by H A Dawson
She avoided turning around to meet with my gaze.
‘Did you tell Lesley about my past drug usage?’ I asked.
She spun to face me, hot and flustered. ‘She was asking everyone questions. Not specifically about you, but about the drugs. I didn’t mean to say anything. It slipped out. I’m so sorry. I should have told you on Sunday.’
‘What exactly did you tell her?’
‘Not enough to get you suspended, I swear. Whatever conclusion she reached, she reached herself.’
‘But there’s evidence that I was responsible. And she said she has a witness. Why would she think that?’
Turning away, she avoided my harsh stare.
‘I haven’t touched drugs for years,’ I continued in a calm voice. ‘Just because I did it once before doesn’t make me culpable.’
Alice shot me a quick glance. Her face was a picture of distress, yet at the same time I could tell she was reluctant to speak out. As was the case with Lesley, I sensed she knew more than she let on. Or was I being paranoid? It was quite possible. Learning of Alice’s betrayal had provided me with a harsh lesson: people were never quite as they seemed.
My irritation was growing. I was getting no support at all, and it caused my suspicions to grow. ‘
This is serious!’ I said. ‘I could lose my job. Do you know who’s set me up?’
‘No.’ She squeezed out the sponge and placed it by the sink. ‘Lesley will learn the truth. You will be all right.’
‘Not necessarily. She’s convinced I’m guilty. She wouldn’t have suspended me otherwise.’
Our eyes locked, her expression hesitant.
‘So you don’t know anything.’
‘No, I’m sorry. I don’t.’
I stared at her, she looked guilty, as she had done for the entire time I had been in her house, and it may not have been related to my work problem. Either way, I felt as though I could not trust her and picked up my bag and announced my departure. Alice didn’t not try to stop me from leaving; in fact, she looked pleased to see me go and it added to the pain in my heart. Not only had I been suspended from my job, but it seemed as though I had lost my best friend too.
Chapter 4
During the course of the last few nights, sleep had been a rare treat. Whilst I had been exhausted, my adrenalin raged, knotting my chest and sending a torrent of wild thoughts through my mind. It wasn’t so much that I was worrying about my work situation; my lost friendship with Alice was a constant agony.
I struggled to accept it was over. Reflecting back through the last year, our laughter and conversations had been frequent, heart warming, and extended through our work breaks and trips out. Harsh exchanges were non-existent or so rare I'd forgotten them. We agreed on most things, held the same optimistic view on life, and we both had a desire to help others. I would also have said, up until the past week, that we were people with a good deal of integrity. If it were true that Alice was stealing money from the charity funds, her honesty and moral standing were not one of her strengths. Trusting her had been a massive misjudgement on my part.
It wasn’t something I was ready to consider, and I was still suffering from a certain amount of denial. Thus, I spent much of my time reminding myself of what I knew about her, and started with her job. She loved her training role at the sports centre, and was amazingly personable yet commanded respect. She adored the children and young adults, and they loved her. It couldn’t be an act. I knew the person she was; I knew her inside and out.
Or so I thought.
Then there were her fundraising efforts to consider. She always talked passionately about the meningitis charity, and was skilled at persuading those reluctant, to make small donations. It was something that made me proud. I couldn’t believe she was taking any of the money. In the past she had often ranted and voiced her opinion about detesting thieves, it was totally out of character.
She would not be taking the money. There had to be another explanation.
Mulling over Alice and her dishonesty did not comfort me whatsoever. I wanted my friend back, the one who spent hours raising money for charity, the one who didn’t steal, not even a fraction for herself. I wanted the friend whom I believed would not betray me in any situation whatsoever; I wanted the friend who, when she made a mistake, would admit her error and tell me everything she knew. Yet it appeared she never existed. If she did, she would be banging on my flat door demanding to be heard. She would be ringing me and voicing her apologies. She would be trying to persuade me she had done no wrong.
Sadly the truth was that Alice had made no contact whatsoever. She didn’t seem to care what troubles I faced, or the fact I had possibly learned of her fraudulent activities and deception. It was curious behaviour. If I were in her situation, I would hate it if I thought people were thinking the worst of me. But there again, Alice and I were very different people. If what I suspected were true, she lived with her lies, day in day out, and if they were a concern, she would have stopped this type of behaviour long ago.
Unable to tolerate the emotion tightening my chest, I decided to forget about her and focused instead upon myself. I needed to get my life back on track, and to do that I needed to be reinstated in my training role at the sports centre. Since Alice wasn’t going to help me to clear my name, I had to find another way, and wracked my brain, searching for a way forward.
My first thought was to speak to Lesley again. However, the more I considered what I would say, the more I decided it would be a futile effort. I had already told her everything I could, and had to trust she would do a thorough job with the investigation and discover my innocence.
Did that mean I had to sit back and do nothing? It seemed as though it did, and it wasn’t a pleasant thought. I hated being in a position without any kind of control. I couldn’t allow my future, my life, to be dictated to by someone else. I had to fight for the job that was rightfully mine; I had to act.
I raised my legs onto the sofa, leaned against the back, and sank my left arm onto my raised left knee. I wasn’t a drug addict, nor had I had any drugs in my possession for many years. But how could I prove it? It was my word against someone else’s. I couldn’t take a lie detector test, nor could I provide Lesley with another witness, someone who could verify my behaviour. I couldn’t even gain access to the evidence she had acquired, which may involve the CCTV cameras. In fact, I could do nothing.
A thought struck me. I could arrange for a private blood test. Having never done one before I was unaware of what was involved, but I sensed they must exist. If I proved I was clean, I would be a step nearer to proving my innocence. Excited by my decision, and believing there may be a little hope for me after all, I hurried across the room for the phone book, picked up the telephone, and dialled a number connecting me to a drugs rehabilitation centre.
The report arrived a few days later, and as expected, it proved my body absent of drugs. Deciding there was no time like the present, I contacted Lesley and arranged a lunchtime meeting in the café. This time, she was already there when I arrived, and seemed less stressed than before.
Having purchased a sandwich and a coffee I joined her at the table. After a brief chat, I pulled the drugs report from my bag and presented it to her, explaining how the variety of tests that had been carried out were extensive, and had a ninety-nine percent accuracy rating.
‘Thanks, but I’m not sure it was necessary to go to this extreme.’
‘Do you know who actually brought in the drugs?’
‘I have my suspicions.’ She swallowed a mouthful of food and glanced towards me. ‘I’m sorry it’s taking so long. There have been a few delays. I’d love to talk to you about it, but …’ her voice drifted as she cast me a sorrowful glance.
‘It’s fine. I’m happy waiting for the positive news.’
Lesley returned her attention to her food. Her expression was unreadable, yet if I had to decide, I feared she was not as confident in providing me with what I wanted to hear.
She forced a weighted smile.
Not wanting to have my mood crushed, since today was the best I had felt since my suspension, I changed the subject and asked her about the centre, the classes I ran, and the children who always caused us amusement. Lesley seemed grateful for the change of subject, and for the next half an hour or so, she filled me in on what I had missed.
I considered it a positive sign. If she thought I was not going to be reinstated, she wouldn’t be telling me about some of the minor changes that had taken place, like the new form I had to fill in after classes, or an imminent change of format in the classes for the under sevens. Evidently, she knew as well as I did, that I had been set up, yet she was at a distinct advantage; she knew the culprit. Or so I hoped.
My chest tightened. It had to be Alice’s doing. She was avoiding me through guilt. Maybe if I confronted her again, and I told her my troubles were likely to soon be over, our differences were likely to be smoothed out. We may even be able to talk about her so-called money worries. It was a chance worth taking.
‘Have you spoken to Alice at all?’ Lesley asked.
I looked up, my eyes wide with surprise. ‘I was just thinking about her.’
She smiled.
‘Yes I have. I went to see her the other day after we’d spoken.’ I paused, wrapping my hands around my mug, and considered my next statement. I wanted to talk to her about what had happened, but I wasn’t sure if I should. It had been a private moment. Mentioning it in anyway may be considered a betrayal of trust.
‘Is something wrong?’
‘I don’t know if I should say anything …’ My voice trailed as my hands clenched. I needed to talk to someone and Lesley seemed the best choice. She was honourable and trustworthy, and she knew something of Alice’s problems, so it wasn’t as though I was breaking a secret. ‘When I arrived she was paying a builder. She claimed her ex, Michael, had given her the money for the work. It didn’t ring true.’
‘Okay … go on.’
‘I glimpsed the cash box for the meningitis charity in the kitchen. She didn’t want me to see it. It was very awkward, and it forced me to say something. She …’ I hesitated, searching for courage. ‘She was very defensive and told me she given every penny she’d raised over the last six months to the charity … all five thousand of it.’
‘Five thousand!’
I nodded. ‘I’ve added it up best I could, and I think it should be in the region of eight thousand pounds. Seven in the very least. I don’t like accusing her, and if I hadn’t seen her reaction to me seeing her paying the builder, and then afterwards with the cash box, I wouldn’t have thought any more of it, but she was riddled with guilt.’
‘How did you arrive at the figure of eight thousand?’
I told her what I knew, explaining how I had done the calculations in my head, and then again when I arrived home. I wasn’t wrong, but neither did I like accusing Alice of something so despicable.
‘It’s possible she said the money was for the last six months in error,’ I said. ‘It could have been for four months.’
‘The country fair was only three months ago wasn't it?’
I nodded.
‘Then the figure should be much higher. Did you confront her?’
‘No, I couldn’t. I can’t prove anything. I suppose I could have gone through the figures with her, but I doubt she would have listened to me. She was uptight … not fit for a calm conversation.’
Lesley did not reply, and remaining pensive, sipped her coffee
‘I can’t believe she’d do something like this. It’s out of character. The Alice I know would never steal from a charity. She was devastated that I’d even suggested it. In fact, I feel terrible talking to you about it when I should be talking to her.’
She did not reply.
‘How did you learn of her money problems?’ I asked.
‘She mentioned it during her appraisal last month. We had a brief chat about it. It sounded serious.’ She regarded me with hesitation. ‘From what I’ve heard, Michael has given her more money than she had rights to. He’s been exceedingly generous, and threatened to stop giving her hands-outs months ago.’
‘So you don’t think what she said is true?’
‘It’s difficult to say.’
I folded my arms and rested them on the table. I knew she had been in a relationship, but I knew nothing of the handouts. Once again, my best friend had confided in someone else. Was I not the sympathetic and understanding person I considered myself to be? Alice couldn’t talk to me, leaving me with the only conclusion I could make. For whatever reason, she preferred to keep me out of her personal life.
‘I’m not surprised she’s had work done to the house,’ Lesley continued. ‘I take it she’s told you it’s to get Toby back.’
I gawped. ‘Toby?’
‘Her son.’
I stared at a mark on the table. Toby was the boy in the photo. How could I not have known? Was I suffering from amnesia, or did I just ignore everything she said? I couldn’t be much of a friend if I had done that.
‘You don’t know about him,’ Lesley said quietly.
‘No. It seems I know nothing about her at all.’
She gazed at me sympathetically, and then proceeded to tell me that she had learned about him by chance, and how Alice didn’t want anyone else to know. ‘She said it was because she was embarrassed. When she moved into her house last year, access was stopped. The conditions were deemed unfit for a small boy.’
‘Unfit? What do you mean?’
‘He got terribly ill. Michael said it was because of the dust and damp inside the house.’
‘That’s terrible. So she doesn’t see him.’
‘Apparently not. They live on the south coast – four hours drive away. She says she can’t afford to go down there. When they parted, Michael used to come up once a week to for business reasons and to see his family. He’d leave Toby with Alice. It worked for everyone.’
‘Why couldn’t they go out somewhere?’
Lesley shrugged. ‘I don’t know all the details. But I do know how desperate she was to get the renovations and repairs done. It was all that mattered to her. Hence her money worries.’
I was baffled, and didn’t know what to say. All the time I had known Alice, she had the added burden of her estranged son, yet she said had nothing. How could anyone progress through life without saying a word? It was beyond belief. She had carried so much, yet I had done so little in my ignorance, and had never supported her with words of encouragement.
Even her relationship with Michael was a mystery. I knew she had been involved with someone, and that it had lasted around eight years, but that was all I knew. She had always made it clear she didn’t like talking about it, and I had respected that wish. Would it have helped her if I had persisted? I was a firm believer that talking about problems helped find solutions, but I also refused to pry. Perhaps I should have been more assertive. If I had, we may have been able to find some way of procuring the money for the repairs, certainly an alternative to her taking the charity funds. Then she would have been reunited with her son without her crimes being forever on her mind.
Parting from Lesley, I felt as though I had made a terrible mistake in my relationship with Alice. I hadn’t been anywhere near the good friend I believed I was. Quite possibly there had been countless times that she had wished to confide in me, and I mustn’t have taken the hint. In the end, she had given up and confided in someone else.
The breakdown of our relationship was as much my fault as hers, and it was time to make amends. Yet, there was still the missing charity funds to consider. I couldn’t let her get away with stealing it, but neither did I want to see her arrested. It was a difficult situation to be in, and one that I felt would take days of restless pondering to solve.
Chapter 5
I made a decision relating to Alice’s theft from the charity fund
s. Once I had been reinstated at work, I was going to persuade her to return the funds to the charity. It was the right thing to do; anything else would not rest easy on my conscience.
The reason I was waiting was so I would be in a more relaxed state of mind. I also needed to know that Alice’s careless comment relating my past drugs usage, was not going to affect me long term. If it did, and it turned out she had betrayed me more than I believed, it would not affect my decision, just my mindset. I had enjoyed our friendship over the past year enough to avoid going directly to the charity or the police, and informing them of her misdemeanours. To do that seemed a little spiteful. I wasn’t that type of person.
There was a lot resting on my reinstatement. I worried about it not happening, but only briefly. I had decided a few days previous that I couldn’t afford to waste valuable energy pondering something that may never happen, and kept on reminding myself of Lesley’s positivity during our last meeting. It had been the most I had seen since my suspension, and believed it was a clear indication that the investigation was progressing in my favour.
Waiting for the call was making me restless. I tried to occupy myself with hobbies or household chores, and succeeded for the majority of the time, but it never lasted. Every so often, I wandered through the flat in a listless state, and checked my phone for missed messages. I even called Lesley on one occasion, but she was busy and sounded distracted, and was only able to tell me that there was no news.
Suffering in one of those fidgety moments, and with nothing to occupy my mind I decided to go for a run. It wasn’t my preferred form of exercise, but since I didn’t want to be seen by my work colleagues, I couldn’t use the sport centre’s facilities. Until my name was cleared, I wanted to avoid the gossip and sideways glances, so I donned my kit, and as always in case of accidents, slid my phone into a small pocket in my Lycra running pants. Once I had tightened the laces on my running shoes, I started my stretching exercises.
