Always in My Heart

by A. C. Arthur

  “True,” she said. “But I’m almost positive none of my friends have me smiling the way you were when I walked in.”

  Rico couldn’t speak to that. He hadn’t seen how he was smiling. He could imagine however, because he did laugh a lot when he was corresponding with Eva. The emails and text messages had started the day after he’d gone to New York for that meeting and ended up having dinner with her. She’d pushed him away again, citing the fact that she believed he was waiting for her to quit her job as a stripper. He’d lied and said he wasn’t and then felt like crap the next day because she’d seen through that lie. The first email he’d sent to her was to say he was sorry. Later that same day, after she’d accepted his apology, Rico sent another message asking what she was watching on television. Thus, their daily conversations had begun.

  “We’re just friends, Gabs. You can leave it alone now,” he insisted.

  “Are you just friends because she lives in another state or because she’s a stripper?” she asked seriously.

  Rico wasn’t surprised that she knew. Hell, she seemed to know every damn thing else.

  “I’m not going to talk about this with you,” he told her.

  “Why the hell not? I’m a grown woman and believe me I’ve seen my share of strippers.”

  Rico closed his eyes, willing himself not to visualize his little sister sitting in a chair with some beefed up male stripper shaking himself in front of her. No, he shook his head as he looked at her again, he definitely did not want to go there.

  “Look, I’m just saying that if you’re ashamed of her in some way, then that’s just stupid. So what, she dances on a pole for a living. If guys like you weren’t paying to see her dance on that pole, she wouldn’t do it. The way I see it, you’re being mighty hypocritical for holding that against her.”

  “I’m not holding anything against her. It’s just not going to work for us,” he said.

  “Because she’s a stripper.”

  “No!” Rico yelled and then clenched his teeth. “It’s not going to work because I said it’s not. She also says it’s not. We both know our limitations. My world doesn’t mix with hers and neither of us are thinking of changing our lives. So we’ll just be friends.”

  It had taken him a while, but Rico had finally accepted that fact.

  Gabriella shook her head. She stood and grabbed her book and water. “You disappoint me, big brother. I thought you, of all people, had your head on straight enough to not be so damn stupid.”

  She’d walked away before Rico could wrap his mind around the shock that she’d spoken to him in that way. He was still sitting on the couch, shaking his head when his mother came in.

  “People aren’t always what you plan for them to be, Ricardo,” Beatriz said as she moved around in the kitchen.

  Rico could hear her just fine from where he sat, still he returned to where he’d originally been sitting at the island. He stood there watching his mother move around. Beatriz was still a beautiful woman and looked just as good as any thirty-year-old, even though she would be celebrating her sixtieth birthday later this year.

  “I’ve learned not to expect anything from people,” he replied. “It’s simpler that way.”

  He had adopted that stance after the relationship debacle in college, but when he’d met Eva, he’d forgotten. Just for a moment.

  “I’ve never met this young woman but I heard she’s a delight,” Beatriz continued.

  Rico looked at her in question.

  His mother shrugged. “Karena was at the house when I visited Bree and the babies. She said this Eva is a very talented artist.”

  He simply nodded. “She is.”

  “And yet you’re still hung up on her being a stripper?”

  “I’m hung up on the fact that she’s taking her clothes off in front of strange men every night. How am I supposed to pursue a relationship with someone who does that?” he asked, then ran his hand down the back of his head. He hadn’t meant to blurt that out.

  “The same way she would have a relationship with someone who went to a sex club with the intention of paying some stranger to have sex with him.”

  Beatriz said that as casually as if she were telling him what flavor of ice cream they were having for dessert. She hadn’t even looked at him while she was talking, but continued taking out the large, piping hot pot pie from the oven.

  Rico hated that his mother knew about him going to the club. He was also embarrassed as hell. “That was just one time. I’d never done that before,” he said.

  “And what’s her reason for stripping?”

  Rico sighed, knowing exactly what point his mother was trying to make. “Because she was young and she needed to take care of her brother.”

  “Couldn’t she have found another job?” Beatriz continue.

  “She did, but it wasn’t enough money. She needed to get away from the woman that used to be their foster parent, and she was trying to keep custody of Makai. She moved to New York and you know it’s expensive to live there. Then she wanted Makai to have the best schooling, so the money helped them along a lot,” Rico told her.

  Beatriz came to a stop in front of the island. She lifted both hands, palms up and said, “No strings sex versus working to take care of her brother. Which one would I choose?”

  She’d been moving her hands up and down like scales, as if she were really weighing those two options. Rico got her drift and frowned.

  Beatriz smiled, then came closer until she could reach up and touch her palm to her son’s cheek.

  “If you like this girl, then you go for it, son. None of us are perfect, no matter how hard we try to be. You’ve been so busy doing every little thing you thought your father and I wanted you to do all your life, you’ve never once done what your heart desired. I’m telling you now because I’m your mother and neither of us are getting any younger,” Beatriz said with a little chuckle. “If this is the woman for you, don’t let her get away, and don’t judge her the way you’ve always thought everyone was going to judge you.”

  Rico shook his head. “Mama, you don’t understand.”

  Beatriz touched a finger to his lips. “Oh, I understand, Ricardo. I know my child and I’ve watched you all these years poking your chest out because you weren’t making the same mistakes Renny or Gabriella was. You went toe-to-toe with Alex and even took responsibility for watching out for Adriana. But you never stopped to just be Ricardo. You never trusted that being that man would be enough for us, and for yourself.

  “Now, I’m telling you to end this foolishness. If that woman is as nice as I’ve heard she is, I don’t care if she’s taking her clothes off. You know how much confidence and pride that takes for a woman to do? She’s probably a better woman than some of these college graduates or high-strung business types you usually meet. One thing you can be certain of is that she’s loyal and she’s independent and damn smart to have achieved all that she has with her brother before she’s even thirty years old.”

  She’s independent.

  She’s smart.

  She’s loyal.

  Rico replayed his mother’s words the rest of the evening, until he was home late that night lying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

  Eva was a good woman. So good that she’d been able to push aside their attraction and just be his friend for these past few weeks. He’d enjoyed that friendship because it was the first real one he’d had in all his life. He looked forward to waking up each morning and hearing from her. He liked knowing how things were going with her and how she was feeling about those things. Rico had shared stuff with her that he’d never shared with anyone else and he thought that she was doing the same with him. Only all of this was being done via email or text message. He hadn’t seen her. He hadn’t touched her in weeks. What did that mean?

  His phone vibrated on the nightstand beside his bed. When he reached over to look at the screen, Rico sighed.

  Eva: How did dinner go? My spaghetti was the bomb!
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br />   Rico didn’t respond to her message. Instead, he closed his eyes, gripping the phone in his hand as he asked himself again.

  What did all of this mean?

  #

  Rico leaned over, resting his hands on his knees as his chest heaved.

  “Get your head in the game!” Renny yelled as he walked by, smacking Rico on the ass.

  He cursed.

  They were losing and it was his fault.

  Whenever they could squeeze in the time, the Bennett brothers met at the local gym to play basketball. Since Renny had married Bree, Sam and his older brother Cole Desdune had been added to the mix. The last couple of months had been filled with schedule conflicts on all of their ends, so this time, their game was more of a twilight activity since they’d waited until everyone was home from work. Tonight, Rico, Alex and Cole were on a team. Sam and Renny declared early on that they could beat the threesome easily. So far, they’d been right, and Rico hated that fact.

  Standing up straight, Rico ran back out onto the floor, ready to focus. If they lost this game Renny was never going to let him live it down and Alex was going to be a brooding pain in the ass. So Rico stood near the rim, waiting for Sam to take his free throw, watching that ball and waiting for his opportunity to run it down to the other side of the court.

  His head hadn’t been in the game, he thought. Renny was absolutely right. Rico hadn’t responded to Eva’s text last night, or the one she’d sent this morning and he felt like a colossal ass for not doing so. Gabriella and his mother’s words kept circling in his mind, while his own concerns continued to rise. He didn’t know what to do, or to say and until he did, Rico didn’t want to take one more step where Eva was concerned.

  “Heads up!” Alex yelled when the ball slammed into the floor right beside where Rico was standing.

  “Shit!” Rico yelled and ran to get the ball.

  In the next fifteen minutes he ran and dribbled, shot the ball and missed. He cursed and ran some more, got the ball again and missed another shot. Alex gave him a look, while Cole simply took over, scoring a few more points for them. Sam and Renny still held the lead as was clear by their triumphant high-fives and crude taunts. It was just after Sam had bumped into Rico calling him something along the lines of an inexperienced college boy—in much more offensive terms—that a phone started to ring from the bench.

  “I think that’s me,” Sam yelled. His ringtone for calls from Karena was “Fire and Desire” by Rick James. They’d all heard it and had teased him about already.

  “You okay?” Alex came over to ask while they had a break.

  “I’m fine,” Rico replied tightly.

  “You don’t look fine and you’re playing like shit,” his brother continued.

  “Whatever, I’m not getting paid for this you know,” Rico said and was about to walk away, when Sam called his name.

  “What?” Rico answered turning around to see Sam running toward him.

  He wasn’t in the mood for anymore jibes or concerned looks. He just wanted to finish this game and get home to the solitude of his own house. He could sulk much easier there.

  “That was Karena on the phone,” Sam said.

  Rico nodded. “We all knew that.”

  Sam shook his head. “She just got a call from Eva’s agent. Apparently her agent called to check on Eva’s progress. Eva answered the phone and was very upset. She told her agent she couldn’t talk because her brother had just been shot.”

  “What?” Rico asked, instantly on alert now.

  “Makai was shot,” Sam replied. “By a cop.”

  Chapter 11

  Chaotic did not seem to be the best word to describe what was going on. Rico and the others had immediately left the gym after Karena’s call. He’d begun dialing Eva’s cell number the moment he was behind the wheel of his truck. There was no answer. By the time he’d pulled up to his apartment building he was an angry mess, running into the building and slamming his palm on the button for the elevator.

  Keys were hastily dropped on the table by his door as he moved through his apartment quickly, heading directly for the bathroom. He turned on the water in the shower, then moved away without getting in. He dialed Eva’s number again. He waited until the voice mail switched on this time, but could not find the words to leave a message. Instead he placed the phone on the edge of the sink, turning up his ringtone so that he’d hear if she called back while he was in the shower. She didn’t and the shower had been quick. He’d dressed even faster and was just about to head out when his phone jingled from the back pocket of his jeans where he’d placed it.

  “Eva? Hello?” he said the moment the phone was at his ear.

  “It’s Sam. Karena wants to be there for Eva as well. So we’re on our way to the city,” he told Rico.

  “I’m leaving my apartment now.”

  “Okay. Drive safely, man. You can’t help her if you get into a wreck on your way there,” Sam told him.

  Rico disconnected the call and made his way back down to where his truck was still parked in front of the building. He hadn’t even bothered to drive it into the garage. He was on the road in minutes, his mind whirling with all types of scenarios.

  Sam said Makai had been shot by a cop. Rico cursed, slamming his hands on the steering wheel before turning onto the highway.

  Police brutality was a hot topic these days, with killings of African American men and women happening more and more frequently. The debate over justice and police reform was widely discussed, but so far nothing substantial had changed. Like many Americans, Rico hated any type of injustice and had watched local and national news coverage of such events with as open a mind as he could muster. Sure, there were people on the streets committing crimes, a good number of them African Americans, but did that mean they deserved to die? By the same token, Rico knew from stories that Cole had told them, how the disrespect and distrust of police by citizens, was affecting the cops trying to do a good job. This, Rico felt, put him and no doubt other family and friends of cops in the middle of a growing crisis.

  Makai was an intelligent young man, with a bright future ahead of him. Rico prayed for him in those moments and he prayed for Eva. His chest was heavy with worry over how she was dealing with this situation. Makai was everything to her so this was bound to hit her hard. With that thought in mind Rico drove faster, understanding that he may get pulled over and thus have his own confrontation with a police officer, but not giving a damn at this moment.

  Less than forty-five minutes later Rico was pulling into the hospital’s emergency room entrance. Finding a place to park wasn’t easy and finally he ended up in a space that Rico wasn’t totally sure wouldn’t get him towed. That didn’t matter right now. He jumped out of the truck, almost forgetting to grab his keys and ran towards the entrance. If anyone he knew saw him at this moment they would be nothing short of astonished because Rico hated hospitals. He always had. There was no great trauma that he’d endured, simply the fact that he knew people either lived or died here. As he passed through the electronic doors he held on to the fact that the last time he’d entered a hospital, his nieces and nephew had been born.

  At the first information desk he found, Rico immediately asked for help.

  “I don’t have anyone listed by that name,” the nurse told him without looking up from her computer.

  There were people everywhere, some sitting in the seats lined along one wall and others standing in small groups. Outside an ambulance siren buzzed and two men, who he assumed were doctors in white coats and blue bootie covered feet ran through a set of double doors.

  “What do you mean you don’t have anyone listed by that name? He’s here. I know he is,” Rico argued.

  He pulled out his phone and checked the text that Sam had sent him while he was driving. Cole was a detective with the Greenwich Police, so he’d reached out to an officer he knew at the NYPD. He’d found out which hospital Makai had been transported to and told Sam where to go.

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nbsp; “Sir,” the nurse said again. She was staring at her computer screen and managed to look up once to take a file that was being pushed her way by another nurse. “I told you we do not have a patient listed under the name of Makai Miller. Try another hospital.”

  Rico cursed. His fists clenched and he was just about to ask for her supervisor when a hand on his arm had him turning.

  “Hey,” Sam said.

  Karena was standing right beside him.

  “Come on outside and let me talk to you,” Sam continued.

  “What? We don’t have time to talk. They’re telling me that he’s not here. Are you sure Cole got the right hospital?” Rico asked.

  “Just come on out here where it’s a little quieter,” Sam insisted and pulled on Rico’s arm to get him to move.

  At Sam’s side Karena clutched a tissue in one hand and used the other to rake her fingers through her hair.

  Rico sighed and walked out through the doors he’d just entered, whirling to face Sam the moment they were outside.

  “What the hell is going on? Is Makai here or not?” Rico asked.

  That’s when Rico noticed how somber Sam looked.

  “Cole called me back about twenty minutes ago,” Sam began. “I’m sorry, man. Makai died on the operating table.”

  Karena used that tissue to wipe the tears that fell slowly from her eyes as Rico looked from Sam to her and back to Sam again.

  “He died,” Rico said slowly. “That bright twenty-year-old young man that was going to come and work for Bennett Industries this summer is gone? Just like that.”

  “I know. It’s terrible,” Karena said. “I met him only once when he came to the gallery with Eva. It was so obvious how much he loved his sister and wanted her to succeed. Their dedication to each other was just…it was inspiring,” she finished.

  “What the hell happened?” Rico asked, his temples throbbing as he struggled with his own emotions at the moment.

  Sam sighed. “Cole said the officers pulled over a SUV that they’d been on the look-out for when the driver got out and started shooting. The officers returned fire. Makai was the passenger. They were both killed, as was one of the officers.”