Dr. Stud

by Jess Bentley

  “You’re lucky that’s all she’s slipped you,” Anna mutters under her breath.

  “That’s not funny, Anna. If I don’t let her down easy, she could write something terrible about the ranch. If I lead her on, that’s not fair. But she’s just so… pushy. And I’m not interested.”

  My mother stops pacing, and looks at me intently. “Why?”

  I shake my head, confused. “Why what?”

  “Why aren’t you interested in her? She’s beautiful. She’s smart. She’s accomplished. She’s stylish. She seems like exactly the kind of woman you’d be anxious to date in Los Angeles.”

  I can’t make eye contact with my mother, or Anna. “I just don’t feel anything for her, is all.”

  “Maybe he has feelings for someone else, ma,” Anna answers, staring at me, her giant blue eyes wide and piercing into my soul. Oh, god. She knows. Anna knows everything and now I’m going to have to deal with it.

  “I don’t… I can’t… I mean…” I am stumbling like a fool and I have no idea how to dig myself out of this hole. I open my mouth, and suddenly, the front door flies open.

  “Family! I’m home!”

  Everyone’s heads turn to the door in a flash, and there, standing in the open doorway, is Carter. He isn’t remotely the boy I remember; he’s almost as tall as I am, and handsome, and disheveled. His curly, shaggy black hair is swept back, and he has a black beard that almost makes him look like a pirate, or a fairy tale prince. He’s wearing round, silver-rimmed glasses that make our hereditary blue eyes look even bigger. He’s dressed for the summer in khaki shorts and a white linen button down, and he looks like he’s freezing.

  I jump to my feet and cross over to him, and when he sees me, his eyes go even wider as he drops his bags on the foyer floor. “Hawk? Is that… really you?”

  I take off my sweater and hand it to him, which he slides on gratefully. “It sure is. Carter, I can’t believe… you’re so grown up.”

  “Yeah, well, that tends to happen over the course of ten years.” For a second, I think I’m going to have to go through the same process with him I went through with everyone else. But before I realize what’s happening, Carter is crossing the hallway and throwing his arms around me, pulling me into a huge bearhug and kissing me on the cheek.

  “No one told me you were here!” Carter says with a laugh as he pulls away.

  Anna jumps on his back and squeezes him, and Carter spins her around until she laughs. “Yeah, well, it’s not like you answered your phone while you were away, anyway. I could have called you every day and it wouldn’t have mattered.”

  Carter chuckles as he scruffs her hair. “I had no signal, Short Stack. I woulda called if I could have.”

  Now mom is in the foyer, crying, and kissing Carter like she hasn’t seen him in a year.

  “How long were you gone anyway?” I ask with a laugh.

  “Three months. You’d think I was a soldier returning from war,” he says as he gives mom a hug.

  “Well, young man, you know how nervous we get when we don’t hear from you! Was it at least a worthwhile trip?”

  Carter brushes his hair out of his face and reaches into his bag, then hands mom and Anna little bags. They open them, and each one contains a different piece of handmade jewelry.

  “It was. I saved five horses, and re-homed them on new ranches. One of them is actually coming here. It’s a pony for Gracie. She can’t breed, and they were going to put her down because of it. But she’s gorgeous. A Welsh pony. She should be easily trained by the time Gracie is old enough to ride her. Speaking of, where is my precious niece?”

  Like clockwork, Parrish and Gracie come through door, and Gracie shrieks with happiness when she sees Carter.

  “Cawtah!” Gracie says as she toddles over to Carter, who picks her up and kisses her until she giggles. Parrish rushes over and gives him a huge hug.

  “I can’t believe you’re back! And just in time for the party,” she says with a laugh.

  “Party?” he asks. “Does this have something to do with that massive new stable in the back? I mean, guys. I leave for three months and everything goes crazy here.”

  Anna blows a piece of hair out of her eyes with a huff. “You have no idea.”

  Mom throws her hands in the air happily. “I’m going to go make a huge welcome home dinner for Carter and we can all talk about his adventures! Hawk, go find your father and tell him what’s going on while we get started.”

  Carter waves at me. “Hold up, man. I’ll come with you.”

  I nod, and Carter follows me outside, shutting the door behind us. We’re barely off the porch when Carter turns to me and says, “So, what the hell is going on with you?”

  I shake my head, shocked. “I don’t understand what you’re asking me.”

  “I saw the way you looked at Parrish when she walked in. What has been going on here while I’ve been gone, besides the sudden appearance of a new stable?”

  I kick at the dirt under my feet and sigh. “I haven’t seen you in ten years. You couldn’t just ask about my job or the weather in California?”

  “I can look up the weather in California and you can tell me about your job later. I’d rather know what mess you’ve gotten yourself into.”

  I scowl at him. “I forgot you’re like this. Maybe you should have been a psychologist or something.”

  Carter rolls his eyes. “Stop trying to distract me, man. Just tell me what is going on.”

  We walk toward the old stables, and wander in, where it is surprisingly quiet given the rustling of the horses and the flurry of activity still happening outside. I can tell that Carter is getting impatient with me, so I sit down on the bench we use to put on our riding gear.

  “Since I got back, things have been… happening with Parrish.”

  Carter just shakes his head at me again. “Hawk, dude. Assume that I know about high school and you don’t have to mince words.”

  My jaw drops. “How do you know?”

  “You had sex with someone in the stable during a party with most of the fam in attendance. For Matt and Parrish’s sake, we all pretended it didn’t happen, or that we didn’t know. But dude, we knew. Everyone in this town knows everything. If I sneezed right now, the next time I go into Dylan to mail a letter, someone will say ‘bless you.’ So, something like two brothers boning the same woman isn’t a fact that is going to stay a secret for long.”

  I flinch. “Come on, Carter.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m just saying. I appreciate that this is awkward, but if you’ve come back here, and something is happening with Parrish, I think it’s better that you face it. Now. And not just run off again.”

  I get to my feet and start pacing, panic setting in. “I’m not planning on running off. But what am I supposed to do? Move back here? Sleep in my old room under my football trophies? And I don’t know how she feels anyway. Every time I start to feel like we’re getting close, something happens. When I first got here, we were at each other’s throats. Now, every time I’m around her, I want to take her and…”

  Carter waves his hands to stop me. “I don’t need details. She’s like Anna, man. I’ve been living with her hanging around here almost as long as our actual sister. But wouldn’t it be easier to just talk to her? To stop torturing yourself and just find out how she feels from her directly?”

  “Because why would I make this easy on myself?”

  Carter laughs. “You’ve always been like this, haven’t you? You know, in spite of you being kind of a jerk, I’ve missed you, Hawk.”

  I sit back down and put my arms around him, realizing how much I’ve missed my brothers while I’ve been gone. I also realized that in all my time in Los Angeles, I’ve been deeply, and soul-crushingly, alone. Maybe I’ve never realized it before, or maybe I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. But despite all of the women, and the work, and the fancy parties, and the expensive vacations, I have spent my entire adult life completely alone.

 
; And I don’t want to be alone anymore. Whatever that means admitting to myself, whatever changes that means making.

  I’m tired of being alone. And this is what I’ve missed. Not only my family, but Parrish.

  Chapter 19

  Parrish

  Twinkle lights are sparkling from every corner of the ranch, and the music of the only local band that is any good is echoing from every corner. People from town are mingling with investors that Sam has invited from all over Montana, and the men responsible for building the stable are laughing and drinking by the buffet table. Anna and Gracie are on the dance floor, and Sid joins them. I feel my heart swell at the sight of everyone so happy, and having so much fun. I’m standing behind the serving dish, helping people with entrees, and chatting with investors, when Carter walks up with a grin.

  “I’m having some serious deja vu,” he says with a laugh.

  I freeze for a second, and then it clicks. “Oh, god. Graduation. That’s the last time we were all together like this, wasn’t it? Though… I don’t remember you being at graduation.”

  “Of course you don’t. That’s the night you met Hawk.”

  My eyes go wide, and Carter stuffs a roll in his mouth.

  “What are you talking about?” I ask as I hand the serving spoon to someone else and follow Carter while he tries to run away from me.

  “Nothing,” he mumbles through a mouth full of roll. I grab his jacket and pull him back.

  “Spill it, Carter. Now,” I growl. He scrunches up his face and sighs.

  “I know about you and Hawk, Parrish. Now, and when we were kids. I appreciate why we kept quiet about it for so long, but really. There is no point to any of this anymore. You like him. He likes you. Figure it out, kid.” He pats me on the shoulder a few times, then wanders off in the direction of the dessert table. And I am left standing in the middle of the grassy pasture, staring off at the party, wondering what I should do next. I don’t even know how long I have been standing here when Anna walks up to me, looking perplexed.

  “Parrish? What are you doing? You look like a deer in the headlights, honey.”

  I turn to her, feeling like I might cry. “Anna, do you think I have feelings for Hawk?”

  Now it’s Anna’s turn to freeze. “Parrish, I don’t think it’s my place to…”

  “Anna, just tell me.”

  She sighs and checks around her, to make sure no one else has wandered up. “Yeah, I think it’s pretty obvious you two have something going on. And maybe it’s time to acknowledge it, instead of running from it. Especially because you’re running out of time to discuss it properly, before he leaves. And we know Hawk. There is no telling when he might come back.”

  I feel the color drain from my cheeks. “Do you really think he’d do that again?”

  She shrugs. “I don’t know. But is it worth taking the chance?”

  I shake my head. “No. It’s not. Do you know where he is?”

  Anna glances over her shoulder. “I think he’s over by the new stables. He was checking the doors again. He’s been OCD about that since he actually built that part himself.”

  I laugh. “Fair. Okay. I’m going to do it. And Anna, thank you. For everything. For being you. For being my sister.”

  Anna hugs me, then shoves me in the direction of the new stables. “I love you. Now get out of here.”

  I jog toward the bright, shining lights of beautiful new building and am a little surprised to see that no one is really over there. For the most part, everyone seems to be sticking to the food and the alcohol. The tours of the stables were earlier, so my guess is the free booze is a bigger draw.

  I walk around the edge of the building, and then, when I get to the door, I see Hawk standing by the stall we’ve designated for Moonfire. And he’s talking to Simone.

  Part of me wants to barge right in, but then something holds me back. I hover near the edge of the door, just close enough that I can hear what is going on. Simone is keeping her voice low, but it’s never really low. She always seems like she’s trying her best to be heard.

  “Hawk, I don’t know why you’re fighting this. You know we’re perfect for each other. In a few days, you’re going to leave this crappy little place, and go back to LA. And will it have really been worth resisting me all this time?”

  My stomach drops. I can’t see Hawk’s reaction, because he’s not facing me. But hear him say, “Simone…”

  She doesn’t give him a chance to answer. She leans in and kisses him.

  She kisses him and he just stands there.

  She kisses him and he just stands there, and before I realize it’s happening, a little shriek of terror escapes my mouth. Hawk spins around and looks right at me.

  “Parrish,” he calls out. “Parrish, wait.”

  But I don’t give him the chance to say anything. I just turn and run as fast as my legs can carry me.

  I can’t believe it. I can’t believe he was kissing her. I feel like all of the rage I feel bubbling inside of me is about to explode as I stalk into the old stables. I don’t even know what to do with my anger. I just want to scream and cry and…

  “Parrish! Would you stop please?” Hawk calls out to me as he follows me into the stables. I feel his hand on my arm and I shake him off as hard as I can.

  “Get the hell away from me, Hawk. Now.” My words come out in a furious growl I barely recognize, and it actually scares me. Hawk takes several steps back, but he doesn’t leave.

  “Parrish, I need you to listen. She kissed me, and I froze, but the minute she did it, I pushed her away. I didn’t want it. I don’t want her. I want nothing to do with her. I’ve been trying to let her down gently for weeks, but she just hasn’t been getting the message. And if I have to go to the ends of the earth to make you understand that I don’t want her, I will do it. But please, just give me a chance. I’m begging you.”

  I spin around and give him my back. “Why should I believe anything you say, Hawk? Why should I trust you?”

  Hawk takes hold of my arms and turns me around, not letting go, so I have no choice but to look directly into his full, blue eyes.

  “Because,” he hesitates. “Because I love you, Parrish. Dammit, I love you.”

  Hawk leans down and kisses me, furiously, and I want him to get away from me, but I can’t make myself stop. I pound my fists against his chest as I kiss him. I’m furious with him. Why did he have to come back here after leaving me, in this very spot, so many years ago? I feel angry tears start to stream down my face as I think about the hurt he caused, running away from me, from all of us. I sob, and Hawk disconnects from our kiss, a look of anguish on his face that I’ve never seen before.

  “Parrish, please stop trying to run from this, from us. I was young. I was stupid. And I was scared of my feelings for you. I want only you, not Simone, not another woman back in LA. I want you, and I won’t pretend I don’t anymore.”

  He pushes me against the wall, that same wall where he first kissed me at the graduation party. I wrench open his flannel shirt in response, buttons flying all over the stall. In return, he hastily yanks my sweater over my head, throwing it into a pile of hay. Our lips and hands are lost on one another’s bodies as we anxiously grab and taste each other, desperate to never let go and frightened to stay. I want this man so badly. I want to be his forever.

  I’m also terrified of being left again.

  “Hawk, you can’t do this to me again. You cannot leave me with this gaping hole in my heart. I don’t think I could survive another broken heart,” I whisper.

  “Parrish, I thought about you every day I was gone. And it tore me apart. I hated myself for still wanting you, even after you married Matt. So I stayed away. And I know that I fucked up. But I cannot live without you. I can’t survive another broken heart either. Please. We can heal together.”

  Hawk turns me around. “You are the only one for me, Parrish. The biggest mistake I ever made in my life was leaving you.”

  He and grabs
my breasts with his strong hands, sending shivers through me. Then he unzips my jeans and pulls them down around my ankles, hastily reaching around my waist for my clit. He slips his fingers into my aching core, discovering that I’m already wet for him. As angry as I am for what he did, I know that I can never hate him. I’ve never hated him. My body needs his body like I need air to breathe. And now, I need him in me.

  I bend over the stall door, resting my head on the ledge. Hawk is taken aback at the sudden gesture.

  “Make me yours then,” I demand. “Forever.”

  Hawk grabs my hips and positions himself behind me. I reach in between my legs and grab onto his fully hard and quivering cock, guiding him inside. My legs reposition themselves, opening wider to fit his girth. I hold on to the edges of the stall door as I begin moving back and forth on his cock, sliding him in and out of me, feeling every ridge of him inside me.

  He leans over onto me, reaching his hand around my waist to tease my clit, stroking me almost forcefully as his thrusts begin to match my strokes. I respond by moving faster against him, but Hawk matches my pace easily. My breasts are bouncing wildly with every lunge, and the sound of our skin slapping against each other echoes throughout the stalls in response to our manic, nearly desperate, fucking. I feel my release rising inside of me as his cock hits the back of my passage, finding every sensitive spot along the way.

  “Oh, Hawk!” I cry out as I arch myself forward in elation, rocking as I ride my orgasm on his manhood. Hawk’s thrusts become more rigid, and I know he’s finishing inside me, enjoying watching the pain from my heartbreak turn to pleasure.

  I stand up, and his penis slips out from inside me. Hawk is glistening in sweat from the effort. I lean into his chest in exhaustion and trepidation, hoping I haven’t scared him away with my anger. If I have, I want to enjoy this one last embrace before I have to face saying goodbye once and for all.