by Zart , Lindy
“Well, I don’t want to be without you. So I’m staying. You are part of the dream, the best part of it. We can be together now. God knows I don’t deserve you, Lily, but I am so unbelievably lost without you.” I grin. “Please be my GF.”
Her lips twitch and a smile forms to them. “Your GF? You are such a dork.”
“Yes, but I’m a disgustingly sexy one.”
She nods, sighing. “You are.”
“And you find me irresistible.”
“Don’t push it.”
I hug her tightly to me, resting my chin on the top of her head. “Is this really happening?”
“Yes.” Her arms squeeze my waist.
“And in a grocery store.”
“Best place ever.”
“This is what you want? You’re positive?”
“So positive.”
I take a deep, peaceful breath, briefly closing my eyes. “Good. Because I’m done with being apart from you. I’m not letting you go. No more of the past few weeks. You’re mine, Lily Jo Jacobs.”
Lily pulls back, swallowing. “I always have been, always will be, Grayson Daniel Lee,” she whispers.
“Do you…do you love me?” I inhale raggedly. “Because I love you, like, a lot.”
Her smile is tender and sweet. “Always have, always will.”
“Say it.”
“I love you.”
My chest squeezes as I interlock my fingers with hers. I touch my forehead to Lily’s, inhaling deeply. “More than chocolate?”
Laughing, she says, “More than chocolate even.”
***
“What’s new with your parents?”
Lily is lying beside me on my bed, her head resting on my shoulder, her hair a soft blanket on my bare skin. My arms are wrapped around her tight. I hate letting her go for any definitive amount of time—seconds are even too long. When we part at night, or during classes or work, it is hard for me to adapt. I feel off-center when she isn’t near me and within touching distance.
Her fingers trail up and down the indentations, ripples, and corded muscles of my chest and stomach, making me shiver, which of course is turning me on. Each touch is a mixture of pain and pleasure.
I’ve never had sex before. I’ve messed around with girls enough, but even then it was like I was waiting. Now I know I was. I was waiting for Lily. I want, need, her as much as I need air, even more so. It feels like I’m holding my breath until I see her again.
“Mom gave up French fries.”
I snort, stroking her silky hair. “Why?”
“She found a zit on her chin and swore it was from an order of French fries she had, like, ten days ago. It’ll last about five minutes. You know her.”
“I do.” A smile catches my lips. Georgia Jacobs is a shorter, plumper version of her son Scott. They have the same light brown hair and brown eyes. Her laugh is contagious and her smile bright. Sometimes, I used to wish she was my mom, especially when I was younger. She works as a receptionist at a dental office in town—which could have something to do with the megawatt grin she carries.
“Dad’s on this no salt kick too because of his cholesterol.” Lily sighs. “The food has been awful the last couple of weeks. And my mom took all the salt out of the house, like just because Dad can’t have salt, the rest of us have to suffer too.” Lily pauses. “I have salt hidden in my room.”
Laughter rumbles through my chest. “Seriously? How do you get the salt on your food then? You carry a saltshaker around in your pocket?”
Lily leans up on an elbow, scowling. “No.”
“So you do.”
She bites her lower lip. “Yes.”
I shoot into a sitting position, instantly aroused by that display of innocent lip biting. I lean into her until our bodies collide and she falls backward, breathless, eyes locked with mine. “What are you doing, Grayson?”
I hover above her, her slim body locked between my arms, my legs straddling hers, and I kiss her. It starts out slow and she tastes like the Dove chocolate she brought me and then ate herself—smooth and sweet. ‘Love yourself.’ That was the message on the wrapper. My arms are shaking and I go to my elbows, making her body flush with mine. Lily is hot, soft, her heart pounding against my chest.
We fit together like our bodies were made to complement one another. My stomach flutters as the kiss deepens and when she moans I hiss in a breath, my lips turning frenzied, branding, on hers. Mine, mine, mine chants through my head, pumps through my blood, takes over all other thought or conviction. I have to make her mine.
This need, it is close to out of control, slightly obsessive, and unavoidable. “I want you, Lily,” I say close to her ear, reveling in the way she shudders beneath me.
“I want you too,” she whispers against my throat, my body shuddering at her words.
I rest my forehead against hers and take deep, steady breaths. “I want you, but I can’t have you. Not yet.”
“You already have me.”
I meet her eyes. “Lily, I want you in every way.”
Lily’s lips part and her grip tightens on my biceps. “I think I just forgot to breathe for a second.”
Grinning, I tell her, “That’s my line.” I roll off her and onto my back, knowing a little distance between us is a good idea at the moment. “I’ve been looking at apartments and jobs in the area. I’ll stay at the bar, but I was thinking I should get another job too. It’ll be chaos for a while, but it will be worth it. I was also thinking I’d sign up for classes at the tech starting in January. Work and save money until then, and of course get a place to live.” I feel her stiffen next to me and glance over at her. “What’s wrong?”
Lily’s face is shuttered and I wonder at that. “Nothing. Just…are you sure this is what you want to do? You can still go to California, Grayson. We’ll make it work, even if we can’t see each other every day.”
I shake my head. “Go to California? I’ll never see you, Lily. Not for months. I just got you; I’m not losing you. No. I’m not doing that.”
“But your acceptance—“
“I already told them I wasn’t going,” I interrupt.
“Why…why would you do that?” Her voice is faint. Slowly sitting up, Lily’s brows lower as she looks at me. “You’re thinking about this all the wrong way. It’s not about losing me. You won’t lose me. You can’t lose me. I would wait years for you, Grayson, as long as you needed. It’s about your future and what you want to do with your life. Don’t stay just for me.”
I jump from the bed and thread my fingers through my hair, agitated. “Lily, I don’t want to talk about this. My mind is made up.” I pace the length of the bed, stopping to gauge her reaction.
“You love your music.” Her eyes are sad.
“I do.” I go to my knees before her. “But I love you more.” Lily looks away, swallowing. She blinks and a tear trails down her cheek. “Lily?” I wipe away the warm dampness. “Don’t cry. Please. Just…don’t worry about any of this, okay? Everything will be fine. I promise.”
Inhaling slowly, she nods as she stands. I get to my feet as well. “I have to go. My cousin wants me to babysit the monster tonight.”
The monster is a five-year old terror named Morgan. Blond, blue-eyed, with porcelain skin, she’s an angel to gaze at, but that’s where the heavenliness stops. Her favorite pastime is breaking things and throwing fits. I know this because I’ve helped Lily babysit her in the past—some of the worst times of my life.
“Do you want me to come?” I ask, hoping she says no and feeling like an ass, but not enough to want to help watch the kid.
Lily laughs. “No. She behaves better when we’re one on one. I think she is jealous of you, actually. But thanks, I know that hurt to offer your assistance like that.”
I nod somberly. “It did.”
A smile on her lips, she gives me a soft kiss on the cheek. “I’ll call you later.”
I grab her hands as she starts to leave. “Are we good, Lily?”
>
She squeezes my hands. “We’re good.”
Alone in my bedroom, I stare at the door she walked through minutes ago, not completely convinced that we are as good as Lily says we are. I would do anything for her, without hesitation, but I feel like she doesn’t want me to, and I don’t understand it. Why doesn’t she seem happy that I’m staying? A trickle of unease creeps down my back, and with it, doubts.
Chapter 13
The sun is shining and it’s a nice day out; not too hot, but warm enough not to need a jacket. It’s May 21st, the day I graduate from high school. I’m standing outside my house with Lily. Her hair is loose and wavy around her shoulders, the black halter dress she’s wearing the same shade as her hair. It makes her eyes seem darker blue and her skin paler white.
She straightens the maroon tie I’m wearing and leans up to kiss me. My eyelids slide shut. Too good to be true; this is too good to be true. That’s what I keep thinking every day I have with her as mine. Every day I shove the doubts and fears away. I feel a tap on my forehead and open my eyes.
Lily smiles at me, her face lighting up. I blink, unable to move as I take her in. Beautiful. Lily is beautiful. “Come on, Grayson! Quit gawking at me and let’s go. You’re going to be late.” She laughs and tugs at my hand.
I allow her to pull me toward my car. Aidan’s already there, waiting patiently. I don’t know where my parents are—I’m assuming they’ll show up before the ceremony starts, but if they don’t, I don’t care. Aidan and Lily will be there and that is all I really need.
People of varying shapes, sizes, ages, and colorful clothing cross the street and enter the school. I hang off to the side, slightly nervous and not sure why. I guess because this is it—the end of waiting to live and the beginning of really living. I need to get into the school and the ceremonial line-up, but I’m hesitant to leave Lily. Every moment with her is not enough.
She pushes hair from my eyes. “Are you okay?”
I try to smile. “Wonderful.”
“You look weird,” Aidan tells me.
I flick his ear. “Must run in the family.”
Rubbing his ear, Aidan rolls his eyes. “Whatever. Can we go now?”
“Yeah.” Lily turns to me, smiling. “I’m proud of you and I love you.”
Aidan makes a gagging noise and I slap the back of his head. “Ow!” He glares at me.
“Just you wait, Aidan. Your time will come.” I give Lily a quick kiss. “I love you.”
I turn to go, catching a glimpse of a familiar couple. It is my parents. My dad is wearing tan slacks and a green polo shirt; my mom a lavender sundress. Their tread is steady, their gazes forward, and for the first time in a long time, they are beside one another. It is strange to see them side by side. I’m surprised by how relieved I am that they showed, even though I told myself it didn’t matter. A small smile curves my lips as I head into the school to take my place.
Ceremony over, we’re heading back to my house when Lily says, “How many parties are we hitting?”
“I don’t know; just a couple. Why?”
Lily stares out the car window, the back of her head facing me. “We have to be back at my place at eight tonight.”
I frown, parking the car outside my house. “Why? What’s at eight?”
“Did you check to make sure it was signed, Grayson?” Aidan asks from the backseat, looking at my diploma.
“Of course it’s signed.”
“Did you look?”
I stiffen in the seat. “What?” I twist and make a swipe for it, but Aidan pulls it back. “Really? Give it here.”
Aidan laughs. “You’re worried it isn’t signed.”
“You should be worried about getting your face smashed in,” I threaten.
Rolling his eyes, Aidan wordlessly hands it over.
I quickly scan it, briefly close my eyes, and let out a sigh. “You’re lucky I’m in a good mood, little brother.”
Lily takes the diploma from me. “Come on. We have parties to go to.”
“Can I go?”
I meet my brother’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “After you pulled that stunt?”
“Of course you can,” Lily tells him.
“Really?” I mutter, but there is no heat behind it.
Lily plays with my hair. “Are you changing before we go?”
“Yeah.”
Her hand falls away. “So go change. Aidan and I will wait.”
I salute my girlfriend and run inside to change. I immediately halt when I see my parents in the living room. I can tell they were waiting for me, on either side of the room, both watching the door I walked through.
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I say, “Hey.”
A faint smile briefly graces my father’s lips. “Grayson, your mom and I have something for you.”
“We knew…we knew you didn’t want a party or anything, so…” My mom motions to an envelope my father is holding.
A frown on my face as my dad hands me the slim white envelope, I slowly reach out to take it from him. “What is this?”
Our eyes meet as he says, “Your graduation present.”
My gaze flickers to where my mom is standing. Her hands are clasped tightly together. She isn’t looking at me and I wonder if she is thinking of her next drink. She probably wants me to hurry up so she can get to it. Shoulders tense, I open it and remove a check—a check in the amount of five thousand dollars.
I look from my mom to my dad. “What is this?”
“It’s to help with college. It’s not a lot, but it’s a start.” My dad shoves his hands in his pockets, then immediately removes them.
“Thank you,” I say quietly, nodding at my mom.
Her smile is tremulous and I feel something shift inside me. Maybe it’s because of Lily and how happy I am with her, but I almost feel, I don’t know…softer toward her. It sounds mushy and I think I should probably just admit that I am and get it over with. When I look at my mom and dad, I’m saddened by the vast distance between them, and not just in the room. Shaking my head, I go up the stairs to change, knowing this newfound sappiness cannot be divulged to anyone.
***
“What is this?” I ask, looking around the dining room of Lily’s house. This room is painted a pale brown and has green and orange accents. Framed sayings grace the walls and shelving for knickknacks as well. The table draws my attention down. It is full of food. Cookies, sandwiches, fruit, even a relish tray. And punch? I look up in confusion.
“It’s a graduation party. For two.” Lily has her hands clasped together in front of her, nervously chewing on her lower lip. She’s changed from the black dress she wore to the graduation to a light pink one and her hair is held up in a loose ponytail. “I know you said you didn’t want anything, but…” One slim shoulder lifts and lowers.
Half of my mouth pulls up and I tug her to me, brushing my lips across her forehead. “Aw, Lily, you’re so sweet. This is perfect.”
“Oh, and I have something for you. Nothing big.” Lily walks from the room, returning minutes later with a black gift bag, wordlessly handing it over.
Carefully removing the tissue paper, I pull out the corkboard filled with Dove chocolate wrappers. I look at Lily. “This is…this is yours, Lily.” It may not seem like much, but this means a lot to Lily, to me. This is us through the years, our thoughts, to ourselves, to each other. Words of encouragement pinned down for us to gaze at any time one of us needed to. “You’re supposed to keep this.”
“No.” She shakes her head, wiping her eyes. “I want you to have this. It’s full now. It’s yours.”
“It’s ours. And whenever I need to look at it, I’ll come over here. It’s not a big deal.” I try to hand it back to her, but she won’t accept it.
“Grayson, I want you to keep it,” comes out short.
I blink, slowly withdrawing my hand. “Okay. I’ll keep it.”
Inhaling deeply, she says shakily, “Thank you.”
I set the co
rkboard down and tip her chin up so her eyes meet mine. Sadness swirls in the depths of them. “Hey. What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I just…” She looks down. “Do you ever feel like…” Lily’s eyes lift to mine. “Something so good can’t last?”
My eyes search hers, my stomach clenching with worry. “Is there something you need to tell me?”
“No. No. But I feel better, knowing you have this. Keep it. Please. For me.”
The nod is brusque, but it is an affirmation just the same. “I will. I promise.”
“Forever? No matter where you are, no matter how old you are, you’ll keep this. Promise me.”
“Forever,” I pledge, uneasy at the look in her eyes.
But it fades almost immediately, Lily’s face brightening. “I’m hungry. Are you hungry?”
“Not especially. I ate at three of the parties we stopped at.”
Lily gets a plate and loads food on it, careful to bypass the vegetables. “We only stopped at three.”
“Makes sense then.” I take the empty plate she hands me, going for the cake with chocolate frosting. “Did your mom make this?” Lily baked for me once. The outcome was not good. Cookies she can make—cakes—not so much.
Nibbling on an apple slice, Lily nods. “Yeah. My dad was pissed she wouldn’t let him have any. She said because it was for you, but he knew it was really because of his sucky diet.”
“I feel loved.”
We eat and then settle in for a movie. Georgia didn’t ditch the country theme is this room, oh no. The walls are a shade of gold, the accents in browns and reds. Furniture in chocolate brown and framed photographs line the walls, along with pictures of farms. Georgia and Henry are early risers and early sleepers, something I am thankful for as Lily cuddles next to me on the couch, resting her back on my chest, my arms around her stomach and her arms resting on mine. The movie is ‘Pitch Perfect’, obviously picked by Lily. Still, I like it. I find myself laughing and I even want to sing along. Vomit part—nasty.
“Does it feel strange?”
“What?” I lean my head down to brush my lips along her temple.
“To be done with school and have your whole life ahead of you.”
