The Boyfriend Cruise

by Deanna Wadsworth

  Frowning, Josh nodded. He didn’t like hearing about that jerk.

  “Well, when I come, I fill the other person with my magic, and it bonds them to me.”

  “So there are hundreds of guys out there bonded to you?”

  “They would be, if I kept having sex with them. But the magic fades, and then they’re just left with memories of awesome sex. But this?” He pointed between the two of them. “This is different. When I give you my magic, it’ll bond us far more than an engagement or marriage vow.”

  “It will?”

  “Yes, because you’re a virgin and I love you. If I give you my incubus magic, it will bond me to you for life.”

  Josh sat back, a little stunned. “And then I’ll be your slave?”

  “No,” Nathan said, shaking his head. “And I don’t like that word for us. Bartholomew wanted a slave to feed from. This is different. This is a demon bond made of love, not greed and selfishness.”

  “Oh.” What else could Josh say?

  Nathan twisted his hands and studied Josh. “I think I’m explaining this all wrong. Bonding my demon to you would be wonderful. I love you so much that my demon side has rejected the idea of sex with anyone else. It wants you and only you. If we bond, it’ll get exactly what it wants. So will I, for that matter.”

  The smile Nathan wore as he reached for Josh’s hand was beatific, but Josh just stared. “What about me?”

  “Well, not much would change for you. You’ll probably get thinner than I want you to, because you’ll be my only food source. I’ll tell you now, though, my demon will go crazy if you sleep with anyone else. Claws will definitely come out.”

  Josh flinched. “You think I would cheat on you?”

  “No,” he said quickly. “At least I hope not. But if we bond, you’ll still have the ability to have sex with whomever you please. I’ll only be able to be with you.”

  Josh studied him curiously. “Is a monogamous incubus possible?”

  “One-quarter incubus, remember? I didn’t inherit immortality or the desire to drink blood either.”

  “Gross.”

  “I know, right? To answer your question, Josh, yes, if my human side wants to be monogamous, the incubus does too. I told you, I turned down sex for the first time in my life yesterday because the demon chose you. All we want is you.”

  This was every fairy tale and fantasy Josh had ever had. Well, he hadn’t expected all his dreams to come true with an incubus, but everything else with Nathan?

  Spot-on perfect fantasy fulfilled.

  Josh had been shocked yesterday when a helpless little girl turned out to be half fire-breathing dragon. And it had been a shock to learn the man he was so willing to give his virginity to was a partial sex demon.

  And though Josh had been dreaming about incubus sex all day, he needed clarification. “You’re saying that if you give me your magic, then you’re bonded to me for life?”

  Grinning, Nathan nodded. “Yup.”

  “And you’ll never be able to have sex with anyone but me.”

  “Yup.”

  “Just me?”

  “Yes, Josh. Just you.” Nathan smiled. Obviously he hadn’t thought this through.

  A cold sense of dread filled the pit of Josh’s stomach. “Nathan, we need to think about this.”

  “What’s there to think about?” Nathan said seriously. “We love each other, right?”

  “There’s more to it, I….” Josh took a deep breath. “For the first time in my life, I just went with everything and didn’t second-guess myself too much. And it’s been awesome, but what you’re talking about is serious.”

  “I know, but I’ve thought a lot about this. The Pride has been my home for so many years, and I don’t know what it’s gonna be like not to be here anymore. When I come to Indiana with you, I’ll miss it, and it’ll probably be a bit scary without having other paras around, but once we bond, I go where you go.”

  “I can’t ask you to give up your entire life for me.”

  “It’s mine to give up. Besides, you’re my life now.”

  “That’s a little flippant, don’t you think?”

  “Not at all.”

  Suddenly everything became crystal clear.

  Nathan was willing to give up everything for Josh.

  His friends, family. New lovers. Yachts in the Mediterranean, travel, money?

  Josh could never give Nathan any of those things.

  Josh might get annoyed at his family, but he couldn’t move away from them. Clare was having a baby. Meanwhile, Nathan easily decided to give up everything for Josh. Giving up living on the Pride for a para was tantamount to forcing Josh to give up any and all connection with the LGBT community.

  And Nathan was a sex demon.

  Would an inexperienced virgin ever be enough for an incubus? Nathan had tasted every delicacy in the world when it came to men, and Josh was the chicken nugget equivalent.

  What if Nathan grew bored with Josh and his boring life? Resented that he could never have sex with anyone else and that he’d given up his whole life just for Josh? What if they bonded and Nathan fell out of love with him?

  Josh’s heart couldn’t take that.

  “We need to think about this. I need to think about it. I’m sorry, Nathan.” Josh stood, too dumbstruck to do anything but shake his head.

  How had he let himself fall so hard against such bad odds?

  The look on Nathan’s face broke Josh’s heart. “Josh? You’re scaring me a little.”

  “I’m sorry,” he repeated, resisting Nathan’s allure and ignoring the screaming agony in his heart. “I need some time alone to think about this.”

  Nathan looked as if Josh had slapped him. “This?” he repeated, swallowing hard enough to make his Adam’s apple move. “You’re not talking about sex and the bond, you’re talking about us. You don’t know if you want me to come to Indiana with you.”

  “Are you sure you do?”

  “Yes.”

  How could Nathan be so sure when the sudden weight of both old and new doubts consumed Josh?

  “Please, just—” Josh stopped, not knowing what else to say.

  “I love you, Josh,” Nathan said, one last plea.

  “I know. Good night.”

  And though it was the hardest thing he’d ever done in all of his life, he put his back to the man he loved and walked away.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Day Six, Private Island, Christmas Eve

  NATHAN LAY awake all night, replaying the previous day’s events and trying to figure out what he’d done to spook Josh.

  You were born part incubus.

  Of course, Josh needed time to think about having a demon in his life.

  How could Nathan have been so stupid? Just because Josh accepted the paranormal didn’t mean he’d want anything paranormal in his normal life.

  It was one thing to have something like that on vacation, but back in the real world?

  No, Josh wanted a normal man.

  A human.

  Darrius had called it “true love,” but how could Josh ever love someone like Nathan, with all the sordid things he’d done?

  And as many times as Nathan had said “I love you,” Josh had not said it back.

  Not once.

  How could anyone love a demon?

  What a fool Nathan had been, imagining himself at Gilbert Sunday dinners. Planning picnics and dreaming of a normal life for the two of them. Nathan might feel three-quarters human, but he would always be incubus to the rest of the world.

  Ignoring his two roommates, Jordan and Ace, chattering happily about Christmas, he got dressed, his mind a hazy cloud from equal parts lack of sleep and despair. After he gathered his camera, he attended the crew meeting with Raoul. Then half the crew, Nathan in tow, disembarked to the captain’s private island for the Christmas Eve Beach Party.

  The morning went by in a blur of smiling guests and snapping pictures. The band was playing reggae-style holiday m
usic on the beach, and though it wasn’t even noon, people were already drinking and dancing.

  Nathan did his job like a robot.

  Every time he looked through his lens, he hoped to see Josh.

  After several hours of being on the private island with no sign of Josh, Nathan realized he must’ve stayed aboard the ship.

  He doesn’t want to see you anymore.

  Distraught, Nathan took a deep breath and snapped a candid picture of Chuck and Stan by the big outdoor grill. They’d just been served big T-bones—extra rare for werewolves, of course.

  “Nathan,” Chuck said when he spied him. “How are you?”

  He forced a smile. “Good. Having fun?”

  “Always do.” Chuck flashed a grin.

  Stan tipped his head to the side. “Something’s off about you. You smell—” He sniffed the air. “—sad.”

  Understatement of the year.

  “I’m fine. Have fun, guys.” Then Nathan hurried away before they said anything else.

  Suddenly Josh stepped onto the path in front of him.

  They both drew up short, startled.

  Nathan’s vision went red, and he was grateful for the sunglasses to hide it.

  What if Josh took it as a sign of aggression rather than fear and desperation?

  Nathan didn’t know how he prevented his demon from grabbing Josh, kissing him, then throwing him onto the sand to ram his cock deep inside Josh, filling him with everything. Claiming Josh as his own soul and his own heart.

  “Hi,” Josh said.

  “Hi,” Nathan managed. Terrified of what Josh might say, he went for broke. “Did you get your thinking done?”

  That sounded idiotic!

  Josh just shook his head, spun on his heels, and hurried away.

  Nathan had once heard the mournful howl of a werewolf grieving the loss of its mate. His heart made that sound with every step Josh practically ran away from him.

  Suddenly he felt like he would be sick.

  Bile and gorge rose in his throat, and his head spun. He shook his head, vision blurring. He hurried over to the bushes just in time to puke up the contents of his stomach.

  What’s happening?

  An instant before Nathan was convinced he’d pass out, someone touched his arm.

  Nathan jumped and let out a squawking sound.

  “Sweetie, are you okay?” Mrs. Gilbert asked him, expression very concerned.

  “What was that all about?” Clare flipped her thumb to where her brother had disappeared. “Did you guys have a fight or something?”

  Scowling, Ramona crossed her arms beneath her ample chest. “If you broke his heart, I’ll break you.”

  Nathan let out a confused and awkward chuckle. “No, no, it’s not like that. I love him.” He looked to each of them, imploring them to understand. “I love him so much.”

  Mrs. Gilbert put her hand to her heart. “You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say that, Nathan, but what I just saw between the two of you makes what you said a little confusing.”

  “Josh needs time to think about it,” Nathan said, not adding, to think about whether or not he wants to spend the rest of his life with a demon.

  But he couldn’t say that, just like Josh could never tell his family Nathan was incubus.

  “Guess I’ll have to go talk some sense into that idiot,” Clare said.

  “No,” Nathan insisted. “Please don’t. You can’t force someone to love you back.”

  If Josh didn’t love Nathan, how could Nathan go on? His demon never wanted to feed from another man, but if Josh said no, then what? Would he die of starvation or a broken heart first?

  He felt the tears in his eyes and walked away before they trickled down his cheeks where his sunglasses couldn’t hide them. His hands were trembling as he wiped his face.

  He didn’t know where he was going, but he couldn’t stay a second longer.

  When he saw Penelope walking toward him, he yanked the camera off his shoulder and thrust it at her. “Here. Take pictures. Return that to Kevin when you’re done.”

  “Oh goody!” she said, and then she narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t know demons cried.”

  Yeah, neither did Nathan.

  JOSH STARED at his feet, propped up on the rope hammock and dappled with shade from the palm fronds above him. A background of crystal blue water and the beach between the gaps of the weave would make a cool postcard. He held up his piña colada and positioned it so it would be in the picture too.

  #wishyouwerehere

  But he didn’t feel like taking a picture and posting it to Instagram.

  He wondered if Nathan would like the photograph, what he would think of it.

  He’d weighed the risk of seeing Nathan on the island before he was ready to talk to him, but his family had insisted he come to the big Christmas Eve Beach Party. Luke and Aaron had tried to convince him to enter the limbo contest, but Josh was not in the mood for a limbo contest, beer pong, or pin the nose on the reindeer and sitting on reggae Santa’s lap.

  Lying in this hammock with a piña colada was about all Josh had the energy for just then.

  Josh hadn’t slept much last night, and the rum and island music dancing on the warm tropical breeze almost lulled him to sleep.

  He shouldn’t have run away from Nathan.

  They needed to have a realistic conversation.

  But if Josh pointed out how much Nathan was willing to give up, Nathan might realize Josh wasn’t worth the sacrifice. Or worse, he’d go through with it and then resent Josh later.

  Josh’s heart couldn’t handle that rejection.

  But could Josh handle going back to his empty existence without taking the chance?

  What the heck am I supposed to do?

  Nathan had taught Josh passion, awakened needs he’d denied far too long. He wished he could go back in time to yesterday in his cabin, where everything had been so perfect, and just stay there.

  But like a vacation, all good things came to an end eventually.

  Josh slurped the remnants of his piña colada, sucking out every last bit and making all the obnoxious sounds Mom used to hate when they were in restaurants.

  “Sounds like that drink’s about empty,” Dad said, tiptoeing through the shady sand toward Josh’s hammock. He held up two cocktails, a margarita and a piña colada. “Looks like I got here just in time.”

  Josh flinched, startled out of his melancholy thoughts. “Hey, Dad.”

  Dad set the drinks in the sand and then pointed at the hammock. “Scoot over, kid. That hammock’s big enough for five people.”

  Josh chuckled. It took a little maneuvering, but they managed to get Dad on the hammock, both Gilbert men side-by-side with their feet by each other’s head. They actually had enough space to be completely comfortable.

  “Man, this hammock is nice,” Dad said, scooping up the drinks and handing one over. “I wonder if they sell them on the ship. This would be great in the backyard.”

  Josh sipped his fresh piña colada, hoping more alcohol would dull the pain. “Yeah, that would be cool. I bet Mom would like that.”

  “So what’s going on with you and Nathan?” Dad asked very softly.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Your sisters and mom are all riled up about something. I stopped them from coming over here to talk to you. Figured you might not want to be bombarded by the Gilbert women if something was really going on.”

  Josh held up his glass in a toast. “Yeah, thanks. I’ve had enough of that this week.”

  “Something you want talk about, son?”

  Yes, I fell in love with a sex demon, and he loves me so much that he’s willing to give up living with his own kind and bond to me for eternity. I don’t know if I should ask him to make that kind of sacrifice. What if he regrets being stuck with me? And what the hell does he see in me, anyway?

  Of course Josh didn’t say any of that.

  Rather, he gave Dad a noncommittal grunt.
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  Dad nudged his shoulder with his foot. “You don’t have to tell me everything, but I’ll listen to whatever you wanna share.”

  Dad always listened.

  “I don’t know, Dad. Nathan says he loves me, and I think I love him….” Josh hesitated—no, I do love him! So he forged onward, trusting Dad. “But how do I know if it’s real? I’ve wanted someone for so long. I’ve been so lonely.” His voice quivered, and he pinched the bridge of his nose, unable to go on.

  Josh had been looking for love forever.

  That’s why this boyfriend cruise hurt so much. It was like mistletoe always dangling over other couples, kisses and true love just out of Josh’s reach.

  “I’m so sorry, Josh, I had no idea you were so sad. I wish…,” Dad whispered, his voice choked.

  “I’m not sad,” he insisted, though it felt like a lie. “Just wish I could have what everyone else has. Someone who loves me.”

  “You said Nathan loves you.”

  “Yeah, but I’m so new at this. How can I be sure it’s real? Shouldn’t I keep looking? I mean, he’s the first guy I’ve—” He stopped himself just in time. “The first guy I’ve felt this way about. What if I’m just in love with being in love? What if it’s just some magical allure I have no control over?”

  Dad chuckled. “Josh, you just described love. It is magic.”

  “But how do you know when love is strong enough to sacrifice everything?”

  “Wow, that’s a big question.” Dad sipped his margarita.

  Was Josh so desperate that he’d believe the first man… no, the first demon who said that to him? The first man he’d been intimate with? But fairies were real. Why couldn’t Nathan’s love be real too?

  “Answer me this,” Dad finally said. “Do you trust Nathan?”

  Josh contemplated it for the barest of moments. Nathan was a demon with strength and magic he’d never used against Josh, and not once had Josh feared that he would.

  In fact, the sheer insanity that Josh so easily accepted what Nathan was showed that he had absolute trust.

  “Yes,” he answered.