet into his shoes. When he reached for the laces, the muscles spasmed, and a curse slipped out of his lips.

  “Did you spend the night?” a soft voice asked.

  Kent closed his eyes, feeling a wave of regret, then opened them to focus on Jason. The little boy yawned and blinked the sleep from those brown eyes, which were filled with curiosity and trust.

  “No, I fell asleep…on the couch,” he lied, hoping the child wouldn’t notice that the pillows weren’t at all scrunched.

  “I do that sometimes, too,” Jason admitted, “when I’m watching a boring movie.”

  “Yeah, that’s what happened,” Kent said. “Your aunt and I were watching a boring movie. I fell asleep on the couch, and she must have gone to bed.” Perspiration trickled down his back. With those unblinking dark eyes, the kid would make a great interrogator someday. Kent hated lying to him.

  “You should have waked me,” Jason berated him. “I have some good movies. Do you want to watch one now?” Eagerness brightened his eyes.

  Kent’s heart contracted with emotion for this sweet boy. In his race car pajamas, with his hair all tousled from sleep, he was adorable. And obviously starved for a male role model in his young life.

  “No.” Kent couldn’t be that role model. He couldn’t be anything to the boy or his aunt. He needed to explain that to her, but he didn’t want to tell her about the surgery. She would probably insist on sticking by him like she had her brother. “You’d better get back to bed.”

  “I’m not tired anymore,” Jason insisted.

  Kent smiled and reminded him, “You have school in the morning, and I have to work.”

  “You’re leaving?”

  “Yup, I have to go. I need to be at work really early.” While he had a few more weeks before the surgery, he needed every hour on the job to rearrange a schedule he hadn’t realized was so busy until he had to find people to cover for him.

  “Can you tuck me in before you go?” Jason asked, his brown eyes widening hopefully.

  Kent gulped. “Sure. Just let me tie my shoes first.” Still holding his breath, he leaned forward, the muscles in his back spasming again as he reached for his laces.

  “I can do it,” the little boy proudly proclaimed. “Aunt E. taught me. Do you want me to tie your shoes?”

  “I’d love that,” Kent said.

  The little boy’s hair fell into his eyes as he knelt at
Kent’s feet. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth as he concentrated on wrapping one lace around the other.

  Kent doubted his shoes would stay tied long, but he smiled and complimented the child. “Great job, little buddy. Thanks a lot.”

  He fought the grimace from his face as he stood up. While he hated to take drugs, he might actually fill the prescription for new painkillers.

  Jason yawned, then lifted his arms up toward Kent. “Can you carry me?”

  He didn’t have the heart to refuse the boy. Jason slung an arm around his neck, hanging on as Kent walked down the hall toward his room.

  “When are you coming over again?” the child asked, as Kent laid him in his bed. “So we can watch movies together?”

  Kent’s hands shook as he pulled the blankets to the little boy’s chin. He would love to be part of this kid’s life and a part of Erin’s, but he couldn’t be what they needed—because he might need too much. He couldn’t have Erin and Jason taking care of him. It wouldn’t be fair.

  “I’m not going to be able to come around for a while,” he said.

  The little boy blinked as if fighting back tears. “Are you going away?”

  Regret and guilt slammed through Kent. “I’m not going away like…” Like Jason’s father and mother. “I’m just going to be really busy.”

  “With police stuff?”

  He nodded.

  “Catching bad guys?”

  “Something like that.”

  “My daddy’s in jail,” Jason said, his brown eyes filling with fear and tears. “Is he a bad guy?”

  “No.” Kent brushed Jason’s hair back from his serious little face. “Remember what I told you at school? Sometimes good people make bad mistakes.” But Mitchell was trying to fix that now, to make up for everything he’d done wrong. “That doesn’t make your daddy a bad guy.”

  Relief filled Jason’s dark eyes, and he settled into his pillow and fell back to sleep.

  “Everybody makes mistakes,” Kent murmured.

  “You’re making one now,” Erin said softly from where she stood in the doorway of her nephew’s room.

  He couldn’t argue with her. Limping slightly, he joined her in the hall. “How long were you standing there?” he asked.