Deeper Water_Once and Forever 3

by Lauren Stewart

  Rob turned toward me. “You two are having problems?”

  Great. Now both of them were focused on me. “We’re fine. Really. Maybe a little off in our wavelengths, but it won’t last. We’re here, on a beautiful island, in a beautiful country, for the wedding of my beautiful brother and his fiancée.” The back of my hand slammed into Hayden’s chest as I gesticulated wildly to get my point across. “We’re going to enjoy the beautiful stuff and figure out the crappy stuff after we get home.”

  Rob nodded. At least one of us understood. “Just don’t wait too long, Carson. No matter how committed two people are, it’s impossible to be together for a long amount of time without any conflict. The trick is to deal with the issues while they’re still small. If you wait, shit builds up, and it takes a whole lot of work to fix it. That’s when an unbiased third-party should step in.”

  “I thought you were a lawyer, Rob, not a shrink.”

  “Sometimes it’s the same thing,” he mumbled. Maybe he was hoping this would turn into a working vacation, and he’d get to write it off on his taxes. “I didn’t mean to pry. And enjoying today is equally important.”

  “Ignore my brother, Rob. Carson isn’t used to people actually wanting him to be happy.”

  I stopped myself from responding snidely when I realized the truth of it. Everyone who gave a shit about me was currently on this small pocket of land in the Southern Pacific Ocean. And the only person who’d never given up on me—not once—was a few doors down with the estrogenic half of this party.

  Lane had never stopped wanting me to be happy, even when she thought that meant she had to be unhappy.

  “You’re right.” I stood up so quickly, my knee slammed into the table, knocking all the bottles over. The other men jumped out of their seats and away from the liquid, probably afraid they’d smell like booze and have to wear board shorts to the ceremony instead of our fancy pants.

  Hayden cursed at me and Rob ran for a towel, while I stood still and let my mind figure it out by itself. I’ve always found it better to just let it do its thing rather than force it to do the smart thing.

  “You’re right. She wants me to be happy. And there’s only one way I will be.”

  “I hope that made sense to you because I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  That was okay. He didn’t need to understand. Only she did.

  I apologized as I ran. “I’ll be right back. Swear.”

  The main section of the resort was small, but all the damn doors looked exactly the same. Some of them must’ve been storage, the laundry room, or just haunted.

  But Lane was behind one of them, sitting there, not knowing what I had suddenly realized. I had to find her.

  Be myself. Women loved spontaneity. I didn’t bring my phone, so that was good. Be myself. I was so overwhelmed by love, I would've kicked down all those doors to find her if I had to.

  Or I could, you know, say her name.

  “Lane,” I called at a normal volume. When none of the doors opened, I called again, louder this time. “Lane! Lane, where are you? I need to ask you something!”

  As soon as I heard movement to my right, I spun toward it and practically knocked the guy over as the door opened.

  I stopped as soon as I saw him. “You’re not my girlfriend.”

  “Thankfully, no,” the man said as he righted himself and slammed the door back in my face.

  “Lane!”

  Another door, farther down the hallway opened, and I heard her say, “Carson? Is everything okay?”

  I ran over and bounded into the room as she backed away from me. The other women were all standing, looking alarmed, and I had a moment of regret. There probably was a better way to handle this. With a few less eyes on me. But I was flying high on my realization, feeling invincible, like no one could possibly refuse me, especially Lane.

  “What’s wrong?” Andi rushed forward, holding her skirt in her fists. “Is Hayden—?”

  “Fine. Hay’s fine. Super excited to get going. Are you guys ready yet?” I smiled. Fairly pathetically.

  “Carson, you shouldn’t be here right now,” Lane said, pushing my arm.

  “Why not? We’re not getting married.” The whole think-before-you-speak thing was new to me, and something I hadn’t yet mastered. Evident in the communal gasp and pitying glances at Lane. It still took a few more seconds until I’d processed all the worst things only women could’ve read into my comment.

  “I didn’t mean we’re never getting married.” I looked around the room, hoping to see a supportive face. Someone to tell me to stop talking before I really said something I’d regret. “I just meant I can see the bride. ‘Cause you’re not the bride…yet. I don’t mean—”

  “Go away, Carson.” Lane shut her eyes for a second and then shoved me backwards. “This isn’t the right time.” Then she whispered. “Today isn’t about our shit. Go tell your brother we’ll be ready in about forty-five minutes.”

  “I will but, before I go, I really need to ask you something.”

  Over Lane’s shoulder, I saw Sara. Her eyes were huge, like a cartoon character whose foot just got squished by an anvil. She shook her head and mouthed something. All I got was “…superpower.”

  Oh shit. I was using my superpower—if there was a way to screw something up, I’d be the one to find it. I should’ve known being myself wouldn’t work.

  I shut my mouth and let Lane push me out the door, mumbling a quick apology and internally slapping myself for almost ruining yet another moment that should’ve been special. Just not for me.

  20

  Carson

  After I left the women, I’d gone back to the guys’ room, drank all the liquor that hadn’t spilled from the little bottles, and lamely told my brother everything was okay and my flip out had nothing to do with him or Andi.

  An hour of uncomfortable discussion about how great marriage was later, I stood next to my brother, who was fidgeting impatiently, waiting for this thing to get started.

  Lane was right—today wasn’t about me. Occasionally being able to forget that was one of my less admirable talents. I’d been alone so long, I needed a kick in the head. A strong reminder the world didn’t revolve around me, and other people’s needs were, in fact, more important sometimes.

  So I vowed not to misbehave anymore and to focus on being the best best man I could for my brother.

  “Please tell me you didn’t forget the ring,” Hayden whispered out of the side of his mouth.

  I tapped my pocket until I felt the curve of metal, assuring both of us I hadn’t fucked up something else. “Got you covered, bro.”

  Andi had wanted a small wedding, and that’s what this was. She’d been raised by her grandmother who’d passed away, and the only family she had were her closest friends. So the small group of gawkers didn’t exactly follow the seating rule about making guests decide if they liked the bride or the groom more.

  Sara, Rob, and Hillary sat on Andi’s side. Since I’d spent most of my life wishing I had no family, I pretended not to see Renee and Anna in the seats right in front of where Hay and I stood. Every once in a while, I heard Renee sniffle, as if she were already overcome with emotion. As if she had emotions. My guess—she was overwhelmed with shock that two people were getting married for the right reasons.

  Eric was walking around with a camera stuck to his face, capturing who knew what—how bored we all were waiting for Andi to come out maybe?

  Clare was rushing up and down the aisle, kicking up sand and holding a tablet that, to my knowledge, was only for show. There were only five people in the wedding party—my brother, Andi, Emilia, Lane, and me. And I was pretty sure we all already knew what we were supposed to do.

  Stand there. Smile. Keep the groom from fainting, and make sure the best man doesn’t make any inappropriate comments. Clare would’ve been better off bringing a roll of duct tape.

  At about twenty minutes before sunset on this tropical island, the only one
who wasn’t sweating was the man who would be performing the ceremony standing beneath an arch of flowers. Not only had he been through more marriages than all of us combined—even when my mother was included in the scenario—the officiant was local and used to the heat.

  Finally, Clare nodded to the solo violinist Hayden had flown in from somewhere off island. Since the musician was male, under seventy-five, and only here for today, he couldn’t have been any more perfect for my stepsister. When she saw him, I thought I actually heard Anna’s completely-unsuitable-for-a-relationship alarm go off. When the guy went home, he’d have a wallet full of cash, a smile on his face, and a hell of a story to tell.

  Truthfully, the man was worth every penny and sexual favor he might get. I’ve never been a classical music kind of guy, but I knew when something was done right. Somehow, each note carried over the rhythmic sound of the waves and the ripple of wind through the palm trees, as if the entire island had decided to accompany him.

  I heard another sniffle, but didn’t look. Mostly because, at that moment, the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen came out from behind the wicker panel at the far end of the aisle. Hot damn. Lane’s smile was like sunlight, her dark eyes shining like the ocean at night.

  Yep, at that moment, I understood. I could finally make sense of all those poets I used to make fun of.

  Lane ducked her head shyly, lifting the side of her dress and flicking it out until it caught the breeze. She reached into the little basket she was carrying and grabbed a handful of pink petals, tossing them onto the sand as she walked.

  Emilia came out next, wearing a similar dress but nowhere near as well. Not that she wasn’t a beautiful woman, but…

  Nah, nobody had ever looked as good as Lane did. When my girl reached the archway and sat in the seat next to Hillary, I grumbled, unable to see her through my brother’s head.

  Emilia took her spot across from me just as the violinist paused. Poking her head out of the bamboo screen, Clare made eye contact with the musician. She nodded to him and ducked back behind the screen as he began playing the old-school wedding song. Then another beat came on, coming from speakers set up just behind the violinist. The new, synthesized music worked with the notes of the violin, not overpowering them.

  I knew I wasn’t imagining it when the people sitting down started looking around to find out where the music was coming from. It fit the couple perfectly.

  Hayden was a traditionalist, always had been. Andi brought a bit of unpredictability to his life, along with more fun and excitement than I’d thought he could handle. They’d never tried to change each other, all the positive strides they’d made had happened just by having someone who loved them at every step along the way.

  Andi stepped out and stood at the end of the aisle while Clare fluffed out the back of her dress. There was no big tail-thing on it that would drag on the ground behind her, but it seemed like dress fluffing was a tradition.

  When Clare whispered “Okay,” Andi started walking. By herself. Without a father or uncle to give her away, she’d chosen to walk alone. And it made perfect sense. She was coming into this screwball family of her own volition, and Hayden wasn’t the only Bennett who loved her.

  When I looked toward where Lane was seated, I noticed my brother—the reason I was there. His eyes were cartoonishly large, his hands fisted at his sides.

  “Hayden,” I whispered. “Breathe.” Then I remembered something I’d promised Andi to make sure wouldn’t happen. “Don’t lock your knees, bro. I’m not sure I’m up to catching you.” Damn, I thought she’d been joking.

  “Breathe,” he mouthed, pulling in air through his teeth. “Right.”

  “Nice breathing, man. Keep it up.” I patted him on his shoulder and then kept my hand up, an inch or so from his back, just in case. “Remember to keep your knees unlocked. You’re doing great.”

  “Great.” He drew the word out as he slowly exhaled. When he smiled, I wondered if he’d maybe gotten too much oxygen. “Have you ever seen anything more beautiful, Carson?”

  I let out a sigh of relief. “She’s gorgeous, Hay.” Almost as beautiful a bride as my Lane would be someday. “You’re a lucky guy.”

  He nodded slowly and, if I looked at him for more than a second, I might’ve sworn I saw water in his eyes. But the breeze was picking up, so some sand had probably blown into his eyes.

  “I never thought I’d be here, Carson. Not feeling like this. I never thought I could feel like this.”

  “As long as you don’t feel like you’re going to faint, it’s all good, bro.”

  After Andi handed her bouquet to Emilia and her dress had been fluffed out again, she took the last few steps that brought her to Hayden.

  “Hello, Mr. Bennett,” she whispered, smiling. “You’re not going to pass out, are you?”

  He laughed quietly as he took her hands. “Nothing in the world would keep me from making you mine. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.”

  Good answer. But I glanced down at his legs anyway—his knees might’ve had other ideas, and it was my job to keep him standing.

  21

  Carson

  I admit to missing the beginning bits where the officiant said a bunch of crap about love, family, and commitment. I had an important job to do, and my brother was counting on me. So since it was a short ceremony, I missed most of it.

  “…and I could be that woman, because you believed in her. Because you believed in me,” Andi said, smiling nervously. She glanced at the officiant, who nodded. “Sooo, I promise to always love, respect, and occasionally obey you. But only when I feel like it and you say ‘please.’”

  She waited until everybody was done laughing. “Your turn.”

  Hayden took a deep breath. “Anyone who knows me at all knows I worked on my vows for the last six weeks and memorized every word until I could recite them in my sleep. But at this very moment, in front of you and the people we care about, I seem to have forgotten what I’d planned to say.”

  Oh shit. Was it in my job description to whisper his lines in his ear if he forgot them? Clear as day, I could see those index cards, resting in one neat pile on the coffee table back in the room. I worked out the math—speed x distance x panic. It would take me about three minutes to sprint there, grab the cards, and run back.

  But Hayden wasn’t done talking. “And I don’t think there’s a more apropos way to start my life with you than having to wing it.”

  Andi ducked her head and laughed quietly.

  “Andi?” Hayden reached out and gently lifted her chin. “I’ve spent my whole life priding myself on being able to handle anything that came at me, logically, rationally, without fear. But then you appeared, and I wasn’t prepared for it. There was nothing logical, or even rational, in how I felt about you. And it terrified me. But something in me, the intuition I’d never really trusted, wouldn’t stop screaming, ‘She’s worth it.’”

  Andi’s lip trembled as he spoke honestly, without pride or arrogance. With more vulnerability than I thought my brother capable of. As if they were the only two people talking. As if they were the only two people on this island.

  “You knocked me out of a life I was barely living, Andi, and showed me what was possible. Convinced me that not always being in control, or knowing what would happen, was a gift. Every day since then has been more than I ever imagined it could be, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure you feel the same way.” My brother sounded so calm, so sure, I knew if I looked at anyone else, they’d be crying.

  I only heard bits and pieces of the rest of the vows Hayden and Andi had written for each other. I should’ve at least been paying attention so I didn’t miss my cue, but all I could focus on was my girl.

  Lane hadn’t looked at me once, entirely focused on the couple we were here to celebrate. But when Hayden cleared his throat, she blinked away some tears, and I finally caught her eye. We stared at each other, a sense of peace falling over me as I realized this was it. This was e
verything.

  I swear, I felt so much damn gooeyness, if I took a step, I’d leave a snail trail of goodwill behind me.

  Shit, I even loved my family right then. Granted, it would only last until I actually spoke to one of them again, but still…

  Life could never be better than this.

  With my eyes still locked onto her, I started imagining this was our wedding day and the officiant was talking directly to us. Any second he’d say, “Do you, Carson, take this woman—?”

  “Hell, yes.” Fuuuuuuck. That was out loud.

  Everyone looked at me confused, annoyed, or both. I tried to remember what they’d been saying, what I’d agreed to. Oh shit, what if it was the if-anyone-has-a-problem-with-these-two-people-getting-hitched part?

  Hayden was standing there, holding out his hand. “Great. Then how ‘bout you give it to me?”

  Lane looked exasperated. She was frantically mouthing something to me in a language that couldn’t possibly be English, because I had no idea what she was trying to tell me. Then she drew a circle in the air.

  “What does that mean?”

  “The ring, Carson,” Hayden said quietly. “You need to give me the ring now.”

  “Oh! Yeah. Hell, yeah.” Relieved, I fumbled to find it, checking my pants first, then remembering I’d put it into the inside pocket of my jacket. “Got it!” I held it up in the air proudly like a kid who’d lost their first tooth.

  Good thing Hayden’s default reaction to calamity was calm. Good thing that was his default reaction to everything I did. Although today, he was rightfully nervous too, which affected his patience with his little brother.

  “Now, Carson.”

  I carefully set the ring in his hand, knowing the only thing that could make this moment worse was if I dropped it, then accidentally stepped on it while trying to pick it up, and had to shovel into the sand to find it again. Of course, those kinds of things only happened to people in movies… and to me. And usually it would crack me up, but times had changed. I wasn’t the only person I cared about anymore.