Andrew Hawks

by John Booth

  As soon as I entered the room, I knew that something was really up this time. She was bouncing around the room on her toes.

  “Did you tell Peter Hetherington to steal a book from us?”

  Now I can’t lie worth a damn, but I know how to divert people’s attention, which sometimes works almost as well.

  “Whatever gave you that idea, Mum?”

  “A very important Women’s Association book has gone missing from the Hetherington’s house. We noticed it was gone last night. Peter was asleep, so Lucy said she’d ask him about it in the morning. When she looked in his room this morning he wasn’t there and when he came back he told her you and Kylie made him take it.”

  “What would Kylie and I want with a Women’s Association book? What does it contain anyway, recipes for jam tarts? Kylie can’t make toast without burning it.”

  “Yes…, it’s got some very important…. recipes…, old traditional ones.” Mum struggled with the lie, while I hadn’t actually lied at all, yet. I was feeling smug and pushed my luck.

  “Lucy Hetherington actually believes something Peter told her?” I asked with genuine disbelief.

  “I believe she’s been… severe with him. But you’re right in what you say. The boy is an incorrigible liar. He lies just to hear the sound of his own voice. This is important, Andrew. You’re telling me honestly you didn’t ask for and haven’t got this book?”

  “Mum, if you can find a recipe book in my room, or for that matter, in Kylie’s house, you’re more than welcome to it. When exactly did it go missing anyway?”

  Mum paced the room and I thought for a minute she was going to bang her fist against the wall. “This time, we don’t really know. It’s not a book we look at often. We only checked it last night because we had a visit from Mrs. Kelly and she demanded to see it.”

  “Demanded, Mum? I didn’t think she was a member?”

  “She was the Association President before me, she retired years ago, but she is highly respected in the group.” Mum suddenly had another thought, “Has the Banishment Tree fallen over? You’re always in the woods with Shep, so you must have noticed.”

  “The big old blasted oak in the woods? Yes, it has. I noticed the day I met Kylie. It must have fallen over in the storms a month ago.”

  “Then you can’t have taken the book,” she said to herself and then she realized she said it out loud. “Not that I ever thought you did, of course. Why would you do something like that?”

  I took this as a dismissal and started to leave the room. Mum called after me as I got to the stairs, “Andrew, what state is the tree in?”

  “What do you mean, Mum?”

  “Did it get struck by lightning? Is it burnt?”

  “No Mum, it’s just tipped over. The leaves are still green, it doesn’t even seem to know it’s dead yet.”

  Mum looked almost disappointed, as though she expected to hear something else entirely. “Well, that’s good then, isn’t it?”

  I started to leave again, but Mum stopped me again, “You’re still a…, I mean you haven’t taken advantage of poor Kylie, have you Andrew?” I blushed at the thought of what she was asking.

  “No Mum. Your only son is still a virgin.”

  “Thank God. I mean you should wait until after… Well anyway, I’m glad to hear it.” Mum realized she wasn’t making much sense and closed the lounge door on me.

  I stared at the door for almost a minute before looking at my watch and finding it was nearly four o’clock and Kylie hadn’t come round to visit. That took my breath away, because there could only be one reason for that. I slumped onto my bed thinking it through.

  Kylie has offered to have sex with me, twice. Counting the insane offer from Jane that made three such offers in my whole life. I turned Kylie down both times. While I wasn’t experienced with women, I do have some knowledge of them and it seemed highly unlikely there would ever be a third offer.

  So I must have lost her as a friend and a potential lover. I suspected it this morning, which is why I got up so early and found lots of things to keep me busy.

  I wasn’t that surprised. She told me I was a wimp only yesterday and I was always reluctant to do the things she wanted me too. I figured she had only been my friend because she had no choice. I am the only person her age in the village.

  The more I’ve thought about it since the more certain I’ve become. I’ve come to care about her, but I never truly expected her to care for me. I’m just the local paperboy, at the end of the day.

  I thought about going down to her house and knocking on the door. But she walked out on me yesterday and I don’t want to embarrass either her or me. To be honest, I might cry when she turns me away, and you could bet your life that gossip would be all over the village and into the mouths of the usual suspects by tomorrow morning. I don’t think I can face that. The prospect of going to school tomorrow has changed from something desired into a nightmare.

  I’ve even considered saying my arm hurts too much after my morning paper round. I’m sure Mum and the Doctor would tell me to stay off school for another week if I did. The only thing stopping me is that Len is expecting me to deliver the papers, and he isn’t suited to delivering papers, as he’s totally the wrong shape and very much in the wrong shape.

  It would be easy to lie to this journal and myself. I have to accept Kylie is done with me, and that’s an end of it. I have to put her behind me and be polite to her at the bus stop tomorrow.

  God, that’s going to be difficult.

  I always lose my best friends. They come to me, make me emotionally dependent on them and then they disappear, to Bradford or Birmingham or any other place in England they can find beginning with a B.

  I took Shep for a long walk late this evening and we stood together on the top of Long Barrow and watched the sun set over the hills. I could feel the air chill as soon as the sunlight was gone. Shep and I watched a slow precession of cars wind their way through the narrow pass below. I hugged Shep as we sat there and he whined back to tell me how much he loves me.

  By the time we started to go back home, all I could see in the valley was the glare of the headlights of a car making its way home in the dark. It must be lonely down there.

  I know exactly how it feels.

  14. Letters and Books

  Monday morning was dark and overcast, with rain in the offing. As I gloomily performed my services for the villagers by keeping them informed of the national news, I reflected on how the weather and my mood had aligned in perfect symmetry.

  I brought Shep along as he wanted a walk. This proved to be a mistake because he was also in the mood to play and kept trying to grab the newspapers as I pushed them through letterboxes. I would’ve normally laughed, but I was much too down in the dumps for that.

  Shep’s antics made me a little late, so I ended up running down to the bus stop. The usual suspects were huddled together, looking exactly as if they were plotting something. All eight of them looked up at my arrival, what with the clunking of my shoes on the cobbles and my severe heavy breathing, I was difficult to ignore.

  I couldn’t help noticing that Sally and Jane looked up at me with a mixture of desire and dread on their faces. They were the first of the suspects to drop their heads and pull the others back into the conversation. Of Kylie, there was no sign at all.

  I just about got my breath back when the bus arrived. The usual suspects rushed to get to the back of the bus, while I strained my eyes looking for any sign of Kylie coming down the road. I got on the bus reluctantly and sat in the seat I used to occupy before Kylie came along. I kept on looking behind the bus’s back window. As the driver started to pull away I saw Kylie appear, running as if the hounds of hell were at her heels. I tapped the driver on the shoulder and asked him to stop and wait for her.

  He looked surprised, but pulled the bus to a halt and opened the doors. As Kylie dragged herself up the steps and into the bus, he said cheerfully,

  “You’d have had
to walk if it wasn’t for Andrew here.”

  There are three or four bus drivers that regularly drive this bus and I know none of their names, so I was a bit startled that he knew mine. Those newspaper stories must have stuck in people’s minds, though the only photo of me the papers had been my school one. I meant to have a word with our illustrious Principal about that matter one of these days. Some people will do anything for a bit of good publicity.

  Kylie took the double seat behind where I sat and when I didn’t immediately move to join her, patted the space besides her and gave me a meaningful look. I moved back and sat down beside her. I couldn’t talk to her about anything important with the driver only a few feet away, assuming she was willing to talk to me. I sat with my hands in my lap and looked straight ahead. I was so emotionally wound up that I had to remind myself to breathe. The bus seemed filled with Kylie’s presence.

  When we got off the bus, Kylie waited until the usual suspects ran off and then pushed me against the wall

  “Okay, what’s going on here, Andrew Hawks? You haven’t made eye contact with me since I got on the bus.”

  “I thought you might not want to know me after what happened on Saturday and then you not showing up on Sunday,” This came out in a bit of a rush, partly because Kylie had her hand somewhere where I’m quite vulnerable and was squeezing in what might be described as a threatening manner.

  Kylie let go of my crotch and stepped back with a look of puzzlement on her face as she worked out what I had said, and then she grinned.

  “For an intelligent person you are incredibly stupid sometimes. I was upset with you because you were moping about being a virgin and I’d give a great deal if I could turn back the clock and never have lost mine. It’s not like I’m in love with you and you rejected me.”

  Kylie let me move from the wall, which was nice because the back of my head was getting gravel rash from the stone. She dusted me off round the back of my jacket, which had acquired a lot of dust marks.

  “I know I stormed off all upset, but by the time I got to Aunt Jen’s I was ready to come back and apologize for the scene I’d caused. Beside which, your Mum serves decent meals while Jen believes anything more than two leaves of lettuce and a single slice of ham is gluttony. A girl could starve to death in that house.”

  “So why didn’t you come?” I asked, smiling for the first time since four o’clock the previous day. I can’t describe the relief I felt at that moment. It was like the weight of the whole world had lifted from my shoulders.

  “When I got home, Jen was waiting with a letter. I could see from the handwriting it was from Mum.”

  “Oh God, Kylie. I’m so sorry, what did it say?” I put an arm around her, but she shrugged it away.

  “So I spent the rest of Saturday staring at it and not daring to open it. I finally opened it on Sunday morning after Peter came around with his present for us. After I read it I was feeling far too emotional to leave the house, which is why you didn’t see me.” Kylie looked at her watch. “But now we have to get to class as we’re late.”

  She set off towards the college at a run and I struggled to catch up with her. I just about managed it as she opened the door to the main building. I tumbled in after her and ran straight into Arthur Harris out beloved college Principal, who was standing there with my counsellor Ms. Green beside him.

  “Andrew, we have been waiting for you. Come on, we need to talk in my office.” Mr. Harris said and then turned towards his office without waiting for a reply.

  Kylie stopped in the corridor when I bumped into Mr. Harris and after she heard him speak, she grinned at me and waved goodbye. Then she dashed off towards the form room. I trailed behind Harris and Green wondering, how come these things always happen to me.

  When we got to the Principal’s office, he strode across the room and behind his desk to sit down. June Green sat in a chair alongside the desk and he waved me into the chair in front of his desk.

  If it was anybody but Arthur Harris, I would suspect it was a coincidence that the chair in front of his desk was made for a twelve year old and I ended up looking up at him once I sat down. The placement of his desk was such that sunlight streamed from behind him straight into my face. I’m sure this was another of those coincidences and not a carefully planned assault on my confidence and self-esteem.

  Yeah, right. For some reason, sitting in that chair tended to make me feel angry before even a single word had been spoken.

  “Andrew, this is your first day back after your harrowing experience and we thought it best to have a quiet word with you,” Arthur Harris managed to make it sound as though I’d been rescued from a sinking ship, not having killed a man and crippled another.

  If they were going to do this to me anyway, I might as well have some fun. I swiveled to face Ms. Green.

  “I have to apologize to Ms. Green, that, once again, I have let the violent part of myself get out of control,” I said with as straight a face as I could manage. “All I can say in my defense is that I did offer the hand of friendship to them, and I have a scar for life to show for it.”

  June Green began to go red in the face and Mr. Harris attempted to regain control of the conversation.

  “Well yes, that’s as maybe Andrew, but…”

  “I did try to curb my dangerous violent instincts, Ms. Green, and I tried to suggest to them that perhaps we could form a discussion group to sort out our differences over a nice cup of tea. But they insisted on trying to kill Kylie and me with very sharp and potentially lethal knives.” I let my voice go hard and cold on the last part of that sentence.

  “Andrew. Shut Up.” Mr. Harris shouted.

  So I shut up and Mr. Harris stood so he could tower over me.

  “Some idiots in this school may try to have a go at you because the media have labelled you a hero. If anyone so much as makes a rude remark, I want you to report it immediately to Ms. Green or myself. I’ll not have the press labelling this college as full of violent yobs. Do you understand me, Andrew?” His voice rose as he was speaking and I could see he was under more than his usual level of stress.

  “Of course I do, Mr. Harris. Is that all?” I asked, rising up from the junior chair so I towered over him. For your information, I am six foot two and Mr. Harris is five foot six, I may have failed to mention these facts earlier in my journal.

  “Off you go then, Andrew,” said Mr. Harris and waved me out of his office in a grandiose manner. I noticed he had stepped back as I leaned towards him.

  As I closed the door of his office, I stopped to listen and heard him speak to Ms. Green.

  “Andrew acts like a complete asshole, but he’s the best student this college has ever had. He could walk out of here tomorrow and every college for fifty miles would scramble to offer him a place, especially after he saved the girl’s life. I’d never live it down if he was to leave us.”

  I could hear that June Green answered him, but she spoke too low for me to make out her words through the door. I walked off towards my first lesson, whistling tunelessly. This was turning from being a terrible day into a very good one indeed.

  Kylie and I didn’t get a chance to speak privately until lunch. I was worried the letter from her mother had affected her, and wanted to reassure her that I cared deeply about her.

  We sat down in the canteen to sausages, chips and baked beans. I had been going to have the salad, until Kylie pointed out the slug nestling between the tomato and the piece of ham on the plate I had picked up.

  “So what did she write to you, your Mum?” I asked as Kylie laid into the food. Kylie reached down into her rucksack, pulled out an envelope, and passed it to me. She may have also said, ‘Read it for yourself,’ but it’s difficult to tell what people are saying when they talk with their mouth full.

  I have a very good memory, but it isn’t photographic, so this is an approximation of what the letter said.

  Dear Kylie,

  I know you must hate me, but not everything you ha
ve been told about me is true. The police showed me the statements that you and the boy who saved you made, so I know what your brothers told you. It isn’t true.

  When Dick and Dave escaped from prison, they came home and I told them to go back and finish their time. When said that they couldn’t face going back to prison, I suggested that they should try and escape to France.

  When they told me they were planning to get revenge on you, I told them not to be so stupid. That was when Dave punched me in the face, knocking me to the floor.

  Kylie, I know you won’t believe this, but up until that moment, I really believed the boys when they said they were innocent. I know that was stupid of me in the face of all the evidence, but I could not bring myself to believe that they could be that evil. In believing them, I put the blame on you. If I could take back everything I said and did during that time, I would, but I know you cannot forgive me.

  I did not tell the boys where you were and when they left, I was convinced they didn’t know. Jen and I have never been very close and I didn’t think the boys would remember the county she lives in, let alone her address. Believe me. I never said any of the terrible things the boys said I did.

  When the police came and told me what they had done and what happened, I went to the big blue jug on the mantelpiece where I put all the letters and found the boys had stolen the letter Jen sent me after you arrived up there. If I had discovered that earlier, I would have gone straight to the police. I swear that to you before God.

  Have a very happy seventeenth birthday Kylie, I will send you a card and a present. If you ever can find it in your heart to forgive me, please get in touch.

  Your mum,

  Tracy.

  Kylie had finished most of her meal and I noticed one of my sausages had mysteriously gone AWOL while I was reading. The other one was skewered and moved to her plate as I watched. Ignoring the food theft I looked Kylie in the eye, “Do you believe her?”

  “I want to believe her, Andrew. I so want to believe.” I could see tears were welling and I looked away. I carefully folded the letter, put it back in its envelope, and handed it back to her.