by Bella Jewel
Sunny stares at her with a pained expression, an expression that breaks my fucking heart. I put my hand in his hair and gently rub. It’s killing me to see him like this, to see him so broken and upset. He doesn’t deserve it. The poor kid deserves happiness. I hope we can be the ones to give that to him now.
“Does my mommy still love me?”
“Oh honey, of course she does. She loves you so much, but sometimes it gets hard for mommies to show you how much they love you when they have forgotten how to love themselves, too.”
“What about Taj? He thinks she’s coming back. He’s so sad. I told him it’s okay, he has me, but he wants momma.”
Strong, beautiful boy.
“You’re a great big brother, the best I know,” Merleigh smiles at him. “He has you, and that’s enough. In time, that’ll make him feel less sad. In the meantime, Bohdi and I are going to make you both feel as happy as we can, okay?”
“Can we come and stay in your cabin? I like it there. I like the beach so much. Bohdi said he’d teach me to surf and I want to start now.”
My heart fucking aches.
“You know what? I think you can come and stay at the cabin anytime you want. How does that sound?”
Sunny smiles, a smile that makes my heart explode. “Yay!”
“And, you can learn to surf with me, because Bohdi is teaching me, too. Though I’m not very good, so you might be better than me.”
He laughs and then runs off yelling at Taj that they’re going to learn to surf and stay in Merleigh’s cabin for a while. I turn to Merleigh when she stands, and I place a hand on the side of her face. She closes her eyes and tips her head into my palm, exhaling. “I’m so sorry I reacted the way I did,” she tells me, “I was just scared and a little overwhelmed.”
Her eyes pop open and she stares up at me. “You’re the most incredible human I have ever met, Merleigh. You shine so much beautiful fuckin’ light into this world. My boys would be lucky to have you in their world, but more than that, I would be lucky. I need you. I love you. I don’t want to live another fuckin’ second without you, and I’m sorry it took me so long to show you that.”
Her eyes light up and she smiles a big, toothy smile. “You love me?”
“More than I’ve ever loved another person in my life.”
“I love you too, Bohdi, and I want this. I want all of it. I want every piece of you, broken or not. Because you’re exactly what I need in this life. You’re the strength I’ve lived so long without, and I would love nothing more than to help you raise your beautiful sons.”
I bring her close and press my lips to hers, kissing her slowly and deeply. She’s so fucking perfect, the kind of perfect you rarely find in a person, and when you do, you don’t let go.
“Ew,” Taj’s little voice comes from behind us.
I chuckle and let her go, and her cheeks go a beautiful shade of red as she smiles at my son. “Hey buddy, what do you say we go and get some ice cream and then go to the beach?” she asks him.
He claps his hands together. “Can I have chocolate?”
“You can have whatever flavor you want, two if it makes you happy!”
“Yay!” he cheers. “Then can we go to the club and visit with Alarick? I like it there.”
Merleigh smiles. “You know, I quite like it there, too. I think it sounds like a great plan.”
Merleigh puts her hand in mine, and I squeeze.
Fuckin’ best day of my life.
Without a doubt.
Maybe Isla did us all a favor.
Maybe, she finally did right by us.
MERLEIGH
“They’re such cute kids,” Zariah says, smiling at the boys who are currently looking at all of the bikes lined up outside the clubhouse. They’re obsessed with them and certain, one day, they’re going to join the club, too.
“They are,” Briella agrees. “I can’t believe their mom just upped and left.”
“Good riddance,” Waverly shrugs. “She was a pain in the ass anyway.”
“Amen to that,” Aviana nods. “Speaking of a pain in the ass, how has Cova been since you got back?”
I have been meaning to go and see Cova, but things have been crazy in the last week and I simply haven’t had the chance. I owe it to her, though. As someone who understands what she’s going through, the least I can do is go and see her. Even if she doesn’t want me to.
“She’s angry, bitter, and miserable,” Briella sighs. “I don’t know what to do with her anymore. She just doesn’t want to be with us and I’m thinking maybe, I should just let her go her own way.”
“Yeah, maybe it’s time for us to stop trying to help her,” Waverly suggests. “I mean, it’s clear she doesn’t want it. It’s like a defiant teenager, the more you push them and tell them no, the more they want to do it. Perhaps it’s time to just let her find her own path.”
“I have to agree,” I nod. “If it weren’t for me getting out on my own and taking chances, I wouldn’t have felt free. She has people trying to help her, which is lovely, but she doesn’t see it the way you do. If I were you, I’d let her find her path. Even if she makes the wrong choices, at least you’re letting her decide. You have to remember, she hasn’t been allowed to decide, and that’s a really hard thing to have taken away from you.”
Zariah smiles. “You’re a smart girl, Merleigh.”
I laugh softly. “Not smart, just been there and know what she’s feeling.”
“Maybe you could go and talk to her,” Briella suggests. “I know we’ve tried and I know you’re right, that we have to let her go, but I still want to know that at the very least, we’ve tried one more time to get through to her.”
“Yeah, I’d like to talk to her anyway,” I say. “I need to clear the air with her, I don’t want her forever thinking I’m not on her side.”
“Well, it’s a plan then,” Briella smiles. “Now, back to some interesting gossip, talk to me and you and Bohdi.”
I roll my eyes with a smile. “What about me and Bohdi?”
“Have you two done it yet?” Aviana wiggles her brows.
I flush. “No, because I freaked out on him and since then...we just haven’t tried. Now we have the boys, and...”
“And what?” Waverly crosses her arms. “Girl, you have to jump on that horse and take him for a ride, god knows he needs it. Don’t be scared. We’ll take the boys for a night, you two can get jiggy with it.”
I laugh. “It’s not that, it’s more that I’m afraid. I haven’t been with anyone in the right way, and I’ve got bad memories of the past. That came up last time, and now I’m scared it’ll come up this time, too. I don’t want to freak him out and I don’t want to embarrass myself anymore.”
“I think you just need to go slow,” Zariah suggests. “Maybe kissing, touching, gently discovering one another. You don’t have to dive right in. That’s not what works for every person.”
I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. What if Bohdi doesn’t like what he sees when we finally get down to it? What if I’m too timid, too quiet, too...broken?
“You’re overthinking this, honey,” Aviana says gently. “I can see it in your eyes. You need to get out of your head and stop whatever thoughts are swimming through it because that man adores you. He looks at you like you’re the best thing he has ever seen in his life. Whatever you’re thinking he might feel, it’s wrong. I promise you, it’s wrong.”
They’re right, I know that.
It still doesn’t take away that fear.
“I’m sure we’ll get there when the time is right,” I say. “We only just decided to give this a go, I don’t even know where to start with that yet.”
“The boys love you,” Briella smiles. “They seriously do. You’re going to be the best thing in their worlds. It’s a blessing in disguise.”
God, I hope she’s right.
I really do.
Because I don’t want to let them down.
I don’t want to let an
yone down.
23
NOW – MERLEIGH
I sit beside Bohdi on the sofa, his arm around me, the boys sound asleep in the spare room at my house.
My nerves are getting the better of me, my stomach twists and I’m terrified of what the night might bring. But still, there is nowhere I’d rather be than right here with him because he makes me feel safe and secure and I know that no matter what, he’s not going to put any pressure on me that I don’t want there.
He’s incredible and the happiness I feel right now is overwhelming.
“It’s fuckin’ nice here,” he murmurs, his mouth close to my hair, his breath warm. “I miss bein’ near the beach.”
“You could come live here, we could get a bigger place. I can keep my job and you can just go back and forth to the club.”
“It’s tempting, somethin’ I’ll look into.”
I snuggle closer. “Have you heard anything from Isla?”
“Nothin’. Not a single thing. I tried to call Daniel, safe to say that didn’t go well.”
“Oh, how come?”
“He’s angry at me, blames me for Sherry’s death, and blames me for leavin’ him with a broken Isla and two ‘screamin’ banshees’. I told him that Isla was gone, and I wondered if he might know where she was. He hung up on me after tellin’ me not to call again and to keep the brat. So, safe to say, he doesn’t give a fuck where she is.”
“He doesn’t want anything to do with Sunny at all? I thought he was a good guy.”
“He was a good guy,” Bohdi explains. “Back when I knew him, he was. Guess drugs and alcohol changed that for him. It’s clear he isn’t the same man I knew.”
“That’s a shame, but I’m not sad that he isn’t going to be around Sunny. That boy doesn’t need that kind of influence in his life.”
“No, he fuckin’ doesn’t.”
I look up at him. “It’s a good thing he has you.”
“And you.”
He leans down and kisses me, and sparks explode in my chest. I whimper and press up higher, deepening the kiss. I love feeling Bohdi’s lips on mine, I love knowing that he’s here with me, and he’s mine. The feeling that gives me, makes my heart explode. He carefully shifts me until I’m on my back and he’s lying on top of me.
He stops and looks down at me. “If this, at any point, is ever too much...you tell me and I’ll stop. You hear me?”
I cup his face. “I trust you, Bohdi. I want this.”
“Then we ain’t goin’ to do that here.”
He stands and leans down, scooping me into his arms and carrying me down the hall into my bedroom. He closes the door and lays me on the bed, and there, he slowly removes every inch of clothing. He does it in a way that’s so incredibly gentle and kind, that my heart races and my mind automatically trusts him and all my fears are eased.
Then he kisses every inch of skin. Every scar, every mark, every single blemish, and flaw. He kisses me, dragging his perfect lips over me like I’m the most incredible thing he’s ever had the pleasure of being with.
It makes me feel like a queen.
Once Bohdi is naked, it’s my turn.
I’ve never seen a male's body in any way that has been enjoyable. So I take every moment to go over his delicious flesh. I kiss and lick, running my hands over his muscles, his ripples and dips, and when I reach his cock, I stare at it with awe. It’s long, it’s thick and it’s hard. The ache that it creates between my legs is something I’m not familiar with.
I love it.
I hesitate when I reach it, my hand extending and then pulling back.
“You can touch me,” Bohdi growls. “Anywhere you like.”
I bite my bottom lip, and then I curl my hand around the warm, hard length. The growl Bohdi gives me is so satisfying that I carefully start to stroke, up and down, slowly. He tenses his abs, and his body flexes in ways that make me feel wild and free, crazy even. I stroke a little faster and finally his hand lashes out and stops me. “That feels incredible, but if you keep going, that’ll be all there is...”
“Oh,” I say softly.
He chuckles and then in seconds, I’m on my back. “It’s my turn.”
“For what?” I ask, eyes wide.
“To make you cum.”
“What?”
He narrows his eyes. “You’ve never had an orgasm?”
I blink. “No.”
He looks almost angry at that fact. “Nobody in your life has ever made you feel good?”
“No,” I say softly. “No, it has never been enjoyable.”
“Fuck, baby, I’m sorry.”
Baby.
That feels nice.
“Say that again,” I say softly, cheeks flushing.
“Baby,” he rasps.
God.
I love it.
“If you don’t want me to do this...” he goes on, his fingers trailing over my skin.
“I do,” I say, confidently. “I want you to be the first for everything in my world.”
He growls and leans down, pressing a kiss to my lips that takes my breath away. Then, he moves down my body until his mouth is between my legs. His hot breath tickles me, and I squirm. I’m not naïve enough to not know what he’s about to do, but I can’t say I’ve ever had it. Not this. I’ve had everything else around there before, but never a mouth.
I’m terrified.
“It’s okay,” Bohdi murmurs. “I won’t hurt you and if you hate it, you tell me and I’ll stop. I’ll never push you, Merleigh.”
“It’s okay,” I say softly. “I’m just scared.”
“I know,” he murmurs.
Then he puts his mouth down.
My fear immediately disappears when I feel the kind of intense pleasure I could have never imagined. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. The feelings building between my legs can only be described as incredible. Bohdi’s mouth is soft and warm, and his tongue is doing things to my body that I didn’t know what possible.
I’m moaning, without even realizing it.
My cries fill the room as that feeling grows and grows, the most beautiful feeling I’ve ever experienced.
Then it explodes.
Pleasure.
Pure, raw pleasure.
I cry out and clutch the sheets, crying Bohdi’s name as my body trembles. He licks until every shudder is released from my body, and then he slides up until he’s on top of me. I stare at him in awe, and he grins. “I guess you’re not afraid of that anymore.”
I laugh softly, breathily. “No, you could say that.”
“Are you sure you want to keep goin’?”
I lean up and kiss him, deep and hard.
“I want all of it. Every single thing.”
So that night, Bohdi makes love to me.
His cock, his hands, his mouth, and his body.
He takes me to heights I never thought was possible. He brings me the kind of pleasure I couldn’t even dream of. There is never a moment where it feels anything but perfect. His thrusts are gentle, his cock feels great inside me and his kisses bring me peace at any time I’m uncertain. He makes me feel like nothing in this world could touch me.
When we’re done, he holds me in his arms until I fall asleep.
That night, I have the best sleep I’ve ever had in my entire life.
Because finally, I’m free.
But mostly, I’m safe.
That’s a beautiful feeling.
NOW – BOHDI
“Daddy?” Taj asks, staring at his plate of pancakes that Merleigh just made him.
“Yeah, buddy?”
“Can I have these for breakfast every day?”
Merleigh giggles from the kitchen as she shows Sunny how to flip the pancakes on the stove.
“Well, buddy, they’re a treat but maybe we can have them every Sunday?”
“Yay!” Taj claps, digging in.
“I am making them next time!” Sunny calls. “I’m ready, dad.”
Da
d.
That feels fucking incredible.
I’m not Sunny’s dad but he has decided that now, that’s exactly who I am to him and he started calling me dad without prompting. It makes me feel fucking incredible inside, because he’s a strong kid and he’s got a heart bigger than anyone could have imagined.
He is perfect.
“I think you’ve got it down, big man,” I call out.
He grins and looks to Merleigh. “Do you think so?”
“Oh, honey, you’re nailing this. Soon, you’ll be better than me and you’ll have to cook every night.”
“Every night?” Sunny gasps. “I don’t know about that, maybe once a week.”
Merleigh laughs. “What about twice?”
“Hmmm, okay, twice might be fun.”
I chuckle. “Sounds like you’ve got yourself a plan.”
Sunny grins and Taj continues to focus on eating his pancakes with a hunger that I had long forgotten about. I didn’t remember just how much kids could eat until this moment. I need to start considering having enough around for them.
“Who wants to do a surfing lesson this morning?” I ask, winking at Merleigh and relishing in the way she flushes.
She’s fucking perfect.
Last night with her was fucking perfect.
I haven’t felt anything like this in my life and experiencing it with her feels like it’s going to be a game-changer.
She is going to be a game-changer.
“Yes!” both boys call.
“What about you, beautiful?” I say, in a low, husky tone that has Merleigh’s cheeks getting even redder.
“Yes, I think I might. I have to work later, but I have time this morning.”
“Well, you heard the lady. Go and get changed, boys.”
The two of them finish up breakfast and get changed while Merleigh cleans up. I eat some of the incredible fucking pancakes she made and then we all head down to the beach. I only have two boards, but I make a note to get the boys one each if they take to it. I know they’d love that and fuck, it feels good to be back near the ocean, this time with people that make me so damned happy I barely know myself.
