Paranormal Solved

by Grace Fleming

  "What we know as cryptid creatures are either of two things: they are either naturally evolved animals that come from the planets in the dark realm—I believe the black dog and the black panther sighings in the US are examples of those—or they are experimental beings, designed for wicked purposes. The latter are created with a mix of materials, or DNA, from different worlds. These aliens have long sought to create an army of beings that will fight a physical battle to match the spiritual battle, and I believe that the Sasquatch has been their most successful creation. In fact, they may be the Nephilim reinvented. It is said that the originals were killed in the great flood. At any rate, the ultimate point, I believe, is this: The Realm of Light has always been the most powerful realm. This recent invasion of cryptids is an attempt to destroy the place where spirits of light come to grow. It is rather ingenious."

  Jerry didn't know what to say for several seconds, but he wasn't quite finished questioning Nilsson, yet. The implications were terrifying, if any of this was true, but he had no reason to doubt the man at this point. "Nilsson," he said. "Do you think my friends are in serious danger?"

  "Oh, I am fairly certain they are," Nilsson said, as he swatted at an insect circling his head."But those sorts of beings are out of my wheelhouse. I think you must do what you can to bring your friends home, very soon."

  21

  Anecdotal Evidence

  Life was excellent.

  David stretched out his arms and breathed in the morning smells of damp pine bark and campfire smoke. He turned to his side as he stretched, to see a lumpy pile of forest green polyester about two feet away. Inside that lump was the loveliest creature he'd ever known.

  He had to admit he was smitten. Laura was so passionate about her work, and so endearing when she was passionate. He could understand why her TV show was such a hit. He'd learned, over the past several weeks, to compartmentalize his feelings about her field of work and his romantic feelings. He'd been having the time of his life, tagging along on the mysterious trek through the wilderness while Laura and her cameraman searched for signs of a great beast. So far, there had been no sign of footprints and no opportunity to use the little plaster casting kit, which disappointed him a little. He'd been awarded the job of making footprint casts, but so far, the journey had yielded no such evidence. But not all was lost, as far as Laura was concerned, because they had stumbled upon a few teepee-like structures made of big sticks. Laura and her coworker had been excited to find those, but to David, they looked a lot like the stick houses he and his neighbor kid had made twenty years earlier, as preteens playing under the trees of his Ohio back yard.

  Despite the disappointing lack of monster sightings, the summer was shaping up just as he had hoped. He'd been able to play wilderness man while Laura and Chaz stopped every few hours to observe and record any suspicious looking tree branches. They were making pretty slow progress through the woods, be he didn't care. He could tell that Laura was growing increasingly anxious about the lack of any exciting findings, though.

  David wasn't at all sure where they were, exactly, although he knew they were somewhere north of Donner Lake. They'd stayed at the lake in a cabin for a few days while Laura and Chaz collected supplies and coordinated with producers and Dr. Whythe. All David knew was that they were going north, and that their plans were sort of sketchy and secret, because they were going off trail, whatever that meant. He assumed they were crossing though some private lands or government property that was otherwise off limits. Conversations were pretty hush, hush, so David kept mum about it all. He just went along for the experience, and assumed that if they got into any legal trouble, the network would provide some heavy legal support. Mainly he kept his mouth shut and helped with chores.

  He stretched again and realized that he really needed to get up for a whiz, but the thought of getting up was annoying. It was way too cozy in the downy comfort of his sleeping bag, and the mountain air was hovering somewhere in the forties, a temperature that was perfect for snuggling with a beautiful woman, but not so great for a walk in the nude. David rubbed at his itchy eyes, propped himself on one elbow, and stared down at the woman sleeping next to him. She was also naked, he knew. She’d managed to sneak away into her own sleeping bag sometime after he fell asleep—her little way of remaining independent, he figured. He reached over and peeled back the cover to reveal her face.

  She looked so beautiful, laying there with her head twisted toward him, breathing heavily as her long hair splayed across her pillow. Damn it, he thought. How the hell did he get himself into this? The physical stuff was mind blowing, for sure. But the big problem was that he genuinely liked her company. He’d never laughed so much or had so many interesting conversations as he did with her. He really dreaded the day when he’d have to ruin it all, when they finally hit that wall. She'd never forgive him when he turned this adventure into a conference talk, when he would expose the truth about this excursion and disparage her livelihood. But it was unavoidable. Even if his heart wasn't in it, his friends would expect him to hold up his end of the deal. He couldn't see any way out of it. What a bastard you are, he thought to himself.

  Laura stirred and brushed the hair from her face, seeming to sense his stare. She mumbled something before turning her back to him, revealing the bare curve of her spine. He wanted to reach out to her, but he was reminded from his full bladder that he was in no shape to start any such thing at the moment.

  He unzipped his own sleeping bag and threw back the flap, exposing his entire, naked body to the chilly air. His shoes had somehow managed to travel a few feet beyond his reach in the night, so he stepped naked into the cold air to fetch them and rushed back to the warmth of his bag. Without being cheesy, he had to admit that the night before had been exquisite. Luckily, Chaz preferred to sleep in his tent, set far away from theirs, and he preferred the cold night air, so he always pitched it a good distance away from the fire. So the previous night, the sky had been amazingly clear, and the stars were so brilliant that they had decided to lay outside in the open, alone by the fire, chatting and exploring one another for hours. Laying there, exhausted, snuggling with this beautiful woman, seeing a mountain view of the cosmos for the first time, smelling of smoke—he had experienced perfection.

  He finished tying his shoe and headed for the nearest tree, but then had second thoughts. He didn’t want that to be her first sight when she opened her eyes: his bare-naked butt shining in the early morning light. Besides, he needed to pass gas, and it was sure to come bursting out with a trombone sound as soon as he applied any pressure, and that she certainly didn’t deserve. He was already exposed to the cold air now, so he made his way through the dense brush and trees to find a giant tree to step behind. There was a big one, about twenty feet into the thicket, with a trunk wide enough to hide his entire body, so he happily skirted around the tree trunk and directed old one-eye toward the base and enjoyed the bliss of emptying his bladder.

  A pee tingle shuddered through his body, which was exhilarating for a second, but the momentary joy was interrupted by whack sound and a simultaneous sharp pain on his right shoulder blade. It felt like he’d been stabbed, right behind his arm socket, and as it happened, he'd seen a fist-sized rock ricocheting off his body and tumbling to the leaves. "What the fuck?" he yelled as he grabbed at his shoulder. He wheeled around toward the forest behind him, but saw only a few slight waves of leaves in the breeze. "Who's out there?" he yelled as he felt around for blood. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He yelled toward the woods, not caring that the person he was yelling at was most likely the lovely lady he'd just left in a sleeping bag. This was apparently her idea of some joke, throwing a rock at him while he was distracted by a penis in his hand. What the hell was she thinking? He finished relieving himself and stomped back toward the camp site, holding his sore shoulder with his left hand. He wasn't amused with her attempted play, even though he was pretty sure she hadn't really intended to hit him. He tried to calm the anger that pulsated thro
ugh his veins, but it wasn't easy. It was a foolish move on her part, and he had every right to be pissed. So much for the perfect lover he'd found. He made his way back to his sleeping bag and kicked off a shoe in a violent flick of his foot, letting it fly through the air, not caring where it landed. It landed square on the lumpy bag containing Laura's body.

  "Ouch," a muffled voice sounded from within the fabric. Laura's face emerged from the open end. "What the hell was that?" she said.

  She looked genuinely confused, and barely awake.

  "You're shitting me, right?" David said. He was still angry, but also a bit confused. Either she was a really good actor and a really fast runner, or somebody else had just pelted him with that rock.

  Laura sat up half way and looked around for several seconds in what appeared to be a genuine daze. "What's going on?" she asked. "Did-did you just throw your shoe at me? What the hell?"

  "Seriously," David said. "Are you messing with me? Because somebody just threw a rock at me, and I thought it was you. Was it?"

  David could tell that it was taking Laura some time to process this information. "So somebody threw a rock at you and a shoe at me?" she said. She was genuinely confused and half awake. Plus, her boobs looked exquisite as she reclined there, propped up by her elbows and exposed from the waist up.

  "Forget the shoe," he said. "That was me, but it was an accident. But look at this." He twisted his torso around so she could see his shoulder blade. "Is there a mark?"

  "Jesus," she said. "There's a welt. What happened?"

  "It was a rock!" he yelled. "I was taking a whiz on a tree over there and somebody threw a rock at me." As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized what was going on, and the anger started to return. "Hang on," he continued. "Was it Chaz?" With that, he marched as sternly as he could, considering he was now naked and wearing a single shoe, and unzipped Chaz's tent flap without warning the guy. He was pretty sure he'd find the tent empty, since the guy would have had no opportunity to climb back in, unseen. But as he poked his head inside the tent, his eyes adjusted to see a sleepy-eyed Chaz looking up at him in confusion.

  "What the fuck, dude?" he said. He looked up at David in all his nudity, with a look of horror and shock.

  "Sorry," David said, and backed out slowly, zipping the flap back into place. He could hear a muffled "What's the matter with you" as he backed away from the tent. There was just no way that Chaz had been the culprit. He turned back to Laura—and then another thought occurred to him. "It's those assholes from the plane," he said.

  "I have no idea what you're talking about, David. You're being irrational."

  "I'm talking about this," he turned to display the red mark on his shoulder. "Somebody threw that rock. They don't fall from trees."

  “Oh my god,” she said, gazing back toward the woods and looking more fully awake. As soon as the word left her mouth, another object landed between them with a thud. It was a another rock, this one was bigger than David's head, and it seemed to have fallen down from the sky. "Oh this is absurd," he said, jumping to his knees. "This shit is not funny." He climbed over Laura and grabbed at his discarded shoe as she emitted some squealing grunt of disapproval. She could act offended all she wanted, for all he cared. He was pretty sure that some of her Sasquatch compatriots were skulking around out there in the woods trying to scare him. He got to his feet, still holding the second shoe in his hand. "Who's out there?" he yelled. As he stood there, another huge rock came tumbling from the tops of the trees, missing him by a few feet and landing with a thud. "Sons of bitches!" he yelled again toward the tree line, this time stomping in the general direction of the rock's trajectory. He'd only made it a few feet when a his ankle twisted with a jolt. "Damn it!" he screamed. He hobbled back toward the campsite, fighting the urge to cry. His ankle wasn't too injured, but his pride was. Laura was there, hovering over the large rock that had landed between them, snapping pictures from her camera.

  "What are you doing?" he asked. He heard the venom in his own tone, but he didn't care. "Are you freakin’ kidding me?" She was on her knees, still nude, wedging a stick under the rock to observe beneath it, treating it like she'd just unearthed some golden trinket from the Amazon.

  "David, I need you to calm down." Her voice sounded urgent. She bent low and snapped a few more photos of the rock's underbelly. "This is serious."

  "I'm seriously going to kick somebody's ass."

  "Shut up and listen," she said as she placed her camera on the ground and turned to him with more anger in her face than he'd ever seen. "Something is happening here, and I need you to calm down and work with me. And think rationally for a second."

  "Rationally?" He was still dripping the sarcasm. "Meaning what?"

  She was feeling around the depths of her sleeping bag and pulling out yesterday's clothing. "Well..., why don't you come and try to pick up this rock..., for one thing." She was now trying to stand up while thrusting her legs inside her jeans as she spoke in sharp, angry bursts. "And see how far you can toss it in the air." She yanked the jeans over her hips and fastened them as she stared. "Well?"

  He glanced down at the mini-boulder and grasped her meaning in an instant. The rock would have been way too heavy for him to toss more than a few feet, and even that might put his back out. He headed toward it anyway, just to see how it felt to lift it up. As expected, it felt like heavy gym weights. Somehow, this had fallen from the treetops.

  "It's some trick," he said, but his mind was grasping for a reasonable explanation. "They've got a catapult or something." It sounded absurd as he said it. They were miles from civilization, including any kind of road, and in the rough terrain, the woods were way too dense to maneuver any type of machinery.

  "Really?" Now she was sounding sarcastic.

  "I don't know how they did it, but this is some stupid trick. They're trying to scare me, because I'm a professor and I'd add credibility to the whole Bigfoot claim."

  "What?" she seethed. There was a purple vein trying to burst from her forehead. "Are you really serious?" Now she was yelling.

  "I'm not saying you are in on it..." he stammered.

  She didn't let him finish. "Do you have any idea what kind of people are involved in this type of study?" She was now jerking a shirt over her head in a furious tantrum. "You think you’re special because you work at some state university?" That was a low blow. "You really are something. I don't have time for this."

  "Okay, let's both calm down," he said. He realized it was time for him to put on his own clothes, because he felt ridiculous enough having this argument, without suffering the added vulnerability of nakedness. He fumbled around inside his sleeping bag to retrieve his own pants and had one leg inside when he felt his sore shoulder hitting the ground, right before his head hit the dirt with a thwack.

  He had fallen. There was a sharp pain in his head, and the world was vibrating around him.

  In a haze, he realized he was lying on his left side in the dirt with his intestines shaking violently inside him. His entire body pulsated, and everything around him went dark. His brain scrambled to make sense of what was happening, but nothing made sense. He was paralyzed and vibrating at the same time, unable to gain control of his body and unable to see anything outside a small circle of awareness. His throat ached like it was screaming, but he couldn't hear whether it was or not. He maneuvered his eyes toward Laura, who was on her knees and crouching to hold her head beneath her arms. He had no idea what was happening. Nothing made sense. Was it an earthquake? He couldn't focus, and then everything was still and silent. He lay there for a second, frozen in confusion, and saw that Laura, too, was unable to move from her position.

  It wasn't until he heard the quiet that he realized that the cause for the past several seconds of chaos had been a deafening sound that was so loud that it reverberated through the ground and his entire body like a seismic event.

  "Get in the tent," Laura yelled, as she scrambled on hands and knees. Her voice was muffled so t
hat she sounded a mile away. The loud noise had deafened him.

  "What the hell was that?" David could hear the quiver in his own voice as he huddled with Laura inside the small tent.

  Laura didn't answer. She was sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back and forth with her green eyes bulging to double their normal size. She was trembling so hard that David thought she might topple over at any moment. "Are you okay?" he asked. No matter who or what was responsible, this shit was scary enough, without her wigging out on him.

  "I'm fucking excellent," she answered. "I told you about the rock throwing and the...sound thing. It was in the book. This is incredible!"

  "Listen," he said. He was a little wigged out by her crazed behavior. "I don't want to argue or anything, but whatever made that sound was batshit nuts. I mean, I thought I'd been hit by some atomic wave. What the hell was it, for real?"

  "They're warning us," she said. Her voice was coming in short breaths. "They're really here! If we stay in here and don't antagonize them any more, we should be okay." She seemed to believe what she was saying.

  "You want to stay here? Are you serious?"

  "Of course I'm serious," she said, turning to look into his eyes with a maniacal stare. "This is what I came here for." Her voice had the shrill tone of tight vocal chords. "I think if we just show deference to them, we will be fine. I just need to get a grip for a minute." She gave an embarrassed chuckle. "I mean, I have heard all about their roar, or scream, or whatever you call it, but still. Obviously, I wasn't totally prepared for that."

  "Well I sure wasn't prepared for that, either. But listen. Don't get mad at me. I just can't wrap my head around the whole Sasquatch thing. I know you believe it with all your heart, darling, but I think somebody is really messing with us. Where's the gun?"